Part - 43

"I Wish Life Was Like A Baby's Shampoo With The 'NO MORE TEARS' Slogan"

(Karthik's POV)

(3 YEARS LATER)

"Hey, beautiful" I whisper the moment I lift my sleepy head off of Mithra's chest & meet her shinning eyes. She is smiling sweetly at me as her fingers lovingly comb my messy hair.

"I love you" she whispers & leaning her head up a little she kisses my lips softly.

"Ahaan! What a gratifying words to hear from one's wife that too early in the morning" I tell, teasing her. she giggles like a school girl.

"Sleep, okay?" I ask Mithra.

"Yep!"

"How many times you woke up last night?"

"He kept me up most of the night & when he finally showed some mercy on me and let me sleep; my crazy husband didn't let me sleep." She says trying & failing to act pissed. "You kept me awake till early morning with your shenanigans. I didn't get any sleep at all" she pouts cutely.

"You know... It's really hard to keep my hands off my wife whenever she lies beside me all sexy & alluring wearing her short night gown... So I lost my control" I say & run my fingers up her thighs. "Karthik! No!" she holds my hand & stops me. I sigh.

"Well, now you can sleep, baby." I tell grinning.

"I wish I could but he must be up. I will go feed him." She pushes me gently & tries to get up.

"I fed him only an hour ago & he is sleeping peacefully now so don't disturb him" I say & press Mithra down the bed imprisoning her with my hands.

"Roshan is such a sweet boy nah?" Mithra asks. I nod smilingly. "Sanjeev & Deepa are lucky to have him as their son"

Roshan Kapoor is Sanjeev's two years old son.

Deepa is unwell & admitted in hospital for two days so Sanjeev asked us to take care of their son as he can't keep the baby with him in the hospital.

It's easy to handle Roshan at day times as he mostly plays with his toy car & Mithra & I just watch over him but at night times, it's a great deal to handle him. He cries for his sleep but the naughty boy doesn't sleep or let us sleep. He cries feeling hungry but doesn't eat. Oh and In spite of being empty stomach he manages to poop twice or thrice a day. Nasty boy!

He always asks for his mommy and cry. Thanks heaven, Deepa will be discharging from hospital this evening & she will be taking him back home as she missed him badly.

"Yes, they are lucky"

"But we are not" she says, sorrowfully.

"We will be too, one day" I reassure her and she smiles sadly, almost not believing my words.

Mithra had polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) & hormonal imbalance but necessary treatments were taken years back but still she couldn't conceive.

"Are you happy?" she asks me.

"Of course I am because I have you in my life" I kiss her lips tenderly.

"But without a kid?"

"We will surely be blessed with a kid one day... till then I love keeping you exclusively to myself."

"You are very possessive."

"So are you" I run my nose down hers.

"Shall we take a short holiday trip?" I ask to distract her. She is so low & depressed lately.

"I have office" she declines.

"Hmm... then shall I, at least, take you out for dinner, tonight?" I ask to cheer up her mood.

"Um... but Roshan..."

"Sanjeev & Deepa will be coming here by evening to take him with them...so later we can go out, right?"

"Yeah sure" she smiles weakly.

~~0~~

"Hey, little devil" Sanjeev says.

"Sanjeev, don't call your son devil. He is such a sweet boy." Mithra chides him.

"Oh hello, I called you 'Little Devil' not my son." Sanjeev teases. Mithra slaps his arm.

"How are you, Deeps?" I ask as Sanjeev & Deepa takes the seat on the couch.

"Feeling much better" She smiles. She had severe stomach ache for days & when admitted in hospital, doctors found out that she has kidney stone. I'm glad she's doing well after her treatment.

"Hey, baby boy" Deepa stretches her hands for Roshan & he jumps into her arms from Mithra's hold.

"Did our boy trouble you guys?" Sanjeev asks

"Nope!" I smile & pull Mithra closer to me.

"I sure as hell he wouldn't have let you guys sleep?" Deepa says giggling.

"Ha! Yeah, that he did. But we had our moments with him. We turned to kids when we played 'Peekaboo' with him & he acted like a big boy when he watched horror movie with us" I tell them the sweet time we had with their little boy.

