the moment you realize that you're currently happy

[I.M Changkyun]

I stood outside of my dorm room door, hesitating to open it. What if Jooheon was in there? I didn't feel like talking about my attitude, yet alone having to continue it. I wasn't going to just let him win this argument that was definitely all made up in my head. I reached for the door handle, as we always left it unlocked. That probably wasn't safe but we were in a gang, nothing was really safe. I turned the handle, slowly opening the door. I peaked in and the room was empty.

"Love that for me." I got a boost of confidence and strutted into the room. I took off my sweatshirt from the night before, it had still lingered of Jooheon and I didn't need that right now. I threw it on the floor and jumped into my bed, not even bothering to grab another shirt.

"What do you love for you?" Out of nowhere, Jooheon popped up. He didn't sound angry, but he had this unfamiliar tone to his voice.

I pulled the sheets of my bed up to cover my exposed chest. I didn't answer straight away, and instead just looked at Jooheon with a rather confused expression. He tilted his head, pouting.

"I thought you weren't home." I looked straight at my best friend as I said the words, I didn't want him to see how nervous I was. My statement came out sounding rather sassy.

"Oh, so now you don't want to see me at all?" I was thrown back at how easily Jooheon's attitude had changed, he had gotten so annoyed out of literally nowhere.

"I never said that. I'm just talking about right now." This time I pulled out my phone and started to pretend to scroll through it. I could feel Jooheon heat up. I don't exactly know why I was adding fuel to the fire, but I was more than amused. At this point I wasn't even mad anymore.

I didn't get a response, instead Jooheon went over to his dresser. He looked at himself in the mirror before slamming his fist against the glass. I jumped up in shock. Glass had hit Jooheon in the face, the chest, and his hand was definitely bleeding. I swear I could not have one normal day. He didn't even seem to care instead he stomped over to me, putting his bloody hand on my bare shoulder.

"Why are you like this? Why have you been so upset with me? Tell me what I did, so I can just improve. I'm just trying to be here for you." I looked away from him, his words stung. But Jooheon forced me to look at him, he stared into my eyes just waiting for an answer. "Changkyun, just tell me."

I returned Jooheon's angry glare, and pushed his hand off of me. "You would never understand, there's nothing anyone can do about it. I can't even tell you."

I sat on the edge of my bed, looking right at Jooheon. He was red and flustered. His eyes grew bigger, and he gave me this look. I can't even begin to describe how captivating that look was.

"Tell me, we can work through this. We can work through anything. Don't be scared." He reached out to me again, but I denied his touch. I wanted so badly to believe that maybe if I just told him, he'd understand. Maybe he'd even get where I was coming from.

"Y-You're my everything, Jooheon." I regained my steady breathing, and continued my general statement. I didn't want to give away too much information. "And you never see that, you don't comprehend half of my feelings."

Jooheon shook his head. "Of course I understand. You're my everything too, Changkyun."

I smiled a little bit. Maybe he did get it. But I quickly made the thought disappear. He was talking about friendships, I wasn't.

"It's not like that. You don't know what I want." My words could've meant so many different things. And I was more than just scared to see how Jooheon interpreted them.

"What do you want then? Maybe I could give it to you." He sat next to me, keeping no space between us. My breathing began to go rogue once more. His words kept circling through my ears. Would he really give me what I wanted?

I stood up, looking down at my best friend since day one. Was I really going to potentially ruin out friendship? Yes, yes I was.

"I was to be able to kiss you, and call you mine. I want to hold your hand without being called weak. We would be able to walk around the town, and even the estate without a care in the world. I want you to love me, but you love someone else." I took a deep breath as I finished saying my last words. I gazed at Jooheon, he was thinking really deeply. He didn't want to mess up.

He stood up, only towering an inch or two above me. He looked at me with the most sincere eyes and opened his mouth. I braced myself for his words to hurt me, but they did just the opposite. "I don't love...just k-kiss me." He stuttered a bit, but he was confident in his words.

He placed one hand on my exposed waist, and the other on my face. I could care less about any blood stains on my skin, I just looked into Jooheon's eyes. He nodded, and I leaned in. He met me half way, and I never knew the fairytale feelings were real. I felt like I was on the top of the world.

Jooheon didn't pull away, but instead kissed me harder. He pulled me closer and I felt safe, I felt loved. I never wanted the moment to end, it was as if time stopped. The image, the feeling, was immediately stamped in my head.

And just for those few minutes, Jooheon was mine.