18. Feel Me

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JIMIN'S POV

I went out of the bathroom, wearing just a towel around my waist. Y/N has called me to meet her. I don't want to be late.

To my love, I can't bear to see you unhappy.

I don't want to disappoint a her anymore. I quickly wore my clothes and made my way out.

To my love, I don't want to make things harder for you.

Y/N'S POV

I left the house with heavy steps. It was hard for me to see him again. I tried, tried to forget but each and every hurtful memories were attacking my thoughts. Even if I tried to to recall the loved ones, they were blurry to me.

I don't want to forgive him. I want to give him the same amount of pain he gave me but not to hurt. I wanted him to realize how it feel when your heart hurts, how it feel when your dreams get scattered, how it feel when you have so much to say but nothing comes out.

But now, I have made my mind. No more getting hurt anymore. No more shedding tears anymore. This is my last meeting with him. This relationship has no strength. It's unloved. There's no point of keeping it anymore.

It's hard to let go but I have to and I will! Just a matter of minutes with him and everything will be over.

I was walking to the place where I called Jimin to meet me. I was going there earlier than the time I have given. I decided to end everything with him. But still my heart doesn't want to accept it. I am still not sure.

When I reached to the place, he was already there. His back was facing me. Why is he here so early? Well, I shouldn't care anymore, right? Things will end sooner than I expected, right?

I walked further. My feet land on the fallen dry leaves, making rough sound everytime. But he didn't turn around. Probably, he wasn't expecting me to come earlier and so do I.

I stopped at a proper distance between us. I sighed and my breath came out broken. Even breathing was hurting this time. I gathered up my strength to call his name.

Y/N: Jimin...

I called him and he turned around. I moved my gaze away, trying to avoid his eyes. But when I looked at him, I was left breathless.

He looked vulnerable. His eyes were red like he didn't slept for a second yesterday...like he cried the whole night. There was a dark bruise below his left eye. There were bruises on his jawline too. My eyes traveled down to his hand. His knuckles were bruised too.

His hairs were messed up. He was messed up, damaged. Seeing his state pained me so much. It took my whole strength not run to him and embrace him tightly.

As he saw me, a beautiful smile formed on his lips. He ran towards me and embrace me tightly.

I let him do that. Maybe, it's our last hug. I closed my eyes, breathing his aroma. Only his presence is strong enough to make me feel delighted. I also want to embrace him tightly but I know, if I do it then I won't be able to let go of him.

He slowly pulled away from the hug and looked at me with those eyes which held tears, devastated.

Jimin: Say anything, please.

He said and cupped my face, rubbing my cheeks with his thumb, gently.

Y/N: Jimin... we..

I took his hand in mine. There was a lump, formed in my throat, making it harder for me to speak. I couldn't say anything. Every passing second seemed like an hour.

Y/N: We can't be together...anymore.

I averted my gaze away and closed my eyes, trying to avoid the tears but it betrayed me at the same time as unwanted tears fell from my eyes.

Jimin: Lips can lie but eyes will never so don't say that.

His voice started shaking as well as his hands. He seemed weak which hurt me.

I chuckled. He is hurt now? After making me go through a lot of pain?

Y/N: Didn't you say that marrying me was your biggest mistake? I'm giving you a chance to fix that.

Jimin: Mistakes don't happen. Everything is destined. You and I are destined. We are destined together. Believe me, I really didn't mean that. Not even for a second.

His words came out broken, pain and regret, evident in his tone. A drop fell down on my hand holding his. I looked at him, tears streaming down his face. I turned back, avoiding to face him anymore.

Y/N: Actually, you never hurt me. It's my own expectations which hurt me every single time. I expected so much from you even though I knew you were not that.

I wiped the tears streaming down my own face.

Y/N: You never gave me any hopes. I created hopes. So, I'm the one responsible for the heartbreaks.

I let out a sob in pain. I felt a hand on wrist.

Jimin: I-I'm really sorry, Y/N. I know what you have gone through an-

Y/N: No! You don't know!!

I shouted. I, myself was startled by my own reaction. I didn't care about anyone passing by the place. I was lost in my own world. My pain, my anger, my love was controlling me now.

Y/N: Do you know how much I cried because of you? Do you know how much I waited for your calls and replies? Do you know how unwanted I felt everytime you ignored me?

