[21]

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Golden

"Golden hun you need to get up, you need to eat something. All of this isn't good for the baby and the kids are worried"

I stared blankly at the black tv screen as Shae spoke. I didn't want to hear anything she had to say to me. I knew my habits the habit was unhealthy but I was depressed.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I can do it if you want me to" Shae asked.

"Maybe it's not him, maybe somebody stole his car and--" I started to run ideas out but deep down I knew I was wrong.

"Right this way Mrs. Carter" I heard someone say. I looked down the corridor and saw Meliana walking down the hall with a doctor. She looked at me as she passed before enter the room.

I heard her scream and a loud cry before I broke down. I didn't have to go in there to know it was him. Jayceon was dead, the father of my kids was gone.

"What am I suppose to do?" I whispered.

"You'll get through it day by day" Shae said climbing on my bed cuddling with me. My dad and Ka'ron were downstairs, along with Shae's parents and Trey. Jayceon parents were on their way but I wasn't looking forward to seeing them.

"What do I tell the kids, they have to grow up without a father" I cried.

"When they're old enough you'll explain it to them but they already lost one parent they don't need to lose you"

"It's so easy for you to say that, I have to raise 3 of my kids, soon 4, without a father. Someone that Kaelin made a connection with. Maybe we weren't meant to be together and our relationship wasn't the best but the kids loved him. Why would he do this me, do this to them?"

"I don't know Gold, but you're strong, now you have to step up and continue being that great mom that you are"

"I can't even look Elijah in the face because he looks exactly like Jay. Kash the way he laughs and the way he talks is just like Jay. Ketara is daddy's little girl, he's all she ever talks about, how do tell a child that her father, her hero is gone"

"Explain it so they understand and when they're old enough, you can explain in detail that he took his own life"

"No the kids are gonna think he didn't love them enough. I can't make them think that especially not Elijah"

"He's gonna have to find out sweetie"

"When Shantanay passed me and Jayceon thought about how we would tell Elijah. How to tell him that his mother was killed, we told him that a bad man hurt his mother and that she was in heaven"

"Golden you don't have to tell him now"

"Does it matter if I tell him now or five years later?" I yelled.

"You need to relax, you're stressing yourself out"

"Relax? Now I have to tell him that both his parents are gone. Not just his mother but now his father. Of course I will always love Elijah like he's my own but I'm not his biological parent and I know that's gonna hurt him. The one parent left took his own life without even a second thought"

"I can't even imagine what you're going through Gold. I'm not even gonna try to relate because I can't but just know everyone is here for you."

A knock sounded at the door making Shae get up. I just went under my blanket and covered my head.

"Mommy? You come downstairs?" I heard Ketara voice ask. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm not feeling well right now but I'll come out when I'm feeling better" I replied not moving from my position under the blanket.

"Want me to read you story?" she asked. I felt my bed dip and little hands reach under my blanket and touch my forehead. I quickly wiped my face and took a deep breath before sitting up.

"How about you go get your brothers and sister and come back with your favorite book" I suggested. She smiled and hopped off my bed before running out the room. Shae entered the room again with an uneasy look on her face.

"Jayceons parents are here" she said making my heart drop. This would be my first time seeing them since I ran out of the hospital before they came.

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Hey y'all

naya๐Ÿ˜˜

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