Track 11: The Perks of Being A Wallflower

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Misery Loves Company

By: theinkslingerr

Track 11: The Perks of Being A Wallflower


What good is confidence?

And you just don't get it, you keep it copacetic

And you learn to accept it, you know it's so pathetic

And you don't

And you don't

And you don't-

I swiped off the alarm so "Bound for the Floor" by Local H could stop taunting me, and flopped back in bed to gaze at the glow in the dark stars stuck to my ceiling. Last night I'd decided to skip school, but forgot to turn off the reoccurring alarm set on my phone. Now, breathing hard and coated in sweat, I was grateful the alarm had cut my nightmare short.

The nightmares started the day after Josh stuck my head in that puddle. For years I'd wake up suffocating, thrashing wildly, limbs tangled in the sheets. The first time it happened my heart was beating so fast I thought I was having some sort of adolescent heart attack! I'd crept into my Mom's room and nudged her awake only to have her crack an eye and tell me I was fine before going back to her snoring. 

It had been a while since my last Josh-related nightmare, so silly me thought I'd moved past it all.

The funny thing about someone trying to drown you and avoiding punishment by moving across the country was the fear and the bitterness didn't go with them. Not that Miss Reese had believed Josh needed to be "punished." She'd made up her mind to believe that he had simply pushed me in the puddle, and the disturbing recollection of him holding my head under fell on deaf ears. Even with Enid as my witness!

Josh got off with a slap on the wrist, and Miss Reese turned out to be a typical adult: urging kids to tell the truth, but never believing them when they did.

I rolled onto my side, staring blankly at the posters that adorned the wall. I was eternally grateful to Enid for basically saving my life, but a small part of me, squirming and eight-legged, spun a web in an abandoned corner of my mind. That dark, creeping thing sometimes wished Enid hadn't come; sometimes wondered what would've happened if she'd been late...

Because six years ago, if Josh Henderson could grab a fistful of my hair and try to drown me in a puddle, then maybe...he deserved to live with it. Deserved to have it follow him around his entire life.

Groaning, I shook my head in an attempt to dislodge the spider and its web.

Seeing Josh for the first time in years was really messing with my head. It was Friday, so that meant if I skipped I wouldn't have to see him for three whole days!

I frowned. It also meant I'd have three whole days to fret over what he'd do to me come Monday.

I let out a strangled scream and rolled around my bed, kicking. I was like a fish on dry land without the luxury of having the hook in her mouth removed. If I knew anything about Josh, it was that he'd make me suffer. The hook would stay there until I suffocated or bled out.

I glanced over at my phone before snatching it off the nightstand. Music- I needed music! I needed frenzied guitar riffs, loud drums, and rasping vocals to distract my unraveling mind. I found my headphones tangled somewhere under my blankets and plugged them in. Since Local H was temporarily ruined, I clicked on a streaming music app to see what else was out there.

Blue Vendetta greeted me on the home page under "Recommended Artists."

I closed my eyes.

Why couldn't I escape them?

Sure, I'd made it through the first episode of Misery Loves Company, but not without almost bursting into tears in front of everyone, taking Dominic's abuse, and continuing to see a side of my best friend that I hated!

Then there was my upcoming date with Jae. Cold Jae. He'd looked at me with such plain disgust last night! His acid tongue and sharp eyes were two things I was not looking forward to spending an afternoon with.

After a few minutes of just staring at my phone's screen, I sighed in defeat and clicked the picture. There were going to be twelve more episodes of Misery Loves Company, so one episode per week meant I'd be spending twelve weeks with the boys of Blue Vendetta. Maybe familiarizing myself with their stuff would help things go smoothly and make me less awkward around them? It's not like they hadn't popped up under my "Recommended Artists" before- I'd just ignored it. The only reason I'd even heard "Long Live the Underdog" was because Enid forced me to listen to it, and the radio abused its power. Even now, a year and a half later, the song still got air time.

Blue Vendetta's artist profile on the streaming app was a deep cobalt blue superimposed behind a black and white picture of the boys. I couldn't help but smile at Rocco and Eli's cheerful faces, opting to ignore Dominic and Jae entirely. So far they had two EPs and one full-length album. My eyes widened in surprise, and my mouth fell open. That was all they had and they were already world-famous?

