That Which Drives Us

Max woke the next morning at his normal early time only to find that Neeshan had already left the bed. His mates were in a tangled pile of limbs and fur against him but still asleep.

Grinning to himself, he slid out of bed and not really thinking about it, padded into the kitchen naked. The twins already had coffee waiting on the counter and though they were nowhere in sight, that didn't mean they weren't around. Max had learned not to underestimate their ability to be neither seen nor heard. Max poured a very large mug of caffeinated nirvana and padded silently out the back door to the deck. He stood there and sipped his coffee as the sun slowly started to rise over the horizon.

"Oh, I didn't know we were having naked day today," Max heard a voice teasing from behind him.

Turning to see Jynxy behind him, hys cub nursing at hys breast, he managed a questioning sound, "Hmm?" Jynxy grinned a slightly lascivious grin and eyed him up and down. Max followed hys gaze and froze. Apparently fur made you forget that you needed clothing. Max managed to turn red enough in the ears for it to show even through the black fur causing Jynxy to laugh.

"I'm teasing you Max, this family doesn't care if you're dressed or undressed. The only real reason anyone on Chakona wears clothing is for decoration or work. Plus, with your body, I'd walk around naked too," hy said with a wink.

"And that's another reason I pursued Jynxy, hy has one heck of an appetite," said a voice from the doorway.

Looking up Max saw Riot with a cup of coffee in hir hands as shi leered at Max as well. "Although I can't say I blame hir," shi teased. Or at least Max HOPED shi was teasing.

For some reason Max felt really cocky all of a sudden and raised an eyebrow at the two of them. "Anytime you feel woman enough for all this," he said gesturing to himself, "feel free to let me know." He smirked acting much braver than he felt.

Riot looked at Jynxy with a huge grin. "Our kit picked a good one, didn't hy?"

Jynxy nodded. "Now I wonder if hy's willing to share," hy said with a light chirr.

Max just rolled his eyes and sipped his coffee. He turned back to the sunrise and Riot and Jynxy joined him. The peace and quiet of their little forest home a calming balm to the soul of everyone.

"I don't know if I ever said it," Max murmured to them. "But thank you for welcoming me into your home and into your lives. You could have been like that hyena morph and not wanted a human anywhere near your kit; but instead you hugged me and asked me when you were going to get a grandchild," he laughed. "You've both seen where I come from and this is more of a home and family than I've ever had and I'm happy to call it such," he said heavily.

Both Riot and Jynxy leaned against him and gave him hugs. The three of them watched the sun rise higher in the sky in quiet silence, happy in each other's company.

Max spent most of the morning in nothing but his fur sitting on the back deck gathering the quiet of the forest to himself as if hording it for the long road ahead; his thoughts going over everything that had happened so far in his life. It was during these thoughts, with his feet elevated on the railing of the deck that Swytch brought little Arctic and Brightstreak outside to play. Max joined the children in their games out in the yard spending time with his son and sister in law. They rolled in the grass and chased each other around the trees until the cubs were tuckered out. Max picked them both up and carried them back to the porch where he sat down propping his feet back up again. The two cubs promptly fell asleep in a furry pile on his chest and he nodded off with them.

Dreamspirit sat on a lounging pad in the sitting room lost in thought. Hir emotions were a jumbled up and raw mess. Keeping hir mind closed to the others around hir, shi thought about how to tell hir friend about the solemn duty shi needed to perform; informing the families of the crew members shi lost under hir watch of their untimely deaths. While shi was deep in thought, shi looked at collected curios and memories of the Pilumnus clan that decorated the walls of the home shi was in. Shi sighed deeply as shi though on the ones that had lost their loved ones back on the station. Deep down shi knew shi had a duty to perform, but hir heart quailed at it.

Riot walked out on the porch and heard the sound of light snoring. Looking over, shi saw Max asleep in a deck chair, the two cubs curled up on his chest. Their tiny tails wrapped around arm or wrist in their sleep. Shi was struck by the peaceful beauty of the moment and with a quick grin, padded back inside the house to get the others.

Dream wasn't very aware of hir surroundings while lost in the depths of hir thoughts. Shi was fairly oblivious to the goings on around hir as shi sat moodily on a taur pad. How would shi let the others know of what shi needed to do? Was shi going to just tell them face to face; or was shi just going to leave a note and sneak out like a thief in the night? Shi was supposed to be on mandatory leave, but this was also a very personal matter to hir. Shi lifted a hand to wipe the tears that were starting to dampen hir eyes.

Riot made hir way around the house quietly getting everyone to follow hir, shi came to Dream's door and knocked politely. "Anyone awake in there?"

Dream took in a deep breath when shi heard Riot and spoke with strained voice. "Yes, sorry, I was thinking when I got something my eye..." shi explained as shi turned towards the hyper colored chakat rubbing at hir now mostly dry eyes. Shi picked up the drink shi had on a table as shi turned to face Riot. "What's up?" shi asked with genuine curiosity.

