I stumbled out of the shower a towel wrapped around my body. I stood in front of the mirror and wiped the steam off it with my palm. There was a girl staring back at me. I was trying to figure out where I had seen her before. She looked familiar to me but I still failed to place her. She had hollowed cheek bones, her body was severely malnourished, her hair was in a mess and her eyes were sunken. I squinted my gaze and she did too and that's when I realized that that girl was me.

How had I let myself get to the point where I barley recognized myself in the mirror anymore? Oh yeah I remember now, my boyfriend got kidnapped three weeks ago and there was still no news of him.

I couldn't eat as I was unable to keep anything down, sleep eluded me too and if I did manage to sleep I was haunted by the images of David calling out to me for help. My whole family was worried about me, always walking on eggshells around me. I didn't blame them though, sometimes I had these episodes where I'd get into a fit of anger and start cussing at everyone while breaking things. After I had acted out and was exhausted I'd curl up on the floor in one of David's t-shirts and cry myself to sleep. I would sleep for a few hours at most before waking up screaming and calling out to him.

I was broken and the only person who could fix me was lost to the world. Derek has been arrested two weeks ago but he wasn't talking. David's old gang had all gone underground leaving no trace behind. Each day that passed I lost hope of ever seeing David again. Whenever I saw him in my dreams he looked so lost and tired. He never spoke much but I could see that he was hurt and worn out. I always begged him to on hold for me and each time he just seemed to be getting weaker and weaker.

I blocked out those thoughts and decide to concentrate on getting dressed. I got dressed in a pair of underwear and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, one of Davids hoodies that I basically lived in and a pair of uggs. I wasn't going somewhere but my grandfather had demanded that I join the family for breakfast even if I wasn't going to eat anything. I mostly stayed locked in my room but sometimes grandpa set his foot down and demanded that I get out.

I piled my hair into a messy bun before leaving the bathroom. I loved talking care of myself especially my hair but ever since David got kidnapped I just didn't have the energy anymore. Why bother if he wasn't there to appreciate it?

I found everyone in the dining room, all their gazes turned to me and the conversation stopped immediately. Five pairs of eyes all watching me like I was going to break the next minute. I probably was so I allowed them to stare. Caleb and Ken were back home healing from their injuries. My mom worked from home to keep an eye on me but it was no use because I barely spent any time with her. I stopped talking to George because anytime we spoke he always had bad news like he hadn't found David which was all the time. One day I snapped and told him to stop talking to me unless he was telling me that he'd found David. That was a week ago and we hadn't spoken since.

I missed him and my whole family but they weren't David and I wanted David. He was the only one who could fix me but he wasn't there.

I settled myself in a seat at the furthest end of the table from everyone else and pulled my legs to my chest. I knew I was behaving like a brat but I didn't care. If they wanted me to stop acting like I was they would just allow me to go back to my apartment so I could wither away on my own but I wasn't allowed to leave the mansion. My mom was afraid I would hurt myself or get into trouble.

I saw my grandpa give me a disapproving look from the far end table but he just shook his head and continued eating. He had said I should join them, perhaps he should have been specific about where I should sit too.

A smoothie was placed in front of me and I was going to push away but the glare from my mom had me pulling it towards me. When I drank something I didn't throw up as much so my mom made sure I had at least three smoothies a day. It wasn't the same as eating but it was enough progress.

After a few minutes conversation started back up again and I didn't bother paying attention. They tried including me but after no replied from me the first few times they stopped trying. My thoughts wandered everywhere letting me escape the forced breakfast.

I wondered who was taking care of my fashion house. Probably my mom and the girls. They had been around to check up on me but after they didn't get a word out of me they gave up and left disappointed. I didn't mean to be hurting my family and friends but I felt like none of them understood me. I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in my own pain. I knew it wasn't ideal but I didn't feel comfortable going on with my life when David was suffering somewhere feeling alone and scared. As long as David was still missing then my life would stop too. I couldn't concentrate on work or eat when I knew he was cold and probably starving.

