I hated this. I hated this so much that I'm not sure I ever hated something more in my life. It just never gets better and I don't understand why this has to happen to me.

My life is just now taking a different path, and after I thought it was all going to be ok, Miss Shuler has to come and make it worse again.

That woman makes my heart stop and beat so damn fast, all at the same time. I adore her, and I also hate her, all at the same time.

Why she keeps playing with my heart, I don't know. But if she thinks she's going to continue to do this to me, she has another thing coming. She wants me to stay with her? Fine, I will.

And I will enjoy every damn minute of it.

As soon as she opened the front door, I threw my duffel bag on the floor and turned toward her. "So, I get your bedroom, right?" I smiled at her as she shut the door then looked at me.

"Excuse me?" she stared at me in confusion.

I shrugged, "I mean, I am your guest, right? You agreed to let me stay with you, so it's only fair if I get the biggest room in the house," I grinned at her as she was still staring at me.

After a moment of not saying anything, she nodded, "Sure. Whatever you want," she walked around me, leaving me standing there confused.

I shook the thoughts away and followed her into the kitchen. I leaned my back against the counter and watched her for a moment. "So, I was thinking tacos tonight," I stared at her as she was looking through the fridge. When she turned around, she only nodded then went looking through some cabinets.

I didn't understand what the hell was going on, because I'm trying to get her pissed but it's not working. Why isn't it working?

I decided to leave her alone and walk around the house. I never really took a look around her house, so I figured now would be a good time since I will be staying here for a while.

I walked around the living room and looked at all the pictures hanging up on the wall. They were paintings and they looked pretty neat. I stood in front of one and stared at it as I was trying to figure out what it was.

"I drew that," I turned around and saw Miss Shuler standing there looking at the picture also. Her eyes met mine, "When I was a senior in high school, I took an art class and I drew that for one of the projects," she smiled at the painting as I stared at her. "The teacher thought it was so good that he let me take it home and keep it," she looked at me and I turned back towards the picture.

It was a little confusing to look at because it didn't have any real drawings in it. It was more like a bunch of swirls and patterns, and it was pretty cool to look at but I guess you would have to have an artistic eye to actually see it.

I felt someone looking at me, as if I didn't already guess it, so I turned around and saw Miss Shuler turn just in time as I turned and she walked back out of the living room.

I decided to leave the painting and walk back into the kitchen where she was starting to cook. I leaned against the counter and watched her. She turned and looked at me and our eyes met for a moment. "Would you like to help?" she stared at me as I was looking over at all the stuff on the counter.

I nodded and walked to her. I stood beside her, waiting for my instructions. She looked at me and smiled, "Do you know how to cook?"

I shrugged, "Faintly," I never really learned how to cook becaue Jessica never did buy anything that required cooking. She only bought things that we could pop in the microwave or just make without a stove.

She handed me the lettuce, "Start chopping this," she then handed me a knife and I grabbed it while watching her cook the meat on the stove.

I can't believe she's making tacos!

I start shredding apart the lettuce then start chopping it. I glance over at Miss Shuler as she's cooking the meat, and I still can't believe she's actually making tacos.

I don't know what I love more, her or tacos.

After I get done with the lettuce, I start on the tomatoes. Miss Shuler goes and gets the shredded cheese and sour cream and the whole time I'm watching her, I have a stupid smile on my face.

Maybe this won't be so bad after all.

After the meat is cooking and everything is prepped, we start making our tacos. I prefer a lot of cheese on mine and everything else stays at a medium, just as long as the cheese is overpowering everything.

I watch Miss Shuler make hers and I noticed that she puts small portions of everything on hers. I can't help but think how crazy she is. Pile everything on! The more the greater anyways.

We sit down at the table and eat without talking so much. We have nothing to talk about so it's mostly just munching and casually glancing around from time to time.

After she gets done, she sits there for a minute and I watch her. I notice that she's staring off into the distance and I can't help myself, "Olivia?" notice how I only call her Miss Shuler in my thoughts. She looks at me and I stare at her. "Is everything ok?" after a moment she nods then sighs. I can't help but wonder if she's lying because I notice that when she lies, she has this distant look in her eyes, and she avoids eye contact as well as when she speaks, you can hear a change of tone in her voice.

