NEW CHAPTER!

SO SORRY! I know I suck at uploading chapters now....and I really am sorry for you having to wait...:/

PLEASE READ!

Writing this chapter was....a struggle. I'm not gunna lie, it took me BLOODY AGES to finish this. Probably even weeks. As I just didn't know what to write and had no motivation to do so, along with having other things on my mind.

I love that many of you guys love this story, always commenting tat you want and that is brilliant! I want to write for those of you, I really do...but, to be honest..I'm starting to go off this story, I don't know where It's going and have no idea on what more to add as it just doesn't go :/

But I DON'T want to stop this story, I WILL keep posting as many of you say you love this, so I will...BUT the uploads will be slow...I'm sorry but I just can't think of what to do. I need the inspiration to write this to come back :/ I don't know....something.

But yeah....pleeaseee keep reading and waiting, being patient fo uploads on this story, and if I can't think of more...I may have to just start ending the story offff...

BUT..keep your eyes open...I might be working on something else as well ;)

Anywaayy......so sorry for making you wait! But yeah....that's my reasons ^^.

Hope you enjoy this chapter! Sorry if it's not.....erm..that goood.

Thank you! :)

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CHAPTER 64

My palms are clammy as they rest in my lap, clasping together and then unclasping nervously as I don't know what to do with them.

I swallow, my throat becoming dry and I wish I didn't drink all the water from that bottle, I could really do with it right now.

The atmosphere in this car is filled with tension and un released words. It's suffocating me, ever since the second we got into this car, the wave of anger and disappointment radiating off from the one person in this car.

I'm too scared to utter a word.

Swallowing harshly again, I bite my lip, feeling eyes every so often penetrating me with a harsh glare that I do not want to meet.

Noah, sat beside me behind the drivers side seems to look completely calm. Which only irritates me, how can he be calm?! This is all his fault!

But he may look calm, but with his slight twitchy movements as those angry eyes sweep over a glance to him, I can tell he's trying to put up that calm front, and is actually feeling anxious underneath.

Clenching my jaw to try calm myself from being all fidgety, and try and stop my brain from raking through possible scenarios of what could happen next and the words that will be spoken....

It's been silent, utter silence since we climbed into the car, the last words I spoke was over the phone.

They are mad at me, I know it. If Chris's attitude is to go by, then there's no doubt that the others are just as bad.

Chris came to pick us up. After hesitantly phoning Seth, as I didn't actually want to as I'm suppose to be mad at them all for what they did, so I didn't want to talk to them, but we had no other option of getting home. And now it looks like the tables have turned, I'm the one in the wrong, which yes, I know I am...but that doesn't mean I've forgiven the others for what happened.

No. Not at all. And it seems that I won't be forgiven for a while either.....

I expected as soon as I got into the car for Chris to explode up onto me, for many reasons and not just the obvious one of not being back for Tom. But what I got instead was not what I expected, silence was certainly something I didn't think would happen.

But now....I'm finding it hard to muster up the courage to speak first, possibly knowing it's what Chris is waiting for...but then again, I'm not to sure.

We picked Noah's bike up too, easily fitting it into the back of this Jeep.....a Jeep I have never seen before so I'm fairly certain it doesn't belong to Chris, only proving he's borrowed it from someone else.

And I can tell, it's plain obvious that Chris isn't happy. He isn't happy with the fact that one, I wasn't back in time for Tom, breaking that promise, two he's not happy that I was with Noah. I know that much because of the harsh glares he keeps throwing to him. I know my brother and the fact that I was with Noah instead of with my baby brother like I promised, isn't something he's going to take lightly, and I can see the fury behind his blue eyes, the anger that causes my stomach to churn, and not in a good way.

I gulp again, the sound I'm sure is heard in this deadly silent car and my eyes are glued to my hands in my lap as I fiddle nervously...

I feel another pair of eyes on my, not the angry eyes that are directed to me from the rear-view mirror, no..it's another pair that are much closer and softer...

Closing my eyes briefly, I let out a silent sigh, biting the inside of my cheek still as my head's tilted down....

