You yawned as you sat by the window sipping on your caramel macchiato. you hoped having woken up early would be worth it. Checking your watch every few minutes, you wanted to make sure you didn't miss the time frame you had calculated would be the one when he'd be going to work.

It seemed to have been ridiculously easy, but you saw him walk past the window and left your coffee behind as you quickly made your way out of the shop. "Hey, Yoongi!" he kept walking, you weren't sure if he had heard you since his earbuds were in. You trotted up to him and once again took hold of his arm.

He stopped cold and took a couple seconds to turn around. He looked at you over his shoulder and yanked his arm away glaring at you. He didn't want you to touch him again, you had to stop doing that if you didn't mean it. Why wouldn't you just let him go? You didn't care anyway, not like he wanted you to care.

"Yoongi, please!" you begged as he kept walking, he could barely hear you through the music that played. You shoved his arm angrily and he turned around clenching his jaw with a death stare.

"What do you want?" he spat as he looked at you without blinking.

"Hello, maybe?" you said not accepting his attitude.

"Hello" he said "and bye" he continued and was about to turn around when you kept talking.

"Don't you think we need to talk? Why are you doing this?" you said exasperated, you couldn't wrap your head around this whole thing.

"There's nothing to talk about, everything's been cleared up" he said through gritted teeth.

"What? No, it hasn't" you said in disbelief and he made eye contact with a frown.

"I'm done with your writing and I'm not distributing it or the songs" he attempted to walk away once more and you stepped in front of him.

"What about you kissing me? Shouldn't we talk about that?" you looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

No. Why were you doing this to him? His heart sank in his chest. Stop making it harder, just leave me alone, Yoongi thought desperate to leave. "No, that was a mistake" he deadpaned. It was, he shouldn't have done that, he would take it back if he could. You would have walked away from each other peacefully and this wouldn't be happening.

"Oh, I don't think it was!" you insisted not believing him "why would you do that?" Yoongi was losing his patience and his ability to keep a straight face, you had worn him down pretty easily for some reason. Probably because he had a soft spot for you that he didn't have for any of his band mates.

He tried to walk around you but you moved with every step he took. He growled "it meant nothing, now let me go!" he raised his voice and it cracked as he couldn't take it anymore. It meant nothing to you after all, he thought, it didn't matter whatever he felt. If that would give you some peace of mind, then he would tell you what you needed to hear.

You dropped the tense expression and pouted, he averted your eyes looking ahead impatiently. You silently took a step to a side "I'm sorry" you said softly, you always lost your temper when you got frustrated and he had you on edge acting so incoherently.

"No need" he said dryly and continued to walk ahead. You were sorry for not liking him? Yoongi wondered. You didn't need to apologize, no one chooses their feelings. He felt kind of insulted when he thought about it. Sorry, I don't care about you? Sorry, I'm not interested? Sorry, I don't have feelings for you?

"Can we still be friends?" you caught up with him once more and when he heard you talk behind him, he stood still. You sounded hopeful, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't be just friends, he couldn't control his feelings as is.

"I don't want to be friends" he waited a second and then resumed his walking.

"Is it because of how I reacted?" you were relentless. This time Yoongi just didn't stop and you didn't follow him anymore. It's because of what I did, not you, he answered the question in his head. He swallowed hard as he clenched his jaw again. His chest was tight, his anxiety was through the roof. He felt like his heart was going to burst.

You stood there seeing him walk away without even glancing back. You knew it had had to mean something, but when he said he didn't mean it you figured you could at least try to get your friend back. If he regretted kissing you, you could just forget about it, right? Mistakes happen. Maybe it was an impulse or curiosity? You could understand impulsiveness. 

You realized you had hurt him more than you thought by assuming he had ill intentions. It must be hard to be an idol and have people see you for who you are not or expect you to be someone different. Finding real friends must be hard and with that line of thinking, you had really screwed up. No wonder he didn't want to be friends anymore.

Yoongi laid down on his studio's couch once more and took deep breaths trying to calm down. His social anxiety hadn't been this bad in a while and he had gone through so many stressful situations. They didn't exactly involve this kind of interaction though. Were you trying to kill him? Was there a need? He asked himself frustrated.

He finally caught his breath and steadied his heartbeats. He wiped the sweat off his forehead at last. This was going to be hard, your intercepting him had affected him more than he would have expected. Maybe he should avoid another ambush by walking around the block.

Yoongi hoped that you didn't need any other explanations, he didn't answer your last question, but he didn't have to. Your poems and his tracks were safe and only he had access to them and he made it clear that the kiss wasn't meant to happen and it didn't have to mean anything to you. That should be enough for you to happily move on and let him do what he had to do.

None of this was going to take his heartache or the knot in his stomach away, but he'd live with it and it would eventually get better. He just had to endure the pain and at some point he should stop hurting and caring. Then he'd be numb. That sounded terrible, he didn't even buy it, but he had to swallow the bitter truth.

Someone else might come along, he thought trying to be positive. Nope, not working, he quickly dismissed the thought. That was not who he was. He stood up, grabbed a wide rimmed glass and poured himself some whisky. Adding a splash of water to open up the flavors, he swirled it absentmindedly as he walked to his desk.

Yoongi closed his eyes and appreciated the aroma as he leaned back on the chair and tried to relax. He took a sip and got to work. The more he drank, the more his muscles loosened up and he felt overall lighter. Just like when he secretly downed some makgeolli before filming Daechwita's MV, this was exactly what he needed.

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