I apologize in advance.
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The door opened, and I stepped inside Jake's dorm room.

"I'm sorry," I said.

It was cold in his room, like it was outside, winter was definitely on its way and it'd started to show its signs.

"For what?" Jake asked.

"You know," I said impatiently. "For last night. When I...pushed you away."

He sat down on his bed, his hands linked together as he stared down at them like they held the answers to all the questions he ever had.

"Are you over Devin?"

I almost chocked on my saliva. "Are you effing kidding me?"

He shrugged and looked up at me with a defeated look on his face. "I had to ask."

"No," I spat. "You shouldn't have to if you knew how I felt."

"What was I supposed to think?" he bit back just as bitterly as I had. "You pushed me away from you like I had some contagious disease."

I shook my head. "No. I didn't mean to."

"Then what happened?"

"I don't know!" I yelled, then ran my fingers through my hair painfully.

Jake stared at me silently, slowly watching me become insane by the sidelines.

Then he stood up, walked over to me, and rested his hand of my cheek.

I closed my eyes at his touch, my heart thudding in my ears. Finally, my shoulders relaxed and I managed to open my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Me, too."

Slowly, I stood on the tip of my toes and tilted my chin up.

"Are you going to kiss me now?" Jake asked.

"Do you want me to?"

"Yeah," he whispered, his eyes glazing over as he stared down at my lips.

I smiled a little and gently pressed my lips against his, my hands moving up behind his neck, pushing him closer against me as he kissed me back.

"C'mon," he said when he pulled back.

I frowned.

"You can do better than that," he elaborated.

I smirked. "Challenge accepted."

Jake took a few steps back. "Now you can start over."

I walked closer and closer to him until I had my hand on his chest, my skin on the soft material of his t-shirt, and pushed him back until the back his legs hit his mattress.

He stared at me in surprise, his lips a couple of centimeters apart, while his eyes scorched into my  skin with a look similar to hunger. Then he lowered himself onto his bed, his arm hooked comfortably around my hips as he pulled me along with him.

Somehow, being the klutz that I was, I managed to fall against his chest, my hand reaching out to stop my face from crashing against him just in time, releasing a nervous laugh.

Jake grinned up at me. "Where's your control, Nate?"

My competitive side flared up, and I finally decided to do something. My hands were on either side of his head as I parted his legs with one of my own. His eyes snapped up to meet mine and I shot him a quick smirk before crashing my lips on his, my stomach twisting with fear and excitement.

Jake  arched his back at the impact, his hand trailing up from my waist to the back of my neck as he tried to fight dominance. But I wouldn't let him win. I managed to bite his lower lip, tugging it down, causing Jake to part his lips in surprise, although without emitting any sound.

Sliding my tongue between his lips, I felt Jake tense beneath me and I tried not to smile. My hand found his waist and I played with the hem of his jeans, teasing the skin above. Hesitantly, I felt his hand moved over mine, leading it up to the edge of his t-shirt.

I pulled back, my eyes opening slowly as I looked down at him. "Jake-"

He ignored me and lifted his head just high enough so that our lips met again and I roughly pushed him down again, my fingers lifting his shirt up daringly.

He let out a small noise. A moan.

I pulled back again, staring at him amusingly as his cheeks turned bright red.

"Don't stop," he said, his voice barely over a whisper.

My heart jumped a beat as I let out a shuddered breath.

He didn't wait for me to say anything, just grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me against him again. Our lips worked together as my fingers resumed their slow trail up his side. Jake arched his back as I got closer to the top.

Pulling back a little, I found the hem of his shirt again and tugged.

Jake's eyes opened slowly as he stared at my hand, then he nodded like he just gave me permission.

I held his gaze as I lifted his shirt further up his chest until I had to pull it over his head, his own hands fumbling to aid me.

His shirt landed somewhere behind me.

My gaze dropped on his torso and I sucked in a sharp breath.

Oh, hell.

With the tip of my finger, I touched a part of his chest, tracing it in odd patters.

"Nate," his voice strained.

I looked up from his chest. "Hmm?"

"You're  torturing me," he said, his voice deep with want.

I swallowed. "I've never done anything like this before."

"Neither have I."

"Maybe you should..."

"No," he said. "I want you to be in control this time."

"I don't know how," I whispered, my face flushing as my heart beat faster.

"I'll help you."

His hand landed over mine, moving it up his chest towards his face. My fingers tingled where I had touched him, a dizzy feeling clouding my mind.

I leaned down, finally gaining some ounce of confidence, and started trailing kisses across his neck. I heard him gasp softly as he tensed underneath me.

At once, I pulled back. "What did I do?"

He chuckled, then grabbed the back of my head as he pushed me against his neck again.

I took that as a good sign, and poked my tongue out, slowly sucking at his skin.

"You're so warm," he whispered, his fingers curling around my hair painfully.

I pressed my mouth harder against the neck of his skin, when I pulled back, there was a red spot where I had just kissed him.

"My turn."

I frowned.

And then Jake turned us around and I was the one underneath him.

"I thought you wanted me to be in control this time." I said, smiling.

"My patience ran out."

I laughed.

Until his lips fell upon mine again and all I could do was stop myself from moaning.

~

My head rested against Jake's chest as his fingers twisted a few strands of my hair, while I closed my eyes. I sighed, relaxing against him as I cherished the heat that radiated off of him. Every time he took a breath, my head moved up and down along with his chest, the motion helping me doze into an almost sleepy state, a lazy smile on my lips.

"What just happened?" He murmured.

"We almost did it," I said, my eyes still shut.

Jake chuckled at my response. "Yeah. What does that make us?"