I put my hand on my mouth, preventing to let out a loud cry. My vision got blurry of uncontrollable tears. I was bursting out in pain. The pain was taking control over my body.
I was shaking. My body felt weak and I fell down on my knees.

JIMIN'S POV

"Marrying her was my biggest mistake."

"You are just a decoration piece."

"You just use the word 'wife' to get access to my personal things."

When I said those things, they meant nothing for me. These were not something so big for me. I only thought that, how can such small sentences hurt her this much.

But now, I realized. Seeing her crying, right in front of me, made pain run through my body. I could feel myself shaking.

Till then, I had no idea but I realized that the things meant nothing for me was so poisonous for her. I realized they were something I should have never said.

My heart was never broken so I don't know how it feels to be heartbroken. But now I felt that.

It is you who is hurt but I'm feeling the pain. It is you who is in pain but I am shattered. Why? Because I love you.

In life, some things are not easy to get healed with a 'sorry'. I have broken your heart and I will fix it.

Y/N'S POV

Soon I felt a hand on my shoulder, I didn't turned as I know who it is.

Jimin: I know what I said can't be taken back. It can't be forgotten but only forgiven. Forgive me, please.

I didn't reply for a good minute. But then I stood up and turned to face. He was also on his knees.

Y/N: All right! This conversation will not take us anywhere. Let's just end this as soon as possible.

He stood up.

Jimin: Why are you doing this? There's no way I would let this happen, Y/n.

Y/N: Then what am I supposed to do? Give you another chance to hurt me?

I said it even though I saw the sincerity in his eyes.

Jimin: I have said this so many times and I'm saying it now as well. What happened back then will never happen.

He looked at me, deep in my eyes. Bringing his hands, he hold my hand and caresses my cheeks with other.

Jimin: I love you, Y/N.

Y/N: So flattering but I don't believe you.

He softly put my hand on his chest. My eyes slightly widened. His heart was beating faster than mine.

Jimin: You still don't believe it?

He then wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

Jimin: Don't doubt my love for you. It's the only thing I'm sure of.

I looked away from him and gathered my all strength to say it.

Y/N: But I don't love you.

He took steps closer me, holding me more firmly.

Jimin: If you don't love me then why did you stop breathing when I came closer?

I didn't realize that I was holding my breath.

Jimin: If you don't love me then why your heart is beating so fast.

He hold my chin gently and made me look at him. He brought his face closer to mine, making my breathing accelerated.

Jimin: You can move away if you really don't love me anymore. But if you didn't, then there's no turning back.

I tried to move away but my body was froze. My brain told me to push him and run away but my heart wanted something else.

He closed his eyes and started to move his lips close to mine. He gave me enough time to move away but I didn't. And then I realized that I can never go away.

I realized that I also need him as much as he need me. We are already one. There's no turning back now.

I also closed my eyes and my breath hitched when his soft lips touched mine.

An electrifying current ran down my body. His lips were moving softly on mine. We were lost in our own world.

I slowly pulled away from the kiss to look at him. He opened his eyes. Happiness and disappointment clear in his eyes. Maybe I know why he is disappointed.

I saw the love swirling in those eyes which I love the most. I closed my eyes and leaned slightly towards him, connecting our lips for the most overwhelming kiss. All the pain I once had was vanished away. I felt like we were the only ones in this world. After all the pain, this kiss and this moment was right. I felt the tears of love falling down his eyes.

This time I had the control of the situation. I always wondered how it will feel to move my hands in his soft hairs while kissing him. I guess this is the moment now.

I also moved my body closer to his. My one hand was around his waist and another in his hairs.

I felt his lips sucking on my lower lip and constantly licking it asking for the permission to explore more. I let out a low whimper.

Oh, yes, you have to wait for the rest, Park Jimin.

I separated our lips. I thought after the kiss I will feel embarrassed but no, I was feeling more confident.

I looked at his face and remembered the bruises again.

I hold his hands and bring them closer to my face, getting a clear view of his bruised knuckles. I leaned down and kissed the bruises.

I could feel him gazing fondly at me while smiling.

I looked up and hold his cheeks, kissing the bruises below his eye.

I wanted to make it one of the memorable moments of our lives, starting with this.

He suddenly pulled me towards him, into a tight embrace.

Jimin: I'm sorry again.

