Track 49: Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

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Author's note: For those of you who were interested in getting an electronic excerpt of my poetry book "Lucid," please click on the link in my profile and fill out the google form. (It's short, I promise)

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Thanks so much! Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Misery Loves Company

By: theinkslingerr

Track 49: Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want


"Uh..."

That was all I managed to get out before Rocco stood and strolled over with purpose. He slid his hand in mine and pulled me behind him up the stairs. I looked over my shoulder as we ascended and caught a glimpse of everyone's shocked faces.

Ackerman's was the best by far. He looked like the lead angry bird. The red one with the bushy eyebrows and the scowl.

We ran into Paula in the living room. You could tell she'd been busy in the kitchen because it smelled delicious.

"Are you done already?" Her forehead wrinkled in confusion, eyes traveling down to take in our clasped hands.

"No. I just wanted to talk to Miz." Rocco's grip tightened. "Sorry, this is your house and all, but do you think we could have the room?"

Paula glanced at me and whatever she saw in my face allowed her to say yes. "Just let me check on the food and I'll be out of your hair." She exited quickly. We heard shuffling in the kitchen then seconds later the sound of a door shutting. Rocco and I stood in the middle of the paisley explosion that was the Diaz's living room holding hands. Eventually, he led me to the couch, positioned me in front of it, and pressed on my shoulder with the hand that wasn't hanging in a sling. I sat, then looked up at him. He looked down, opened his mouth, but was interrupted by his phone ringing. Groaning, he reached into his pocket for it.

The second he got a good look at the screen, Rocco scowled and powered the phone off before tossing it on the far end of the couch. He didn't bat an eye when it slid between the cushions.

Was he still getting those weird phone calls on top of everything else?

When his gaze slid back to mine, it was with some sheepishness. He scratched the back of his head and we fell into silence again. He'd seemed so sure when he stood up and brought me here, but now that we were actually alone, he was struggling.

"My doorman's pissed at me," he finally said.

I blinked. "Rowan?"

"Yes, Rowan. The day after you stopped by, he asked if I liked my surprise."

My cheeks warmed remembering how I'd asked him to let me up because I had a surprise for Rocco. That must've been a fun, revealing conversation. Thank god I wasn't there to witness it.

But now Rocco probably thought I'd planned to tell him I loved him when it had come as a shock to me too. I'd never actually done what I'd gone there to do; which was revealing the fact that Enid was blackmailing me— well, us technically— and I hadn't given him the chance to protect himself. I hadn't given him the chance to prepare or make his own decisions about the situation. I'd hidden it and lied, and tried to take matters into my own hands.

Man, no wonder he didn't trust people.

He sat down next to me, slowly. Like he didn't want to startle a skittish cat. "I told him I couldn't really appreciate my surprise in the moment, but that didn't mean I didn't like it. Must've sounded pretty ungrateful."

So he wasn't weirded out that I was in love with him? He didn't think it was too much too soon? I took a deep breath before admitting, "I meant it. But I didn't drop by to tell you that. The only reason I told Rowan I had a surprise was so he'd let me up without buzzing you. I know people try and sneak into your place all the time, so I didn't want to seem suspicious. But then when he agreed without putting up a fight, I wondered if he did that for everyone. I warned him I could be going up to boil your pet rabbit, but he said you didn't have any pets and I know that, but the man's never seen Fatal Attraction, Rocco!"

Rocco stared at me, mouth slightly open. Then he made a sound caught between a laugh and a groan before flopping back against the couch with his eyes closed. "How weird would the comments for this episode be if I said rambling was somehow one of the top five things I find attractive in a girl?"

I laughed. Telling a nervous rambler you liked it when they rambled was one way to get them to shut up.

He opened his eyes and leaned forward, elbows on his knees, one hand tangled in his dark hair. It was the body language of someone who was in over their head. I knew it intimately.

