Chapter 10

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I slammed the front door behind me.

"Jesus! What did I tell you about slamming that goddamn door?"

That almost made me jump, but I was too achy to do it. I stood there, looking over the living room, finding Ma sitting on the couch. She was crocheting, but I couldn't begin to guess what she was trying to make. The TV was on. Commercial break.

I looked away from the car sales man talking about how everything in the lot had to go and made my way to my bedroom.

"Did you hear me?"

I ignored her. The moment I was safely in my room, with the door shut, I let all the dams I'd been holding up, break down. All the tears of pain, misery, and embarrassment came pouring out. I covered my face with both of my hands. The sobs that wracked through me were silent, yet, they were just as painful.

Thankfully, no one cared enough to check on me. There was no one alive that knew me well enough to know that I was upset. No one knew how much it sucked to be this disgusting person.

I deserved to be beat bloody beyond repair. Matt, Philip, and Roger had every right to be angry that I was following Perrie. Obviously, they knew that I had a thing for her. I guess I hadn't been as sneaky as I thought I was when I was stealing glances her way.

But I hadn't thought that I was being that much of a creep. I didn't know that anyone else could see how repulsive I was or how far I was taking things.

It wasn't as bad as it could have been. They hadn't fucked me up to bad. It was just a little too hard to breathe. That was all.

After standing in front of the door long enough that the heels of my feet started to hurt, I fell onto my bed.

Everything that I'd been holding in came crashing down on my. I smothered my face into my flat pillow, screaming until it felt like my lungs were going to give out. My throat hurt from all the yelling and I didn't exactly feel that much better.

However, it was enough to knock me out. I was already tired from struggling, from fighting against a guy that could have broken me in half, plus the beating that I took from Philip and Roger.

Soon, though not soon enough for me, I was falling asleep again.

But instead of a peaceful dream, a nightmare of Izzy screaming for help greeted me.

***

The next morning, I felt like shit. It wasn't just the nightmare that had prevented me from getting a good nights sleep. My stomach was covered in dark bruises and there was no position I could lay in that didn't put too much pressure on them.

I had to lay on my back, but even then, my body still ached.

My alarm went off and I pulled myself out of bed. I took a steaming hot shower that almost melted the skin right off me. I quickly got dress before looking at myself in the full body mirror on the back of the bathroom door.

I looked like shit. I guess that went with me feeling like shit too.

The glass quickly fogged up again, filling in the patch my hand had wiped away. I looked away, thinking about what I was going to eat. The morning went like that, mindless thoughts filling the silence. I didn't have to consciously think about doing anything. It was already done.

I wound up in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal. It was stale. The flakes stuck together even though it had been marinating in the lukewarm milk for a good few minutes while my thoughts continued to take me away. I was drifting away. My eyes fell on the clock. The numbers were swimming with the hands and it took me a long period to read it.

That wasn't good.

The clock read twenty minutes until eight.

I choked on my next bite. "Fuck!"

The bowl and spoon clattered into the sink as I shoved them in. I swooped through the living room, grabbing my bag.

"Ma! I'm leaving!"

I swung my bag over my shoulder and double checked my pocket for my keys. Just as I was about to head out the door, I heard Ma's bedroom door open.

"No kiss?"

I halted at the door.

A lump formed in my throat. Something unsettling rose in the pit of my stomach. I stared at the door leading to the outside door as I contemplated what I'd just heard. The words weren't right. Ma hadn't spoken to me like that for years.

Slowly, I turned.

She was there. Standing at the end of the hallway in her sleeping gown. She looked funny. Out of place in the small room. This apartment was too small for her. She should have been in a large two story house with five bedrooms and endless crannies for little kids to get lost into.

She had none of that.

No big house. No grandchildren.

No children at all.

Except one.

Me.

The sad teenager that was already an adult and had been for awhile now. Had I really been her grandchild? It didn't seem like we had that type of relationship. It didn't feel like that had ever been the right way to describe us.

