"It's good to see you again," my father said as he pulled me in for a manly hug.

It felt a bit odd, but I managed to nod and smile in return.

My mother's hug felt a bit more familiar and comfortable. I noticed the space she left between us due to the bump in her stomach and felt shockingly at ease.

They led me to the living room and I sat on one of the seats, facing them both as a maid walked in with a tray of tea, following another with biscuits and fruits.

I lifted a cup of tea to my lips and took a sip.

"We've used one of the guest rooms and redesigned it for the baby," my mother spoke excitedly.

"But you don't know if it's a boy or girl yet."

"Yes, but we chose a theme that would suit either," my father said.

"You worked on it, too?" I asked, surprised.

"We wanted to do it from us, as a gift to the baby," my mother explained.

"That's a great idea," I said.

My mother beamed. "Would you like to see it? It's not completely done yet. We still need to get a few of the little details but the basis is there."

"Yeah, sure."

"Are you still thinking about moving in?" my father asked.

"Honey, give him space," my mother said gently.

"It's fine, Mom," I said, turning to my father. "I have. I don't know the answer yet. Is there a deadline?"

My mother looked horrified. "Of course not!"

I almost smiled. "I'll have to go to university soon."

"Yes, but this way when you come home for the holidays you can return to a family and not an empty apartment," my father said.

He has a point, I thought.

"I'm still thinking about it," I said again.

We talked a bit more. Things about the past, things about the future.

My father got up when we he received a phone call and my mother discreetly moved closer to me.

She smiled. "You seem very happy lately."

"I do?" I asked, smiling a bit.

"Yes," she said. "Are you seeing somebody?"

My heart leapt in my chest, an image of Ian's smiling face flashing before me. "I don't know."

My mother smiled knowingly. "It's complicated then."

"You can say that," I muttered.

"Does he make you happy?"

I felt a fluttering feeling my stomach. "Yeah."

"He makes you happy and he likes you. That's all that matters."

I stared down at the Persian carpet beneath my feet. "What if I shouldn't be with him? I could be hurting someone else while I'm with him and I don't want that."

She was silent for a while before she spoke again. "You have to decide if it's worth it. Who do you value more?"

Devin was my best friend. He used to be all I had but now I know I have Tom, Jesse, even my parents by my side. Devin seemed to have his own separate life now, one he's less likely to mix in with my own.

Ian was different. It was too early for me to know who I wanted more, it wasn't something I could decide on a whim. Yet I felt that I still had some time left to do something.

"I'm not sure yet," I said.

"Take time to think about it," she said, "but be careful. I know you're smart and mature now. I trust your decisions, but not all people are good. Don't mistake the good for the bad."

"He's not the type of person you think he is."

She smiled. "Is he the one you brought to lunch?"

I felt the room grow warner. "No."

Her eyes twinkled. "He is very good looking, if only he dressed better."

I almost rolled my eyes.

"Tell me why you like him so much," she prompted.

I was hesitant at first, but soon I found myself thinking about Ian's face, his body. I imagined his smile, his voice, the hug he had given me earlier. I remembered how shy he looked afterwards, knowing it wasn't something he did very often.

"I guess it's just the feeling of him, you know? Knowing that he's around whenever I need him to be. He's always just there. And..." I paused.

"And?"

My cheeks grew hot. "He just seems to know exactly what to say and what to do. He's smart. He's talented...It sounds cliché and overused but he is."

He was like a warm blanket during winter. Hot chocolate on a rainy day. A candle in the corner of your room. Even if the warmth and glow it produced was little, you could still feel its presence.

My father came back later, but by then we had already changed the subject to discussing baby names and gender guessing.

"Let's take a look at the room," my mother said, slowly standing from the seat.

My father and I followed her to the baby's bedroom which was directly beside their own chambers.

I stepped inside the room and was instantly assaulted by the pungent scent of freshly applied paint.

My eyes scanned the wooden floorboards to the lively wallpaper designed with different swirls of colors and patterns. There was a beautifully carved crib at one corner next to a window seat, which looked out at the garden outside.

The sun was shining through the thin curtains, lighting up the room perfectly, casting odd looking shadows on the floor.

There was a dressing table near the door, where someone had already set up a couple of framed family photos. Back when I was still a child, smiling widely at the camera.

"Do you like it?" my mother asked.

"It's perfect," I said.

I saw her grow teary eyed, and I glanced at my father questionably.

His normally calm expression faded into a subtle smile as he moved closer to his wife, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"This is nothing," he said to me. "At least she's not full on crying."

My mother sniffed. "I'm fine. It's the baby."

I chuckled.

I stayed at the house for a little longer than I intended. I had lunch, then was left to myself for a while. I wandered down the corridors, passing by the familiarly empty rooms and expensive paintings.

Before I left I made sure to take one last glance of the baby's room.

