I was finally done with my last paper and I couldn't wait to celebrate. Goodbye campus life. See you never. I thought to myself as I entered my apartment building and ascended the stairs. I was so happy I almost ran through whoever was coming down. When I saw who it was I wish I had passed through her so she could fall, break her neck and die. Harsh, I know but she deserved it.

"Hello man stealer. What are you doing here? Need another beating?" I sneered at her.

"You do have a way with words don't you?" She asked smirking and I almost punched it right off her face but I held back.

I didn't want to ruin my knuckles. It took them long enough to heal last time and they hurt like a bitch. So worth it though.

"I have a way with my fist too but you already know that don't you?" I asked her smiling sarcastically making her smirk drop. Thought so.

"Well I was actually here to see Gabriel and apologize for last time but he wouldn't see me and that prick Vincent slammed the door in my face." She huffed and my smile grew bigger.

Thank you Vincent. Everyone from our little circle knew of my scuffle with little miss sundress here. They even loved my very not so colourful nicknames for her. Ava promised to help me beat her up next time and the boys promised to help me hide her dead body. I love my friends.

"I told you to stay away." I warned.

"Well I had nothing to loose. And besides I know you guys won't last. You're just an itch he needs to scratch before he actually starts dating someone who is good for him." She informed me with another one of her innocent smiles.

I smiled back and got into her face"Let me guess. You are the good one for him." I whispered staring directly into her eyes.

She tried maintain eye contact but failed and looked away.

"Of course I am." She replied.

"Bad news miss fake perfection he is into me and this bad girl here has been scratching his itch as you call it for the past three months and I don't plan to stop." I informed her pointing at myself before knocking my shoulder against hers making her stumble backwards as I continued my way up.

"You will never be good for him. He deserves someone good who doesn't sleep with a different man each weekend and drinks herself to alcohol poisoning." She yelled at me.

"Yeah whatever you stupid man stealer." I yelled at her.

Where did she get to know about my alcohol poisoning? Gabriel? The guys? I didn't care anyways. I had outgrown that phase of drinking myself to a stupor. I mean I still drunk alcohol but not to get shitfaced but just for the fun of it.

I heard her huff before she continued walking down the stairs. As much as I tried to be unaffected by her words I couldn't help but think about what she had said. Was I bad for Gabriel? I mean in a term I was kind of a slut but I had changed as soon as I laid my eyes on him. I hadn't even thought of cheating on him or ever being with another guy ever since I started dating him. But could I commit my whole life to him? Would I be able to love him like he loved me? Would I ever reciprocate his feelings?

Gabriel clearly had deep feelings for me. I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me. He had this face whenever he saw me and all the little things he did for me just proved how deep his feelings were for me. He looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world for.

I knew I had feelings for him too but were they that strong. Could I give Gabriel what he needed? Love. I knew he wanted more from our relationship but was I ready. More important could I give him what he wanted? Forever.

Deep down I wanted to be all that for Gabriel and more but could I? The self doubt that always creeped in whenever I thought of my future made me skeptical of making any future plans with Gabriel in them. I really wanted to give him my all but I couldn't. I was too scared I would mess up.

I finally said it. I was scared of not being enough for Gabriel. I was scared one day I'd get bored and break his heart. I was scared that one day he would give up on me and leave me. I was scared that we were too different. I was scared that Gabriel loved me too much and I would never feel the same for him. One word. Scared. It defined everything for me.

I stood at the top step before I began walking down the hallway to our rooms and composed myself. I had to push back all the doubt and the negativity at the back of my mind like I had been doing ever since I became Gabriel's girlfriend. I had to do it for the sake of my sanity. When I could finally breath and have a genuine smile on my face I began walking down the hallway.

The gang and I were supposed to have a mini party tomorrow because that's when everyone would be done with all their exams. I was planning on just spending the rest of the day in with Gabriel. I didn't know what Vincent was doing there though.

His door was slightly open when I got there. I rolled my eyes. This guys have got to learn to properly close the door.

"Do you think she will like it?" I heard Gabriel ask sounding a little nervous.

I hadn't opened the door all the way yet so I just stood back and listened in. I don't know why I did it though. But something in me told me to just wait and listen. I had never heard Gabriel sound so nervous before. I mean he was always nervous around me most of the time but that was at the beginning of our relationship. Now he was dominating and demanding and I loved it. What could have made him so nervous?

"Yeah it's really cool and her style but don't you think it's too soon. You guys have only been together for three months." Vincent commented and I became more intrigued.

What were they talking about? Too soon? Give me what?

"You think I don't know that but I have never been more sure about anything in my life. I love her so much Vincent." He commented his voice going soft at the end and gasped.

