My Secret

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"Yes, blood pressures normal now. Just keep drinking a lot of fluids and stay away from eating a lot of fatty food" The nurse told me.

I nodded my head showing I understood when, in actual fact, I didn't care. I couldn't find myself to care anymore.

I pulled my sleeves down and stood up from my seat, waiting for the nurse to dismiss me. I fidgeted with my fingers for awhile, looking around the room. The nurse fiddled with a few machines, taking notes down on a pad.

I bit my lip anxiously, hoping for the silence to end. Finally, she turned around to face me, concern evident on her face.

"I know, I've asked this everytime, honey, but I have to as part of the protocol. Are you sure we can't be of further assistance?" She bent down towards my height, putting the notepad down on the chair besides me.

"Yes. I'm sure." I breathed out confidently. I didn't want anyone to question me right now, especially when I had made up my mind.

"I know, sweetie but, the thing with aplastic anaemia is that it is-"

"No, I don't want to hear it again." I cut in, not wanting to hear anymore explanation. I've had aplastic anaemia for a year now and I wasn't going to change my mind.

"We both know that these checks ups are mere formalities; there's little chance for finding a treatment for me. So, why waste more money for the search?" I drawled, pursing my lips as I spoke.

She stood up fully back to her regular height, exhaling slowly.

"Well, if that's what you want honey," she picked up the notepad and walked back to the machines, not saying another word.

I was diagnosed with Severe Aplastic Anaemia when I had turned 13. Aplastic Anaemia was common and not as fatal, but some were severe cases and thus dubbed as SAA. A few hundred people in the US alone suffered from this
It was very slight, in its first years and I didn't understand it's calamity, until I was a bit older. When I was around 16, I began to learn more about my condition. It turns out that the only possible treatment for my condition was Bone Marrow Transplant. It was very expensive, but my parents still paid for it. That was the easy part.

For the treatment criteria, I needed someone else's Bone Marrow to replace mine. This person had to have Bone Marrow with an 100% match to mine in order for the treatment to be successful and the chances of this were very slim. The hospital's next step was to search for a possible donor for me. In order to maintain this search, they had to be paid for their time and effort.

A year went by and no donor came along. At this point, our family entered a financial crisis. It was getting harder and harder to keep the roof over our heads and, at that point, I came to a decision. The treatment search had to stop. It was doing more harm than benefit and it was showing little success. I accepted the fate chosen for me. I accepted that there was no donor for me out there and that I should leave this world in peace without ruining the lives of my parents as I left. That was the decision I had chosen.

A part of me wanted to live for longer, but there was a problem. It was too expensive with no guarantee of success. I couldn't do that to my parents.

My mom arranged the money yesterday, somehow, but I couldn't try finding a donor with that money, especially if there was no sure definite treatment.

The only reasons for coming to these appointments now was to have a general blood transfusion. It eased the symptoms slightly, but gradually, the symptoms would come back with a roaring vengeance. And, soon enough, there would be a time when not even a blood transfusion would be able to help me.

That was why I accepted Aaron's favour. I wanted to do something different and exciting before my time came. I had also accepted it for his mom. She only has a little time left and so did I. I understood how she was feeling. I wanted to do this for her.

The nurse returned with a prescription and told me to go home and rest. I nodded my head and made my way to the door.

I only had a little time left. Why should I spend it resting?

So, that is why I walked in the opposite direction of my house....

Aaron's house.

********************************

The music was so loud, I could hear it as I walked up to the doorstep. I opened the door and looked around.

Couples and not couples were everywhere making out. On the sofas, on the stairs, against the walls.

Even on the floors.

People were dancing around me. How would I find Aaron in this mess of people? I walked away from the door, pushing through the people and into the living room.

There, I saw, Danny on a table, a whole bunch of people surrounding him, clapping and saying 'Go Danny', encouraging him as he stood on the table dancing away.

I rolled my eyes and turned around to look somewhere else. My eyes caught Justin who was sitting on the sofa. His eyes on his phone and a red cup in his hand, a look of discontent on his face.

Wherever the two idiots were, the last one was not far behind.

I looked around the room and I suddenly saw Aaron.

With a girl.

She was dancing against him, moving her hands in intricate patterns in the air whilst he stood there smirking, his hands placed on her hips.

Once again, that feeling of disdain shook me to the core as I eyed him. He had mentioned how he cared about his mum, even going as far to fake our relationship in school yet hereb

Thanks for blowing up my self esteem, Aaron.

"Are you following me?" A deep voice said from behind me.

I turned around to find Elliot leaning on a wall, smiling at me. His curly hair was slightly messy atop his head and his eyes sparkled with mirth as he waited for me to talk.

