Being in Marseille was a welcome distraction from everything going on in Paris, and a perfect opportunity to clear my head.

Everything I had been trying to avoid came rushing into my life, promising chaos and turmoil, making me question my earlier choices and rethink the future and how I wanted it to be.

Aiden and I had dinner at a bar. The meal turned into a heart-to-heart. I didn't realize how much I needed to talk to someone and share some things that happened in my life.

It was strangely warm for November, thanks to the Mediterranean climate. We decided to take a walk in the port and see some of the city. The schedule of the upcoming Project Management training was packed. I doubted we would have enough time for sightseeing.

"Calling Ellie again?" I asked Aiden, who was frowning with his phone pressed to his ear.

"Yeah." He sighed. "I guess you are right, and she's having dinner with Sky. I would be calmer if she picked up the damn phone."

"I'm sure she's okay." I gave my friend a reassuring smile.

"Fucking hope so," mumbled Aiden. "I know you think it's weird. I don't expect you to get it, man, but when she isn't near, I'm in a state of constant worry, wondering what Ellie is doing and if she's eating the way she should."

"I get it," I said, slowing down as we approached one of the waterfront cafes.

We took a table facing the yachts docked in the marina and ordered two beers.

I watched my buddy take a sip from the bottle as he glanced around, studying our surroundings.

Gathering the courage I needed, I blurted out something that had been torturing me for days. "I'm also worried about Sky."

Aiden failed to hide his smirk as he traced the label glued to his bottle. "Aye?"

"Yeah. And I'm telling you this because I honestly don't know what to do."

"Okay," Aiden said, leaning back in the wooden chair. "What exactly is going on?"

"Sky went through lots of shit, Aiden, and fuck; I think she might be mildly depressed. The other day, she almost had a panic attack out of the blue."

"Do you think it's because of her ex and what he said?"

I went quiet for a moment, thinking about how to say things without disclosing too much. I couldn't tell Aiden what was going on between us before giving Sky a heads-up.

"I think it has something to do," I finally admitted. "Do you know when your girl is lying?"

Aiden chuckled. "She doesn't do it often, but yeah. Ellie isn't good at pretending. I usually know what she is up to. Her face gives her away."

It was different with Sky. She let me see her vulnerable side but was usually trying to hide it from the rest of the people in her life.

The way she struggled to breathe that one time was enough for me to be alarmed. The fact that it happened when she was half-naked on my lap only made me feel worse. What happened with the douchebag must have affected her way more than I thought it did, hence her hesitation to let me take care of her the way she deserved.

"Maybe talking to her would help? I don't know, asking her about her past?" Aiden suggested.

"I'm not sure she would tell me a lot, man. We are friends, but she keeps many things to herself."

"You might think you are friends," the guy said. "But there's more to it, Liam. "

I said nothing, drinking my beer and trying to enjoy the evening.

It didn't take long for exhaustion to kick in. We walked to the hotel where we'd checked in earlier. Aiden wished me good night and went to his room at the end of the hallway.

I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. Aiden was right. I should've talked to Sky. I should've probably insisted and made her tell me what happened for her to panic like that.

But now, as I kicked off my sneakers and flopped down on the huge bed, I could only think that I missed her more than I thought I would. Our last night together hadn't left my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about her kisses or the way she leaned into me, surrendering to my hands while I touched her. Sky was beginning to trust me, and I didn't want to lose that. I was afraid of going back to misunderstandings and assumptions.

I told myself I wouldn't do it, but I grabbed my phone and pulled up the messaging app.

Me: I called you, sweetheart. Hope everything is okay.

Swearing under my breath, I typed another message.

Me: Can't stop thinking about you. I miss you.

Ellie and I were sitting on the fluffy carpet in her bedroom, cross-legged, with a box of pizza on the floor between us and wine in our glasses.

I needed this girls' night with her. Used to keeping everything bottled up inside, I didn't usually share what was on my mind. Tonight, I wanted to make an exception.

"I wanted to ask you about something," I began.

Ellie stopped chewing her pizza and grabbed a napkin, wiping at her mouth before she said, "Yeah?"

"You're such a lady, Elizabeth." I giggled. "Classy even when you eat junk food in your PJs."

Ellie scrunched up her nose. "I know. Blame my mom. So, what's up?"