She looks back at me and I could tell that there is something wrong. "Samantha," I stare at her waiting for her to continue, but she never does. She sighs then stands up and walks to the counter. I watch as she stands there for a minute with both her hands on either side and her head bowed. She stands there for a while until she finally turns around and presses her lower back against the counter.

Her eyes meet mine and we have a staring contest for a while. I could see something in her eyes and I wish she would just tell me what was on her mind instead of avoiding it everytime.

"Olivia," she looks at me and I sigh, "Why do you keep doing that?" she keeps staring at me and I know she's waiting for me to continue. "You leave me hanging everytime you're about to say something. You never finish a sentence and you avoid any kind of questions when it comes to that," I stare at her as she's staring back at me. I know she knows why she does it, and I wish she would just go ahead and tell me.

She sighs, "There's some things you don't know about me, Samantha,"

I nodded, "I got that already," I watch her as her eyes never leaves mine. "Why won't you talk to me?"

She bows her head for a moment until she looks back up. "I have too many problems and not enough time to talk about all of them,"

I shrug then look around until my eyes land back on her, "I'm basically living here now. So, you have all the time in the world," I stare at her as she's watching me.

She looks somewhere else, "Where do I begin?" her eyes are distant again and I know that this is about to be some deep shit.

But no matter how deep it gets, I'll listen.

She takes a deep breath, "I have feelings for my student," I watched as she took another deep breath. "How crazy is that? I never imagined myself feeling what I feel for you with anybody else, not even Alex. I don't understand how it happened because it just happened and it's like a nightmare," she ran her hand through her hair. Just hearing this is making my heart beat fast. "I thought it was just a 'in the moment' thing, but later it became so much more than that," she sighed then tilted her head back and looked up. "I regret it more than anything, but.." she tilted her head back down and her eyes met mine, "I can't help it," she continued to stare at me. "These feelings keep growing more everyday and I can't control them. I can't fight them and I can't embrace them," she sighed then looked down. "I'm a mess and I can't help how I am," she looked up at me. "I'm sorry for everything that I put you through," I gave her a confused look. "I told you to stay away, but here we are, together," she looked down. "I can't do anything right, especially deal with my feelings or the fact that I'm bi polar," I wanted to laugh at that last part, but decided against it.

She stood there for a moment then looked up and met my eyes. "I feel terrible everytime I think about these feelings, and I don't mean to hurt you or anything, Samantha, believe me, that's the last thing I want to do, but, I'm your teacher and I can't have feelings for my student," she stared at me for a moment. "It's not right," this felt like a dead end again, and I hated it more than anything.

But, there wasn't anything I can do about it.

I stood up and looked at Miss Shuler as she was watching me. "I'm sorry but I need to go," I wasn't sure where I would even go, but it was better than being here where she can continue to stomp on my heart. I didn't need any more heartbreak from her, because that's all she's been doing ever since she came into my life.

I walked out of the kitchen but didn't get far before she stopped me with her hand on my arm. I turned and looked at her as she was staring at me. "Samantha, you're not leaving,"

I pulled my arm away and stared at her. "I believe I am, Miss Shuler. Why the hell would I stay here, for you to keep breaking my heart? No thanks," I turned away and expected to just walk on out the door, but that didn't happen.

I was pulled, yet again, and became face to face with those blue eyes. She stared at me and I felt my knees start becoming weak.

Damn it, keep it together.

She held the sides of my face and I felt my whole body catch fire. I tried breathing but it came out as more of gasps. I stared in her eyes as she was staring back into mine.

I tightly closed my eyes and whispered, "Why are you doing this," I slowly reached my hands up and grabbed her wrists. I opened my eyes and stared at her, "Why are you messing with my head," I pulled her hands away as I felt a tear fall. I stepped back and wiped the tear away then looked up at her.

We stood there staring at each other for a while until she spoke, "Samantha," she took a deep breath then closed her eyes. "It's not that easy,"

I stared at her, "What's not easy? Having feelings or messing with my head? Because that's all you do!" I yelled and I stood there until she opened her eyes and stared at me. I also took a deep breath, "You don't know what it's like, Miss Shuler," I swallowed the lump in my throat as I continued to stare at her. "You don't know what it's like to have feelings for someone you can't have," I raised my hand up before she said anything. "I can't have you, do you know why?" she stared at me as I tried controlling my breathing, "You won't let me in. But with me, it's different. I'm not afraid to admit I have feelings without taking that away everytime I get scared, or if I'm unsure about it, because these feelings, I'm sure of, have been there ever since you came into my life," I took another deep breath. "I watched you live a perfect marriage with your perfect husband. I watched you be clueless for all these years without knowing how I really felt about you. Out of everyone I could of fallen for, I fell for you, the single person I couldn't have! Why God has to do this to me, I don't know! He gave me the shittiest life possible, and to top it off, he brought you into my life and made me fall harder for you than anything!" I wanted to cry, but didn't have any energy to.

