Hendrix and I haven't spoken.

At all. Not for over a week. We pass Ellie between one another in an uncomfortable silence. Four more days, then our exchanges will be even less than that. Simply the pair of us documenting our findings in private before collaborating one final time. Then done, gone. No more project partners. Just Hendrix, then just me.

I should be jumping for joy, but if anything, I'm the complete contrary.

As much as I hate to say it, I miss Hendrix. I miss the arguments and the teasing and, hell, even the smoothie in my hair. Well, less the smoothie, more the fighting that followed. I miss how we were slowly venturing into an area of friendship, where we were emotional with one another, and kind and understanding. I miss the fact that for a moment, just a small blip in time, we were even experiencing something else.

All of that gone, for something less than friends, even less than enemies. Almost strangers.

I think more than anything, having him so close, yet so far, has made me realise that I do feel a particular way towards Elijah. I still hate him, but I'm certainly, undoubtably crushing. I really want to kiss him again, and maybe punch him after. Points for toxicity, huh?

I'm currently sat at lunch, with the same three as always; Seb, Collins and Lena. Although, while they're engaging in conversation, I'm completely isolated in my own mind, focused on nothing more than Elijah and the red head sat just beside him, rubbing her hand along his thigh in what I'm sure she conceives as sensual.

Yes – I am 1 million percent crushing. How else would this burning jealously be explained? Ellie sits cradled in my arms, so quiet that I've actually considered that maybe her battery pack has given out, but it's all the better for the moment. It gives me perfect audible clarity for when red head laughs at Elijah, even though I know he's not that funny.

"Chapstick. You alright?" Seb asks, pulling me from my stupor.

I pull a taut smile. "Just peachy." I manage to reply through a clenched jaw.

"Really, because you look constipated." He says. Lena narrows her eyes on me and then they widen upon something of a revelation, I'm sure.

"No, she looks murderous." She corrects. In what I'm sure is the worst timing ever, my eyes flicker over to Hendrix, when I very clearly see red heads hand trail from his thigh to his crotch, giving his penis a hello wave through the fabric.

That's enough. Bitch.

Without even realising, Ellie has been thrust into Seb's arms and I've made my way over to Elijah and his tart, ignorant to the calls of my friends that are trying to talk me off of my war path. I barely make myself known before I slam my fist on to the tray in front of Hendrix and his friend, sending their two tubs of noodles flying, dousing the pair of them. As I watch the tomato sauce drip through their hair, I'm very, very aware of the silence of the cafeteria. Never before have I felt as mortified as currently. Remember when I was trying to stop acting first, thinking later?

This is why you count to ten Charlotte. Maybe a few more days practice.

"Are you actually fucking deluded?" Elijah snaps at me, standing up as rigid as he can do, conscious that a single movement will worse his current condition. Barely a heartbeat passes before he takes a handful of pasta that lays on the chair and flings it right at my face. It lands on my cheek, wrapping around my nose slightly and dangling over my mouth.

Naturally, I do the only logical thing. I use my tongue to find the end of a strand and noisily slurp it into my mouth with a nonchalant shrug.

"Might be." I confess as casually as possible, despite it being quite the epiphany. I keep my face blank, hiding the fact I'm burning with jealous and slightly scorned with embarrassment, though we'll ignore that for now.

Miss Red seems to have had enough of this situation, standing with a sharp huff, taking a large handful of pasta from her hair and throwing it harshly on to the floor beside her. "You've ruined my Gucci." She seethes at me.

"Oh no!" I gasp melodramatically, slapping a hand to my cheek which is still covered in sauce. What a way to make the situation worse Charlotte! With her face flushed nearly as red as the tomato dripping from her hair, she takes a step towards me.

"Have some fucking respect." She sneers.

I guffaw and cock a brow. "Respect? Babe, you were fondling with his penis! I'll have respect for you, when you respect the rest of us who have had to watch you and try keep our dinner down." I retort.

"You bitch!"

I've never fought a girl before, but this girl is really testing my already thin patience. She raises a hand to slap me, but I catch her by the wrist. "A bitch slap?" I ask her lamely. "That's catty." I say lowly, my face twinkling with amusement as I watch her reverberate with anger. She might as well have smoke bellowing from her ears, a train whistle to accompany her seething rage.

From the corner of my eyes, I see Elijah smirk.

"I don't know why you're laughing." I say, throwing the girls hand away so I can face him. "How fucking hormonally raging do you have to be to fancy getting tossed off in a school cafeteria?" I ask him, loud, evoking whispers around us. "I mean, it's practically sacrilege!" I exclaim.

"Is that what this is about Osborne? You're jealous that I'm getting action when you're not?" He asks humorously. What a prick.

