Ch. 4

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[ CHAPTER 4: THE REST OF YOUR LIFE ]

     Floating.

     For a long time, I was floating.
Just me, myself, and I, and the endless space of time.
For how long, I would never know. Floating in a cool, calm darkness, just my conscious and my thoughts.

     For a while, I thought, is this death?
No, I have concluded. No, this cannot be death. If I were dead, I would no longer be. Now, I still am. I cannot say what. But I am.
I would also not have my thoughts, I have discovered. I would not have my conscious, and I would not be thinking. Alas, I wouldn't be floating at all. Indeed, I would be nothing. But for now, I still simply am.

     It was nice, this nothing that I floated within.
It was calm and undisturbed. It was peaceful, an endless blur that went on forever. Not an intimidating forever — a forever that was contenting.
And then, a gentle spark of realization through my simple peace.
This must be what the citizens of Qento feel every day.

     And then, nothing once more.
A silent, simple, eternal nothing.
Until, there was something.

     My eyes were closed, this time when I registered that I was conscious. I was looking through my eyelids, looking up into something very, very bright. Perhaps white lights. They would burn my eyes, I thought. I do not want my eyes to burn. I will keep my eyes closed.
But then, the curiosity. The gentle tug within my mind speaking the opposite truth — open your eyes, Mortal. Look around. Discover.
Oh, but the lights. The lights would hurt my eyes. I do not want to lift myself from this darkness I am in.
Through darkness, Mortal, what would you discover?

     The lights were bright, as I had predicted. White and blinding and directly in your face all the time, even if they were on the ceiling somewhere up high.
For a bit, I stared at the lights above me. Perhaps if I stared at them long enough, I would return to the nice darkness I was in before. The nice darkness.

     Slowly, one by one, my mind began to register every cell within my body.
First, my chest. Rising and falling peacefully, still in it's sleepy rhythm. Then, spreading through my shoulders and down my arms and to my hands.
My fingers were the first to move. Just in the slightest; a small twitch. Then, another.
They were the first parts of me to register the soft, cool surface I was laying upon.

     First, my hands, my fingers.
Then, it prickled up by arms to my back, to my legs, to my toes.
I was laying upon something comfortably cool, the kind of cool that you wouldn't notice unless you looked for it.
No, it was not necessarily uncomfortable, I decided. But it felt quite strange. Hard, yet not, yet soft. Perhaps it was both.

     I blinked, slowly, the kind of blink of when you wake up. The kind that determines the question within your rising mind, am I still asleep?

     I wanted to touch the lights.
I did not know where the sudden urge appeared from, nor why. But somewhere, through my fuzzy blanketed mind, I decided to touch the bright, bright lights above me.
I tried to lift my hand.
I couldn't lift my hand.
Something was binding my hand to the cool, smooth surface below me.

     It was this observation, this moment when the room began to clear around me.
Smooth. White, smooth walls around me, no decoration. White, white lights above me.
It was small, the room. It was about the size of a large bathroom, if I remembered correctly. There seemed to be nothing to characterize the room with at all.
In fact, I realized, I had never seen this room in my entire life, and I had no idea where I was.

     I blinked once. Twice.
I attempted to turn my head to look at my surroundings, but there really wasn't anything else to look at but the blankness that seemed to envelope me.
I tried to lift my right arm once again, and then attempted my left.
My wrists were bound to this cool surface, straight down at my sides; I realized that my ankles were bound, as well, clamped to whatever I was being held hostage upon.
Now, I was very confused, and beginning to become a little frightened.

     The room, small nonetheless, was intimidating and slightly maddening. The walls seemed to loom over my immobile body, as if mocking me. The ceiling seemed to stretch miles above me, the lights blinding all the way.
I grit my teeth, pulling at my wrists, my ankles once more. But I was as bound as a — what was it? — Ah, yes, the ancient insect they called a 'fly' to a flytrap.
Now, I was getting irritated.

