Dear Astraea,

We were joking around at the main base yesterday, when Felix came up with this ridiculous idea of writing you letters. Letters that you can never read.

In his words, "She would've wanted us to move on, right? She would've wanted us to suck up our grief."

Coming from a fucker that spent three months holed up in his room after you passed.

Bianca tells me that they tried talking to him during that time. That they knocked on his door every day at 3:00 A.M, just because they were scared he was gonna kill himself.

I tried it once, when it was our third anniversary and you weren't there to celebrate it with me. I failed.

It was the first time in my life Felix had hit me. Punched me across the face. My jaw hurt for three days afterwards.

"How the fuck could you even think of that?" He'd shouted. I'd stayed quiet then.

"Zane," His voice softened after a couple of moments.

"I already lost the closest thing I had to a sister. I can't afford to lose my brother, too." His voice broke then.

It was also the first time he'd hugged me.

Everyone's doing fine. Everything is going smoothly. Almost.

I met a girl.

Her name is Everly. She's got these beautiful hazel eyes and long blonde hair. For the first time since you passed, I've found myself craving someone else's company.

Royce tells me that I'm healing, that I've put my past behind me and that I'm starting to fall in love again.

He's still the same as he was when you were here.

What else is new?

Felix pulled himself together and proposed to Rina last summer. She'd said yes, but only after fainting, then waking up again, and then fainting again.

I miss you. More and more and more every single day.

I'm scared, Astraea.

I'm so scared of forgetting the sound of your voice, or the precise colour of your eyes, or the loud ringing of your laughter.

I pinky promise I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. I allow myself to only hear your voicemail once a week. It's been hard, but I'm doing it for you. You wouldn't have wanted this.

Everly comes over to the base almost every single day. Though I haven't allowed myself to....tell her. I still make sure that she always knows I'm here.

God, you would've loved her. Just like I do.

So, that's it then.

Sometimes, when I'm driving down the street, I'll see someone with your exact hair colour, and then I have to pull over to calm myself for a moment.

Sometimes, when I walk into my office, my mind half expects you to come running to me. Give me the hugs that I so dearly loved.

But then the moment ends, and I realise that you're not here. You'll never be here again. That I'll never get to experience life with you, ever again.

But I know that I'll see you someday. Maybe. Hopefully.

Take care of yourself until I can come and take care of you myself.

Thank you, for everything.

-Zee