|18| Sober thoughts

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Zoe and Sienna both betrayed me. Zo sat with Aaron whilst Sienna sat with Macey, now it's not that I don't mind sitting next to Carter but it would've been nice to sit next to one of my best friends, "I call dibs on the window seat"

"Fine by me" Carter replies as we sit down

There's four teachers coming on this trip which means it shouldn't be hard to sneak in any drinks, I swear they just make the job so much more easier. "Your bags look pretty light for people who are supposed to be delivering"

"If you weren't able to spot them then we're doing something right"

I guess they are

The principle stood up and we all had to listen to one of those boring lectures, he was saying shit like those who misbehave for the next two days will be sent home early and stuff like there will be no cabin parties, everyone looked at each other with amused looks as he said this. Then he went on about how the boys aren't allowed in the girl cabins and the girls aren't allowed in the boy cabins, more shit that none of us will listen too. He finally sat down after announcing that it would be a one hour coach drive, "Psst.... Carmen" Aaron whispers

I frown as I look between the gap next to my window, "What?"

He hands me a pack of gummies, "Your kidding" I say amused

"Not at all"

I take it before shoving it into my pocket and then turning back to face Carter who's scrolling through his phone, "Do rich people go camping?" I ask him

"Not really"

It's a question I always wondered about

"What did you get on the exams that you stupidly missed the first time" I then ask

"I passed all of them" He replies before turning off his phone

"Surprise surprise,....- and also why wasn't I aware that you could speak Spanish" I scoff

I remember how his mom said that those were one of the exams he missed and his response was 'I'd pass it anyway'

"Nunca me preguntaste"

-you never asked-

I raise my eyebrows, "Dang I guess I can't talk about you secretly now"

He puts an arm around me with one of those stupid grins on his face, "That's right, you can't"

I pinch him and he flinches. "It won't stop me though"

"Ow!"

Zoe taps my seat before pushing her hand through the gap, she's holding a bar of chocolate. I look at it before shaking my head, "No thanks"

She snorts, "What you're just gonna starve?"

I shrug one shoulder as she sits back, "I'll eat later"

"Fine"

Aaron lies on her shoulder tiredly as I turn away

"You haven't had anything yet have you" Carter says knowingly

"I had a breakfast bar"

"That doesn't count-

I snort, "What and chocolate does?"

"It's better than nothing-

"I'll eat later" I repeat

"But-

I close his lips with my fingers, "Not now please"

There's listening ears everywhere

"Carmen take the chocolate, I know you're hungry" He says lowly

"I never said that-

"You're chewing gum which means-

I groan as I push his head away, "Will you shut up if I take it?"

"Yes" His muffled voice replies from behind my hand

I roll my eyes before turning back, "I'll take the chocolate now"

For the rest of the coach ride we were just talking about everything to be honest, we even had a debate on who was the best player on the football team, Carter said himself obviously.... I just said Zack to piss him off. After that he fell asleep on me and I used that as an opportunity to take a picture on his phone, it consisted of me poking my tongue out and him obviously sleeping.

"Wake up" I tap him gently

Carter doesn't move after my many attempts so I lean forward before licking him on the chin, I move back as he jolts awake. "Fuck what was that"

"My tongue" I say amused

"Your gross", He wipes his chin with disgust

"Pleasure doing business with you. Now get up, we're here"

He looks around before eventually standing up. Honestly it's so early in the morning but the heat is still here, we're also surrounded by a lot of greenery so I'm wondering if there's any service around here. Everyone looks around at the place with unimpressed looks, "This is the place you dragged me too" Carter frowns as he looks around

"It's good to step away from the rich environment"

The coach drove through a forest before passing a sign to get us here, the place was pretty hidden, I won't be surprised if one of us gets kidnapped whilst sleeping.

We all spoke amongst ourselves for awhile whilst the teachers sorted out the signing in and getting the keys to the cabins

"Alright I'm gonna need all the boys to stand on one side and the girls to stand on the other" Miss Campbell says

We went on our separate sides, us standing with Miss Campbell and the boys standing with Mr Caddel. We were then told to get into threes which was easy for Sienna, Zoe and I.

I've made it my mission to watch out for the devils daughter, she's been too quiet after that break up.... And you know that when things get too quiet that means something is being planned, anyway she's partnered up with June and Macey. Then there's Carter who's partnered up with Dylan and Aaron.... Yuck, Dylan.

"I'm already calling dibs on the middle bed" Sienna says as we walk into our cabin

"Only you care about that shit"

She shrugs as she sits down, "We're drinking tonight" Zoe takes two bottles of vodka out of her bag before hiding them underneath her bed

"Not without me" Aaron walks in and she smiles before jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist. Do the teachers not see how easy it is for us to just go wherever we like?