     Quite suddenly, the hum of holograms began quietly assembling around my head, showing what I presumed were my bodily functions and stats. A single, clear ringing voice bounced off the walls of the little room, monotone and metallic.
"Subject is determined conscious. Liberation may be applied."
In an instant, I was free.
For a moment, I didn't register the fact that whatever was holding me down, binding me to the surface I lay upon, was gone.

     I slowly lifted my hands in front of my face, staring in awe at them. I turned my ankles, then my wrists, still hovering in front of my face, slightly shaking.
Carefully, I lay my arms at my sides again, staring at the bright, bright lights above me one more time.
Where am I?

     Each move seemed to take a small eternity as I inched my elbows back, heaving my weight onto them and off the surface below me.
The sudden move left me lightheaded, stars dancing in my vision. My eyes fluttered closed, my head shaking slightly to clear my eyesight. I took a deep, shuddering breath that expanded my cramped lungs, stretched them until they ached beneath my chest.
It felt wonderful.

     I opened my eyes again, setting my jaw.
Yes, I would get up. Yes, I would stand.
I dragged together all the strength my numb, ragged, confused body could possibly contain, pushing myself up into a sitting position. My arms trembled with strain as I lifted myself, as if I hadn't used them in weeks.
That couldn't be. That couldn't possibly be the case. That would be impossible.
With a quick breath and determined shift, the soles of feet made contact with the smooth, cold ground below me. With a shove and a hop, I let my weight rest upon my legs as I stood up.

     Almost immediately, I fell.
It was as if someone had taken a metal bat and slammed it against my knees, my legs collapsing underneath me as I threw my arm out to catch my hand against the side of the surface I had just lifted myself from.
My knees landed hard on the ground, sending needles of shock up my legs. My other hand that hadn't caught onto something slammed down, directly in front of my face. One more second and I would have knocked out at least three of my teeth.

     For a moment, I remained there, breath heavy, arms and legs trembling with shock and protest to my sudden movement.
Slowly, carefully, I dragged myself up from the ground, my hand that clenched the side of the table-like structure beside me shaking with effort.
I just, only just, managed to bring myself to my numb feet once more, slightly leaning over as my hands still gripped the side of the surface as if my life depended on it.
I closed my eyes, only slightly, eyelids fluttering as I took a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart.
My eyes flickered open once more to stare at the table in front of me, my mouth slightly open.

     It was an operating table.
Or, at least, it looked slightly like one.
It was white-silver, slightly curved in the place my body would rest. It even had small, pearly white cushions, embedded within the metal, lining the dipped areas where the surface curved.
Metal clamps that held my wrists and ankles in place were clicked open, resting by the curves where my arms and legs would lay.
It was nothing I've ever seen before, and I couldn't stop staring at it.

     Slowly, my gaze lifted from the table to the hovering holograms, slightly translucent blue screens staring at me, humming softly.
They began to speak.

     "Welcome, Mortal Pelatico, to the rest of your life."
I could do nothing but stare, mouth still slightly hanging open.
"You will now no longer have any contact to the physical world, nor mentally, spiritually, digitally, or literally. You will now no longer answer to the rules or regulations you have had before. You will now no longer have any personal connections or relationships. You will now no longer have any personal belongings or possessions. You will now no longer believe in or advocate personal beliefs or views."
I could not believe what was happening.
"I will now answer any questions you may have in concern. I apologize if I cannot answer all of them. More complex questions will be answered later."

     For a moment, I stood there, gripping the side of the table and staring at the holographic screens as if they had mutated and turned into donkeys.
A sudden wave of blind rage crashed over my head, throwing my vision into choking darkness.
I swallowed harshly, resisting the ferocious urge to scream my throat raw at the stupid, stupid screens. Where am I?! Why did you bring me here?! What is going on?!
I let my heartbeat slow, waiting until I could no longer hear it thundering in my ears before opening my mouth to speak.
I asked a single question, a question that sent a dull sense of dread prickling up my spine for the answer. "Computer, what day is it?"

