Chapter Seven

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I am laying in my bed, looking at a picture of Jason and I at a Halloween party last year. We went to the party dressed as Bonnie and Clyde. He is sitting in a chair, and I'm sitting on his lap. He has a protective arm around my waist and holding a pretend rifle in his other hand. My default date.

Lately, I'm not sure about me and him. What if we get together, and he realizes that he doesn't want to be with me? What if what he feels is nothing compare to what I've been feeling? It can be a temporary feeling. My phone rings loudly, and I pick it up smiling when I see a picture of Jason flash on my screen. I answer the call, before it has a chance to go to voicemail.

"Hey, Jay baby."

"Hey, Melly, what are you up to?"

"Nothing. Maybe about to call it a night. You?" I sit cross legged on my bed.

He is quiet for a moment. "Your movie is coming on in ten minutes." Is all that he says without answering the actual question.

I grab my remote control and cut the television on. Since seventh grade, I've been in love with the movie Cold Mountain. Jason knows that whenever this movie comes on television, I want to watch it.

"It's coming on channel sixty six."

"Thanks, sweetheart, I didn't know that it was coming on tonight."

"I would join you, but ---" His voice drifts off leaving me to wait in anticipation.

The silence on his end is enough to drive a sane person nuts. I clear my throat a little. "Leslie? I mean, you're with Leslie?"

"No. I'm not feeling her as much as I thought I was. After our break up in May and spending the whole summer without her, I just finally realized that I'm tired of pretending that she's as good as it gets. Things between Leslie and I don't look the same, and I can do better than her. It's like my vision is fixed.

Suppressing my excitement, I ask him a follow up question. "Are you going to break up with her?"

"No, she's going to break up with me. She doesn't love me. All she complains about is you, and you're not going anywhere."

Oh my God! My thoughts scream as my face begins to hurt from smiling too hard. "Um ... hold on for a second, Jason." I quickly put him on mute and let out an exciting scream that I've been holding back. "Whew." Still smiling, I take him off mute. "Okay, so why won't you come over?"

"Because you didn't ask me to."

Oh. I look at the time. It is nine fifty eight. "Since when do I have to ask?"

"I don't know, Mel. Since it seems like you don't want to be around me. I don't know what's going on with you. With us."

No, boo, don't think like that! I love you! "That's not true, Jason. You're the only person I can stand to be around all day." I try to comfort him, but I know deep down it sounds sort of weak. The excitement I felt moments ago is suddenly dwindling down to nothing.

"I feel the same way, also."

Inviting him over could potentially lead to more of a what happened the last time he stayed the night. More kisses on the neck. More holding at night. More of him. Period.

"Um . . ." I start off, slowly.

On one hand, more of him will be absolutely wonderful. On another hand, more of him can end up so bad and hurt us as friends. Stuck in confusion, I shake my head being completely upset about how much I'm in my own head. Life was so much simpler, before feelings came between us.

"I want you to come over, but it's ten and last time you fell asleep."

"In all fairness, Mel, you seem to be the only one who's upset about that."

He got me. Last time he stayed the night, his parents and my mom didn't seem bothered by it. I don't know what to tell him. I don't want to tell him that I can't take him coming over holding me, watching one of my favorite romantic movies with me.

"It's okay. Enjoy it. I'll see you in the morning, babe. Night."

He ends the call, before I have a chance to say anything back to him. I wish that I had a pamphlet in dealing with love. Half the time, I don't know what to say, or do. I sigh as my phone vibrates, and I glance at it quickly. A small smile comes across my face when I see that it's Jason.

I like how we are.

His words form butterflies in my stomach. I sit up in my bed, getting prepared for a text conversation. It seems easier to discuss feelings and emotions via text with him.

N thats how?

U bn my forever. Favorite. The best person in my life ๐Ÿ–ค

Ur best friend?? U r also mine.

I know. Maybe more

Me being more to you or you being more to me?

Both

I just stare at his last text not sure what type of response I'm to have. My phone vibrates again, and I read the text in a hurry.

U mean a lot to me, n I have told u this before. I don't like when u pretend like u don't know this. Maybe denial, but u kno. Right??

Friends foreva Jay bae.

