Part - 19

"True Repentance Never Leads To Despair. It Leads Home. It Leads Grace" - John Orbery

(Mithra's POV)

"Mithra, did you hear what my Karthik told? He agreed to get married! Oh my God! I am so happy" Radha aunty hugs me happily. I feel numb. I can't believe what I just heard. My Karthik agreed to marry someone else.

"Mithra, why are you crying? By the way why you were interrupting Karthik and I when we were talking? Did you both have any fight? Don't worry, he can never hold his angry on you for long" Radha aunty says soothingly & wipes off my tears but it refuses to stop.

"Mithra, can you help me in selecting the best girl for Karthik?" I look at her with a frown. Is she teasing me? Here, I am crying but she is smiling widely and asking me to choose the best girl for my Karthik?

"I have already registered Karthik's profile on various matrimonial sites knowing someday he will give in to my plea & finally that day has come. I will show you all the photos of beautiful girls who I have short listed & you choose the best among them because you know Karthik so well" she continues her rambling.

Know him well? Who? Me? How ironical? If I had known him well and If could understand his feelings much earlier then I... No, we wouldn't be in this mess now. Oh God! I was so ignorant of his love for me and became the reason for his heart break. God, please forgive me for hurting my Karthik.

"Mithra, choose the best daughter-in-law for me & perfect wife for my son" she says placing the laptop on my lap to view the photos of girls she's short listed.

Is she deliberately rubbing salt on my wound? Is she punishing me now for the suffering her son went through because of me? Can I blame her if she is really intending to hurt me? No, I can't. Ugh! I hate myself for what all Karthik had gone through because of me... Uff! Stop it, Mithra! There is no use in cribbing over what's has already happened. It's time for you to repent for what you did, though you did what you did, unknowingly, it affected many people you care about so go seek their apology and set everything straight. My inner voice for once gave me the right path to take.

"Aunty, I... you please..."

"Oh come on, Mithra, don't you want to see our Karthik happy?"

"Yes, I do" but don't you guys get he is not happy with this marriage? Why are you forcing him yet again aunty? For you it might sound like pleading him but no, it is not what it is. You are yet again forcing him into yet another unwanted marriage.

Oh God, How I will make them understand that Karthik loves me & his happiness is with me because I am his happiness! I want to cry out loud but I didn't.

Oh wait...OMG! This is the missing jigsaw piece. I am his happiness. Finally realization dawns to her. Like how he is my happiness. We both love each other. Yes, I admit now I love my Karthik & he is mine...only mine. I need to fight for him. I decide what to do next, mentally.

I dash my tears with the back of my hands & straighten my shoulders determined to fight back my love.

I lost him once because of my foolish mistake... for want of a better word, miscalculation or misjudgment. I misjudged that his happiness was not with me not even realizing I was his happiness till a moment ago. Well, past is past. Come hell or high water, I am going to get him back in my life and shower him with my love as he deserves.

"Aunty, give me a minute, I will come now" I tell her & run to Karthik's room to have a quick confess.

"Karthik..." I enter his room without knocking the door. He is sitting on the bed clutching a throw pillow over his stomach and staring at the wall blankly.

He looks terrible & tormented; his face is a clear picture of pain.

Karthik never expresses his feeling openly or I have never seen his pain closely? I guess the latter one is more likely to agree with.

Karthik turns his head towards me and stares. Is he expecting me to say something while I wait for him to start?

Is this the right time to confess my love? If I do confess also he won't care anymore as he gave his word to Radha aunty right?

Oh god! What I am going to do now? How will I protect what's rightfully mine from this world? I want to keep him safe before any other girl snatches him away from me, forever.

"Karthik, I know you don't want this marriage your mom his planning to force you into. You don't worry; I will convince Radha aunty & ask her to give you some time. Um...you better go back to Singapore today as you have planned earlier. Just escape from this mess for the time being and I hope soon we will sort out things between us. Well, first I will pack you bag" I say and look around for his Fastrack backpack.

"Don't touch anything, Mithra" he says rudely throwing the pillow at me & I dodge it effectively.

"They will get you married to the next available girl, Karthik?" I shout at him.

Here, I am trying to help him but he is being rude to me? What's wrong with him?

"What do you care?" he shouts back.

"Just go away till the marriage storm passes."

"I don't want to run from my home just because I don't want to get married. Already I have done that and hurt my parents a lot, not anymore."

"Why do you want to be a saint always? Be a little selfish man at least for once & think about your own happiness, you idiot." I bite him with my words. "Why you always want to please others? Why you always think about others happiness but never yours...not even for once?" I shout at him.

"The word 'Happiness' is washed out of my dictionary, Mithra" he says with a humorless chuckle.

"Karthik, please don't say like that" I cry as I can't hear the raw pain in his voice.

"Just leave me alone, Mithra" he begs.

"Karthik, please, they will get you married to someone you don't like. It's your life, please don't do this"

"Mithra, stop it & go to your house. Your parents must be waiting to see & wish you happy birthday"

"I won't go" I say stubbornly.

"Go!" he orders pointing to the door.

"Karthik, please don't push me away" I beg.