Guilt. It's churning up my insides as my brain rambles away at many things I've done wrong. Anger. Is also bubbling up on the surface mixing along with the guilt as I also start thinking of the reason why I was out here in the first place....

Clenching my hands into fists, I open my eyes staring down to my lap once again.....this silence is doing my head in!

Taking in a silent breath, my eyes glued to the back of the empty passenger seat in front of me.....I let the words slip from my tongue....

“I'm sorry....”

I feel my self hold my breath as the words slip past my lips and fidget again as I'm not entirely sure he heard, but it's so quiet in here he's bound to have heard!

Digging my fingers into my palm I swallow again, wetting my lips as I let the words slip past my lips again...

“Chris....” My voice nearly sounds as a whimper “I'm sorry” This time it's much clearer and I have no doubt that he definitely heard.

And with feeling the glare of his eyes set upon me I bite my lip, eyes glued to my lap still, anxiously waiting for his reply.

“I can't believe you did this...” My head snaps up at the sound of his voice, it may be quiet but I still sure as hell heard it and looking into the rear view mirror I see him glaring towards the road as he drives.

I open my mouth to star to explain, to explain my excuse and apologize when he cut me off, his eyes darting up to glare at me through the mirror...

“You should have seen his face...” I bite my lip, my eyes falling back own to my lap “You do know how excited he was this morning right?! To be all ready and have his hopes up....what for huh? To be let down by his own sister....”

I feel a lump rise in my throat and my eyes sting as I just imagine Tom's adorable little face crumbling into sadness...and my chest tightens at knowing that it's my fault...

“He's four Lexi...” Chris continues, his voice low “only four....”

“I know! I know okay” My voice breaks off slightly as a burst of anger reaches it, “I know, and I'm sorry!...I didn't know the bike was gunna break down did I!...I would never do that to Tom intentionally...I knew how much he wanted to go....” I bite down hard on my lip as I swallow down the lump feeling in my throat...

“But you did Lexi!” I cringe at the tone of Chris's voice “You did, you shouldn't have just left this morning....yes alright I get that you were mad at us, and I know how much last night meant to you Lex, and we are truly sorry, but you know Lex you can't rely on us to do that every time, we're older and don't feel like sitting on a ferris wheel for ten minutes of our time...”

I feel a gasp stuck in my throat at his words, his words sting and I force myself to keep my cool, digging my fingers into my palm...

“But by that I don't mean we don't care anymore Lex, of course we do....we've just moved on...” I hear him sigh, obviously knowing his words have hurt, “But you can't use that as an excuse...Tom was waiting for you! We offered to take him but he refused and wanted you! Honestly, this wouldn't have happened if you just stayed and listened to us this morning instead of running of with ….here! If you stayed you would have known the reason why we didn't turn up last night, and I mean come off it Lex, but really.....don't you think your being a little dramatic? It's not like we've forgotten about him...”

I feel my chest tighten more, biting my lip as I feel it start to tremble, eyes blurring over from angry tears. His words hurt. His words cause something in me to react like this, it's not what I wanted to hear....

“Don't you bring up dad...” I hear myself mutter my eyes forming into a glare “This isn't about him!”

“Yes...yes it is. Everything these days is turning back linked to him! Lexi...it's been two years!” Chris snaps “I think it's about time to get over it...”

I feel like the winds been taken out of me as I let out a low, long gasp...my eyes sting as I hold the water back.....I can't believe he just said that..

I shake my head and close my eyes, no...no he didn't just say that. That isn't true. He's just bringing two things together that has nothing to do with each other.

“No....no...” I whimper out clenching my fists at a hope to not let the water fall as I open my eyes “Stop doing this!” I snap “You bring him up every time I mess up! I already feel guilty enough...I don't need you reminding me! I didn't do this on purpose....there's no way I would hurt Tom...and I have no clue how I will make it up to him! This is a separate issue....there is no need to bring up the fact that I still, sometimes miss my dad!” I spit out, “Just because you've forgotten doesn't mean I have!” I take in a deep breath, closing my eyes briefly to control my breathing and my curled up fist on the seat next to me, I clench my jaw and suddenly feel a warm hand wrapping around my clenched fist causing me to open my eyes...