I push send, anticipating his next text. I just want to know what he will say to my text. Of course, I don't want to be just friends, but I also can't seem to put myself out there emotionally. Especially since he is still technically with Leslie. He isn't on the market yet.

Lol. Yea, Melly Bae. Friends forever. Watch ur movie. Nite

I am filled with disappointment. His text didn't deny that he is my friend, but it also didn't confirm that he is more than my friend. Instead, he drifted so far away from what we were discussing and then completely dismissed it altogether. I sigh and shake my head. Confusion sweeps over me as I text him quickly.

Nite.

What else could I say?

I put my phone on my night stand and try to watch my movie. I get so emotionally frustrated when trying to deal with Jason. I just love him to pieces, and I can't decide where his head, or heart is at. My phone vibrates, and I pick it up and look at the newest text message from Jason.

WHATS WRONG??

What u mean?

COME ON, MEL. WHAT'S WRONG??

Nothing

Want me to come ova??

Yes, I do want you to come over! I just can't bring my fingers to text those words to him.

No.

DAMN. K. BYE

Turn your damn caps off boy. Im not scared of u.

LOL. Dont have to b. Im always on ur side.

Night.

Yeah, I will be there tomo morning at regular time.

K. Thanks.

I smile, and put my phone back on the night stand. I should've told him to come on over, but when did I ever need to tell him that?

*****

Kerri and I are standing in my kitchen, waiting for Jason's car to pull up.

"Girl, what are you so afraid of? He likes you, and you like him."

I shrug, grabbing my bag, so we can wait for him outside.

"What if he doesn't like me? What if I'm imagining all this, or if I'm a rebound like?"

"What the hell is a rebound like? Only your pure ass will say something such as a rebound like. Mel, he is in love with you. I wish you will just trust me on this and go for it. Kiss him."

I laugh at her. She is always trying to get me to put my lips on him. "I don't know how to kiss, Kerri, and you know that."

"Ask him to teach you." Kerri sticks her tongue out and proceeds to make annoying kissing sounds.

I picture myself asking him to teach me to kiss and laugh her off. "No."

When Jason's car pulls up, he puts an end to our conversation. We walk up Jason's car, pretending we weren't just talking about him.

I open my door and get in smiling brightly at him. "Hey, Jay baby."

"Hey, baby." He turns around to look at Kerri as she climbs into the backseat. "What's up, Ker bear?"

"I'm good, boo. We still on for the show tonight?" She asks him, while adjusting her seatbelt.

"Hell yeah, Ker."

"Hey, Jay, did Melissa tell you that she invited Aaron? He's her date." Kerri says, a little too smoothly.

My mouth drops opened, and I can't believe what Kerri just said. And she said it so nonchalant. OMG . . . I am going to kill her.

"What?" Jason quickly turns to me.

"It's not a date, Kerri." I'm sure she hears how annoyed I am by the sound of my voice.

"What is it?" Kerri asks in an innocent voice.

"Yeah, what is it?" Jason is trying to talk to me and pay attention to the road.

"I . . . I . . ." I turn around to look at Kerri pissed that she will put me in a bad situation with Jason. "You're the one who told me to invite him, ass!"

Kerri laughs at me., almost as though she is unbothered. Clearly, she is enjoying he drama that she created.

"What?" He looks in his rear view mirror at Kerri angrily. Kerri shrugs and puts her ear buds in.

Jason looks at me, and I look out the window.

"It's not a date date. It's just all of us going to the movies." I try desperately to explain, but it all sounds so bad. It sounds like a date date. And it sounds like a damn secret!

"Wow." Jason is shaking his head. "I didn't know it was that kind group outing with friends. I was so busy trying to make it a you and me thing, while you made it" . . . He pauses for a second to gather his thoughts. "I guess I should ask my girlfriend if she wants to come."

I can't help, but noticed the way he said the word girlfriend. The same girlfriend that he said he didn't have feelings for last night. It was supposed to have been a regular movie night with just the four of us, not now it's a triple date? Kerri sure do know how to make a mess. Sometimes it feels like she isn't even on my side in helping reveal my feelings to Jason.