I avoided looking at her as I was staring at the floor. I couldn't look at her after I said what I said. She doesn't understand, and she never will, just how much she messed me up by saying she wanted us to stay away from each other, then she admits on having feelings, then she tells me that she wants us to ignore them, but then she doesn't go with what she told me in the first place. It makes no sense, and it's confusing the hell out of me.

"Samantha,"

I continue to stare at the floor, trying so hard not to look up at her.

I see her feet under my gaze then I felt her lift my chin up as our eyes meet. She stares at me for a moment, "I'm sorry, Samantha. You have to understand that this is difficult for me too," she sighed. "I'm your teacher,"

I pulled my head away then stared at the ground, "Yeah, I know,"

I hear her sigh, "Samantha, I-"

She got cut off by the sound of her cell phone ringing. I look up to see her grabbing her phone from her pocket. She looks at me then excuses herself.

Just like every other time, she gets cut off by something. I ignore it and make my way to the living room then sit down on the couch. I grab the remote and turn the TV on and sit there watching whatever was on.

A few minutes passed until Miss Shuler came into the living room and sat down next to me. I stared at the TV and didn't pay any attention to her. We sat there for a few minutes until she reached over and grabbed the remote and muted the TV.

I looked towards as she was looking at me. "I wasn't finsihed talking,"

I shrugged, "Yeah, well I was," I wanted this conversation to be ended.

She sighs, "Samantha,"

"No, Miss Shuler," I stared at her. "I'm done talking. It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing I said back there matters, so just drop it,"

I looked at the TV as I sat there feeling every emotion in my body. I can't stand the thought of me pouring my heart out to her and she doesn't give a shit about it. Not one piece.

"Samantha, look at me,"

I looked over at her. She stares at me for a moment, "You don't understand the situation that I'm being put in. You don't know the circumstances that are involved with just us expressing our feelings for each other. It's not going to be easy, and it most likely will not be fair. I need you to understand that," she continued to stare at me as I was taking it all in.

I understand that it's not easy or fair for having feelings for her, or her having feelings for me. I understand everything that she's saying; she doesn't want us to happen. If I knew that she was going to deny everything then I wouldn't have told her about my feelings in the first place then we wouldn't be put in this situation.

I nodded, "Yeah, I understand," she nodded then looked at the TV.

I stared at her, "That's why I don't want to stay here,"

She looked back at me and I seen confusion in her eyes. "What?"

"I don't want to stay here. It's not going to be any easier if I do," I could feel my heart shattering in my chest.

"Where are you going to-"

"I'll stay with Matt," I suggested. He wouldn't mind, and I know his parents sure wouldn't.

We sat there for a while as she was staring at me. I didn't know what was going through her mind, but I knew it was breaking her heart too.

After a moment she nodded, "Ok," she got up and left me sitting there. I took a deep breath with so many thoughts running through my head.

*

Matt's parents didn't mind at all, actually, they were more than happy to allow me to stay with them. They understood the situation I was in, and I couldn't thank God enough for my best friends understanding parents.

Matt welcomed me with open arms and he seemed happy to have me staying with him. He said I was now the sister he never had.

I was standing with him as his parents were talking to Miss Shuler.

"Thank you for bringing her by, we completely understand her situation and are more than happy to let her stay here," Matt's mom smiled as she shook Miss Shuler's hand.

I watched as her eyes landed on me and I looked away. It was hard for both of us for sure, but it had to be done. I couldn't allow her to let me stay with her because it was too risky.

She didn't want us to be anything, so I wasn't about to let my heart be manipulated when I'm staying with her.

I watched as she got in her car and was backing out of the driveway. I felt my heart pound as I saw her look over at me. She half smiled then left.

This was something my heart couldn't handle, but my mind would have to face it.