Track 53: Safety in Numbers (Part III)

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We're ill-equipped to deal alone

Lock our doors, shut off our phones


We think we're safe,

but wouldn't you know?

The real danger's in being solo


I feel safer when I'm with you

Need you to help me make it through

Even if I seem OK,

it isn't true

There's safety in numbers for me and you

-Safety in Numbers x  Blue Vendetta-


Misery Loves Company

By: theinkslingerr

Track 53: Safety in Numbers (Part III)

The day after I'd run into Julian in front of school, Chip On Your Shoulder records dropped "Safety in Numbers."

If Misery Loves Company had continued, we would've been three weeks away from the grand finale, where Blue Vendetta released the song and performed it on set. It would've skyrocketed Enid's views and subscriber count, and hyped up both new and old BV fans.

Since that couldn't happen now, releasing the song and music video ahead of schedule was obviously a calculated move to shift the focus from the band's many scandals to their music.

Too bad it didn't really work.

The song itself was strong. Jae's creamy tenor vacillated between vulnerable and hopeful, while Rocco's guitar took it to this haunting, dreamlike place. Eli's bass was deep and steady, and I thought it was some of Dom's best drumming to date.

The video was just as powerful. Shot in mostly black and white, the boys wore dark jeans and hoodies, their faces covered with masks reminiscent of Guy Fawkes. They were standing in a crowd of people wearing the same mask, but their's was blue (the only hint of color in the video) while the crowd's was white.

At the end, the boys and everybody in the crowd took off their masks as the music faded.

The song and music video had been written and recorded months ago, so it was eerie how appropriate they were given the circumstances. They left me a little shaken. I felt...alone and part of something all at once.

But I seemed to be the only one paying attention, because when I scanned the comments all anyone could talk about was me, Rocco, Sage, and Nic. There were also comparisons between Rocco's playing and his dad's— something I didn't think he'd ever escape now that people knew who he was related to.

The shade thrown at the label was apparent as well. People knew they were trying to divert their attention, so the focus was on everything but the music. And while some artists didn't care, I knew the boys would.

I listened to "Safety in Numbers" on repeat and talked to Sienna about it during lunch. After school, Josh caught up with me and asked if I wanted to volunteer with him again. Together we walked to Beechmill Elementary in the biting cold. I was actually at 26 hours now. Mrs Mayer would be proud.

During our walk, I thought about what Julian said yesterday.

"Tell him I'm doing this for his own good. He can't spend the rest of his life walking just because of a fender bender."

Was it really just a fender bender though? The scar on Josh's stomach and his general anxiety when faced with car rides suggested otherwise.

I mulled over tactful ways to broach the subject, but nothing sounded right so I chickened out.

At Beechmill Elementary, we helped Mrs. Faulk pass out the anti-bullying workbooks the kids had been working out of. Each page had a different activity designed to help them identify helpful and harmful behaviors. They also encouraged things like empathy and unity.

Today's activity featured the word "kindness" spelled vertically down the page. The objective was to write a word or line of poetry that started with each letter of the word.

It was interesting to see what the kids wrote. Some were cute, some were funny, some surprisingly eloquent. And others were silly. One kid literally just wrote kindness twice. But as usual, Corey's was written to provoke.

I looked at his workbook and groaned. It read:

Kick those kids

In the

Neck, and

Do

Not

Express

Stupid

Sorry's

"Josh." I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Come get Corey."

Corey smirked. He was so pleased with himself. "What? I followed the rules!"

Overall, Mrs. Faulk had been right about him. He'd gotten better thanks to Josh's mentoring, but the little terror still had his moments.

The next page in the workbook featured a giant heart. A horizontal line ran right through the middle, cutting it in half. A little blurb explained how actions and words left a lasting mark, and how kids that were bullied often felt alone and needed to be reminded someone cared. On the top half of the heart, the kids had to write down positive behaviors that would make others feel good. On the bottom half, they were supposed to write down negative behaviors that would hurt.

The exercise made them think, and showed Mrs. Faulk how their moral compasses were set so far.

