Forty Two

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Dimitri Marcello

"I'm not understanding you," I tell him in the truck.

He's so doped up. Nigga just flailing his arms around.

He looks at me with them low ass eyes and fluid movements. He slaps his hands on his leg and tries again.

He signs the same thing over and over again until I get it.

"I'm not going back."

"I see why you don't want to. If I was you I wouldn't, but who would you even stay with?" I ask.

He smiles, showing off gauze in his mouth. He points to me and raises an eyebrow. He shrugs.

Me?

"Or Danny," he signs.

I sigh and pull out of the hospital parking lot in Ron's truck.

"You can't stay with me," I tell him.

I feel the air around us change.

I know he didn't think that was really going to work out.

We stay silent. I glance over at him from time to time, but he just lays his head on the window, looking off into space.

He finna share them meds on god.

I drive and drive and pull up in my drive way. He looks out of the window in awe.

Just because I teach I can't live here?

It fades fast though and he sits back in the seat.

He starts signing, but I can't understand him. It's so loose like moving noodles.

"Day, I'm trying, but I can't," I tell him.

"That's okay. I got Danny," He slams his hands down on his thighs.

I watch him.

"I feel like I've been robbed. Like I was tricked..."

He looks at me and his face goes sad. He furrows his eyebrows and lays his head back. He starts punching his sides. I reach over and snatch him up. His lazy eyes shoot to mine.

I've seen him do that shit way too many time.

"Hey stop hurting yo fucking self. Why do you keep doing that? Expressing yourself is challenging yes... but stop. It's not good... don't blame yourself just take accountability... people make mistake," I tell him.

He pulls away from me and I soften my face. I take the keys out of the ignition and sigh.

"Get out, and bring your stuff," I tell him.

I get out and head straight to the door.

Day's making me soft. I don't fucking like it. If he stayed here it'll be too complicated to handle.

Did I forget?

This nigga fucked with Amir after I told him I didn't like that shit. He still did and Amir fucked him over.

I look over my shoulder at Day struggling to get his stuff.

Damn I should of got it.

If it was anyone else in his state they woulda asked my dumbass for help. He needs to accept a helping hand.

I open the door and push it open.

"Day," I call him as I walk over to him.

I pick up his stuff.

"I go it," I tell him.

He shakes his head.

"Go ahead," I let him walk in front of me.

When we get in the house I lay his stuff on my dining room table and take my jacket off. I glance at him.

He's looking around trying to stand up straight.  I run to the kitchen and grab a bottle of room temperature water.

The doctor said he couldn't have anything cold just yet.

I report back to him.

"Come on," I tell him.

I walk through the living room and step down into the family room. He sets his hand on the wall and almost falls over.  I rush over to him and hold him up.

"Are you good?" I ask and carry him over to my couch.

I set him down. He doesn't answer he just buries his head in his hands.

What do I do?

I grab the water and hand it to him. He looks up at me. He looks miserable, but still he accepts. I watch him take the fabric out of his mouth and drink.

He has me in all types of feelings.

He sets the bottle on the table and faces me. He raises his eyebrows. His face goes straight and he stands up and stumbles away. follow him. He tries his best not to bump into stuff.

What is he doing?

I follow him to the door.

Stop. He wildn.

I grab his arm and turn him around to face me. He snatches away from me and I look at him like that nigga is fucking crazy.

He is.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Maybe it's just the drugs.

He groans, wanting to say something instead of relying on his hands.

"I don't know what I'm thinking. This can't work," he signs sloppily.

"I see."

He looks at me out the corner of his eyes.

"You see?" he signs over and over again.

"Don't get mad at me right now," I change my tone.

He jerks back a little bit.

"I have reasons to be mad?"

I cock my head to the side.

What the hell?

I feel myself letting shit get to me more.

"Are you serious? You have reasons to be mad, but you damn sure shouldn't be mad at me. I need to be the one beating the hell out of you or at least cursing you out right now," I get heated.

He squeezes his hands together.

"That's bullshit, you're bullshitting," he signs.

"Says the person who fucked around."

"You fucked around," he holds his hand out and shakes them towards me.

"I ended that shit with Shana to be with you. Sounds crazy, but that shit is true. I don't catch feelings for people, but look how stupid you made me look. I caught feelings for you," I sign.

He pause for a second.

"I wonder if your kids have two baby mommas?"

Woah.

I pause and walk away from him a little bit. I try to shake the anger out of me before I seriously his feelings.

He's out of line. He doesn't even know.

I turn around and walk back up to him while smiling. He lets his back hit the door as I get closer to him.

"Nah, but they do have two baby fathers you should ask my sister," I shut him the fuck down.

I can feel his anger radiating from him.

"Fuck you."

"You did," I point at him.

He starts signing. I stare at his hands trying to understand.

"And that is where I fucked up-"

"No! You fucked up when you fucked Amir dog ass!"

"You fucked Shana right there!"

"And I'm sorry! You should be mad. You have the right to be upset. You should learn from this... if you wouldn't of handed them cheeks out him fucking Ronnel would not have affected you this way. I'm not a hoe," I tell him.

He bites his lips as tears fall down his face.

"You knew?"

I shake my head and stare off.

Fuck.

"I was confused," He sniffs and tries to wipe his, now heavy, tears.

I stand there.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of it. I meant it when I said it two days ago," he cries.

"If you and Amir were still happy and he didn't do that bogus shit, you would still be with him so it really doesn't matter to me anymore... for what it's worth I'm sorry for all I put you through. I'm sorry for confusing you too," I tell him.

It hurts. It really does, but I see now I need to let that shit go.

He starts to cry even more and tries to shake that shit off of him. It doesn't work; he just breaks down even more. I can't watch him like this.

He tries not to look me in the eyes while trying to get himself together.

"You can stay here as long as you need to," I tell him.

He looks at me and I just walk away from him.

The bullshit that I could of dodged. The bullshit that I contributed to.

Yo. Hey. How are you? I have to work today sooo booo. I hope everyone is okay. Sorry I didn't update for a while I've been working on different things. Please vote and comment. This J Cole song is one of the best in my opinion.

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