Letting out an irritated grunt, Chris shakes his head, looking to me through the rear view mirror “You don't yet it do you?!” He snaps again huffing a frustrated puff of air “Just shut up.....be quiet until we get home alright? I can't deal with this now....”

I bite my lip, turning my head towards the window as I feel my eyes sting once more, pulling my hand from the touch of the other on the seat and back to my lap..

I refuse to let them spill right now, the anger and guilt still burning my insides I grip the edge of my seat to try and control the urge to lash, swallowing down these emotions I feel, holding them back.

I know I did wrong. I broke a promise to a innocent four year old, one that I will never be able to get back. And I know that if I hadn't have run out this morning, never gone with Noah then I would still be at home, and able to take Tom. But, no...Chris is trying to blame it ALL on me, yes It is my fault...but they have got to take a little bit of it for themselves! They were the reason why I ran out....if they were to just turn up the other night, none of this would have happened...

I dig my fingers into the cushion of the seat, biting down hard on my lip I'm sure I will taste blood as the more anger and annoyance is taking over me from the guilt, it was them. If only they turned up...I wouldn't be mad at them.....

~

Hearing the gravel crunch under the tyres of the car, I stare up to the familiar house I've been living in for the past few months. Seeming as it was almost yesterday that we moved here...not months. It's gone by fast to say the least.....if only I knew what it would be like here, all the things that have happened...I would have made more of a fuss about moving....

Hearing the engine cut off, I close my eyes tightly, wishing I could just wake up and everything was the way it was only a few weeks back. This mess wouldn't be happening...

Climbing out the car, I cringe as the slam of Chris closing his door rings through my ears, if this is how he's reacted...I can only pray the others aren't as bad...

“You...” I hear Chris snarl causing my to turn my head seeing him point a finger towards Noah standing the other side of the car, “Go home.” He instructs harshly “You don't need to be here”

My eyes dart across to Noah, who's got his hands stuffed in his pockets, a small frown forming on his face as his eyes flicker over to me too, a pained expression on his face as he seems to debate with himself on what to do..

“Go.” Chris all but nearly growls causing me to tense and give Noah a small nod, silently telling him to go too, as Chris doesn't need to be any more angry than he already is.

I slowly begin to follow Chris as he stomps of towards the front door, and I look back to See Noah slowly making his way to his door while looking over in my direction...

With a sigh, I turn away, walking up the steps of the porch, ready to face whatever it is that my brothers will throw at me.

~

I would have taken anger. Words shouted towards me. Yelling. Anything besides this..

Disappointment.

Anything is better than seeing the looks of disappointment, mixed with the sadness in the eyes of my brothers. If they all started shouting and yelling at me, that would be better than...than this.

The house is quiet...much to quiet than normal and it gives me the shivers, immediately not liking the atmosphere here..

I know that they know we've come back, because I saw a figure standing in the window of the living room when we walked up.....

As I step foot into the living room, I tense up again at the stiff, tight tension in the air, spotting a few of the boys sat around on the couches facing the TV which is quietly humming in the background of this room, being the only sound that stops this from being deadly quiet...

Gulping I can't look to anyone as I shuffle into the room, waiting for someone to speak the first word...but no one does...

I jump slightly as I hear the front door slam, the sound ringing through the house and I bite my tongue....are they really this mad?..I know what I shouldn't have done what I did....but this whole silence thing and disappointed, harsh looks seems a little bit too much from just not being here.

I didn't know the darn bike would run out of gas! Noah should have known that!

I curl my hands into a fist, stopping by the archway into the kitchen and turning around to look at the three boys sat on the couches...

Ashton, Evan and Seth.

Even thou Ash didn't come last night, I have no doubt in mind that he knows everything already, no one can keep a secret in this house. And from the looks of it, he's already picked his side, pairing with the boys. With his brothers. As usual.