She walked toward me. Her arms spread wide. They fell over me and then engulfed me into a tight hug that almost stole my breath. I held still. My wide eyes stared into the dark hallway, latching onto that space for dear life. My stomach flip-flopped for some weird reason.

"Love you," she said, kissing me on the cheek. "Have a good day."

She let me go. The cold air swarmed around me and I shivered as her warmth was stolen. She hobbled down the hallway once more. When she disappeared into her room, and when I heard her bedroom door click shut, I quickly rushed out.

The front door slammed shut behind me. I checked that it was locked and then bolted to the stairs.

Electric zapped into my legs, flying me down the stairs at an alarming rate. The air blew my hair back and by the time that I got to the ground floor, I was panting. A pain in my side pierced me, but I didn't care. I ran out of the building door and kept my pace all the way to school.

The morning air was crisper. It was odd since the city air was the most pungent thing ever. It was like drinking water from the sewer. But there was something about this morning that pulled a strange emotion from my chest.

I felt as if things could get better. Though I knew that to not be the case.

As I neared the sidewalk directly in front of the school courtyard, I slowed my stride. I peered up at the clock tower that stood on top of the school building. Ten minutes. I'd made it just in time.

I thanked whatever strange energy boost I'd gotten from Ma's even stranger hug and went inside.

The school courtyard was fenced off. The metal fence was at least ten feet tall and looked like it would serve better around a prison than a school. The resemblances to a prison didn't stop there. The entire building was just a square box of gray bricks and there were barely any windows.

I headed through the side door to avoid the large crowd.

The smell of floor cleaner, sweat, and the noise of hundreds of high schoolers assaulted me. I froze at the entrance, gazing into the sea—the abyss—of teenage bodies. Loud laughter came from the right, yells from the left, and then an encompassing chatter. I stepped through it all, trying by best to ignore the noise. I kept my eyes focused on the stained yellow linoleum and headed straight for my locker.

My gut dropped as I saw Matt and Roger standing in front my locker.

Someone bumped into me. I stumbled forward, catching myself just in time by grabbing onto the lockers in front of me.

"Can you get out of the way?" A girl walking by me sneered.

I watched her walk off in the crowd, completely caught in disbelief as to what just happened.

"There he is."

I had only a fraction of a minute to react before a hand was slapping down onto my back. I looked up and almost threw up when I realized that it was Philip staring back down at me.

I swallowed what I could only identify as a little puke back down, fighting the rest that was rumbling inside of my stomach.

Philip grinned and steered me toward my locker when Matt and Roger were waiting. The two had heard Philip over the noise and turned to face us. Matt had a stupid grin on his face and Roger was just looking at me like he'd murdered my entire family.

He was a little too late. A couple years too late.

And I really fucking doubted that Roger was smart enough to be killing for years without getting caught. The guy couldn't even cheat for christ's sake.

Matt crouched down until his face was level with mine. "Your face is looking quite nice."

"Nice and dark," Roger butted in. He laughed at his own joke though I wouldn't say it was much of a joke.

It obviously wasn't funny.

Matt gave Roger a what-the-fuck look, shaking his head just a bit. He turned his attention back to me and poked my chest with his finger. "I hope you don't have anything important for first period."

Philip shoved me at Matt and Matt wrapped his giant meaty arm around me. He flexed his muscles. In my head I was cursing him, but on the outside I was on the verge of shaking from pure fright.

I licked my lips. "Listen, I—What happened yesterday—"

Matt tightened his arm, choking the words right out of me. His eyes darkened. "I know what happened."

His voice dipped.

"I also know what to do to help with that."

"What?"

I looked over my shoulder. Kids were passing us by. Some of them glanced at us, but most of them aimlessly walked on by. Like nothing was happening.

Matt's arm was like a constricting snake. It curled around me, cold as cement and just as heavy. He pulled me away from one hell and into another as we went out the same door that I had just come through. The shrill of the first bell went off. I jumped as the sound pierced my ears.

