a conversational hint that you have something personal to say on the subject but don't go any further

[I.M Changkyun]

"Fine, fine! Let go! I was just giving examples, I hurt myself." Shownu backed off of me, but anyone could've been able to tell he didn't buy my lies.

"I'll let it go this time, but next time I will take care of anyone that messes with my little brother. I know it might not seem like it, but you mean so much to me. Without you, I wouldn't be who I am right now." I watched as my brother's soft smile returned, and he gave me a pat on the shoulder. I nodded, trying not to be emotional. Shownu maintained a pretty composed outer shell, mushy emotions weren't a thing for him.

I waited for Shownu to walk away before I continued my way to Hyungwon's room. He was the guy who did all of the gangs tattoos. He truly was an artist, he could make anything beautiful and lovable. I had a lot of respect for him. And while we didn't talk much, he was a good guy. When I went to get my 'monster' tattoo, he made me wait a little bit. He helped me to heal my wounds. And when it came time to get the tattoo, it was painless. It was as if he knew me without me having to tell him anything. He cared for the gang, and it wasn't hard to see.

I knocked on his door, hearing his deep voice echo from the other side. "Come in."

I opened the door, giving him a small wave. He motioned for me the come have a seat on his tattooing chair. I had no idea where the chair came from, but it sure as hell was nice. It was burgundy with gold accents, and it must've been bloody expensive. I've never seen anything like it, but then again I've been trapped in this estate since birth.

"What can I do for you today?" He attempted to hand me his sketch book, but I had my mind set on a design. I described every detail, and he started right away. No stencil needed. I didn't want anyone else to have my tattoo, my pain. I didn't have any scars on the left side of my chest yet, but they'd get there eventually. This time I decided to start with the art.

"I don't see scars this time. Is everything all good with you, I.M?" Hyungwon stayed focused as he brought my idea to life. He wasn't the type of person to just want to know everyone's business, he cared about it.

"Just because I don't have scars now, doesn't mean they're not coming. I just thought I'd start with the masterpiece first." This made the needle stop. "Hey, I won't ruin anything. I'll work around it." I think this calmed Hyungwon down a little since the needles started once more. But he wasn't taking my shit either.

"How about you don't hurt yourself at all?" I had no words to respond. I wish my mind worked like that. I glanced at him quickly before leaning my head back and closing my eyes.

***

"You're all set, go look at it in the mirror." I took a deep breath. I knew the results would be amazing, so why was I scared?

I got out of the chair, and walked over to the full body mirror. I stared at my chest, it was almost too perfect. It was so accurate, like if Hyungwon was in my brain. The realistic heart was in all black ink, but all the detail was there. It was as if I pulled my heart out of my chest. It had cracks throughout the heart and around it inked on my skin. It perfectly represented my brokenness. It was beautifully terrifying.

"Thank you, Hyungwon. It's perfect." He nodded in agreement. "I'll be back sometime in the future. See you then."

I was almost out of the door when Hyungwon stopped me, "I.M, when Wonho gets better can you tell him to come see me? I know his angel wings are ruined right now, but that doesn't mean they're gone forever." I noticed Hyungwon could barely look at me when talking about Wonho, it made my mind go to all sorts of places.

[Lee Jooheon]

I lifted my phone to my ear, dreading the conversation before me. I didn't want to break anymore hearts today, especially not my friend's. I listened to each ring, hoping the call wouldn't be accepted. Hoping the person I was trying to reach was occupied. But then the ringing stopped. Everything was silent, and I definitely wasn't going to be the first to talk.

"Hi baby!" I heard Seoyeon's sweet voice echo from the other end. I couldn't speak, I was scared. I wasn't a loyal boyfriend, and now I had to tell her. "Jooheon? Are you there?"

I took a deep breath, "Hey Seoyeon. I need to, uh, tell you something." I could almost feel her smile fade away. I saw the image perfectly in my head. I've seen it so many times before, yet I never did anything to make it stop, to make her smile return.

She didn't speak, she was waiting. She wanted me to tell her before she could feel any sort of emotion. She had no clue how to feel, I gave her no hints. My voice was calm, not alarming one bit. It was like a regular phone call, just with a lot more pauses.

"Seoyeon, I messed up. And I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I was never a good boyfriend to you. We weren't a normal couple, and I know you've always wanted that." I paused, this time I was waiting for her response.

"Baby, you know I love you. It's okay that we're not like every other couple. It makes us unique." Her smile came back, and mine faded. I didn't love her the way she loved me. I was just scared to tell her. "Jooheon, if you have something to say just say it. You're awfully quiet..."

"You know I love you," I heard her hum from the other side of the phone. "but I don't love you the same way you love me. I don't know how I'm feeling, and I'm very confused right now. I'm so sorry, Seoyeon, but I think it's time we go our separate ways. At least until I can figure out my emotions, not just for others but towards myself as well."

Her sniffles were undeniably soft, she was doing her best to stay strong. I hurt her, I knew I did. "Baby...we can work this out. Please? Jooheon, don't leave me."

"I'm sorry. I'll talk to you soon, Seoyeon. I'm still here for you always."

I hung up the phone, not waiting for her response. I kept thinking about my last words to her. I'd always be there for her, forever. She was my soulmate, just in a different way. Seoyeon and I were best friends, and deep down inside she knew that. I loved her, just not the way I loved Changkyun. And she helped me realize that.

I just couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell anyone.