Corey's was definitely off, but at least he was trying this time around.

When it was almost time for everyone to go home, Mrs. Faulk asked Josh and I to collect the materials and propped herself on the edge of a table.

"Does anyone have siblings?" she asked.

There was a chorus of yeses and many raised hands. Even Josh smiled a little and raised his hand.

"Whose brother or sister says or does mean things to them sometimes?"

The temptation to look directly at Josh was strong. I resisted it by organizing a stack of workbooks in alphabetical order. If he wasn't raising his hand for this, he needed to. He obviously loved Julian, but I didn't know if the feeling was mutual. Based on what I'd seen so far, Julian wasn't all that concerned about his little brother's trauma-induced phobia. In fact, he seemed to enjoy forcing Josh into cars. He had no qualms about embarrassing him in front of his peers either. It was more than a little disturbing, and once again I wondered how Josh had grown up with that.

I finally peeked at him to see he was no longer smiling. A little muscle in his jaw was ticking and both arms were crossed.

"It's normal to argue with your brothers and sisters." Mrs. Faulk's hand was the only one up. "Just ask my little brother Rob." She chuckled, obviously remembering a squabble with Rob. It caused most of the kids to relax. A few little hands went up.

If their nice teacher fought with her brother, then clearly it was nothing to be ashamed of.

"But if your brother or sister says and does mean things all the time, hurts you and tries to hide it from your parents. What do you think that is?"

"Bullying?" a little girl replied timidly.

"Yes," was Mrs. Faulk's grave affirmation.

A boy named Louie waved his arm around. "My dad said when brothers and sisters fight it's just sibling rivery."

He probably meant sibling rivalry. The way he'd butchered it was adorable, but it worried me his dad would chalk up every negative interaction between siblings to that. Then again, what did I know? I was an only child.

"Sibling rivalry is real," Mrs. Faulk said diplomatically. Sometimes brothers and sisters argue over who's the best. But if they're saying or doing things that really hurt your feelings, and make you sad to go home— where you're supposed to feel safe— it's bullying."

Suck on that, Louie's dad.

Josh turned around and started looking for something to do, much like I had seconds ago.

Mrs. Faulk's eyes landed on the back of his head before returning to her students. "Bullying doesn't only happen at school. If a sibling is bullying you or you're bullying them, I'd like you to tell your parents. Or you can tell me, and I'll talk to them. It sounds scary, but if they know how you feel, they can help you and your sibling. If they don't know how, then just let me know. The other thing I want you guys to remember is never to blame yourselves. Bullying is never about you, it's about the other person. Even if that person is your brother or sister."

On that final note, she dismissed everyone. Some families were going to be having tough conversations tonight.

Josh and I continued to clean up. His face was still drawn and it was obvious he was trying not to snap at Corey, who'd hung around to talk his ear off.

I remember what Mrs. Faulk had told me about minoring in psychology in college, and how she'd seen many cases among brothers and their fathers where the one predisposed to empathy copied traits he'd seen in the others to fit in. If Josh had spent his childhood being emotionally and physically tormented by Julian, and their parents got popcorn and watched instead of intervening, then no wonder he'd had to adapt. When the only choices someone had were to conform or be broken, it was hard to blame them for choosing option A.

The thought made me see all the interactions we'd had in elementary school through a different lens, and while they were still unacceptable, I understood them now. There was good in Josh— there always had been. But that was the issue within his family. He'd had to bury it in order to survive.

I hesitated before walking over to him and Corey with what I hoped was a reassuring smile. This was some deep stuff. Dysfunction and personality disorders at their finest. It made my relationship with my mom seem like goals. I knew nothing I did would actually help something like this— I wasn't a licensed professional and I didn't have a couch for him to lie on— but maybe he simply needed to hear someone besides Mrs. Faulk say the things that happened in his childhood weren't his fault.

I stopped in my tracks. How many times had Rocco and Sienna told me things weren't my fault? Had I listened? Maybe I needed to take Mrs. Faulk's advice to heart before trying to impart it onto someone else.