"You watched horror movie, my brave boy?" Sanjeev asks as he takes Roshan in his arm & places him on his lap.

"Zoobieee... Zoobiee, daddy" he bounces in his lap excitedly saying he watched a zombie movie.

"So? You're going to Singapore this weekend?" Sanjeev asks.

"Yep!" I nod. "You're coming?" I ask Sanjeev.

"With you? Would love to" he grins. I shake my head. He will never change. I vaguely doubt he is more possessive for me than Mithra.

"You coming, baby?" I ask Mithra.

"You are going on business right? Then why should I come?" she asks, disinterested. Mithra is as busy as I am with work. Manohar uncle took his retirement from work a year ago giving all the responsibilities to Mithra. She is doing exceptionally well running her dad's business making him proud. Of course I do help her at times if she asks me too; otherwise it's all her blood & sweat.

"Of course I am going on business but then coming Sunday is Steve's first birthday so Nisha insists us to come"

What an irony? All our friends are having baby boys. Siddarth (Tara and Sunny's son), Roshan (Deepa and Sanjeev's son) & Steve (Nisha and Micheal), all three of them are brats.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. She called me two days back & invited us. Of course we will go." Mithra agrees to go with me to Singapore. Lately she is not going anywhere with me. She steps her foot out only to go to office and back home. I miss my old cheery Mithra.

Steve is Mithra's favorite kid among our friends' kids as he is the youngest & sweetest among the three boys but idly I know why because Steve is so fond of Mithra so she likes him more.

He gets clingy when he is in Mithra's arms. He often lick Mithra's cheeks like a dog & later when I kiss Mithra I could smell the smell of milk on her cheeks which I don't like so I ask Mithra to wash her face & come.

Steve even likes messing with Mithra's silky hair. I always go in her rescue when he pulls her hair or play with it.

Boy, I love her long hair so dare you mess with it.

But Mithra never minds; she just enjoys playing with him, in fact with all our friends' kids but at the end of the day when we are alone in our room she burst into tears hugging me.

"I want my own baby, Karthik... I can't bear this pain anymore... Why God is punishing us? We didn't do any harm to anyone right? Then why?" she cries inconsolably like a small baby & it gets really hard for me to stop her from crying & put her to sleep.

She pretends to be happy & normal when we are around our family & friends but in the privacy of our room she confides all her worries to me.

Though I yearn for a baby I just act as if it doesn't bother me but to be honest it really kills me from inside...but definitely not as much as it kills me to see my Mithra upset. But then I just bottle up my pain for the sake of Mithra. I force myself to show strong in front of her because I know if I go weak I can't help her.

"Okay, Karthik. We will go now." Sanjeev declares.

"Stay a little longer and have dinner with us?" Mithra offers.

"We are coming straight from hospital so gotta go home, freshen up and then Deepa needs some rest... so next time, okay?" Sanjeev asks. Mithra nods.

"Say bye to aunty, baby" Deepa coos near her son's ear & kisses his head.

"Byeee" Roshan says cutely & kisses Mithra's cheek. Mithra ruffles his soft hair & caress his cheek. Then they were gone.

"Get ready soon, we will go out for dinner" I tell Mithra as I close our main door.

"Um... Karthik... can we stay home? I will make something simple & quick for us to eat?" Mithra asks hesitantly. I knew it! This happens every time our friends come to our home with their kids. She goes to depression mode. Seeing her like this hurts me more than that of not having a child.

"Karthik..."

"As you wish" I say irately & head to my study room to bury my head in work.

~~0~~

(A month later)

Every month we spend one weekend with our parents at their place. Just a family get-together which I liked the most before but now a days I am starting to dislike coming over here because our moms keep on probing Mithra about her health and her latest treatments expecting for good news.

I can't blame them for being excited to hear some good news from us but they need to understand the fact that we will let them know if we have any. Their constant nagging is only increasing Mithra's anxiety & reducing her confidence level. They don't realize that they are indirectly hurting my Mithra.

"Karthik, you still love me, right?" Mithra asks me. I close my eyes & fist my fingers to brace my anger. I am really getting annoyed with this question. She is asking me the same question for years now. Her insecurity level has just gotten heightened now as she feels I might leave her just because she couldn't give my family an heir.