"God, what's wrong with me?" He straightened up, jaw clenched, eyes liquid amber flecked with jade. "As much as I hated myself for asking you to leave that day, I knew it was the right thing in that moment. My brain felt like it was going to explode, my nonna was right outside, and honestly...I was scared. I meant to text or call on Sunday, but I kept telling myself to hold off until I felt more in control. But the thing is: I don't know if that'll ever happen. I don't know what to do."

"With what?" I asked. My heart thundered in my ears as he took both of my hands in his. I felt the dampness between them. Were those my palms sweating or his?

"With you. I always feel out of control when I'm with you."

It knocked the breath from my lungs. At this point, I knew Rocco had his share of problems, but I still mostly viewed him as confident; in control of what he did and how he reacted. It was something I admired, because I always felt like I was stumbling around in the dark when it came to everything. Especially us.

"When you first came downstairs I wanted to talk to you. I was trying to think of what to say. But we had to start filming, so I figured we could talk after." He paused, thumbs grazing my knuckles. "I couldn't wait though."

"I'm glad you're telling me this. I've been freaking out for the past two days. I thought I'd messed everything up," I said quietly.

"Never." It sounded so earnest, it had to be true. "I just needed time to sort things out. I should've at least texted you to say so, but...I couldn't even get that out right. I'm sorry. I'm just not used to feeling this way anymore. Feeling out of control was an every day thing for me when I was a kid. Going back and forth from my dad's place to my grandparent's...seeing them fight for custody over me. Even though the type of out-of-control I feel with you is different, it was familiar enough to freak me out."

I nodded in understanding. It made total sense the stuff that made him feel the way he felt as a kid would spook him, push him inside his head the way I tended to get lost in mine. "So that's why you've been pulling away ever since I found out about your dad and met your grandparents?"

"I— yeah." He looked guilty, thoughtful. "Aside from the guys and some of their family members, not many people know about my...situation. But the few that've found out always treated me differently afterwards. I hate it. It's the reason I use my nonna's maiden name. I was worried that might happen with you, so I guess I tried to distance myself, so it wouldn't hurt as much."

Knowing he anticipated me treating him differently after I found out about his dad and grandparents was a hard pill to swallow, but that's what happened when people disappointed you over and over. I knew a little something about that too. But I wanted all of that to change between us. I wanted both of us to lay every last card down.

Fortunately, he had a similar idea. "I shouldn't have kept you in the dark. I should've trusted you more."

Rocco slid closer as I was deafened by the part of my brain screaming that now would be a good time to tell him my ex-best friend currently had the power to destroy us and everything him and Blue Vendetta had been working toward for weeks. Possibly months. He'd be angry, but then I could point out I was telling him, because I didn't want any more secrets between us. It'd be a show of good faith.

I opened my mouth.

He leaned in.

And instead of telling him what I needed to, I told him a different truth, because I couldn't bring myself to spoil the kiss I knew was coming. "I missed you."

"Me too. Like crazy. C'mere."

He pressed his lips against mine, and it was like I'd been malnourished during the days we were apart. I'd missed him more than I'd even realized. His smile, his kindness, his playfulness. Those eyes, those calloused hands...

I leaned into it and he made a noise of appreciation before pulling back. "Wow. You really did miss me."

I bristled, relief, love, and embarrassment intermingling. "Hush."

He smiled his trademark lopsided smile, eyes going half-lidded before trailing down to my lips again. It was easier to be bold this time. I pressed forward for another kiss and he returned it enthusiastically, curling his uninjured arm around my waist. He started shifting me on my back on the couch, but a fluffy pillow hindered our progress. Why did there always seem to be something in our way? He yanked it out from behind me, not even bothering to break the kiss, and tossed it on the floor. No matter how much she liked him, Paula would skin him alive if she came into the room and saw one of her pillows on the ground.

She'd probably kill me for this too.

I didn't care at the moment.

Wrapping my arms around Rocco's neck, I poured everything I'd felt over the past two days into our kiss. I missed you. I love you. Stay with me.