"I thought we agreed we didn't want to label it," I said.

"Fine."

I looked up at him, "Fine?"

He shrugged.

I sat up from my position, Jake's finger detangling from my hair.

"Nate," he protested.

"You're mad. Why are you mad?"

He sighed, sitting up as well. "I'm not mad."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Okay, maybe just a little? Look, I like you, but it feels like you don't feel the same."

This time I practically jumped off his bed. "I just made out with you. On your bed! I almost had sex with you!"

"Nate-"

"No," I shook my head. "You don't get to tell me how I feel. Okay, yeah, I like you and not as much as you want me to. So what? That doesn't give you the right to shame me."

Jake frowned up at me. "Nate, I wasn't shaming you-"

"You're making me feel guilty!"

That shut him up.

"I have to go," I mumbled, then shrugged on my jacket, turned around, and walked over to the door.

"You're scared," he blurted.

I swiveled around. "What?"

He had stood up from his bed, leaning against the wall beside his bed post with his arms crossed against his chest,"You're scared."

I scoffed. "What could I be scared of?"

"You're afraid of getting hurt, again."

"Again?" I echoed.

"Yeah," he said. "Your parents-"

"You know nothing about my parents," I seethed.

"I do. I've watched you suffer because of them, Nate. They-"

"Stop."My eyes glanced down at my feet and froze there. I heard the shuffling of Jake's own feet and saw them stop in front of my own.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

I shook my head.

He touched my shoulder but I shrugged him off.

"See," he pointed out. "This is exactly what I meant."

"You don't understand."

"I do!"

I flinched at the sound of his loud voice, but didn't move otherwise.

"You're scared that just like your parents, just like Devin, I'll hurt you too," he said.

I didn't say anything, but I felt something tug painfully at my heart strings.

Was he right? I hurriedly pushed the thought away.

Finally, I lifted my chin up and managed to look Jake in the eye. "Even if I am, I wouldn't be the only one."

Jake flinched, his face contorting in a bewildered expression.

With that, I turned around again and walked over to the door, but Jake's hand shot up and banged against the door.

I turned around to meet his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"What did you mean?" He asked instead.

I shoved him away from me, sucking in my lips in anger. "I mean, everyone's been warning me about you, and I've just ignored them and now you're saying that I'm afraid? Maybe I have a reason to be."

Taking advantage of his shock, I finally managed to open the door and step outside.

He didn't follow me out.

I rushed to my car and drove as fast as I could, ignoring all the speed limits, just to reach my apartment.

I knocked on Rob's door but he wasn't there, the dog along with him.

When I stepped into my apartment, I was completely alone.

The living room felt like it had grown twice its size since the last time I was there this morning. I walked in my room but it didn't feel like it was really mine, like I had borrowed it. Like it was temporary.

I dragged myself towards my bed and fell back against the mattress.

It wasn't mine, I thought, that's why it didn't feel like it. It belonged to my parents.

My mind wandered back to Jake.

"You're scared."

His voice echoed in my head.

Could I be?

Yeah, a voice whispered in my head. You're a scaredy cat, a wuss.

Was I hurting Jake because I was scared?

I shook my head.

Do you even like him? The voice whispered.

This time, it didn't sound so dark.

Did I like Jake? Or was I just using him as comfort? The idea didn't feel so far fetched when I thought about it. It made sense. Why else would I want to be with him physically? I was attracted to him, but was it because of who he is or because how he looked? How he made me feel when we touched?

I frowned.

Could that be it? Was that why I freaked out last night?

He was always kind to me, he always cared even from the very moment we met. He was smart, too. Which is why we met in the first place.

The first time we met.

It felt like ages ago.

I remembered sitting on the couch in the living room area, the very same one, as my parents decided to let me know that they'd hired a tutor.

"What?" I'd asked.

They glanced at each other before continuing on explaining that since I refused to go to school, it would have to be brought to me instead.

I'd fully expected them to hire some old smelly teacher who would sit way too close to me, with hair that was barely growing on his scalp.

Instead, the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door my jaw almost dropped to the floor.

Jake was a lot younger than I'd initially expected. His hair was there, although cropped short just as it always was. He'd walked past me when I let him in, and I caught a whiff of some expensive cologne, definitely not stinky.

And when I turned around, I couldn't help but glance at his butt.

Oh.

For the first lesson, Jake insisted we spend the time getting to know each other first. I was skeptical to start with, thinking of course he was doing it all for extra cash like all desperate college students. But when he spoke about teaching, he spoke passionately. So passionately I thought for sure that was his major. I was surprised when he said it was Psychology.

And not soon did I realize he was so goddamn good at it.

He knew what every twitch meant. He knew when I needed a break, when I was feeling uncomfortable.

Most importantly, he knew not to ever mention his employers. My parents.

I felt the memories of our friendship wash over me like a wave and instantly felt guilty.

My life would surely be a lot easier if I'd liked him instead of Devin. But back then, it was useless. I was useless.

I was so obsessed with Devin, I missed all the good stuff like making new friends and meeting different people.

It dawned to me then how crazy I was to just let go of everything for Devin. How stupid I was to just leave everything behind.

And that I was finally ready to push the play button again, to finally resume the life I had on hold.

Sorry for this sorta late update, I'm still trying to figure everything out with school. (Senior year, so effing excited! Aaah!)

Anyway, the question is: if you could have any of the characters in this story as your boyfriend, who would you pick? Lol, sorry if you're not into guys. Maybe your best friend? Oh, and you can forget about their sexual preferences for this, haha, duh xp

I think I'd pick Ian. Or Jesse. Yum. Okay, byye.