"Next time you dare ask that question I will push you into this pool" I was getting pissed off with my mom & Padmini aunty asking Mithra to keep fasting & do some special prayers so I came out to the poolside to calm my nerves but here my wife is pissing me off.

God! Soon I will go crazy.

"I want to know" she says looking down at her feet.

Stubborn, stubborn, and stubborn!

"F**k!" I throw my hands in air. "Why are you torturing me, Mithra?" I burst out.

"See, you have admitted yourself that I am torturing you." She says crying. I am sick of seeing her tears.

"Stop crying. We are at our parents place so don't create a scene. Just go to our room" I command.

"Tell me you love me" she demands.

"When will you learn to trust me?" I ask angrily, taking a threatening step towards her and that obviously shuts her mouth. Wiping her tears she slowly walks back to our room.

After some time when I walk into our room, I find Mithra talking with my mom.

"You don't worry, Mithra. You both still have age... I have known couples who had kids after so many years... it's just three years of waiting for you so don't lose hope & trust me, soon you will have the most beautiful baby." she says and in return Mithra smiles weakly.

"Show me your hand, I will tie this sacred thread on your wrist & see God will soon bless you with a baby"

"Mithra, we are going home, now" I tell her. She looks up at me confused.

"Why, Karthik?" My mom asks. It's still Saturday. We usually stay till Sunday night every time we come over here. But I can't stay here any longer. I really feel suffocated.

"You coming or gonna stay here?" I ask Mithra. I don't mind if she wants to stay with her parents or mine. All I want is some peace of mind.

"I will... stay here & come home by Monday evening straight away from office." she whispers. Good move.

"Okay bye then" I lean & kiss her forehead. Then turn to my mom. "I have work, mom" I lie. "So I am leaving now. Bye. Take care" I kiss my mom's cheek & depart without looking back.

~~0~~

Monday afternoon my dad bursts into my office cabin to blast me for not focusing on my business.

"You have f**ked up two important deals, Karthik?" Dad scolds me. Of course my lack of preparation & hasty decisions lead us to lose two big deals & to think the money we could have made up out of the two deals... I should have been little more cautious. "Dad, I..." I agree I couldn't concentrate on work. Even today's meeting didn't go well. I fucked it again. I sigh in disappointment at myself. It has never happened to me before.

Lately I worry too much about Mithra. She is taking all my attention. I spend most of the time with her, taking her out for dinner, long drive, walk on beach, or tours to cheer up her mood as I fear she will go into depression.

I find different ways to make her happy but at the end of the day I fail miserably. I have told her fucking number of times that she taking too much stress is also one scientific reason for her not conceiving.

"Don't give me excuses, Karthik. I want result." he snaps.

"Look, Karthik... I have always seen you so dedicated & focused on work even at your difficult days like when you got divorced with Mithra but what happened to you now?" That time I was able to work because I knew my Mithra was happy unlike now.

"Thousands of peoples' lives depend on you; depend on every single move you take. Your decisions can make the deal or break the deal so buckle up & work hard to face the loss"

"I will" I promise.

"How is Mithra?" He asks me, now in a softer tone.

"She is fine" I tell him, dryly.

"Good but tell her not to burden you with her worries"

"That's none of your business. She is my wife & she has all the f**king right to share her happiness & sorrows with me." I tell brusquely & make my way out of my cabin leaving my dad bemused.

(Mithra's POV)

"Karthik..." I call walking out of our bedroom. I find him working, sitting on the couch with his laptop. He seems busy & tensed.

"Hmm..." He says not even looking at me but focusing only on the laptop screen.

"You okay?" I ask.

He looks up at me & frowns.

"You look tired... You were working since you came from office. You still haven't removed your shoes and get freshen up"

"I will... shortly." He says drily & rubs his forehead.

"Is everything alright at office?" I ask still not convinced with his replies.

"Yeah, baby" he says & gives me a soft smile which didn't touch his eyes.

"You wanna tell something?" He asks. I nod.

"What?" He asks me as his fingers automatically ceases from tapping the keyboard.

"You seem busy. I will talk to you later" I tell & went to kitchen to make dinner for us not waiting for his reply. I don't know how to start the topic but I need to. I need to tell him. I can't see him in pain & to know I can't bring happiness to him... It really kills me.