     Pause.
Longer pause.
A pause that felt as if the entire world was holding its breath, waiting for the answer.
The holographic screens hummed almost silently, not answering. Thinking.
And I prayed and hoped and desperately pleaded to the unseen stars above me that the computer-metallic voice would not give me the answer I dreaded.
And then, the screens spoke. "It is February 5th, 3048."

     And suddenly, it was just like the day I received my death date.
Everything melted away. Twisted and swirled and wrenched into a black hole, leaving only me and blackness and that smooth, cool robotic voice reverberating inside of my skull.
February 5th, 3048.
Three weeks.
It's been three weeks.

     Time seemed to grind to a deafening halt; an utter feeling of hopelessness that was all too familiar.
Three weeks.
And I remembered.

     I remembered my bed, and my home, and my parents and every single face I saw the day of my demise. Every single smell, sight, breath — I remembered.
I remembered the darkness, the panic, the hysteria. The rough touch and the voices that seemed to hold no regret, no remorse, all except for one.
Sorry, kid.
February 5th, 3048.
It has been three weeks.
And I was supposed to be dead.

     I was going to faint.
I felt the symptoms, the warning signals my body sparked to my brain. I felt the sudden numbness within my limbs; I saw the room before me sway in my vision. I felt the sudden airiness that seemed to shut off my brain, and I knew I was going to faint.
I let my shaking, trembling knees fold under me as I let myself sink to the ground once more. I rested my forehead between my hands, the cool, metal surface prickling over my overheated skull.

     I rested there, for a few moments, eyes closed. Breathing through my mouth.
Inhale, exhale.
Inhale, exhale.
Breathe in, breathe out.
It would be alright.
Finally, finally, the numbness that buzzed throughout my confused, stiff body seemed to cease.
I could lift my head. A part of me didn't want to.

     I lifted my head, my gaze dragging upwards painfully slowly.
As I remained there, knees folded under me without any sight of strength to lift me up again, my hands clenching the table so hard my knuckles were white, and looking like a horrendously exhausted and pathetic mess, I asked one more question.
"Why am I not dead?"

     A familiar pause.
An even longer familiar pause.
My jaw tightened as I stared at the humming, pale blue-like screens. I waited, yes, I waited as they thought for an answer. I waited for what they could possibly say.
And then, they said something that was the absolute opposite of what I expected.
"You are not dead, because you still exist, and it is not time for you to perish yet."

     I did not think the computer would answer in such a way.
I expected the mechanical mind to launch into a long, complicated explanation as of why I was in this place, why I was still alive, why they had spared me in such a way.
I waited in silence, staring at the humming holographic screens. I waited for something more. I waited for any other explanation, any other possible reason as to why I still was.
But the holograms remained silent, staring at me with their slightly translucent screens.

     Finally, they spoke once more.
"Do you have any more questions?"
I swallowed, clearing my head.
My hands gripped the edge of the cold, cold metal surface, my knuckles turning white as I lifted myself once more.
Slowly, ever so carefully, I let myself let go of the surface before me, straightening my aching spine.
I took another breath, willing myself not to fall once more, glaring at the holograms in front of me with all I had, a small part of my mind hoping they would burst into flames. "Where am I?"

     Silence.
A longer silence that I began to resent.
Thinking. Thinking. Signals humming. Computerized mind uncovering. Scavenging. Discovering.
Finally, finally: "I apologize. That is classified information that is unable to be given."
Right then, I really, really wanted another object other than the unmovable table to throw at those stupid screens.

     But all I could do is continue glaring at their stupid pale blue holograms and really, really hope they burst into flames.
They asked once more, in that metallic voice. "Do you have any more questions?"
I felt my fists curl and uncurl. I spat my answer as if it tasted bad. "No, I don't."

