a kind of psychological exoskeleton that can protect you from pain and contain your anxieties, but always ends up cracking under pressure or hollowed out by time

[I.M Changkyun]

I sat against the bathroom door, waiting for Jooheon to leave our room. He had been trying to talk to me all morning but I didn't want to face him. What if someone told him about yesterday? Or even worse, what if I had to tell him what had happened?

"Kyun, babe, are you in there?" I felt the door vibrate against my back after each of Jooheon's soft knocks. "Kyun, open the door. Let me see you."

His voice sent shivers down my spine. And the way he called me 'babe' almost made me smile. I got up from the floor, looking into the bathroom mirror. My face was stained with dried tears, and my face was red from embarrassment. "I'm not in here."

I heard a chuckle from the other side of the door. The door handle shook around, but I had already locked it. "Kyun, please let me in. I want to make sure you're okay, you really worried me yesterday."

I groaned, and my hand made its way to the lock. I hesitated a bit, but after a few minutes I found the courage to unlock the door. I stepped back, waiting for the door to swing open. But it didn't. He was waiting, Jooheon was waiting until I was ready. And I guess I had no choice but to face him. He was still my best friend, and he would always be my Jooheon.

I opened the door, looking into Jooheon's eyes. "Hi..." My voice was nearly a whisper and I gave him a little wave. Jooheon's smile instantly appeared but his eyes had a sad gaze to them.

"Come here, Changkyun." He extended his arms and I fell into them. He felt like home, his warmth was so familiar and I had missed it so much. He buried his face into my neck, whispering inaudible phrases.

I was so in love, but I still didn't feel it back. I wanted to feel it, I wanted to at least pretend I did, but I was too self conscious. I knew I wasn't enough for Jooheon, and he would soon realize it. He was making a mistake with me, he could do so much better. No matter how much I wanted this to work, I knew I would never be enough.

"I hate that I'm so in love with you. I can't even concentrate when you're around. Yesterday, seeing you with Minhyuk, I was so hurt-" I didn't remove myself from Jooheon's arms, I felt safer with him. I was trying my best to be opened with him, but I was more than scared to hear his reaction.

Jooheon sighed, resting his chin on my shoulder. "Kyun, I was trying to make you jealous. I didn't know Kihyun was your brother, bloody hell I didn't even know he existed. I'm sorry, I swear I am. I never meant to hurt you, not more than I already have."

"I know, it's okay. It's my fault for not telling you, and for being so sensitive. I just don't want to hide anything from you anymore. You're still my best friend, and I'm not even thinking of getting rid of you." Jooheon backed away from me, looking into my eyes then to the floor. His breath became unsteady, and his hands were slightly shaking by his sides.

I reached out to him, and he calmed down a bit. I was just about to ask him what was wrong, but it was as if he read my mind. "I thought I had lost you after telling you how I felt. I thought I lost my Changkyun."

I shook my head, he'd never lose me. No matter how far we strayed from each other, we'd always find our way back. I was his, even if it was just as best friends.

I slowly inched towards Jooheon, and soon his back was to the wall. I smirked, and he was more than shocked. I was never one to initiate anything, but I needed to let him know I was his. Forever and always.

I pressed my lips against his, wrapping my arms around his neck. Jooheon's hands went to my waist and we were like a normal couple. I pulled away from Jooheon's lips, making him whine a bit. I pulled him even closer to me, resting my lips next to his ear. "Jooheon, you'll never lose me."

Jooheon opened his mouth but immediately closed it. I left him speechless, wow I did that. He gazed into my eyes, leaning in once more. I closed my eyes, waiting for our mouths to come in contact. Only to be interrupted.

"I.M, open the door!" I knew that voice anywhere, Wonho. He didn't sound hurt, so did I really have to open? "Quit daydreaming about lover boy and open the goddamn door! Also I'm very sorry if he's in the room right now..."

Jooheon laughed, raising an eyebrow. "Lover boy, huh?" I rolled my eyes, pushing him and walking to the door.

I opened the door a small bit and peeked my head through the crack. "Yes..? Oh my god, your hair!" I swung the door opened, and I couldn't stop my hands from going to Wonho's hair. It was no longer brown, but white with blue ends. It was so mesmerizing.

"Yeah, I met Kihyun. I like him, he's cool. And his hair is just pure inspiration." Wonho gave his head a shake, and I stood with my jaw on the ground. Nobody should look that good with white hair.

I batted my eyes, making sure I wasn't seeing things. "You look so good, what the hell."

Wonho smiled, and proceeded to spin in a circle. He's such a baby. He stopped spinning, and his eyes locked with Jooheon's. He gave a small wave to the boy on my bed, and returned his gaze to me. 'Sorry,' he mouthed.

It was my turn to laugh. "It's okay, he knows." I turned to look at Jooheon, who had already gotten up and was by my side. He wrapped his hands around my waist, almost as if he was making sure Wonho knew I was his. This made Wonho all smiley.

"Next time, don't look so good. Or I might start falling for you and not Changkyun." Wonho stumbled backward as if he had been shoved. I punched Jooheon's arm and he quickly defended himself. "Calm down, I'm joking I'm joking!"

I narrowed my eyes at Jooheon, not even noticing Wonho bouncing up and down in excitement.