I cleared my throat, refusing to be impressed so easily. Lots of mediocre artists were world-famous, so that didn't really mean anything. I clicked on their first EP, because I didn't want to hear the super popular stuff right away. It was called "The Basement Tracks," and it boasted four songs:

1. Pipes

2. Here We Go Again

3. Shag Carpet

4. Sleeping Pills In My Cereal

"Sleeping Pills In My Cereal" sounded amusing, so I clicked it and waited for the song to start. Rocco's energetic guitar playing kicked things off, nearly splitting my ear drums in half! Seconds later, Dominic's drums joined in while Eli's smooth baseline infused the song with personality. Jae came last, and his rich, clear vocals started telling me everything I wanted to know:

"You said my calcium was lacking,

but my deficiency was you

Too scared you'll look me in the eye

and tell me we're through


That night I ransacked the cabinets

and drew on the walls,

poured my favorite cereal,

put the TV on pause


I don't get these infomercials

I'd rather be asleep

Wish I could find those pills

so I could start counting sheep."

My head moved from side to side with the upbeat melody, and I wondered how they managed to make this song cheeky yet mournful at the same time. Did they write their own lyrics? A quick glance at Wikipedia revealed that they did! I lay there and listened to the other songs on the EP, deciding that as a whole it was clever, earnest, and unapologetic, but lacked polish and variation. Some of the melodies sounded similar, and Jae's voice lacked range. The mixing could've been better too.

I clicked on their self-titled debut album and studied the track listing:

1. Please Don't Play This on the Radio

2. Trust Me

3. Long Live the Underdog

4. The Fog

5. Pipes (Remastered)

6. I Don't Know You

7. Kiss Me

8. Icarus

9. Bomb Shelter

10. Memento

11. 27 Club

Once I hit "Please Don't Play This on the Radio" I noticed a big difference. Sharp, metaphorical lyrics that were sometimes dark and sometimes hopeful blended with heavier guitar riffs that could sound jarring if you weren't into rock. I felt each beat of the drum in my chest, and the bass was a low, dark thing that threatened to consume me if I let it.

I hated to admit it- even if it was just to myself, but...I was impressed.

At some point during "Kiss Me," a sweet jumble of chords and Jae's deep, crooning vocals, one foot slid out of my bed and onto the floor. The other one followed, and before I knew exactly what was happening, I was dancing around my room like a crazy person. The minute Rocco's bluesy guitar solo hit, I may or may not have slithered over to my poster of young John Cusack lifting a giant radio and kissed it on the lips.

Don't let him tell you differently, it was totally consensual.

After "Bomb Shelter" I was back in bed, sweaty, but light-hearted as I took in the acoustic stylings of "Memento."

I liked every. single. song.

Then "27 Club" came on and blew my brains out:

"Not all heroes wear capes-

at least that's what I've found

Now that Jimi's away,

and Mia's not around


Beyond this heart-shaped box

are my hopes and my dreams

Tell me, should I taste this steel

just to show you what I mean?


Turned 27 today, and I'm high on life

Heard this club had an opening,

Think I might give it a try."

To my utter surprise a lump formed in my throat at the morose, introspective lyrics. Blue Vendetta had heroes. Heroes that died at the age of 27, because you didn't get to be a great artist without a few sacrifices- one of them possibly being your life.

It was right around then I started feeling stupid. Why had I refused to get into Blue Vendetta? Why had I been so sure they couldn't play their instruments and were just puppets of their record label? If anything, the boys seemed to make Ackerman's job harder. They were a bit rowdy, and weren't afraid to speak up whenever they didn't agree with something. Those weren't the characteristics of puppets. Those were the characteristics of young men that still had a say in their lives.

I really couldn't stand people that made it a point not to like something just because it was popular, but looking back on my actions that's exactly what I'd done! My dislike of Blue Vendetta had no real basis.

Congratulations. You're a freaking hipster.

Immersed in my self-shaming and the melancholy mood of "27 Club," I wasn't prepared for a phone call.