     "Very well."
Quite suddenly, a door opened behind me.
It wasn't like a normal glass door that slid aside quietly when you pressed a signal, like a normal door. No, this door was as white as the walls, and opened by sliding into the wall without as much as a near-silent hiss.
I whipped around, nearly causing myself to fall once more. I stared at the opening in shock, my breath still heavy.
Beyond the doorway was a hall. At least, it seemed mostly like a hall, the walls as pure white as in the small room I resided in.
The only strange thing was that there appeared to be a soft blue light lining the ground; one long line, leading off into the hallway.
I stared after it, slightly confused. A small part of me, the curious end of my mind, willed me to follow the soft blue lighted line, to see where it went.

     And then, the screens spoke one more time.
"Please proceed to follow the pathway indicated in front of you."
I turned my head to look back at the holographic screens, waiting for their familiar hum to reach my ears, only to be met with a white wall; my pale face just slightly reflecting off of it.

     I turned back around, squaring my shoulders.
They couldn't do worse than kill me. I might as well.
Before I could even command my stiff legs to move, I was walking down the hallway, the pale blue light glowing underneath me.
My eyes were unable to peel away.

     I walked in one straight line for what seemed like eternity, one foot after another, the rhythm vibrating up my body.
And then, a corner. A turn.
It seemed to go on forever, like that day in my school hallway. Endless eternity. Every once in a while, a turn. But that didn't affect much.
And then, it ended.

     I stopped, my eyes finally being wrenched away from the soft blue trail.
I had entered another hallway - this time, wider. Larger. And it was lined with white doors, each no different from the last.
I gazed around, my eyes flickering over every edge of the room, even if there wasn't much to look at. This room was oddly peculiar - it went on and on in each direction, door after door after door.
Finally, I looked down once more, my eyes landing on the pale blue lighted trail.
It veered to the right, heading along down the hall.

     My feet were moving again, without me realizing it. Mindlessly following the light that led me to my fate.
Out of my peripheral vision, I could see each door passing by. They didn't seem to end.
And suddenly, the blue lighted trail stopped.
I slowly looked to my left, at a white door no different from the rest. Resting. Waiting.
The hall was dead silent.

     I quietly approached the doorway, each footstep of mine sounding like a gunshot.
I stared at that door for quite a while.
Silence pressed within my ears; pounded within my skull. A silence so quiet it was screaming aloud.
It stretched on forever, just touching the edges of space and time.
Silence.

     I lifted my hand; not a fist, not to knock. The reason I lifted my hand was for something else, something that I would and will never know.
But the moment I lifted my thin wrist, hand slackened for the moment I raised it, there was a soft recognition beep; it seemed muffled by the door. It was so soft, so quiet and gentle and shy, that for a moment, I did not know whether I had heard it or not.
But the door opened.

     It opened the same way that the first had; so quiet, such a silent hiss that it was as if the door was there one moment and simply gone the next.
A cool, metallic voice that was all too familiar spoke from within the doorway.
"Welcome, Mortal Pelatico. Please step inside."
Almost as if I was in a trance, I stepped within the entrance, my bleary and confused mind not knowing how to process anything without orders.

     And I was met with a room.
A part of my fuzzed brain piqued at the thought. Really, Mortal, what else would you have been met with?
It appeared to be like the first room I was met with when I rose to consciousness, only slightly larger. The white walls loomed on either end, as if laughing at me. You can't escape! We're everywhere. You're stuck here, now.
There were three strange structures on the opposite wall, as pearly as the walls and as still as them, as well.

     My eyes flickered across the strange residency multiple times, and I found myself chewing my lip.
There was something very odd about this room; it hummed up my legs and prickled on my fingertips.
I waited and waited for the computer to say something more than a formal greeting. Something, anything. Anything to make the eerily silent room less alien than it felt.
But nothing came. No voice, no sign of recognition at all. I was all alone in that room; just Mortal, Mortal, Mortal.

     I found myself turning to the door, a small, defeated part of my beaten spirit already knowing it was closed.

     I turned my head back forward, my neck feeling like a wooden board beneath my skin.
I stared at the strange structures, lined

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