Obviously not

Sienna groans, "Some of us don't have our boyfriends with us"

"Can you guys make out in another room" I say with disgust

Aaron looks around, "Where's the bathroom"

Sienna scoffs as she sits up, "No, not in the-

"Over here" Zoe points to the door in front of her and I frown as they go in

"We're sanitising it afterwards"

"For sure" Sienna agrees

"In the mean time though" I take the gummies that Aaron gave me out of my pocket and she widens her eyes

"You seriously wanna get caught on the first night?" She scoffs

I shrug, "You'll be here to watch me" I reply pouring a few

She sighs before muttering, "Your gonna be the death of me C"

-CARTER-
"We can switch tomorrow night after the party, you'll go with C and I'll go with Zo" Aaron says as I dry my hair

"Did you even ask Carmen if that's what she wanted to do?"

He snorts, "I don't need to ask, if she says no she's racist"

I roll my eyes, "Cadell wants everyone up at the main house so hurry up"

"There's no way I'm eating that food" I mutter as he leaves

As I take out a shirt from my bag I hear a thump, "Trust you to trip over dickhead"

Aaron doesn't respond and I frown as I look back, "Dylan?"

I'm a little surprised after realising who's at the door, it's cute though. I watch as my favourite brunette stumbles in

"Shit" She mumbles as she regains her balance, I put on my shirt quickly

"C?"

Carmen smiles after noticing me, "Miller" She hugs me and I frown as I slowly hug her back

"You ok?"

She sighs as she buries her face into my chest, "No I'm sex deprived"

I narrow my eyes as she then pulls away, her eyes are kinda red..... that's when I finally realise. "Please do not tell me that Aaron gave you edibles"

"Fine I won't" She replies before lying down on Dylan's bed

I'm gonna kill him

Carmen scrunches her nose as she strokes the sheets, "This isn't your bed"

I sigh. "No, it's not"

"What are you looking for?" I then ask

She takes a shirt out of my bag, "Now the devils daughter can get really mad"

The what?-

"C we're not about to do some demon shit in the middle of nowhere-

She laughs and I watch her with general concern,"Relax I'm not that fucked up. I'm talking about Eliza"

Ok that makes sense

"You refer to her as Satans daughter?" I say amused

"That's what she is" Carmen replies before reaching down to lift up her shirt

I widen my eyes before blocking her arm,
"Woah.... Keep your clothes on Carmen"

She tilts her head to the side, "I thought you wanted to fuck me"

I clear my throat, "Obviously not now"

"Right so then there's no problem" She replies before lifting up her shirt, I avert my gaze.

I would've looked away for longer but that red was dangerously entrancing. She had on a lacy bra, and everyone knows that red catches the human eye the most. Obviously that's not an excuse but like I said before, Carmens body is mesmerising. She's got a flat stomach -due to the amount of weight that she's lost- with stretch marks along the side, they look like waves from the ocean. And then there's her belly button piercing which makes her look even cuter, overall perfection is what I'm seeing.

My shirt was a little big on her, but nonetheless I like seeing her wear my clothes. "Only a matter of time before I receive the evil eyes" She knocks me out of my thoughts

"Yeah there's no way your going outside" I reply, she walks towards the door as my phone rings.

I point to the bed as I answer the phone and she huffs before taking a seat, "Dude the jet skis are fucking awesome, where the heck are you?"

I look back at Carmen who's too busy looking up at the ceiling, "That's a good question, maybe I'm looking after Carmen because she decided to take the edibles that you gave her" I say annoyed

"Well I didn't expect her to take them today" Aaron snorts

"It's Carmen"

"Good point..... but I won't say that I'm sorry, this is payback for when I had to drop Eliza home the other day"

"When you get back I'm gonna drown you"

"Love you too. Now I gotta go, Zo's calling me" He ends the call and I toss my phone aside before sitting down besides Carmen on the bed

"Carter" She hums

"Yeah?"

"What would you do if I died?"

"Why are you asking that" I say seriously

She continues to stare up at the ceiling, "I just wondered.... I think you'd be more upset than my mom which is sad for me" She turns to look at me

These are her sober thoughts so I'm a little weary

"I'd probably cry for a really long time if you died" She plays with my hand as she says this

"You would?"

Carmen rests her chin on her hand, "Your the only person keeping me sane"

I frown, "That's not true, you've got Zo, Sienna, your siblings...."

She sighs, "They don't know me like you do"

"What do you mean" I say quietly

"Well your the only one who was able to pick up on my eating habits which is scary considering I've known you for the shortest. And you make me feel beautiful on the days where I don't feel it at all"

I take her hand, "That's because you are" I say softly

"So then why has it taken you so long to ask me to be your girlfriend"

I sigh, "I can't learn to love you unless you learn to love yourself"

She yawns, "Touché"

"C"

"Hmm" She mumbles with her eyes closed

"Promise me you'll stay alive"

"For you Miller, I will"

This is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping we never had to speak about, me asking her to stay alive. It scares the shit out of me and now I'm wondering what she's like when she's alone

"But not just for me..... for you too" I say seriously

"For me too" She replies before turning over and dozing off, I sigh with my eyes closed

She really knows how to scare the shit out of me, what if one day I wake up and she's gone? Or what if she ends up passing out and nobody knows because they don't have a clue about her struggles, am I doing the right thing by keeping this to myself and not telling anyone?

I pull the comforter over her before sitting back against the headboard, I guess there's a reason why sober thoughts are always kept inside the mind

The truth is scary

And Carmens truth...is that she needs help


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