He finally broke the kiss and stared down into my face like he'd heard my thoughts.

"So, you love me?" he asked.

My eyes dropped from his to somewhere around his chin. It was always the safest place to look when my feelings for him threatened to short circuit me; when my skin felt too tight over my bones. I nodded, because I didn't trust myself to speak.

"Say it again?" He moved a stray purple braid away from my face. "Please."

"I-I love you."

He leaned in until the tip of his nose touched mine. An eskimo kiss. His silky hair tickled my face, and exposed the tiny scar on his forehead that could only be seen if you were right in his face. He raised his head and bit his full bottom lip, looking a little bashful again.

"I don't tell you things I probably should. But I want to know you— everything about you. And I want you to know me too, so that's gonna change," he murmured.

A huge smile split my face as I tried to push back the happy tears gathering in my eyes.

"Starting with when we were waiting to have my arm X-rayed in the emergency room." He pushed up on one elbow, hovering over me on the couch. "I yanked my hand away and it hurt you. I saw it on your face."

It had hurt. My head had already been reeling from watching his grandpa whack him with a golf club and finding out his dad was Niccolo Segreti, but I wanted to comfort him. Be there for him the way he was there for me. So I'd grabbed his hand only to have him pull it away. To be fair, he'd had a traumatizing night and the rational part of me knew that, but it still didn't lessen the sting of rejection. I said as much; tried to give him a pass for his behavior on that terrible night. He didn't take it.

"Yeah, that night was...bad. But that's not why I pulled my hand away. I pulled it away, because I felt something and it caught me off guard." He kept his eyes on my face, voice soft but steady. "I won't lie to you, I've been in love before. So when I recognized that feeling...or the beginning of it, it messed with my head. Especially because this time I felt like it could be bigger than before if I let myself fall. That's why I pulled away. At first I wondered if it was just the adrenaline from everything that happened mixed with you trying to take care of me, but later when I dropped you off at Sienna's, it was still there."

I perked up. Envisioning how he'd stared at me through the window after I'd gotten out of the Range Rover and said goodbye. How his lips had moved, and how I couldn't read them. "What did you say to me that night?"

He paused. "That if I wasn't careful, you could be my everything."

I shot up, almost bumping our heads together. I was speechless for a second. I'd spent the past two days agonizing over telling Rocco I loved him when he'd been struggling with serious feelings of his own, but was too scared to acknowledge them. I flopped back on the couch and laughed, finally finding my voice again. "We're idiots, Rocco."

"True," he said with a goofy smile. He kissed me again. "Can we promise each other something right now?"

"What?"

"We say what we feel even if we're scared about how the other will take it."

I nodded. I could definitely get behind that.

"And no more hiding things," he added. "I mean, we're entitled to our privacy, but no more hiding stuff  just because we think it'll spare each other's feelings."

Oh, you mean like hiding the fact Enid is threatening to upload pictures of us kissing to blow up Operation: Cinderella?

I had to tell him now. He was calling a truce, he wanted a clean slate.

"Rocco, listen—"

I heard the muted sounds of footsteps on carpet, felt an extra presence in the room, then heard someone clear their throat.

"Mrs. Diaz already cleans up after us in the kitchen. Don't make her have to disinfect the couch too," a cold voice said.

Rocco and I shot up like two lightening bolts.

Ackerman.

And he did not look happy.

"I know considering others isn't either one of your strong suits, but I'd like to remind you that everyone is waiting downstairs."

"Sorry." I adjusted my clothes and hair self-consciously. How long had we been up here talking? I glanced at Rocco. His smile was sharp, a warning to his manager.

"Let's go." He took my hand and we walked past Ackerman.

"I should've seen this coming," Ackerman muttered. "Winona and I work hard to clean up your first mess and this is how you thank us."

The first mess had been Dom's fault, not Rocco's.

"I'm dating Misery," Rocco said firmly. He didn't bother entertaining Ackerman's complaints. "Let Winona know if she doesn't already, so both of you can continue doing your jobs."