*****

From the moment I walk into the movie lobby with Aaron hand in hand, a nagging ill feeling in the back of my mind keeps urging me to take my single ass home. It's been on my case from the moment I started to get ready for this outing with Aaron. It's easier calling it an outing, because anything more than that will surely make me run home and away from him altogether.

Seeing Jason and Leslie getting something out of concessions, makes me feel a little lightheaded. So, we are really doing a triple date?ย  I search the lobby for my former friend, Kerri, as I lead Aaron to Leslie and Jason.

"Hey, Jas." I greet him nervously, expecting the worse from this whole situation.

He turns around to look at me and looks at Aaron sizing him up. Aaron release my hand and slips his arm around my waist. Jason eyes fall on Aaron hand, resting on my hip. His eyebrows scrunch together as he frowns up.

"Jason, where is Kerri?" I ask him, trying to get out of Aaron's grip and wanting to take Jason's attention off of me being in Aaron's hold. This is not a date! I want to scream at both Aaron and Jason.

"Oh, she cancelled. She texted my phone about an hour ago to tell me something came up."

I stand in front of him and Leslie in disbelief at what is going on. So, not only did she have me invite Aaron and told Jason that I invited Aaron. Which started the worse domino effect, because then he believed he should invite Leslie, she cancelled.

"She said that she tried to call you, but your phone wasn't on."

No, she didn't.

Leslie sighs, showing her frustration that Jason and I are still talking. She just doesn't like any amount of time Jason gives to me. Jason looks at her and kisses her lips softly. Feeling envious, I try not to react to them kissing in public. Aaron nudges me to move to the theater we had to go into.

I smile weakly at him. "Sorry."

Jason and Leslie follow behind us as we take our seats. Leslie tries to sit away from us, but Jason guides her to where we are sitting. Unexpectactly, Jason sits right next to me. There I am between Aaron and Jason. When the theater gets dark, I watch as Leslie lay her head on his shoulder. Jason looks at me with hurt in his eyes.

Shit, I'm hurt too, but we can both blame Kerri. I just sit in my chair, avoiding personal contact with Aaron. I stare at the screen not paying attention to the movie. Aaron puts his arm around my shoulders, and I try to ignore the look Jason flashes me. With each passing second, I think about ways I am going to make Kerri pay.

From the corner of my eyes, I watch as Jason takes out his phone and sends a quick text. My phone vibrates and I quickly glance at Jason, wondering if he just sent me a message.

I get up and walk towards the exit of the theater. I figure I need a breath of fresh air anyways. This is all too much for me. Leslie and Jason is sitting next to me on an obvious date. I'm sitting next to Aaron who at this point believes this is also a date.

"It was supposed to be a friend outing. Damn Kerri." I groan to no one in particular.

I pull out my phone and see that Jason indeed sent me a message.

We got to talk NOW!!!

I look up just as Jason is walking out the theater.

Oh, God, she's dead.

"What the hell, Mel? You said it wasn't a date, but you're up in there wrapped in dude's arms."

We are now face to face. "Really, Jason? It wasn't a date, but now it is, because you've decided to invite Leslie."

"I mean, you didn't tell me that you invited someone to our date."

"Our date?"

He shakes his head at me. "Come on, Mel, stop it. You know I take you to the movies, and you take me to the movies. It's been our tradition for the last two years. Now you got this Aaron kid touching you all over."

I laugh at his exaggeration.

"It's not funny, Mel. I'm not laughing." He says with a frown on his face.

"I'm sorry. I guess I don't understand how you could be so upset with me, when you're sitting right next to me with your girlfriend wrapped in your arms. Or maybe I can't understand, because you kissed her right in front of me."

He just looks at me, curiosity in his eyes on how to handle my words. He shakes his head, and put run his fingers through his curls in complete frustration. "I don't want to be here anymore." His voice is a little strain.

"I don't either." I never wanted to be here. I never wanted this situation.

We both look at the theater, being hesitant about going in.

"Leslie will kill my ass." He looks in my eyes. "You want to go?"

I nod.

He grabs my hand, while pulling out his phone and texting with his other hand. We head out the door. "Text dude that you're out. Let's go somewhere else and do a movie."

I give him a look of disbelief as we hurry out to the parking lot. He hurries and opens my door and jumps into the driver's seat. His phone starts to ring and he ignores the call. I look at his face as he pulls off. His phone rings again. He powers his phone off, and looks at me. He really doesn't care about her.