"Are you sure you want to go?" my mother asked one I announced I was leaving.

"I have somewhere to be," I said.

"Oh, yes, of course." She smiled broadly.

I groaned. "Not like that."

But it was like that.

I was going to see Ian and just the thought of it made my skin tingle. I never knew it would be so hard staying away from him for just a few hours.

I said goodbye to my father, then to my mother, before I left the house and drove to Ian's apartment.

The closer I got the quicker my heart pounded, the more I thought about him, the more my stomach swirled and twisted in knots that squeezed painfully but felt so good at the same time.

I could imagine what I would do as soon as I saw him.

I would pull him in and kiss him, then we'd tell each other all about our day. I would tell him about the baby's room and he would tell me about his school work.

I drove faster until I got to the apartment building.

Excitement whizzed through my blood as I rode up the elevator, tapping my feet on the marble.

I knocked on Ian's door.

I heard his footsteps and his voice sounding behind him.

I saw him open the door and smiled.

"Hey, I-"

I stopped talking.

"What's wrong?" I asked, a sinking feeling formed in the pit of my stomach.

Ian looked like a mess.

I've seen it before.

I saw it before finding about Devin's homophobic parents, and after we first kissed.

His hair was in its same disheveled state, eyes void of any sign of life.

He stepped outside and shut the door behind himself.

Not before I caught sight of a body, curled up on the couch. The same one I woke up to mere hours ago.

"I'm sorry," he started.

In that moment I knew what he was going to say, I could see it in his eyes, and my heart shattered painfully into a million tiny pieces.

"He's back," I stated, barely controlling myself.

"He-...I didn't know."

I took a step back, my eyes stinging. "You're choosing him. You said nothing would get in the way."

"No, Nate-"

I took another step back and this time his hand shot out and he pinned me against the wall.

"Let go of me," I seethed, pushing against his grip.

"No. Listen to me."

I shook my head, my cheeks red with shame. "I hate you."

"Nate, please, just listen. He needs me."

I shook my head again. "No. Ian, let go. Let me go."

"I want you to understand what's happening."

"I don't want to!"

My heart strings tugged so painfully I could barely feel the pain anymore.

"Nate. Listen to me."

I shook my head, pushing harder against him. "I don't care. I don't want to hear it."

"You know I don't like him like that. I like you. It will always be you."

"You're lying," I spat.

"He's hurt! I have to be there for him!"

"Why? You don't care about him anymore!"

"I do. Not as much as I care about you but enough that I don't want him to get hurt."

I scoffed. "And if I get hurt? Does that matter?"

"Nate, I want you."

I could hear the validation of his words clear as day in his voice. It was there. I knew he meant it.

But I was angry.

I was enraged that Devin could just get between us like that. I hated it. I hated him.

I ceased fighting and Ian's grip loosened respectively.

"Do you want to know why I fake dated Tom?" I blurted, staring at Ian's scruffy shoes.

"What? Nate-"

"I wanted him to be jealous."

"What does this have to do anything? That doesn't matter anymore."

"It does! I had a crush on him. I had a crush on Devin for years and then you suddenly popped up and everything changed."

Ian frowned, slowly moving back. "What?"

"That's why I didn't like you."

"So you lied to me all this time?"

His words stung.

"Yes."

"Were you ever going to tell me?" He let go of my wrists and took a step back.

"Eventually. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I have a feeling I'll never get another chance."

"Nate, we'll work this out."

"How?" I said weakly.

I let a tear streak down my cheek and angrily brushed it away.

"You can't break up with him now, because he's hurt. What will it be next time? Just face it, you'll never break up with Devin. You care about him too much, but one day he's going to hurt you and maybe you'll realize then that he's not what you want in your life."

He took a step forward. "I already know who I want-"

"No," I pushed him away and walked towards the elevator. "You don't want me. I was there at the time and you just when you needed someone. It could have been anyone, I just happened to be there when you were drunk."

I pressed the button.

"You're wrong. You don't understand."

He tried to get closer but I pushed him by his chest with both hands.

"I do. You just can't see it and you don't want to believe that I'm right. You don't know Devin like I do. In someway, you're actually lucky."

The elevator dinged and I got in.

Ian stood behind the doors that were slowly sliding shut.

The last thing I saw was his pale skin and creased forehead.

I could still feel his fingers around my wrists, but the pain was nothing compared to what I felt in my chest.

Lol that just happened.

So it's finals week(technically two weeks for me cause life) and I'm still updating!

Just cause I wrote this with the other chapter but it ended up having like 4000 words combined and it felt like too much in one chapter so I was like...nah.

Question: what's the most fun you've had with your friends? I want to do something daring but I'm a loser so I can't. Therefore I hear other people's story so I can cry and feel even worse.

Thanks for reading! <333