Ackerman sneered at us like dog poop he'd had the misfortune of stepping in. The disgust on his face was absolute.

Rocco didn't seem to care, so I tried not to either. We went back downstairs to join every body.

I was always happy whenever he stuck up for me or us, but I couldn't shake the feeling Ackerman and Winona would have another mess to clean up soon.


Forty-five minutes later, we wrapped the episode. The rest of it went smoothly, and when it was Rocco's turn to talk about his ideal girl he did slip rambling in. Well, he used another word.

Verbose.

I'd tried not to laugh at Enid's confusion. "Like...rambling?"

"Kind of." Rocco's eyes had cut over to me and he winked. "I think it's cute when a girl can go on and on about any subject at random and at length."

Being my ex-best friend, she'd eventually understood and rolled her eyes. Ji-Hyun and Sienna (who'd finally left the sanctuary of the bathroom) giggled loudly in the corner.

When the director yelled cut, we started cleaning up. The crew disassembled everything and we stacked up chairs and equipment while talking and horsing around. There was a young guy on the crew who kept flirting with Sienna. He was showing her how to dissemble a tripod and it was hilarious watching Jae pretend he wasn't jealous. Every couple of minutes, he'd glare at them before shaking his head and going back to his clean-up duties.

Rocco and I grinned like the idiots we were, staying in close proximity and brushing up against each other as we worked. I hadn't forgotten about the conversation I'd had with my mom earlier. It loomed in the back of my mind above happier thoughts, the negative feelings from it warning me they'd be back to collect. But talking things out with Rocco was such a relief, I couldn't help but be in a good mood. We were finally past the strained awkwardness and most of the uncertainty in our relationship. He'd confirmed we had a relationship.

I wanted to hurry and finish cleaning, so we could go back upstairs and I could tell him about Enid. It was the last big secret between us and I wanted to get it out of the way.

As I was moving a folding chair, I noticed Enid's phone had been left unattended on her bedside table. The last time I'd been this close was when I'd tried to delete the picture of me and Rocco in the coffee shop parking lot.

I looked around slowly. Enid wasn't far, but she had her back to me, occupied with organizing something. Would anyone notice if I casually picked up her phone and took care of business? She wouldn't tackle me in a room full of people right?

My arm twitched, and just as I was moving it toward the phone another hand came out of nowhere and snatched it.

Enid stuffed the phone in her pocket and glared at me, enraged. How had she noticed so quickly?

"You didn't learn your lesson last time?" she snapped, attracting the attention of everyone in the room.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I clearly hadn't learned my lesson and she'd been close to catching me red-handed.

Rocco stalked over, hovering protectively by my side. "What's going on?"

A malicious smile curled her mouth. "Wow. Looks like you're still in the dark."

He turned to me and raised a brow. Sweat broke out across my forehead. There was no way she'd actually tell him. There was no way she'd blow her cover now. It'd be too anti-climatic for her. She was just trying to scare me.

The sound of footsteps coming down the wooden staircase that led into the basement drew everyone's attention away from me, Enid, and Rocco.

Paula's house slippers and stocky ankles were the first to make an appearance, followed by thinner legs clad in skinny jeans and the tail of a tan trench coat. They struck me as familiar and I got a weird sense of deja vu.

Paula stopped a few steps from the ground, grabbed the railing and bent over so we could see her face. "Enid, your friend stopped by to say hi," she announced.

Confusion chased away the malice on Enid's face. "What friend? I didn't invite anyone over."

The mystery guest behind Paula took this opportunity to step around her and continued down into the basement.

My mouth dropped open as Sage Sampson strolled into Enid's room.

"Hey, girlie," she said to Enid breezily. I realized she had little Nic on her hip. Her dark eyes swept the room.

They landed right on Rocco.

"Would it really be too much for you to answer my calls?"

~~~


Author's note: *Joins Witness Protection Program*

At least Misery and Rocco were happy for forty-five minutes!

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