I watch him drive to find someplace else for us to hang out with just the two of us. Then, like a brick, it suddenly hits me hard as hell, that he does like me. Kerri is right. I should just kiss him and confess to him that the feeling is just as mutual.

"Mel, they got this new arcade room downtown. You want me to kick your ass in some ski ball?"

I start laughing at him, while I power my phone off. "Bring it on."

He looks at me and winks. I wink back at him glad that I did leave Aaron.

*****

I walk through my front door smiling too hard. Leaning against the closed door, I don't realize that Charles is sitting on the couch watching television.

He smirks like he knows a secret. "What the hell has you smiling like you a kid on a Halloween?"

I look at him, blushing several different shades of red.

"You have a crush on him, don't you?" Charles guess it on the first try.

I walk over to the couch and sit next to him. "Is it that obvious?"

He nods with a goofy grin on his face.

"He doesn't know." I whisper in a low voice.

Charles just laughs. "I'm willing to bet money that he does."

I just look at my brother, wondering if they have been talking about me, when I'm not eavesdropping.

"Besides, he's crazy about you. That's the only way he's going to be your friend this long, anyway."

"What should I do?"

"You want to change your friendship?"

I nod.

"Then, stop pretending you guys are just friends. It's that simple."

I give him a confused look just when the doorbell rings. I stand up and walk over to the door. I open the door to see Jason is standing on my porch holding the yellow bear he won for me earlier. I smile and take the bear.

"Thanks, Jay bay."

"Yo, Jas, is that you? Bring your ass in here and visit."

I move out the way as Jason walks into the house. He takes off his jacket and sits down. A tiny smile comes across my lips as I close and lock my front door. Jason always give me butterflies by just being himself. I sit in the chair as I watch Charles set the game up. He hands Jason a controller, eagerly ready to play the game.

"Man, you just can't handle that I beat your ass last time."

I can't take my eyes off Jason, watching as he talks mess with Charles.

"Man, your ass cheated. Stop talking and do that shit again."

Jason had his serious face on as he plays the game. I wonder if everyone is right about him loving me. I get up from my chair and walk behind the couch. I'm not sure what I am thinking, but I start rubbing his shoulders. My brother looks up at me, and quickly goes back to the game.

I lean over his shoulder to whisper in his ear. "Let's watch a movie in my room."

Jason looks at me from the side with our lips almost touching. I stand up and walk away. Jason throws the controller on the couch and hops over the couch. "Got you next time, Charles."

Within moments, Jason is right behind me as I walk into my room. I turn the television on and throw the remote at him. He catches it and watches me as I close my door. I decide I am just going to start taking everyone's advice, because my way isn't working. Kerri said kiss him, and Charles said stop pretending we are just friends.

I lay in my bed as he tries to find something to watch. He is still standing up. He looks at me and walks over to the bed and sits down.

"If I stay tonight, I might spend the night."

I look at him as he takes a deep breath. "That's fine."

He shakes his head. "No, it's not. I got a girlfriend, and you . . . damn."

Now I am more confused than I have ever been. So did he want to stay, or not? I decide to go back to how I was, because I don't want to do this anymore. One moment we're running off and then we're here in my room with him telling me that he had a girlfriend. He must have forgotten that he had a girlfriend that he left at the movies. He had a girlfriend when he bought me some panties. Hell, he has always had a girlfriend while doing inappropriate shit with me.

"Just go home, boo." I decide to free us of this burden.

"Yeah, might be best."

I watch as he gets up and walks out my room. I wait for him to close my door, before I throw one of my pillows at the door in frustration. I cut my television off and shake my head. I lay in my bed in the dark trying not to cry. It isn't that big of a deal, anyway. We are just friends, but I can't take the just friends title, anymore. I can't handle him being with Leslie and going back and forth. I want him.

My door opens, and Jason walks back in. "Fuck it, Mel. I'm here tonight."

I sit up in the bed as he walks in and takes his shirt off. He takes off his shoes and makes his way to the bed. I pull the covers back on his side of the bed. He gets in the bed and we look at each other for a few moments.

He

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