I blinked a few times, startled when Enid's name flashed across the screen. What did she want? My thumb hovered over the "slide to answer" arrow, flexing involuntarily as I thought about whether to answer or not. An ugly image of her asking what my parents were smoking when they named me popped into my head, and I let the call go to voicemail.

Seconds later she called again. And again. Then texted: R U sleeping? Open up! I'm outside.

I sat up slowly, infinitely wary.

Another text came through: I have maple and bacon donuts...

My eyes narrowed into slits. Enid Concepción Diaz did not play fair! Ignoring my grumbling tummy and the drool trying to seep out of my mouth, I flung my phone across the bed like it was a blue krait. I'd stay strong this time! I wouldn't give in!

The loud banging at my door begged to differ. God, what was her problem? I lay back down, pulling my blanket over my head. Maybe if I just kept ignoring her, she'd go away.

Twenty minutes, ten calls, and five texts later, I shoved my blanket off and groaned. It sounded like someone had a triple espresso con panna this morning. I got up, schlepped downstairs, and threw open the door in my Badtz-Maru t-shirt.

"Hey!" Enid practically yelled. She was bright and perky in a green off-the-shoulder dress she'd be shivering in by tonight, and dark pink lipstick that looked a lot like "Funny Face," the lipstick Dominic had used on me yesterday. Enid shoved a styrofoam cup and a box of donuts in my arms then waltzed straight into my kitchen like she hadn't made me cry yesterday. Like she didn't know I'd been ignoring her for the past twenty minutes. "Why aren't you dressed?"

Beechmill High wasn't far, and neither of us had cars so we usually walked together unless Paula let us borrow her Subaru. Enid hadn't showed up to walk with me on Wednesday or Thursday, so I hadn't expected her to show up today.

"Because I'm not going to school." I followed her into the kitchen, setting the drink and donuts on the table. It was petty, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of me eating or drinking anything she brought. I opened my refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water instead.

She frowned. "Are you sick?"

"Just skipping."

"What?!" Enid gasped. "Misery Hayes is skipping twice in the same week? Without any pressure from evil Enid?"

I rolled my eyes. Why did everyone react that way when I did something...different? "I'm tired." I sat down at the table, wishing she would just leave me alone.

"This is about Josh, isn't it?" she murmured, sitting across from me.

I flinched. "That...among other things." Like why you're being so horrible.

"You don't...you don't think he's gonna try and get you back for the milk, right?"

"I don't think he's gonna try- I know. So I'm taking my chances at home," I explained.

Enid let that marinate for a while before saying something I'd never even considered in my wildest dreams. "What if he's changed?"

"Huh?"

She waved her arms around in an effort to make her point. "What if he's, like, not the same person?"

"You just said that. Say something different."

She sighed, twisting one of the many rings on her fingers. "Remember that time Josh's Godzilla pencil rolled off his desk and you accidentally stepped on it?"

"Yeah, he tried to break my nose." It suddenly twitched at the painful memory. "Then he put thumbtacks all over my chair."

"Exactly. Fifth grade Josh basically was Godzilla- immediate rampage when something didn't go his way. But from where I was sitting yesterday...this Josh...he didn't seem angry. I mean, unless he was saying a whole bunch of stuff I couldn't hear," Enid rationalized.

I thought about the surprise in his eyes, the laughter... He hadn't looked angry, but that didn't mean he wasn't. Maybe the only reason he'd laughed was because he had his favorite punching bag back. "He didn't say anything, but that doesn't mean he's changed."

"True..." Enid said, thoughtfully. "I do remember him being crazy manipulative."

"I..." The air rushed out of my lungs as words I didn't want to speak out loud tried to claw their way back in. "I had that dream again."

Enid's brown eyes widened. "What? You mean the one where he-? How long has it been?"

"I don't know exactly, but...God. I could...I could sorta handle him in my nightmares, you know?" my voice cracked. "But in real life..."

Enid just sat there staring at me for a moment, then she came around the table and hugged me. I jerked awkwardly, a little surprised at her actions. When she pulled back her face was set in a determined scowl. "It'll be ok, Miz. We're older now. We're stronger. Things don't have to go back to the way they were."