"Mithra, I am a bad company right now so you better go before I say something rude that will hurt you" he says & stands up to walk away but I rush to him & collar him.

"I don't care. You have the right to shout at me & hurt me. Ugh! I blame you for not shouting at me,

I blame you for not hurting me like I did to you though unknowingly,

I blame you for not guiding me when I go wrong,

I blame you for pampering me too much,

I agree I love being pampered by him but why the hell not even for once you expected me to reciprocated it to you? Why you didn't give me a chance to pamper you? I blame you for that as well." I pause for a mere second to recollect the points I have been repeating in my mind to ask him before entering into his room.

"You know what? I was never in short of anything; I got everything in abundance so I didn't know the worth of it including the most precious feeling in this world and that is 'LOVE'... I didn't know the worth of love because of abundance love you showered on me. You loved me too much even when I failed to reciprocate it. You never stopped loving me even when I hurt you badly by breaking our marriage. I blame you for being unbelievably nice to me. Yes you should have been little cold towards me then only I would have come to know that life is not bed full of roses.

I blame you for thinking only about my happiness.

You know what? Karthik, I am ashamed to say that just few minutes back I found out that your happiness belongs with me." I tell and look up at his eyes through my teary eyes. He heaves a huge sigh of relief. Yeah, too late to realize where his happiness lies with. I pout.

"I blame you for not fighting for me against me. Like a stupid that I am I asked you for divorce & you gave me that in a very unique way after proposing me... wah wah!" I applaud. "And what I did in return? I was celebrating my victory like a cheer girl dancing around the arena & I hugged you thinking I was doing the best for you, for my best friend but I didn't know I ruthlessly pushed you into a living hell.

I blame you for easily letting me go. Why the hell you freed me? I was like a baby in a mother's womb but suddenly I was rudely yanked out of my cocoon.

I blame you for hiding your pain. I thought you were honest with me but you are not. Look, Karthik, I am not like you, you know my feelings before I do but I don't have such uncanny power to know your feelings. I believe in what I see... Yes, I see your eyes but I don't see through your eyes... See through your soul. You should have told me everything clearly because I am dumb and I don't know to read either your mind or your heart. See, even here to know your heart I needed your help to know your true feelings but you didn't help me, you didn't let me in your heart, you didn't let me see your pain, you didn't let me feel your pain, your didn't let me heal your pain.

I blame you for going away from me, yes, you abandoned me. I felt like I got lost in a jungle. I didn't know where to go or what to do? I was in a complete mess & again I came running to you for help and what you did? You realized I was in love with you before I do & also got to know about my dilemma, yes, I was confused but you didn't give me the right solution. You just once again let me go instead of holding me in your safe shelter of arms." I cry like a baby covering my face my palms.

"I blame you for sacrificing your happiness & agreeing to get married for your mother's sake, I blame you... I blame you... I blame you for everything... you spoiled me rotten... You always kept me in a fantasy world but the real world we live is so hard. Argh! Now, I am struggling to live in reality." I literally tear my hair off my head. "I blame you for that. I blame you for the mess we are in, Karthik" I shove him by his chest and break down. I cry loudly, a cathartic release.

I feel his arms enveloping me a moment later.

I am crying but Karthik is laughing, hugging me as I bury my face in his chest. I don't know why he is laughing? This is the first time I am seeing him laugh when I cry.

"What's so funny?" I ask leaning up and wiping my nose with the back of my hand.

"That was one hell lot of blames you have listed and hurled on me. But I blame you for not giving me 'the blame list' much earlier so that I could have corrected all my mistakes... but now you are too late."

"What do you mean?" I ask wiping my tears.

"I gave my word to my mom. I need to make her happy by marrying the girl she chooses for me. I am not the one for you, Mithra like you always believed and said. Oh and I apologize for not showing you to the harsh real world. I just wanted to give you the world at the same time protect you from the cruel world, baby" he says cupping my cheeks with his palms.

"Then protect me. Keep me safe in your embrace. Love me, Please" I beg hugging him. "Please give me a chance, one last chance, Karthik for me to repent, for me to mend our relationship and for me to make you happy? I want to give back the happiness I snatched brutally from you, please." I literally beg him for a chance.

He shakes his head in negation. I close my eyes in defeat & let my tears role down my teary cheeks.

"If I do that it would hurt my mother more. She will never approve you after all you rejected her only son"

"I'm sorry"

"Nothing is going to change by saying sorry now. Just forget everything and enjoy your life as you please."

"Karthik..."

"We are not made for each other, Mithra." He repeats my words and I hate to hear them now.

"We are, Karthik" I assure him.

"No. I will marry the girl of my mom's choice" he is being stubborn now.

"She is asking me to choose your future wife"

"Then go ahead and find"

"Are you serious?"

"I am always serious. I never play games with life" he tells.

"But why you let me play with my life? With your life? With our lives?"

"You are smart to turn the table to my side" he chuckles

"Your baby brat is growing smarter" I tell shyly.

"Yeah, I can see. The way you blasted me with your 'blame list' is enough a proof to say finally your muddled up brain is growing."

"What?" I shout & hit him hard on his shoulder.