"What do you want?" Corey grumbled, eyeing me suspiciously. Josh wouldn't look at me.

"I—" My phone rang and I was kind of relieved. I clearly needed more time to organize my thoughts.

The call was from a number I didn't recognize, but desperate to delay the upcoming awkwardness with Josh, I answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Please tell me Rocco's with you right now and he had to extract his tongue from your throat, so you could pick up this call."

"Dom?" I choked in disbelief.

He'd never called me before. Never bothered to ask any of our mutual friends for my number until now. I quickly got over my shock when what he'd said registered.

"Wait— what?"

He made a frustrated noise. "Is Rocco with you?"

My stomach dropped. "N-no. I'm...volunteering for school. He's not at his apartment or his nonna's house?"

"Do you think I'd be calling you if he was?" Dom snapped.

"Gimme the phone." That was Ji-Hyun's muffled voice. "Antagonizing her isn't going to get us anywhere. You should've stayed home if you were going to be useless." Her words could cut just as deeply as Jae's when she was angry. I heard rustling and more bickering, then her voice came through loud and clear. "Hey, Miz. When was the last time you talked to Rocco?"

"Not since we were all at Enid's. He hasn't been responding to my calls or texts. Eli told me he hasn't been responding to yours either." I was trying to keep my voice from rising, but failing spectacularly. Both Josh and Corey were now staring at me, so I turned my back on them to focus on the call.

"What's going on?" I rasped.

Ji-Hyun hesitated, and I heard more voices in the background. It sounded like Jae and Eli were with her too. Had she roped them into moving furniture or something? I kept hearing things being dragged and dropped.

"It's nothing— we were just wondering—"

"Ji-Hyun." My voice broke and my sweaty palms were making it hard to grip the phone. "Please tell me. Please. I'm begging you."

To my horror, she released a trembling sigh. "We all came by to see Rocco. He wouldn't answer the door, so I got worried and used my key. His place is wrecked, Misery, and we can't reach him. Sage doesn't know where he is and his doorman didn't see him leave."

I sat down heavily at one of the cafeteria's tables as I imagined Rocco's cozy apartment turned upside down. Pillows from his big comfy couch on the hardwood floors, broken CDs and records, torn curtains; the kitchen a mess of shattered dishes and trash.

Panic made its way up my spine like a legion of angry fire ants. What if everything that had been going on triggered an obsessed fan that made it past Rowan? Or what if he was so stressed that he'd gone somewhere to...hurt himself?

I shut my eyes. Not that. Anything but that.

"I'm gonna try and see if I can reach him," I said.

"OK. Let us know if he picks up and we'll do the same."

Once Ji-Hyun hung up, I called Rocco. My hands were shaking and I could feel Josh and Corey's eyes, their concern. The call went straight to voicemail, and even though I expected it, my pulse still jumped. My phone stuck to my face as my warm breath moistened the screen.

"Rocco? Hey, it's me," I said after the beep. "Where are you? Ji-Hyun and the others are at your apartment and they said— you know what— it doesn't matter. When you get this please, please call me back."

I hung up and texted him too then called again in case he'd turned on his phone in the last five seconds.

Tears burned my eyes as I imagined the worst case scenario. Which was Rocco trying to harm himself or lose himself in the same substances his father found solace in.

No, he wouldn't do that.

Right? I'd never even seen him drink.

"Hey," Josh said softly.

I jumped, because I'd been in my head.

"We're done here. Let me walk you home."

He told Corey to go wait for his parents in Mrs. Faulk's classroom. Before the little troublemaker could run off, he said, "Who's Rocco? Are you gonna let him take Misery from you?"

With a long-suffering sigh, Josh poked Corey's forehead, told him to mind his own business, and kicked him out of the cafeteria.

"He's just saying stuff. You know how he is," he said to me.

As we walked toward my neighborhood, my head throbbed. Why was Rocco's apartment destroyed? Where could he be? Was he with Sage and Nic? When Ji-Hyun called had she been lying about not knowing his whereabouts to protect her little family?

I ended up wandering off the sidewalk a few times, and Josh had to pull me out of the road so I wouldn't get hit by a car.