I laughed at his accusation.
"Don't give yourself that much importance!" I joked between laughs yo which Elliot raised an eyebrow.

He stopped smiling and walked closer.
"I should make more jokes, so I can hear that nice laugh" he said smoothly, putting a loose hair behind my ear and I stilled as I processed his words.

I blushed and turned my gaze to the floor.

"Would you like to dance?" He questioned me, a hopeful hint in his voice and although I had never done so, I couldn't deny him. 

"Well, if you insist." I joked as he grabbed my hand, pulling me to him and I sucked in a breath as I felt his warmth. From here, I could see the faint freckles across the bridge of his noise and the slight lines by his eyes as he smiled.

"My my my. Someone knows their dancing" I teased, taking my mind of his proximity. I usually couldn't stand the close proximity, not with him or Aaron.

Why was I comparing Elliot to Aaron?

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Elliot smiled at me.
"I don't know how to dance. I just know how to treat the ladies" He said with a wink, making me laugh.

"What a gentlemen" I said, mocking a british accent like he did before.

He laughed, snorting at the end.
"My momma raised me with manners" He said, a smirk on his face.

"If you had manners, you wouldn't have snorted in your laugh" I retorted, smirking back.

He feigned offence, his eyes going comically wide and his mouth forming an 'o' shape.
"Don't diss the snort, Alex. The ladies tend to find it cute and attractive" He said jokingly.

I laughed in response.
"Uh-uh whatever you say, piggy" I said tauntingly.

He immediately pouted, raising an eyebrow.
"You can think of a better nickname than that." He urged and I bit my lip in contemplation as I thought for a while.

"I don't know" I said, shrugging.

He dimmed for a minute, but immediately brightened.
"I know! Call me Eli" He said, excitedly.

I smiled. Trying it out on my tongue.

Eli

It suited him.
"Okay, fine, Eli it is" I smiled.

He smiled back and twirled me around and dipped me. His face turned serious and my eyebrows furrowed at the intense look on his face.

"You are so gorgeous" He whispered suddenly, making me blush and he started to lean in.

His face was a few centimetres away from me now. His breath mingled with my own. It smelled like coffee beans. His lips were so close. They were nearly touching mine...

Until his phone rang.

He sighed in frustration and lifted me up, speaking into his phone. While he did that, I started to think.

Why did I do that? Well, technically I didn't start it, but I didn't try to end it either. Maybe, it was because a part of me actually wanted to kiss him. He made me smile so much, in the short time that I had known him. But, a strange part of me felt like I was cheating on Aaron. Even though, we weren't going out.

Elliot hung up the phone and looked at me longingly.
"That was my mom. She's going to a conference, so I have to go cook dinner for my little brother" He said sadly.

I smiled at him.
"And how can I be upset at you for that? I'll see you in school then." I suggested, a blush on my face from how close we were before.

He smiled back, apologetically.
"Definitely" he said and, with one tight hug, he was gone.

I watched him leave and turned to look at Aaron who was now dancing with another girl and I grimaced at his non-commital nature. For him, it was like girls just grew on trees.

I smiled at the rowdy guy who passed drinks around the crowd and I smiled thankfully before grabbing a cup and downing the entire contents of the glass. It seared my throat like it was liquid fire and I felt the burning chills that ran up the length of my body and I scrunched my nose at the aftertaste.

Feeling slightly let down by my first party, I  grabbed another and then another and then, suddenly, the party was starting to look more interesting. I looked around, marvelled by all the colours that seemed to stand out now, the vibrations of the pounding music now controlled my movements. I walking with a hop in my step, high-fiving a guy with ginger spiky hair on the way.

Who was he? I shook my head, I'm sure I'll think of it.

"New girl! How you doing?!" Danny's voice boomed over the music and I whirled around to see him, tripping as I leaned into him.

"Hi Dan Dan!" I exclaimed, looking to him with a lazy smile and he smiled back. I watched in confusion as his body came in and out of focus before rubbing my eyes with a pout.

"Thought you said you weren't coming?!" I heard his voice and looked to him with a pout as he blurred again.

"Appointment finished early, now stop blurring!" I snapped, nudging him with an arm and he raised his eyebrows at my words.

Thankfully, he ignored my words focused more on my tone, folding his arms.

"Someone's grumpy. Let's take you to Aaron; he can handle your little mood!" He pouted before grabbing my arm and I let out a giggle at the cold feel. I watched as we walked towards Aaron, my eyes narrowing at the sight of him.

Put him in a paper shredder.

I smiled at the thought, skipping along and Danny followed suit with a chuckle.  Maybe he could help me with killing Aaron. I wouldn't be able to carry the dead weight, he looks far too heavy. Feeling satisfied with my new goal and plan, I set my sight on Aaron.

There would be hell to pay.

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