"Go help my mom in finding the best match for me" he says giving me a gentle push on my shoulder.

"I will find a bitch for you" I warn him

"I don't care." he says coolly.

"I will find an arrogant aunty as wife for you"

"Good, this way I don't want to babysit my wife. My aunty wife can pamper me like a baby" he grins.

"I will do all the pampering from now on so please give me a chance, Karthik."

"You babysitting me? That's my favorite job, baby" he twitches my nose.

"Then keep doing that job, Karthik" I plead him cutely.

"I quit that job. Now, don't waste your time. Go choose my future wife"

"I will choose an ape like woman for you"

"I have razors" he tells. Razors? Why?

"I will chase away the girl who dares to marry you. Why, I will even kill her" I threaten him. Yeah I can turn into a bitch at times.

"Good! Kill the ape woman & go sit in prison. I will ask my mom to find a beautiful sweet sexy little girl for me"

"This is not a joke, Karthik. Please don't do this?" I plead him.

"Mithra, stop behaving like a baby & go to your house"

"Karthik, if you dare to marry anyone, I... I will kill that bitch first then I will kill you too and I mean it."

"You killed me already the moment you asked me divorce" he whispers looking away from me.

"Karthik... I am sorry" I beg. Before he could say anything Radha aunty knocks the door twice & enters in. Karthik & I stand up on our heels & move a little away looking everywhere but at each other.

"Karthik, you okay?" Radha aunty asks in concern.

"Yes, Mom"

"I have filters from my list and finalized four beautiful girls for you. Now, you pick one among the four, the one you like the most"

I can't bear this torture anymore so I start to walk out of his room but Karthik holds my wrist stopping me. Is he going to tell he wants to marry me? Hope blooms in my heart.

"I... Mom... I want Mithra... Mithra to chose my future wife" Karthik says looking straight at her. Is he punishing me too for hurting him?

"That's what I told but she came to see you"

Time to play along, Mithra.

"I came to ask him what kind of girl he likes & he told me his preference very clearly." he wants a bitchy-arrogant-aunty-ape like woman as his wife. I scowl in disgust at that thought.

"Oh good. C'mon, Mithra, you see & fix the best"

"Sure aunty" I say & dart a glance at Karthik. He looks impassive.

"See, this girl, she is so beautiful nah?" Radha aunty shows me a girl's photo on the laptop.

"Her name is Anushka Sharma" she tells me

"No, aunty, she has a boyfriend." I reject.

"She is not cricketer Virat Kohli's girl friend"

"You watch cricket?" Dammit! I thought I can fool her.

"Yes I do. Dhoni is my favorite" she smiles showing all her teeth. She is crazy. I declare.

"Oh well, she is too skinny. I don't like her" See, Karthik how I am gonna reject all the girls.

"Then see this girl. So homely & modest"

"Ewww! She looks like a behenji, Aunty" I glance at Karthik. That moron friend of mine is trying hard to hide his laughter.

"I am sure you will like this girl, she is so young, just 19 years old" Radha aunty says & before I could reject her, Karthik does the job by saying "Mom, no need to choose young girl for me. She might divorce me showing age difference as a hindrance. I am 28 yrs already so choose someone of 25 or 26 years old"

I am 21 years now, so am I rejected? No! I won't let him marry any other women but me.

"Aunty, I am sorry I don't like anyone in your list" I say & her face falls.

"Trust me; even Karthik will approve none of them"

"Okay, no problem, let's see more girls on the matrimonial site and finalize"

"Aunty, you don't worry, I know a perfect girl for Karthik."

"Really?" her eyes gleam with delight.

"Yes, you will see her tonight in my birthday party"

"Oh wow. Is she your friend?" Radha aunty asks surprised.

"Yes. She is Karthik's friend too." then I turn to Karthik & walk close to him. "Karthik, don't miss to attend my birthday party this evening, okay?" He didn't reply, just looks at me puzzled.

"It's my birthday so don't disappoint your baby brat by not coming to the party" I use my weapon to make him attend my party.

"What you will do if I didn't come?" he asks challenging her.

"I will slice your neck with a knife & eat it as my birthday cake" I say menacingly.

"Whoa! I am scared. But my neck won't taste as good as the black forest cake." he teases.

"You should be scared and don't bother about the taste, I know you will taste delicious. Your kiss we shared last night was the proof." I tell and lick my lower lip in a tempting way. I can't believe I am doing all this. Till yesterday I felt I was an innocent baby like everyone believed.

"Look, I don't know to cry all day begging for you to forgive me & pleading you to give me a second chance because you didn't teach me that way. You taught me to fight & today I am going to put one hell of a fight & make my tutor proud..." I say patting my palm over my chest proudly. "...so do attend my party" I say and wiggle my brows waiting for his response. He just smirks probably enjoying my sassy side.

"The show begins at 6 in the evening and I will be looking forward to see there, honey" I say huskily.

"Bring it on, baby" he says grinning. I am glad he is not depressed like how he was when I entered the room. I quickly peck his cheek & run out of his room to plot the plans for this evening which I want to make special & memorable.

... To be continued!!!

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