It's been exactly forty-nine hours since I've seen that stupid face.

She won't pick up my calls or answer my texts. She hasn't visited in over two days. It's killing me.

"The message wasn't that important. I mean, all he said was that if we don't release them, they'll be war. Honestly, I'm pretty bored nowadays. A war sounds great" Roxy smiles.

"It's not just that, Rox. He tried to bribe us first" Diesel comments, tapping his fingers on the table.
"So, what? Doesn't matter"
"We still need to prepare in case they try anything"

Roxy scoffs.
"Please. Don't tell me you're scared of their empty threats"

Right when I end the meeting, I rush to meet her like a lovesick teenager. I drive straight to her apartment without a second look at the restaurant, but on reaching outside, I'm a little hesitant to walk in.

Did I do something? Is she mad at me?

I try to recall everything I did to her in the past few days. The only thing that comes to mind is the fact that I reminded her about who she belongs to a few days ago. Is she mad because I did that? There's no way. She loved every second of it. Had I missed something?

I sigh and walk out of the car, heading straight to her door. I knock and wait.
"Coming!" Rina shouts. She opens the door and looks at me for a few seconds with surprise on her face.
"Is she home?"

She snaps out of her trance and nods. I motion inside.
"Can I see her?" Rina shakes her head, still staring.
"Why?" I frown.

"Well, I-"
"Rina, who's at the door?"

Astraea walks up to her and glances at the doorway. Our eyes meet, but she looks away before I have the chance to say something.

"Go" She begins to turn away, but I grasp her wrist and turn her towards me. Rina stares at me before closing her eyes.
"What did I do?"

I ask her, hoping to get an answer. As expected, she remains quiet. Everything that I've done in the past few weeks flashes in my mind. What could I have done so wrong that she doesn't even want to see my face?

"Zane, leave" She says quietly. Her wrist twists in my grip, trying to free itself, but that only makes me grip harder.
"I'm not leaving until you tell me what I did" I state clearly. I can see her tears on the corners of her beautiful eyes, but she quickly wipes them away.
"Please..." It comes out like a light whisper, but I hear it. I tug at her arm and pull her to my chest, wrapping both arms around her.

"How am I supposed to fix it if I don't even know what I did wrong?" I run a hand through the hair cascaded on her back. She stiffs for a second, but then places both her palms on my chest, giving me a push.

"I don't wanna talk right now. Please" I barely hear it, but she takes a step back.

"I'm so sorry" She looks at me one last time before disappearing into the house. Rina looks at me, almost apologetically.

"She...doesn't really want to see anyone right now"
"Oh, really? You think?" I roll my eyes.

I stay there a long time, staring at a dot in front of me.
"What's up with her?" I ask, glancing at Rina. She sighs.
"I...don't think it's in my place to tell you" My jaw clenches and I fist my hands.
"At least tell me if it's my fault" I say, rather more gently than I had intended.
"No..I mean, yes, but no"

I sigh and leave, only to come back a few hours later to stand outside her window.

With a fucking bouquet in my hand.

I never expected this of me. I never even knew I was capable of these things. I fucked, I stood up and I left, never in my life had I imagined myself standing outside a girl's window, with flowers in my hand.

I text her.

Me: Astraea.

She sees the text, but doesn't reply.

Me: I swear I'm going to throw rocks through your window.

Iris: If you break my fucking window I'll smash your headlights with a bat

Me: Then come downstairs and talk to me.

Iris: No.

Me: Fine. Rock one incoming.

I pick up a small pebble, not big enough to break the glass, but heavy enough to make a sound.

The window tings loudly, and she comes running to examine the damage. When she sees me, I receive a middle finger, but right when she notices the bouquet, she freezes.

I can see the pained expression on her face as she walks away from the window. In a few moments, the front door to her apartment opens.

I walk over to stand in front of her, suddenly feeling embarrassed about the flowers in my hands. She crosses her arms over her chest and sighs.
"What do you want?"
"You" I don't miss a second.

Her eyes are puffy, her hair a mess and she's wearing nothing but a long, oversized shirt that isn't mine.

"You've been crying" I state as a matter-of-factly, reaching out to touch her cheek. She takes a step back.
"Zane, you can't be here. Go back"

The tone of her voice stings me. I catch myself wanting to get down on my knees to apologize even though I don't know what I did wrong. Astraea's eyes are glassy, lips parted as she wipes her palms on the shirt.
"Z-zane, please. Just go back"

"I promise, I will" I take a step forward. "If only you tell me what I did wrong". At that, her eyes start filling with tears.

"Iris, no" I reach out and clasp her shoulder, gently bringing her to my chest. "You know I can't live like this. I need you in my office, teasing me, sticking posters everywhere. I need you shouting sea shanties around the house. I need you to tell me that I'm an arrogant, disrespectful piece of shit. I need you, Astraea. I need you more than I've ever needed anything"

I feel vibrations through her body, and hold her even tighter. A wet stain appears on my shirt, just where her eyes are, and her hands reach out of wrap around my neck.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to live like this. I don't" Her hands shake and I kiss the top of her head.
"Tell me what happened. Please"

She shakes her head and pushes herself even closer to me.

My heart aches at the sight of her tears. Everything in me is begging me to find whoever did this, and drill a hole through their heart. To never let anything hurt her. To fucking take her away from this mess, from me, just to keep her happy, healthy, and safe.

We remain like that for a few more minutes before she pulls away, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. She lifts her eyes, and before she even says it, I know exactly what she's gonna say.

"We shouldn't see each other anymore"

It's funny when you think about it. We aren't dating, but it hurts more than anything hearing her say that. As much as I would like to agree with her, and tell her that she is, in fact, safer without me, it still feels like I've been shot when I hear her say that.

"Why don't you just tell me what happened instead of pushing me away? We can fix it. We can fix this, Astraea. Just give me a chance"

She shakes her head, tears starting to trickle down her cheeks again. She doesn't bother wiping them.
"I don't want to fix this, Zane. I don't want to go back to that stupid restaurant with you. I want my old life back. I want the old Astraea back"

Though there are a million questions I want to ask, the only one that leaves my mouth is "Why?"

"I don't feel anything for you, Zane. I never did. Stop bothering me and just go!" She raises her voice and runs back inside.

I don't feel anything for you, Zane.

What about all the times you kissed me like I was the only thing that mattered? All the times you told me that I was your home? What about all those silent, cold nights when we lay in bed, soaking each others presence, not bothering to say a word?

The bouquet drops to the ground, and I feel like the same is going to happen to me if I don't leave right now. The sky rumbles, lightning flashes, raindrops run down my face, but I don't leave. I stay there. Dreaming that she'll come out again, tell me that she didn't mean it. Tell me that she loves me. But I know better than to hope.

Why does this hurt like a fucking bitch?

Only when I'm sure that she isn't coming out, I walk to my car.

If heartbreak is supposed to break your heart, then why does every single thing in my body feel broken?

I glance at her window one last time. I think I can see her near the pane, watching me as I go. But I know that's wishful thinking.

I don't feel anything for you, Zane.

A/N

Do I like hurting my own feelings? Yes. Do I also like hurting everyone else's feelings? Also yes.

Anyway, be sure to vote, comment and tell me what you think!

-Author.