With that thought I pushed the half drunk smoothie away from me. I saw my mom give me a disapproving look but unless she forced it down my throat that was as much as I was having for breakfast.

"I have an update on Derek. I know none of you want to hear this but it's important." George announced a little louder definitely for my benefit.

Everyone gave him their full attention. I was tracing the pattern on the napkin but I was listening.

"Derek spoke for the first time yesterday and uttered only one word, Anisha." At the mention of my name I looked up to find George looking directly at me. He had an apologetic look on his face. I wanted to tell him that he had nothing to be sorry about, that I was the one at fault but no words came forth. All I could master was a blank look.

"What do you mean?" My mom asked.

"Derek asked for Anisha. He said that she is the only person he will talk to." He explained.

"No." My grandfather refused and everyone else supported him.

Looks like I had no say in the matter. Not that I cared anyway, I didn't want to see the cause of all my pain. He had already broken me enough, I didn't want him to destroy what little spirit I had left.

"I said that at first until he said that he has information on..." He trailed off for a bit taking a deep breath before continuing his sentence "David's whereabouts."

On the mention of his name everyone started talking at once and I just sat there shocked. David? My David. Derek wanted to talk to me about David meaning he knew where he was. Or course he knew, he was the one who kidnapped him after all.

"Let's go."I blurted out without thinking but I didn't regret it.

Everyone turned to look at me firstly because it's the first thing I had said in days and they also didn't like what I had just said.

"No way that guy is a lunatic."

"What if he's lying."

"You're not going anywhere."

"This might be our only shot at actually getting a lead on finding David."

"I don't trust that guy."

They all spoke at once making me feel irritated. Why were they making the decision for me? I knew they cared but this was something that could help me find David. It's like they didn't want him to be found. I knew that was an absurd thought but I wasn't thinking rationally.

"Guys!" I yelled slapping the table with my palm to get their attention.

It worked because they all turned to face me.

"I know you're all worried about me being with Derek but I need to go. It's been three weeks and nothing. Seeing him might get us the information we need to get David back so I'm going and I'm not asking for your permission. And besides George will be there the entire time." I concluded.

That's the longest statement I had spoken in three weeks and they must have heard how serious I was because they all slumped defeated. I didn't want to see them look at me with pity in their eyes so I got up and left the dining room headed towards the front door.

"Don't worry I'll take care of her." I heard George promise as his chair dragged back meaning he was getting up.

"Bring her back safe." My mom requested in a soft tone.

"I will." George replied before I heard his footsteps follow me.

I didn't like what I was doing to my family with the slump I was in but I couldn't help it. I just needed David back and they may think they understood me but they didn't. I needed him like I needed the air I was breathing and yet he wasn't there. My other half was missing and they expected me to be okay, how? All would be okay once I was back in David's arms but as long as that wasn't happening then they just needed to understand and leave me alone.

I settled myself in the backseat of the car and curled up into a little ball. I heard George get in and turn around to look at me. I knew he wanted to say something but he changed his mind, turned to face the front and drove us out of the estate. I had so much to think about and it was driving me crazy.

I didn't want to face Derek after all the harm he had caused me but I also needed to hear what he had to say. I knew he was crazy and needed to be in a psych ward. He could rot in there for all eternity but only after he told me where my man was. Even if he pleaded insanity Derek was still going to be put away for a very long time for everything that he had done.

I had never hated a human being in my life, maybe strongly dislike but after ruining my life the way Derek had I could honestly say I didn't care for the human being. Like I wouldn't hit him with a car but if I saw one headed towards him, I wouldn't pull him away or tell him to get out of the way, I would just stand there and let the car hit him. That's the level of hatred I felt towards him. I knew it was poisonous to myself harboring such negative feelings towards someone but if anyone deserved my hate it was that stupid fool. I hoped he rotted behind whatever bars he was put in forever.