I quickly clamped my hand around my mouth and hoped they hadn't heard me. Thankfully they didn't because nobody moved to check if anyone was at the door.

This was the first time I heard Gabriel say that he loved me. I mean I knew that he did but hearing him actually say it made things so much more real. He loved me. That made me so happy and sad at the same time. Happy because someone as good and as amazing as Gabriel was in love with me. Sad because I didn't feel the same way. I had strong feelings for him but I couldn't say I loved him yet. I mean I was the girl who up until three months ago didn't believe in love so how could I love him now.

I leaned in closer to hear what Vincent would say. I really wish I hadn't because the next words he did shook me to my core.

"I know you love her Gabe but I don't think proposing is really the solution right now. I mean does she even feel the same..." Vincent said but I didn't hear the rest as I was currently stuck on the word proposal.

Gabriel was going to propose. What the fuck? We had only been dating for three months. Do people usually propose after three months of dating?

I felt myself start to hyperventilate. I had to get out of here quick so before I could hear anything else I turned on my heel and run down the hall and back down the stairs. I guess I made too much noise because I heard Gabriel calling after me. Shit. I couldn't face him right now. Not after what I had just heard. I needed to get as far away from him as possible and I knew just the place. I dashed out of the building and outside the compound ignoring the stares of people wondering why I was running. Oba even tried to call me asking me what was wrong. As much as I liked the old man he couldn't help me right now.

Lady luck was on my side because as soon as I got outside the gate there was someone coming out of an uber. I quickly dashed back in not caring if they had finished their business or not.

"Drive please." I shouted looking out to see if Gabriel was close.

"Hajanilipa bado." The driver replied.

I haven't been paid yet.

"Wewe usijali nitalipa yake na yangu. Endesha tafafhali." I begged and he quickly nodded after assessing me to see if I was capable of paying. He must have approved because he turned on the car and drove off just as Gabriel got out of the gates.

Don't worry I'll pay for both. Just drive please.

"Mbona huyo kijana anakukimbisha." The driver asked.

Why is that boy chasing you?

I didn't know what to reply to that. He was chasing me to propose. Or he was chasing me to explain about what I had just heard.

"Ni mchezo tunacheza." I replied and the driver laughed.

It's a game we're playing.

"Watoto was siku hizi. Unaenda wapi lakini?" He asked me.

Kids nowadays. So where am I taking you?

"Westlands." I replied and he nodded his eyes widening at the amount I'd have to pay him.

Westlands was actually quite far from school but I didn't care. I had to go somewhere where Gabriel had no idea of. He knew where Kendi lived because he had picked me up from there last month when I had gone to see her so I couldn't exactly go there. They hadn't met because as much as I had loved meeting his family I was not ready for him to meet mine and thankfully he had understood that.

He had no idea where Zawadi lived though so I'd be safe there for a while till I gathered my thoughts and decided on my next move. What would be my next move? We'll that's what I was going to figure out as soon as I managed to escape Gabriel.

I texted Zawadi that I was going over to her place because I knew she hated surprise visits as much as I did. She told me she was out of town for a trip but she would be back in two days and that if I still wanted to go there her keys were with her neighbor. I texted her back and told her I still wanted to go and wished her a successful business trip.

I was glad she didn't ask me questions as to why I wanted to crash at her place because honestly I didn't have all the answers myself.

I wasn't ready to get married or pledge myself to one person. How did Gabriel even get that idea? Did I give him the wrong signals about where we were in our relationship?

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I took it out and saw that it was Gabriel calling and I quickly cut the call. It happened five more times till it stopped. I thought he gave up but instead Vincent started calling. His calls suffered the same fate. I knew they were together so I wasn't going to pick up. Choosing rings and planning proposals behind my back. What the hell was Vincent thinking? What were they all thinking?

The calls stopped and when I thought it was all over the texts started. They were all from Gabriel.

Nia baby please call me back.

I'm sorry for what you may have heard come back and we'll talk about it.

Where are you going?

Baby girl please.

It was more and more begging after that and I realized I couldn't bare to see Gabriel beg me or sound so sad so I shut off my phone.

I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. It was going to be a long ride so I might as well get comfortable. But you even as I got comfortable I couldn't stop asking myself one question or two. What did this mean for me and Gabriel? Were we going to break up or work through this? Deep down I already knew the answer. Gabriel and I were no more. I couldn't give him what he wanted. And as the reality finally set in so did the heartbreak leading to the waterworks.

I saw the uber driver sending me pitying looks through the rearview mirror but he didn't say anything which I was grateful for. Please let me mope in silence and he did.

Goodbye Gabriel. Am sorry I can't be who you want me to be and give you what you want. Am really sorry.

************************************

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