Chapter 58: Starving Insomniac

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Yoongi didn't remember when was the last time he had been able to have a decent night of sleep. The first few nights he had tried to stay in bed hoping he'd eventually pass out from exhaustion, but it was useless so he didn't bother with it anymore.

He worked day and night, on stage and off. His main source of comfort was working on the song  you had put together while he was there. It was coming along nicely and he decided to extend the melody and add his own lyrics, which he'd never done when he used your poems as a base.

He brought his elbows onto the desk and crossed his hands over the laptop's keyboard to rest his forehead on them. The throbbing headache he'd had constantly, for he didn't know how long anymore, was giving him a really hard time and painkillers were useless.

It made him feel dizzy when he moved on stage, but so far he had managed. Taking it a little slower as the rest of the members of the band had insisted. They were really worried about him, but none of them knew how to help. He wouldn't stay backstage and he wouldn't skip a single concert and they understood him in a way.

Someone banged on Yoongi's hotel room's door hard and he covered his ears in pain as if they had hit him in the head. "Aagh, stop! Who is it?" he yelled before removing his hands warily to hear the answer.

"Yoongi-hyung!" he heard his dongsaeng's distressed voice and got up immediately. When he opened the door he saw Taehyung in utter panic and looked down at the phone in his hand. A tweet with a video titled "Suga's Fiancée" was on the screen.

"For fuck's sake" Yoongi said frowning at the title and touching the screen to play it. "From what we know, they've been dating for at the very least 7 months and they both have rings on their fingers. At this point of the relationship, there aren't many other options as to what it could mean. What a shock that one of the members is finally in a relationship and surprise! Getting married"— he rolled his eyes at the assumptions and briefly glanced at Tae who seemed to be doing much worse than him with these news for some reason.

He brought his eyes back to the video —"And Suga was not alone, V also tagged along. But why was that? Our team discovered that he might also be in a relationship! Yes, you've heard it here first. Kim Taehyung, who has ARMY fawning over him with his handsome looks and baritone vocals might just be taken" he furrowed his eyebrows as he understood what was going on.

Yoongi took a step forward and his dongsaeng immediately wrapped his arms around him, his cheeks already stained with tears. He patted his back not knowing what else to do as he hugged him back. "It'll be okay, Taehyung-ssi" the older one said reassuringly. Tae had already talked to producer Bang after his hyung urged him to once his own relationship was out.

"But my statement wasn't going to be rushed" the younger one explained his worries drying his face with the cuffs of his pajamas "we'd get to it once the tour was over. That was the plan when they didn't even have a clue! But now" his tone of voice shaky and desperate before it trailed off.

The rapper pulled back to make eye contact with him "they still have no idea, they have nothing against you, Taehyung-ah" he tried to make him see that this was just a rumor at the moment. He nodded at his hyung taking in his words. He was right, they didn't have photographs of him. They knew he had been there because they had identified the flight, but nothing else.

"Make sure you talk to your girlfriend" Yoongi said finally offering a small smile and dropping his arms to his sides. Taehyung just stared at him, he looked beyond exhausted. The bags under his eyes and the paler than usual tone of his skin had him worried.

"Are you okay, hyung? Do you need to talk?" he asked seeing if he could help somehow. Yoongi instinctively shook his head no and had to stop himself placing his hand on the side of it when he felt everything move around him. Taehyung grabbed his arm when he saw him unstable on his feet. "Yoongi hyung??" he asked holding him firmly.

"Don't worry, I just need to lay down for a bit" his hyung said, but he wasn't convinced. He knew he hadn't been sleeping much if at all. "Would you mind asking if they have some warm milk?" Yoongi asked him and he nodded. The younger one let go of his arm carefully making sure he wouldn't tumble over and immediately walked to the reception.

With the stress Yoongi couldn't stomach anything, he didn't think he'd be able to drink the milk, but he wanted his dongsaeng to stop talking so he just gave him something to do. He left the door slightly open so he could walk in when he came back and laid down on his bed slowly.

He couldn't even lay down without feeling like he was tripping, it was getting worse every day. Bringing his hands to his face, he covered his eyes, suddenly feeling extremely bothered by the bright light coming from his laptop's screen.