We got to the police station and George held the door open for me. He led us inside taking a protective stance against me. I wasn't a stranger to the police station having been there a few times bailing my girlfriends out after they took partying to another extreme level. George led us directly to the back where I guessed the interrogation rooms were. There were two detectives outsides whose names I didn't catch even after an introduction from George. They discussed a few details that I didn't bother to pay attention to as I looked at Derek through the two way mirror. He looked like he had been to hell and back but I didn't have it in me to feel sorry for him. His hands were cuffed on top of the table and he was staring down at them mumbling stuff to himself, definitely crazy that one.

After a few minutes George and I walked into the room taking the two empty seats across the table from Derek. The two detectives came in too and stood in the dark corners of the room.

"I said I wanted her alone." Derek spat out in anger.

"Well she's here and we're not your personal concierge so you either start talking or we leave." George replied.

I hadn't uttered a word yet, just kept my hands clasped under my hoodie. I didn't want to be there but I couldn't leave until we got the information we needed out of Derek.

He turned to face me and once his gaze locked on mine I had to swallow to prevent the smoothie I'd had for breakfast from coming back up. His eyes looked sunken and if I thought I had lost weight then Derek was on the verge of death; he looked like death itself. What had he done with himself all those weeks on the run? I wasn't feeling sorry for him but it was still weird seeing him like that.

"Hello my love, I've missed you." He whispered trying to reach out to me but the cuffs restricted him.

His words were like sandpaper to wood; making my skin crawl.

"Where is he?" I asked not wanting to beat around the bush.

"Not even a hello huh? It's always about that stupid bouncer of yours. What does he have that I don't?" He yelled.

I didn't want to signify his question with an answer so I just stared at him. David was everything Derek wasn't; handsome, caring, compassionate, hardworking, kind, loving, understanding; I could go on forever.

"Why do you look so miserable? I told you what would happen if you didn't leave him. I told you I'd take him away so we could be together. Now here we are together at last and he's not here." He smirked at that drove me to the edge.

I slammed my fists on the table before leaning in and grabbing him by the collar of his shirt bringing his face close to mine so that we were at eye level with each other.

From the corner of my eye I saw George get up and the other officers close in but none of them stopped me.

"Where is he you scumbag?" I seethed.

Derek started howling in maniacal laughter and I tightened the hold on his collar choking him a bit. When he realized that I wasn't kidding he stopped laughing, or at least trying to laugh since I was basically choking him.

"He's dead." He snorted out and its like the air was knocked out of me because I let him go and fell back on my seat.

"You're lying." I whispered out in a chocked voice.

"No I'm not. I was the who shot him and watched the life leave his eyes." He admitted and I felt all form of life leave me.

I sat there feeling numb unable to react. David wasn't dead, I could feel it.

"Where's the body then?" George asked since I wasn't able to ask any more questions.

"You'll know soon enough."Derek replied in a mocking tone before turning his face back to me.

"Now where were we?" He asked smiling.

Feeling myself burst with anger I got up, leaned in and punched him on the face.

"I hate you Derek and I hope you burn in the pit of hell for all eternity."I spat at him and left the room.

I could hear him yell at me to come back but I just ran fast out there with George right behind me. I ran towards the car and curled up back in the backseat like I had on the drive over only this time I was crying my heart out.

David was dead! No he couldn't be. I wouldn't believe it until I saw his dead body. Everything in me that was connected to David; my heart, my body and my soul was telling me that he was alive and I believed it.

"Take me back to the apartment." I demanded George and something about the tone of my voice was enough to make him agree and drive me back to my home with David.

A stupid naive side of me hope that I would find him seated on the sofa with open arms. He would hug me and assure me that everything was okay. I held onto that hope because it was the only thing stopping me from descending into the madness of the possibility that David was dead like Derek had said.

************************************

Dead or alive??? What do you think?

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