I looked up and caught sight of the large bell. I hadn't ever noticed that it was there. I'd never even looked up when I walked past it. But now, I couldn't not notice it.

"Come on." Matt's voice dipped low as he yanked me away from the corner. My feet had somehow gotten stuck in that spot and he had to forcibly remove me.

My body was numb. I tried to tell myself that I needed to fight, that I needed to run away, but I couldn't connect those thoughts with the rest of me. There was a disconnect, a cut that stopped my brain from registering to the rest of my lower half.

We veered off the sidewalk and headed toward the field. However, before we got to the fence that led inside the field, we took a sharp left turn and headed toward the large sheds.

Seeing the large metal boxes triggered my response and I shoved my open palms as hard as I could into Matt's side.

"No!"

I stumbled back, Matt's arm unhooking from around my neck. I tripped on the rocks that created a path to the sheds and I fell to my knees. I quickly got back up. My hands and knees burned from the fall, but it was a numb kind of burn. The pain was at the back of my mind, the pounding of my heart taking the forefront. My limbs were jittery, but I still couldn't get my damn legs to run.

Roger slammed into my side and grabbed my arms. I wrestled with him to the ground. Rocks flew as I was shoved to the ground. He got both of my arms behind my back, holding me by the wrists, and shoved them up toward my shoulder blades.

"Agh!" I groaned into the rocks. Roger grabbed my hair with his other hand and ground my face into the rough terrain.

He laughed above me. "I bet that feels really nice. Can't fight against someone your own size, can you?"

I tried to glare at him, but my face was jammed into a weird angle. "I didn't do anything."

Shoes appeared in my vision. It was Philip.

"No," he said. "But you were going to."

If I wasn't face down in rocks, I would have shook my head. They had this all wrong. I get it. I mean, it looked pretty bad, I didn't fault them on that. But I really hadn't done anything. I was trying to keep her safe. I was watching out for her. It wasn't like any of these guys were trying to actively help her.

The one time they made sure she was safe, they ended up beating the wrong person.

Something clanked—metal—behind us.

"Alright. Drag him in."

Roger got up and dragged me along with him. He wasn't gentle about it. His nails dug into my wrists. Philip helped him pull me into the open shed that was being held open by Matt. Blood dripped down my upper lip and slid into my mouth.

I spat it out. Philip gave me a grossed out look.

He slapped me on the cheek. I flinched even though it hadn't been that hard.

The shed was full of old football gear and other random sports equipment. It was a small space about the size of my bedroom. Matt turned on the lights. They blinded me for a second, the brightness unexpected. He then pulled the metal door down.

He grinned, rubbing his hands together, and walked further into the space.

Philip dragged an old chair from the mass of junk and slid it toward the center of the shed. Roger pulled me down into.

"Is there any rope?"

Philip rummaged through a box. "Not rope, but I found some twine."

I tried to get out of Roger's hold, but he only shoved my hands further up. I clenched my jaw as my shoulders were pulled into an unnatural position.

Philip rapped the twine around my chest as tightly as he could. He used almost the entire roll and tied it firmly in the front so that I could reach the knot.

My eyes frantically flew around the shed. Matt and Philip's faces were a blur of evil eyes and wide grins. My chest started heaving up and down so fast that the air didn't even feel like it was in my lungs. I couldn't get a single breath in and my head began to get light.

I opened my mouth. "Help! Hel—"

Roger slapped his hand over my mouth. "Shut up."

"Here." Matt handed Roger an old dusty handkerchief.

I screamed against Roger's clammy hand. Tears burned my eyes and they fell down. Sobs wracked my chest. But somehow, I wasn't in the worst of it. I knew how bad I could get when I was upset. I knew how bad the chest pains and the sickness in my stomach could get before it was truly bad.

I couldn't decide if not being at that pushing point yet was a good thing or not.