I nodded slowly, trying to will the tears away. "He almost killed me. He almost killed me and Miss Reese didn't believe us! He's always had this way of seeming honest when he wants to be. Miss Reese knew he took every opportunity to hurt me, and she still believed him!"

"Miss Reese was an idiot, sweetie. And a hoe."

I snorted, wiping the moisture from my eyes.

"We'll make sure no one falls for his act," Enid continued. "We'll expose him."

I gave her a small smile, and tried not to think about what that would involve.

Enid paused, brow furrowed. "Do you really think he'll come to school today though?"

I blinked. "Why wouldn't he?"

Enid shrugged before pulling her phone out of a giant yellow bag. It had been vibrating since she'd walked through the door, but she'd ignored it up until now. I could tell she was trying to hide a smile as she typed. "Think about it. If you were the new kid in school and someone embarrassed you like that, would you come back the next day?"

My mouth opened and closed like a fish. "Well, I- I mean-"

"To be honest I think you'll be safe today. Monday's probably the day you wanna skip. By then he'd have had all weekend to plot."

That was a good point. A very good point.

"Plus I think today's the day Mrs. Mayer assigns us that insane volunteer project the seniors warned us about."

Enid had said all of this without looking up from her phone once. "Sure...who're you texting?" I asked.

"What?"

"Who are you texting?"

She grinned, sly as ever. "Dom."

"Dom?" I was momentarily stunned.

"He gave me his number last night, and we've been talking ever since- even though I had to stay up till like 3AM to help the editor. By the way," she purred. "Will you please, please show me how to add the effect we use to end the videos? I totally winged it last night."

I gritted my teeth. "Why're you texting him?"

"Oh, I don't know. Why would I be texting the hot drummer in a famous band?

"He's a jerk!" I shouted.

"And that's why you let him put his arm around you yesterday? What exactly did he whisper in your ear?"

I froze; heart pumping wildly, face hot. Hadn't she noticed I'd been uncomfortable throughout Dominic's turn? "I don't like him, Enid. He creeps me out."

She started texting again, not even looking at me. "Yeah. Uh-huh."

"You know I'd never go after a guy you like!"

She looked up sharply, studying me for a long time before sighing. "I know."

That should've made me feel better, but it didn't. I didn't want her to like Dominic- he'd only end up hurting her. Enid was gorgeous and successful, but her first and only boyfriend, Adrian had been with her to promote his own Youtube channel. Sure, Dominic was already famous, but that didn't mean he couldn't use her too. "Enid...he's a rock star. I don't think he's looking for a relationship."

"Yeah, I'm sure you know that from the five minutes you've spent with him," she retorted.

Why was she being so naive? "He's not hard to read."

"Yeah, well, neither are you."

"But-"

"Just drop it, OK? I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Now, eat the donuts and get dressed."

~~~

By the time me and Enid got to school, I was on red alert. Literally. Anyone with red hair that wasn't her triggered my fight or flight response. Twice I thought I saw Josh and Enid had to block a flailing arm or grab my back pack so I wouldn't run screaming down the hall. As we walked, I turned my head in every possible direction. If Josh was here, I needed to detect him before he detected me.

I was a nervous wreck when me and Enid finally reached my locker. Apparently, my school had a lot more redheads than I thought. To make matters worse, everyone was staring at me and whispering! Stories of my little stunt in the cafeteria had spread and I wasn't ready for all the attention. The only thing I was ready for was going back home, crawling into bed, and streaming more Blue Vendetta.

Why had I let Enid talk me into coming today?

"Because he's not gonna show," she said breezily. "You dumped milk on him during his first day at a new school. Now, think you'll be OK while I go touch up my make-up?" I nodded as she pulled out a little pouch and headed toward the bathroom. We had homeroom then Chemistry together, so we always hung around my locker. It worked out well, because Enid was a crazy bag lady and everything she needed from her locker was already buried in one of her giant bags.

With Enid gone, everyone's stares seemed to intensify. I opened my locker and hid my head inside, spotting the Kit Kat minis I'd stashed in there a few days ago. It was barely 7AM, but

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