Yoongi heard Taehyung come back in the room "just leave it on the desk. Thank you" he said and the younger one wished him luck getting some sleep before walking out and closing the door. The mere idea of the milk, the smell and the texture made his stomach churn. He brought his fist to his mouth when he gagged at the thought. He cursed under his breath.

That night was the one concert they had in Hong Kong and he was feeling the pressure to perform. As he had his outfit fitted one last time, he seemed to be dropping weight at an alarming pace these last few weeks, he tried to come up with a plan to be able to put up with the two and a half hours on stage.

The stylist looked up at him concerned as she pinned the fabric a third time in three weeks to keep his pants from falling off. Yoongi had already had a serious talk with the members and staff about how he had to eat and sleep. He had just nodded and agreed, he would if he could, but there was nothing he could do about it.

He took off the pants for the woman to sew them and sat on one of the styling stations. He tried to force down a couple crackers while he checked in on you. Taking a look at himself in the mirror, he saw how the makeup they had had to apply to cover the dark circles under his eyes barely did the trick despite their efforts.

The color of his face looked healthy enough though, he thought. Yoongi took a quick selca, he couldn't be bothered to try and focus on the tiny screen to type, and sent it. As he rested his head on his folded arm over the table in front of him, his phone vibrated and even that weak sound made his head pound.

"You don't look okay behind that smile" the phone read the message out loud for him. He growled and cursed you for not being as unobservant as usual. He spoke to his phone to reply.

"I'm tired and trying to eat some crackers, I'll be fine" his text read. Even if you knew he couldn't sleep or eat, you still tried to suggest ways in which Yoongi could try to make things better. However, he had tried everything and after a bit he had just given up and all he could do was try to reassure you he did what he could.

"Let me know how you feel after the concert, alright? Take care, love you" was your last message. Knowing how sick he felt, you didn't insist with long conversations. He was grateful for your small thoughtful comments and actions. He felt guilty about it though, he wasn't sure how you were feeling with everything since the news outed your relationship this week.

You seemed to want to focus on how he was feeling more than on what was going on around you. He didn't have the energy to ask about his own concerns and insist you didn't exclusively talk about him. You'd mention one or two things here and there, but he was not satisfied with so little information.

He was supposed to be the shoulder you could lean on, but he could barely take care of himself as is. Yoongi rested his chin on his arm and looked at himself in the mirror again, trying to give himself a small mental pep talk to go out there and perform as the Chinese ARMY deserved.

When the stylist gave him his pants back, he put them on using the chair as a support not to fall trying to put his legs through them. He had barely managed to eat half a cracker and that was his best. Yoongi walked out of the room and met all six of his band mates with an unbothered expression on his face despite all of what he was feeling

The first song was Blood, Sweat and Tears, so he managed as the moves required him to stay on his feet. He slid around the stage not lifting a foot out of it. He probably looked clumsy, but the whole sexy choreography was something he struggled with even when he was feeling just fine.

As he reached to Taehyung's neck with his hand, he felt he was about to lose his balance and he ended up clinging onto his shirt not to let his arm fall and give him away. ARMY screamed as the weight that pulled the fabric made a couple buttons pop, exposing his dongsaeng's chest slightly. He played it cool and moved the hand to his throat, continuing with the performance.

When they realigned, however, Taehyung side-glanced at him. It was impossible not to notice his hyung had put his whole weight on his chest just now. He couldn't get the older one's attention, he was clearly struggling to focus on what he was doing. So he just decided to keep an eye on him and have other members do the same if he could.

Next up was Fire and Yoongi thought he was going to die. Not even a minute in and the excessive amount of movement required paired with his already spinning head were a triggering combination for his energy starved body. He collapsed on the stage and Jungkook was quick enough to throw himself underneath him so he wouldn't hit the floor and alert ARMY.

The band carefully rearranged around the conveniently located stage elevator they had behind them and hid the scene as the maknae communicated with the people backstage to activate the mechanism and bring down Yoongi to aid him. He carefully laid his hyung on the floor as he was lowered and stepped up on the stage next to the guys as if everything was perfectly fine.

Thanks to this, Yoongi's disappearance wouldn't become evident to the spectators until a few minutes later, when the members dispersed and only six out of the seven of them became visible.

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