"I don't think I should leave you alone like this," he muttered, carding a hand through his red hair. "There's a Barnes and Noble down the street. Why don't we chill there so you can't go home and fixate on this?"

I couldn't get any words past the lump in my throat, so I just nodded and we made our way to Barnes & Noble. It had a Starbucks inside. Josh got us coffee and paid while I found an empty table. In the end, I couldn't stomach my coffee, so I stared at the lid. Josh sipped from his as he flipped through a magazine about drums.

"So, based on your call, I'm guessing Alden's MIA?" he asked.

I sighed. "Ji-Hyun and the guys found his apartment destroyed. I'm worried someone got into his house or..."

"He freaked and wrecked it himself?"

I narrowed my eyes. Last week Josh had admitted he sucked at consoling people and now I was experiencing it firsthand. "It's hard to picture him doing that though. He doesn't have a temper."

"Unlike me?" Josh added wryly.

Hmm. No comment.

"When people feel cornered, they do a lot of things they normally wouldn't. I mean, the way I see it, Alden's got the weight of the world on his shoulders right now."

He could very well be right, but I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to imagine Rocco so distraught, he tore apart his own place. I scrubbed a hand over my face and watched Josh go back to his drum magazine.

I don't know how much time passed. Josh got up several times to swap magazines. He even picked up some Archie comics and I stared at the cover as he read, amused that he looked a little like the iconic character sans the goofiness.

People came in and out of the book store. Some ordered coffee and pastries and sat down to eat,  while others clacked away on shiny laptops. A few people were engrossed in their tablets and e-readers, ignoring the physical books stacked around them.

In a way, being here was helpful. I was people-watching instead of sitting at home driving myself crazy with what-ifs.

I crossed my arms on the table, then lay my head on them. Glancing at my phone, I realized I'd gotten a text. I picked it up, saw the preview in notifications, and couldn't breathe. I almost dropped it in my hurry to unlock the screen, which pulled Josh's attention from the adventures of Archie.

"Is that Alden?" he asked.

It was.

And he'd dropped me a pin of his location.

The text didn't contain any words or emojis. Just that pin telling me he was ready to be found.

I tapped on it, trying to figure out where Rocco wanted me to go. He wasn't back at his apartment. He wasn't even in New York City.

He was here, in Pennsylvania at some park.

I put the address into maps along with my current location, and realized it was about forty minutes away.

"He's at East River State Park," I mumbled to Josh. I called Sienna to see if she could drive me or let me borrow her car, but she didn't pick up. Frustrated, I called again then tried her mom's salon. No one answered, so they were either really busy or the chatty receptionist was doing what he did best.

I could call Ji-Hyun and the boys, but they were still in New York. It would take them hours to get to Rocco. My mom was out too, because she was visiting her parents for the first time in years.

What was I going to do? Rocco had finally decided to reach out to someone— to me— and I couldn't get to him.

"Do you need a ride?"

I looked up at Josh in surprise. "What?"

He pushed the comic books away and reached for his backpack. "I live close by. We could take Julian's car and—"

"I can't ask you to do that."

"Cool, because you don't have to. I'm offering—"

"Josh, stop! I know."

That got him to slow down. He let go of his backpack and sat still. It looked like there were a million different things going through his head, but he didn't voice any of them.

"I ran into Julian last week. He...he was waiting for you outside of school and asked if I knew you. I ended up admitting I did, and he told me to tell you that whatever he was doing was for your own good. That you couldn't walk forever because of a fender bender," I explained.

I expected him to deny. To deflect. He hadn't exactly been an open book since he'd come back to Beechmill, but now I knew why. Throughout my explanation, his face had gotten red and the fist he had on the table tightened. At first I thought it was embarrassment, but then I quickly realized it was fury.

"Julian called it a 'fender bender?'" Josh gritted out.

"Yeah, but I don't think—"

"Our parents are dead."

I froze. I'd expected bad news, but I hadn't expected it to be on this level. He'd moved back to live with his aunt and uncle because not one, but both of his parents had

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