Chapter 5: His Dirty Secret

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"That's not necessary" Yoongi hurried to say, he felt very awkward when you randomly had these outbursts of excessive friendliness. It was friendliness, right? He wondered for a second. You insisted, "I'll accept another coffee" he said rising his empty plastic cup with pursed lips.

You nodded, "of course" and practically ran to the counter to get another. You came back shortly with his iced americano. He hadn't really told you his order, but you probably remembered as he did yours. He shrugged it off, he was thinking too much and it was getting on his nerves.

"I got you covered for the week" you said as he took the cup from your hand looking at you funny. "One coffee isn't enough, so I told them to take all your orders for the week and I'll pay for them next time I come" you smiled proudly.

Yoongi sighed as he gave up in frustration "don't ever do that again" he said harshly and muttered "thank you."

Not long after you gathered your things and left. He tapped the lid of the cup with his fingers absentmindedly as he went over his thoughts. Why were you so...whatever you were. He'd began to feel comfortable around you, but now this whole thing was just weird. Why did you ruin it, the thought crossed his mind and he didn't even understand himself in that moment.

Yoongi had this idea for a melody stuck in his mind, he couldn't shake it. So after an unproductive morning and lunch, he decided to work on it. It came out naturally and effortlessly and he was satisfied with it. There was one particular poem of yours that had sparked this in him and he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it.

He left the studio late already eager to go back and work on refining the music, he smiled to himself thinking about how inspiring your words had been. He wished he had learned about them in a less invasive way. He wasn't proud of it, but he just had to put this together or he wasn't going to be able to move on to other things.

As he walked to the dorms, he thought about how these soft words could go with your overall bubbly personality. It's almost like your actions didn't match the feelings you wrote about. The author sounded much more fragile and thoughtful, very self-aware. And then you were all over the place and that unsettled him.

He had assumed they were yours, were they not? Maybe they weren't, that would make sense. But there was no way he could find out. He recalled some more phrases he had read and hesitated for a second as they brought up more ideas.

Should he go back to the studio? He was already late, the guys wouldn't be waiting for him to have dinner. Jin reluctantly left food out for him despite scolding him for overworking himself. Yoongi turned on his heel and speed-walked back to Big Hit.

He made himself comfortable in his chair again which didn't even have time to go cold and turned on his computer excited. He put his headphones on and worked on one melody after another. When he thought he was done, he came up with another one and the cycle never ended.

Jin barged in the Genius Lab and Yoongi woke up alarmed and whipped his head back to look at his livid hyung.

"What the hell?" he said looking at him with a frown.

"What time is it?" Yoongi asked trying to play it cool, but really, Jin was the only member that had some power over him.

"It's morning, did you really spend all night working? " Yoongi gawked at him, had he really? He must have fallen asleep at some point because he was still wearing his headphones and his keyboard was set up next to his desk.

"It was not work, I lost track of time" the younger one grimaced.

"Get some breakfast, I bet you forgot to eat too" Jin muttered irritated and left.

Yoongi's head was pounding as he headed to the café, the day was too bright for his liking and the light hurt his eyes. He took out his sunglasses and put his hood over his head. He was exhausted, but satisfied with his all-nighter. He came up with some really good pieces.

He tried to refuse the courtesy coffee but they said the drinks were prepaid by you so he begrudgingly took his americano and went to sit down. He closed his eyes as he rested leaning back on his chair and against the wall. He was conflicted. Why did you go the extra mile for him? Why did you even care about some random person you saw maybe once every other week?

He groaned and wondered if maybe he should have gone out for lunch, but why would he? Why was this such a big deal to him anyway? But it was the poems he couldn't stop thinking about, right? Not you, he reasoned in his head. Who are you though? Who cares? His eyes shot open and he sighed audibly.

His thoughts were all over the place that week. He could make no sense of himself and he was mad about it. It was making working on the upcoming album a lot harder than it already was. As he worked on the tracks with Hobi and Namjoon he huffed exasperated as he tried to focus but suddenly thought of a change to be made to one of your poem's melodies.

"Need any help?" Joon asked calmly and Hobi looked up from his laptop.

"No, I'll figure it out" Yoongi said dryly, he had been acting strange all week. Bothered by something, but nobody was really sure what. He stayed in his studio until midnight at least most days but assured everyone he was not overworking himself.

After a few days Jin gave up insisting he eats, he'd always skip dinner and go straight to bed. He started packing dinner for him so he could eat at the studio while he did whatever he was doing in there. They all trusted each other enough to talk things out and he simply didn't understand where Yoongi was coming from.

He laid in his studio with a notebook and pen in hand, writing down random ideas that came to him. He should be happy about not having to struggle to get some inspiration, but why did it have to come from you. Or from those poems rather. It felt wrong even though only he knew where the music came from.

It's not like he physically kept the words, they were all in his head, but he still felt like he had stolen something from you and was taking advantage of you to the max. He had an odd mix of feelings: guilt, anger, frustration, helplessness; but then he also felt excited, inspired, fulfilled. Above all though, he was beyond confused.

Yoongi needed to find a way to talk to you about those poems or he felt he was going to lose his mind continuing with this crazy schedule he had been sticking to this week. Staying after hours to secretly work on the tunes of forbidden lyrics he shouldn't have had access to. Consumed by tremendous regret and thrilling exhilaration simultaneously.

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