--0--

"Dinner is ready!" I announce emerging out of the kitchen. Karthik is still sprawled on the couch but now his laptop is shut down & placed on the center table.

"Hmm..."

"Karthik..." I start. I don't have the courage to sit closer to him & discuss this issue so I maintain a decent distance.

"What?" He asks. His eyes closed, his head resting on the back of the couch & his fingers unfastening his top two shirt buttons.

"Is it hot? You want me to turn on the AC?" I ask. He is sweating profusely. Why?

"No baby. I am fine." He murmurs. But I know he is not!

"Karthik... I...I want to... I don't think..." I stammer.

"What?" He asks me sitting upright on couch staring at me intensely.

"I don't think I can make you happy..." I whisper. He frowns. "I don't think I can ever yield you a child..." My voice chokes. He closes his eyes and rolls his head back in obvious annoyance.

"Don't start again, Mithra, please" he pleads, his voice low & strained.

"Karthik... I know you love babies but I can't give you one" I say as tears stream down my cheeks.

"We still have hope." he tries to convince me.

"I am sick of all these never ending treatments, Karthik" Since the day I came back to India completing my studies in Australia we have been trying for a baby but I couldn't conceive. Over two & a half years I have been undergoing various treatments but nothing works.

"Please, baby, keep little more faith and patience" he says to appease me. I shake my head & start crying covering my face. I want a baby, desperately!

"Mithra, stop crying" he chides me gently. "Come here" he opens his arms for me. I shake my head in negation.

"Karthik, what if I can never give you a baby?" I ask, sobbing.

"I have you, baby" he says with utter sincerity & love shining for me.

This is the only answer he gives me every single time I tell I am incapable of giving him a baby.

"I have told you over & over again that you are no less than a baby to me so it doesn't matter whether we have a baby or not... I can live my life happily with you... Just the two of us...to love and to care." he says, genuinely but that's not enough for me. I want a baby.

"Karthik... Why don't..."

"No, Mithra! Stop!" His words came in a rush. "No adoption! No surrogacy! End of discussion" he says & slumps his body back on the couch & rubs his right palm over his chest.

But I am not going to stop till I say what I want to say. I have tortured him enough and now I want to give him little peace.

"Karthik, why don't you divorce me & marry someone who will give a baby to you..." I blurt out, though my heart aches saying that. I have been thinking about this for days now. Only today I plucked the courage to vocalize my thought to him but I regret it the moment I said it.

"What? Come again?" he asks through his teeth. His eyes are red with fury and I feel scared.

"Divorce me" I say in a meek voice.

"F**k you, Mithra!" He spits the words out & pins me with his chilling glare. I take a step back & lean my back against the wall in fear.

"You have the nerve to ask me divorce, again?" he snarls at me & runs his fingers through his hair.

"Wish I could slap you, Mithra..." He says brutally. I gulp in fear. I have never seen Karthik this mad. "...but I have never hit a girl & specially when the girl is you then it's out of question... but still you better get out of my sight for some time till I calm down." His eyes blaze & I squirm nervously.

"Karthik, try to understand..."

"Mithra have you gone nuts?" he roars and suddenly his scrunches his eyes tightly as if in pain & let's out an almost inaudible groan. What's happening?

"Karthik..." I rush to his side & hold his shoulder with one hand & run my other hand over his chest soothing him.

"Karthik... I am sorry. Look at me" I whisper.

He lifts his head, inhales sharply & then reaches for his car keys which he has placed on the table.

"Come with me" he says. He stands shakily & starts walking.

"Karthik, are you alright?" I ask as I follow him shutting the door behind me.

"Don't ask me anything." He says as his jaw clenched.

"You drive the car" he hands me the key. Oh why? And to where?

"Seat belt" He reminds me in a soft tone. Oh! Yeah! I forgot!

"Are you taking me to an advocate to discuss about our divorce?" I ask, panicking.

"We could do that tomorrow morning. No hurry!" I tell him softly.

I never thought he will accept my plea & throw me a divorce.

Oh God! I have already asked for divorce & he too had given me.

Do I want that again? Can I live without my Karthik? But I can't give him a child so I guess its better we part our ways. He can marry