"Yes! What a travesty! Hendrix the great about to mauled to death by talons over here," I nod my head to his friend and gesture to her manicured hands. "While I remain with my dignity and integrity intact. Tell me, what is there to be jealous about?" He opens his mouth to talk. "Honestly, of all the times I've covered you in tomato sauce, this is the one time you really fucking deserved it." I finish just as my voice gives out, allowing emotion to flood into the very last few words. Emotion I never wanted him to know I felt.

I march away, but I've given it all away now. I am jealous. Jealous that after all that's happened between the two of us, how much our relationship has developed, how far we've come in these eight weeks, none of it really meant anything to him at all.

~

"Chapstick?" I sniff back my sob and dry my eyes with the sleeve of my jumper. I turn my head slightly to see Seb approaching. I'm not surprised he's found me – he's one of the few that knows of this place. The little slide of roof that you can access through a window of one of the top floor classrooms. One that's hinge has never been fixed and let's it swing open completely.

It's not exactly safe, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it's dangerous. Other than the fact it's three stories high, the roof is flat and wide enough to sit cross legged on. "Hi." I mumble.

He walks slowly before he sits beside me, one leg hanging off of the side while the other is folded beneath him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Where's Ellie?" I ask quickly, aware that I left the doll in his care before my outburst of blind rage.

"Eli took her. Told me to come make sure you're alright." I scoff and push my hair out of my face.

"Oh, so he cares, does he?" Seb wraps an arm around my shoulder, encouraging me to lean into his chest. I do, happily, thankful for the silent support.

"Yeah. You were sort of screaming at him. It was quite scary." I can't help but snort a laugh. "How about you tell your best buddy what's going on in this noggin of yours?" He suggests, tapping my head twice.

"I think I fancy him." I tell him through a sigh. "It makes no sense, because I still want to wring his neck like a wet cloth, but I also want to kiss him better after I do it too." Seb breathes a laugh. "Just, the time we've spent together during this stupid baby project, we've spoke, and I've got to know him past the shitty pranks and insults.

"I thought I was jealous a couple of weeks ago when I saw him with a girl, but I convinced myself I wasn't jealous, just mad, because he left Ellie with his aunt. Then we kissed and I realised that I do like him and I'm just confused so I'm reacting stupidly and just being, well, me. Just now, I knew for definite I was jealous. Well, I think everyone could tell that much."

"So, what now?" Seb asks me.

I shrug. "I get over myself. Me and Hendrix will never work. He's too him, and I'm too me. It'll be better once this baby thing is done and then we can go back to completely hating each other."

"But is that what you want?" He questions.

"I'm not even sure. I haven't properly made sense of what I'm thinking. But I know going back to how we were will be easier." I tell him.

"Sometimes easy isn't always the best route." He comments sincerely.

"Okay Mr Philosophical." I grumble. We stay quiet, just looking out on to the view. The grassy verge of field, the trees that have lost their leaves, shedding for winter, the sky that is a miserable grey, thick with clouds. It's cold, truly cold, so I shiver and bury myself further into Seb. He welcomes me, holding me tight, protectively almost, letting me dwell on everything.

On how I don't want to go back to normal with Elijah. I want us to be different. It'd be far more helpful if I could make sense of what I'm feeling. It's stupid, isn't it? Usually, you either like someone, or you don't. Right now, it's almost everything and nothing all at once. When he's so forthcoming, defending me, kind and funny, I can't ignore the strange warmth in my chest which I know now is adoration. When he's a dick, pushing me away and flirting with other girls, I want to commit homicide.

This is so not normal. Not simple, not easy. It's difficult. Confusing. It's making my brain hurt and my eyes leak a bit.

My eyes stop leaking when I see Hendrix below us, Ellie in one arm, his other thrown across his red head as the pair leave the gates, no doubt on their way home to share a shower and wash off all that tomato super sensually and then I'll have to face the music when I pick Ellie up tonight and she's wearing his shirt and wrapped up in his bedsheets.

My imagination is startled when my phone rings and I groan. Why can't he get the fucking message.

"What?" I snap at Adam.

"Please don't hang up." I narrow my eyes at his insistence. "I know you don't want to talk; I know you hate me. But I'm simply asking for a conversation over coffee. Fifteen minutes. That's all Charlie." I say nothing, just watch Hendrix pull his flavour of the month closer to him, laughing at something she said. I think about all his advice, everything he's done to defend me from Adam, and how right now, he's not the one beside me.

"Fifteen minutes. Pick me up after school. Then no more. You're done."

~~~

A/N - okay but I think this has been my fave chapters to write. Charlotte is my alter ego😫