Roger shoved the handkerchief into my mouth. I gagged as dust coated my tongue and I inhaled it. I choked as he tied the handkerchief around my head and knotted it just as tight as the twine around my chest was.

Matt laughed as he squatted in front of me. "There. That's much better, isn't it?"

I yelled once more, but my screams were just mumbles smothered by the fabric.

I saw how close he was to me and kicked out both of my legs in the hope that I could get him in the face. But he was quicker. He slammed his weight down onto my thighs. Once again, my cries were smothered and all I could do was struggle against my binds, hanging on a sad hope that I would be able to get out of here.

I knew there was no chance left for me. There were three of them and they already had be tied down. They could do anything to me now and I couldn't do anything.

"Give me the rest of that."

Philip tossed the rest of the twine to Matt. Matt caught it with one hand while he practically laid across my lap, putting his full weight on my legs.

"Hold him down while I do this."

Philip and Roger each grabbed one of my legs and held them back against the front legs of the chair. I tried again to kick them back but I wasn't strong enough.

Matt tied the twine around each of my legs. He pulled on the knots to make sure that I wouldn't be able to wiggle out of them.

"That's good enough."

Philip and Roger stood back, but Matt stayed where he was. His hands grabbed onto my thighs. The heat of his palms disgusted me. I moved my hips back though there was nowhere to go.

I almost choked when his hands went to the fly of my jeans.

His evil smirk cut through me like a knife. "Don't worry. We'll fix your problem."

He yanked my pants down, taking my underwear along with them. I closed my eyes, more tears streaming down my face, as cold air hit my privates.

Roger whistled. "Not too bad."

Philip snorted. "What? Did you think he had a stub down there?"

Roger shrugged. "You never know."

Matt stood up. "Hm. What can we use around here?"

I could hear him as he walked over to the pile of boxes. I couldn't open my eyes. My body was shaking with fear, disgust, and embarrassment. I didn't want to know what they were going to do to me. With my pants around my ankles, I knew it couldn't be anything good.

My dick had almost shriveled up and fallen off by the time anyone spoke again. Matt pulled something out of the boxes and strode back over to me.

"You're not actually going to touch his dick are you?"

My eyes flew open.

Matt was crouched in front of me again and he was holding something by his side out of sight. He rolled his eyes.

"I'm kinda trying to do the opposite of getting him off, idiot."

I wished I hadn't opened my eyes. Seeing my naked self and then Matt could have been the worst thing to put myself through. I wished I could have died right then, especially when Roger and Philip were watching what was happening in front of them. Roger looked like he was going to be sick at the idea of Matt touching me. At least, Philip looked like he didn't want to be there at all.

Matt finally revealed what he was holding in his hand. If I could, I would have fainted right then and there. It didn't feel like I was that far off. My head swirled and my vision went blurry as I took in what I could only describe as something that looked like a torture device.

It couldn't have been bad since it was stored away in here, but it looked pretty bad.

It was made out of thin metal, shaped into a cylinder and had two tiny screws in the front of it going horizontal.

Roger walked up and tried to take the thing away from Matt, but Matt held onto it. "What is that?"

Matt shrugged. "Beats me. But look."

His smile got bigger as he twisted the screws and the small opening of the device got smaller. His eyes met mine.

"It's perfect, isn't it?"

I gagged harshly. I was going to throw up. I didn't have to do much more than sit there because next thing I knew, vomit was coming up. It was blocked by the gag and had nowhere else to go except back down.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"We've got him really scared now." Roger sounded like he was about to jump around with glee.

"We sure do," Matt said.

A hand roughly grabbed my dick. I jolted as the touch made my stomach flip and churn at the same time. I stared in shock as Matt slipped the weird metal thing onto my sad looking penis. He didn't move it too far down, instead, letting it settle just below the tip of it.

I screamed and fought against the twine holding me down. The three of them laughed, just watching me struggle.

Matt tightened the screws.

My eyes bugged out as the most intense and searing pain spike through me. The sensitive skin got caught in the metal and

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