I tried to seem nonchalant when I said, "Remember you told me about the doctor you went to?"

Frowning, Ellie took a sip from her glass. "Sylvie?"

I nodded. "Yeah. She is a gyn, right?"

"Yeah. I told you she was the one to put me on birth control."

"I remember. Do you think I could ask her for an appointment?"

Ellie wiggled her eyebrows. "Skylar, are you and Liam finally going to give in to the temptation and make some gorgeous blond babies?"

"No, silly! I haven't been to the doctor once since I moved to France. I figured it was time to do a check-up."

Ellie got up from the floor and went to rummage in her purse. I saw her take a card out of her wallet and extend the piece of carton to me. "Here, take it. Sylvie's number is there. Tell her you're my friend when you call her. If you want, I can go with you."

"No, don't worry. It's a busy month for you. I know you have exams. Do you think she could see me tomorrow?"

"I don't know, Sky. Maybe? You are in a hurry, huh?"

"None, but I have to babysit Tim, remember? I want to go there while he's at Antoine's. I cannot take the kid to the clinic."

"If you tell her you need it, she will probably find the time to see you. But seriously," Ellie's eyes shone, "didn't you think about doing things with Liam? Not even once?"

Blushing, I downed the rest of my wine. Memories of Liam's hands and mouth on me flooded my mind, making me miss him.

"No, Ellie," I lied. "Besides, I told you I had a problem."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Duh. I'm sure there isn't any. You should let the right guy make love to you— the guy you trust and like enough to want him. I mean, wanting him as in getting all hot and bothered when you're near him. Did that happen with your ex?"

I shook my head, looking at my lap.

"Now, that is the real problem. If your panties are dry and your heart isn't racing, and you don't wonder what it would feel like to be with him, he's not your guy. Your ex wasn't your guy. "

"So wise, Elizabeth." I giggled. "Did you feel this way about Aiden?"

A dreamy smile appeared on Ellie's face. "Yeah. God, I was so inexperienced our first times. Everything I did was with him, but I don't regret it. Now that we are both older, we learn things together."

"Learn how? With movies like we did that one time?" I asked, and both of us burst into laughter.

"Poor Liam. I felt so bad for him," said Ellie, still shaking with giggles. "And no, not with movies. We have this."

Ellie walked to her nightstand and took a book from the drawer. Then, she extended it to me.

"Elizabeth, it has bookmarks. I feel like I'm going to intrude if I open it."

"Nah, I just mark some things I want to try or think both of us will like. Is that weird?"

"No, not at all," I mumbled, opening the book on a random page and staring at the illustration. "It means that you trust him to do things to you."

"How can I not? He's my fiance."

"I never trusted my ex," I admitted. "I honestly think I didn't even know him that well. I couldn't imagine telling him how I felt and what I wanted, let alone talking about sex just like that."

"Talking is important. If the guy knows what you like, he will make sure to do it so that you enjoy making love to him. And sometimes there are things you try and like even if you thought you wouldn't."

"Like what?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

"Positions? Places? It depends on you, Sky. You have to discover what turns you on. That's why I think you should try it with Liam. You aren't dating, so what? He's good-looking and a good guy. Besides, he cares about you a lot. I am sure he would make it special for you."

"You are assuming many things, Ellie."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "No. I am not. He talked to me this morning before leaving when I was saying goodbye to Aiden."

My heartbeat sped up. "For real? What did he say?"

"He asked me to go talk to you and said he didn't want to leave you alone if you were sad."

"He shouldn't have said anything," I muttered.

Ellie grinned and pulled me to her, wrapping her arms around me. "Accept that people care about you, silly. And if Liam wants to take care of you, let him. It's nice when a guy cares. Don't be afraid of getting close to him. Maybe he's also scared. You and your ex were officially a couple, and he was a shitty boyfriend. Perhaps if you try things with Liam, it would grow into something beautiful even if you're not in a relationship."

"I would never have thought you'd say that," I told Ellie. "And I do like him. How can I not? You've seen him."

"Do you like the kind of person he is?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "He's kind and caring. Stubborn, but so am I, and we always have something to talk about. Sometimes, he comes home from work, and we sit on the couch with a cup of tea and just chat, you know? About his day and mine. He told me things about his family I think he didn't tell anyone, and I know his story with dancing—"

I stopped rambling, realizing that Ellie wasn't saying anything, just lay on her stomach with her chin propped on her hands. "What?"