Y/N: Forgive you.

TIME SKIP

After spending some hours together. I insisted Jimin to come to my parents' house and spend the night there as it was already late.

When we entered in the house, my parents were shocked to see Jimin. But they were happy too. They already knew about the problem between us.

Everything was going overwhelming as I wanted it to be. We are finally together.

•••

Jimin's P.O.V

I came into Y/N's room and took off my wrist watch, placing it on the table beside the bed.

I looked around the room. Her study table, her old pictures on the desk and the next thing that caught my eyes was a diary. It did not look like her diary so I guessed it might be for something else.

I took the diary in my hands, debating if I should look into it or not. The curiosity got the best of me and I opened the diary.

As the fist page came into my sight, I couldn't help but smile as I saw the two words 'Lee Y/N' written on it as if these only two words decorated the whole page.

I chuckled as I keep turning the pages, when I found her childhood pictures, a lot of drawings but I stopped at a particular page.

'My ideal type' the title said and a drawing of a stage boy came in sight below.

I analysed the features on his face. The boy had thin lips, big eyes, long hairs with a suggestive smile which made him look cute.

Still holding the diary in my hands, I stood in front of the mirror but soon after having a view of the bruises on my face made me disappointed but I decided to avoid that now and focused on what I was doing.

My lips are not thin. My hairs are not as long as his. My eyes are not that big too. I did not let that make me feel insecure.

I looked in the mirror again and tried to smile like him but that was of no use either. I thought that at least my smile could match to her ideal type but no.

Jimin: I am not even close to this guy.

I sighed being upset.

Y/N: Not even close to whom, Jimin?

I turned towards the entrance of the room and saw her standing there. I decided not to lie.

Jimin: I'm no where close to your ideal type.

I exclaimed, showing her the diary while sitting on the bed. She looked at the diary seriously and then sat beside me.

Y/N: Why do you want to look like him?

Jimin: Because it's your ideal type?

She looked away and smiled slightly before looking at me with her now blossomed cheeks.

Y/N: You look perfect. I was only thirteen when I drew this. Believe me, if I knew you at that time then I'm sure I would have drawn you instead of him.

She said in such a confident voice that made me believe her already as I felt contented. Till now, I never knew such words can effect my whole existence and I felt overwhelmed, something I never felt before.

I tried to smile or say something but instead I pulled her towards me with an intention to get a kiss but...

Knock, knock.

“Dinner is ready, come downstairs.” We heard a lady's voice. We looked at each other without utterly a word and quickly glanced away.

Wrong timing, Jimin!

Y/N's P.O.V

After having the meals, I was lying down on the bed with Jimin beside me. It felt awkward. It was silence in the room. We didn't talk after the dinner.

I turned to the other side, my back was facing him. For the first time, it felt extremely hot to be on the same bed as him and under the same blanket.

The air conditioner was on but still my body was heating. But soon I started sweating when I felt his arm slowly climbing on my waist, pulling me closer to his body.

Jimin: Come closer.

His firm chest was pressed against my back, making the heat increase three times more. I felt like I will melt anytime soon.

Jimin: Are you sleepy?

I shook my head.

Y/N: No.

How can I sleep while having a heater pressed against me? As much as I wanted to say it, I had to keep quiet.

Jimin: Oh,..turn around, look at me.

I slowly turned around but before I could look at him, he smashed his lips on mine. The air leaves my lung.

He hovered over me. This time, the kiss is not soft, it's passionate. I love it.

I intervine my fingers in his hairs, kissing him will all I've got. We missed each other so much.

His tongue slowly traces my bottom lip, making me loose all my senses.

He pins my hands next to my head as I opened my mouth, letting him in.

A soft whimper escaped my mouth as his tongue touched mine. He moans, transferring the vibration from his lips to mine.

He moved down my jawline, leaving wet kisses. I'm going crazy now. This is hot, so hot.

He leaves a soft kiss on my lips before pulling away to stare at me. His nose touches mine. My heart was beating desperately.

Jimin: I won't go any further without your permission.

He said before leaving a kiss on my forehead and moving my hair out of my face.

I embraced him, burying my face in his chest. We moved on the side to face each other again.

Y/N: Good night, Jimin.

Jimin: Good night, Y/N.

We drifted off to sleep with his hands still around me.

TO BE CONTINUED

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