I'm always left fighting my own battles.

I let out a quiet scoff, shaking my head and folding my arms, “Guys...?” I let slip on my lips trying to get their attention “Guys...please...don't just sit there being silent..” I sigh dropping my shoulders, if they won't talk, I guess I will then.

“You can't just sit there, being mad at me. I'm sorry.” I only see Seth raise his head as he looks to me.

Letting out a frustrated sigh I shake my head “I don't even know why I'm apologising to you...” I mumble “It should be Tom.” I look around, turning towards the kitchen in search for that four year old..

“Where is he?” My eyes scan the empty kitchen, before turning back to the living room, see the back of Evan's head shift.

“In his room. Asleep.” Evan replies with a cold tone to his voice “Because you know, he kinda wore himself out from all the crying...” I gulp, feeling my heart lurch with guilt, knowing I caused that little boy to cry..

I turn towards the door, Chris standing in it with a scowl and I open my mouth, stuttering a reply “I-I...I'm going to see him...” I say reaching the door where Chris blocks half of it.

“No, no your not.”

My eyes snap up towards the stairs case at the voice, and see a figure walking down...a familiar figure that belongs to Blake.

I gulp, adverting my eyes as I see he's wearing the same expression, but with a little more of a glare to it.

“No, your not going to see him now. It took ages to get him to sleep...” Blake reaches the end of the stairs and he is soon followed by a larger figure..

Charles.

Charles? Charles is here?! They called him?!....now this is ridiculous.

“You called Charles?!” my voice raises to a shout in disbelief, “Why did you do that? This is stupid!” I grunt shaking my head “Don't you think you guy are over exaggerating? This is a pile of bull$hit! Acting all disappointed and all because I didn't come home!” I screech, huffing an unamased puff of air.

“All I did was go out for the morning, intending to come home in time, but it's not my fault the bike ran out of freaking gas is it!? Then having no signal to phone anyone so we had to walk for miles to get some! I don't understand why your all acting like this, yes I know I did wrong and I will make it up to Tom, but you guys shouldn't just take this out on me! Think about why I went out this morning huh!” I don't care that I'm shouting now, this should have happened as soon as I walked in. I just can't stand there with them giving me the 'silent treatment' making out I am the bad guy here. Tom maybe four and my baby brother, but he will in time get over this, and definitely will when I make it up to him!...it's my older brothers who are acting like the baby's here!..

“Lexi....” Charles starts to speak but I cut him off, by shoving my way past them all and starting up the stars.

“No!” I snap glaring down at the mas they circle around the end of the stairs “I accept the blame,alright I do. But you guys have to too! It's not all me! I've said sorry, what else can I do huh?! In fact! It should be you lot apologising too for what you did yesterday...” I wave my hand in the general direction of the five boys, shaking my head to stop them from speaking as I don't want to hear it.

“I will make it up to Tom” I speak half way up the stairs, no longer shouting “It's your guys turn to make it up to me....”

And with the last words falling from my lips which were close to a whisper, I turn around and rush up the stairs, wanting to get away from them as fast as I can before I crumble...

Bashing open my bedroom door, I rush in slamming it shut behind me with my back pressed up against it as I feel my legs wobble causing me to slide down and sink to the floor, the tears I've tried to hold back for this long spilling over the edge as I wrap my arms around my legs, a sob racking through my body...

I hate arguing. Surprisingly. As much of it as I do, I actually do hate it. Especially when I know it's not play full, and when it's with my brothers.

It stabs at my heart every time. Ripping a tiny hole in it when we all argue like this, even though it heals after a while...it still hurts. It hurts because I'm arguing with people I love.

Taking a deep breath in, I brush my hand over my face, wiping away the wetness on my cheeks and I push myself up from the floor, kicking the door behind me in an outburst of anger and stalk over to my bed, tears clouding my vision again and grab the smaller pillows littering my bed, and throwing them onto the floor with a angered and frustrated grunt.

Sitting on the edge of my bed my head in my hands as they rug at my hair in frustration, I want to go see Tom, to apologise