Ellie shrugged, smiling. "Nothing. I just think that you are falling for him."

I rolled my eyes, "Ellie, come on. Don't be ridiculous."

"Ridiculous, why? It's not bad. I'm pretty sure Liam feels the same way about you. Now you only have to give in to the temptation and love the hell out of each other. You can have the feelings conversation in bed when you are both worn out and sweaty. Or in the shower."

Blushing, I tried to hide my grin in the wine glass. Ellie noticed it. "Okay, Skylar, my matchmaking job is done. Now, let's move on to the ice-cream."

"Thank you." I smiled, pecking Ellie's cheek. "I needed this conversation."

Ellie rested her head on my shoulder. "And I needed my best friend."

***

The door to Sylvie's office opened, and a smiling woman with a stylish haircut invited me inside.

"Nice to meet you, Sky." Sylvie extended her hand for a handshake. "What brings you here?"

"Likewise. I wanted to do a checkup. It's been a while since I last went to the doctor."

Sylvie nodded. "I see. Well, let's get to it. You can undress over there, and I'll wait for you next to the chair."

I did as told, slightly nervous. Once I was ready, Sylvie examined me and did an ultrasound.

"Are you sexually active?" she asked afterward when we were back in her office.

"Not now. I wanted to do a blood test anyway."

"Are you worried about STDs? Do you have any symptoms?"

"None. I want to do it just in case, you know?"

"Absolutely. We'll take a blood sample and notify you when the results are ready."

I exhaled a shaky breath.

Sylvie smiled and squeezed my hand. "What you are doing is responsible and correct, so don't be embarrassed. Is there anything else you would like to know?"

It was time to be honest. Making the decision hadn't been easy, but I was proud of myself for finally doing it.

"Yes," I mumbled, toying with the necklace Liam had given me. "I wondered if you knew a therapist who speaks English and specializes in sexual disorders."

Sylvie tapped her pen on some papers she had on the table in front of her. "For you?"

I nodded.

"What kind of disorders?"

"Not being able to reach the climax," I said, my mouth suddenly dry. "Never."

"I might. Wait for me." Sylvie grabbed her phone and left the room.

In barely five minutes, she was back, holding a piece of paper. "A colleague of mine has some time in half an hour. Her name is Sophia, and her office is on the street parallel to this one. I have her contact details here. If you want, you can talk to her. I don't think she will charge you for today's session."

"Thank you." I smiled, taking the piece of paper from Sylvie's hand.

"Not at all. I hope she can be helpful. Now, let's do that blood test. Then, you'll be free to go."

The procedure was fast, and I was standing in front of a different limestone building in no time.

Unlike Sylvie's, Sophia's office didn't resemble a hospital. A comfortable gray couch sat opposite one of the walls. Next to it, there was an armchair and a beautiful lamp. The window faced a small garden. Several artworks and framed quotes about self-love and healing decorated the cozy room I was in. I felt at ease there, much to my relief.

"Sky, my name is Sophia. Sylvie told me about you."

A pretty, dark-haired woman in her early forties beamed at me and took my hand in both of hers. "Make yourself comfortable. We are getting to know each other today and deciding if you need therapy in the first place. Don't look at the clock; just tell me everything you want. Tell me what brings you here."

I dropped my purse onto the couch and perched on it, folding my sweaty hands on my knees.

But then, as I started to revive everything that happened since I met Paul, I relaxed. Perhaps it was because Sophia's eyes never lost their warmth. She was looking at me without judgment, even when I talked about my mistakes and panic attacks and pushing Liam away because I was scared.

In an hour, I made a pause, looking at the woman who moved to sit in the armchair next to the couch.

"I guess that's it," I said, my voice shaky. "I just want to feel things like other girls. I realized I could not do it on my own, so yes. I need your help."

Sophia put her warm, manicured hand on top of mine. "It's alright, Sky. Now, we are going to begin our first official session. I appreciate everything you told me, but it's not what we have to work with. You know that, don't you?"

I nodded, starting to shake.

"We are going to start with the trauma. Tell me about the rape, Sky. When did it happen?"

"A year ago, on my birthday." I sobbed, doubling over and burying my face in my palms. "And I don't remember any of it, but I know he did it."