Riot squinted slightly at Dream and while not readily fooled by Dream's explanation, instead decided to pretend shi hadn't noticed. "You've got to comes see this," shi said as shi turned. Shi wrapped hir tail around Dream's wrist and gently tugged hir along.

Dream tilted her head as Riot tugged hir along but didn't ask any further questions just followed the crazy colored chakat. Dream was used to seeing all sorts of colors on morphs of all kinds but when it came down to wildest fur patterns shi had seen in hir life, Riot took the cake. Shi was also warming up to Riot a little more than the others of the family with maybe the exception of Max. With hir long life of just seeking out friends when shi needed to, shi had kept hirself distant from the idea of having a family. In fact, the idea was so very scary to hir, but also tugged at hir heart a little as well. Following Riot towards the back deck, shi noticed faint sound coming from outside. The sound of someone... Snoring???

Riot quietly ushered everyone outside motioning them to be silent as they did so. Quietly, shi pointed to the side of the deck. In a deck lounger was Max. On Max's chest slept little Arctyc and little Brightstreak. The cubs were curled around each other, their tails secured to various body parts on Max. Max's overly long and fluffy tail was in his lap and gently wrapped around the sleeping bundle. Riot grinned as shi pointed them out and leaned against the railing just watching the trio sleep peacefully.

Dream immediately forgot hir own pain as shi watched Max and the cubs sleeping. The cubs gently rose and fell with the slow breaths Max took in slumber. The site made hir feel somewhat left behind. Shi envied him, the loner IT guy he once had been was gone. This more confident man lay before hir. Shi saw something in him shi hadn't seen before and it made hir smile to hirself as shi watched.

While everyone was taking cutsie pictures, Riot sidled up to Dream and murmured, "That could have been yours... Still can be if you want."

Dream turned to face Riot almost instantly, the smile on hir face turned to shock.

Riot looked at hir with a raised eyebrow. "You do know that shielding all of your emotions is almost as bad as shouting them at others? Even though, the look on your face was fairly easy to read."

Sighing deeply shi looked at Riot. Shi had been so focused on what shi needed to do, that shi didn't think about what shi was doing by trying to keep hir emotions hidden. Shi took a deep breath and spoke in a voice that only riot could hear. "I don't even know where to begin. I am not like the rest of our kind. In fact, I am scared that I would be more of a burden at this point. Max has a full life. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't have been so hurt in the first place and gotten himself into the trouble he got into. I feel responsible for what happened. I should have stayed on that ship with him. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have been hurt so badly. I should have checked up on him at the very least. But, I got busy and I did him a disservice in doing so." Shi took a moment before adding, "I don't understand why he isn't angry with me for not even sending him a comm. I only tried to send a message after I found out what happened."

Riot let out a quiet gentle snort, "You're as bad as he is about beating yourself up over past mistakes. Did you know he blamed himself for you leaving? He blamed himself for a death he didn't commit and still does? I have a question for you. If everything that has happened was so bad, then why does he have two Lifemates and a child of his own? Would that have happened if you stayed? If you had checked up on him?" shi asked motioning to the sleeping trio on the deck.

Shi looked at him sleeping taking in the scene as shi stood there thinking before shi spoke. "If it wasn't for your child he would be dead... I would have never gotten to see him again. I'm not sure what checking up on him would done to help. But, if I had stayed there, there may have been chance he would have gotten this far in life without being hurt so badly. He could have still ended up at the comm station. Still met Swytch," shi said never taking hir gaze off Max. "Besides, between his new bodyguards, and the warbeasts he somehow got to follow him, I have to admit I am impressed if not little miffed. It was Swytch who protected him, put him back together." Shi thought back to when he was drunk at the stations bar. "Hell, hy even told me to make a choice to be his friend or just treat him like any other patient. Hy is very protective of him. I thought he was dead. Part of me still feels like that is still true," the purple chakat murmured almost to hirself.

Riot growled softly at Dream, "If...if...if, maybe...maybe...maybe. You cubs are always worried about what you could have done different, done better." Shi pointed a finger at Dream tapping hir chest with it. "Yes, my daughter is protective of Max, but only because Max couldn't protect himself. Knowing how Max was, do you think he would have ever come to Chakona? Do you think he would have ever left that tiny little apartment he ended up in on Earth? He would have withered and disappeared there and no one would have missed him. Do you REALLY think, that with everything else in the universe, you could have done anything other than be his friend when he needed it?" Shi looked hard at Dream. "Was there anything else you could have done to show him how you felt? Or was he only a friend to you even back then?"

Dream looked at Riot with an expressionless face as shi heard what Riot was saying. Shi was going to reply but just stopped as tears welled up in hir eyes and shi looked down at the floor. "I've been a fool," shi said almost so that Riot couldn't hear. "I wasn't a good friend when he needed it and this..." shi said motioning to the sleeping Max. "This is the first time I really noticed him. First time I felt this way about anyone. In retrospect, I think it was the moment I saw him in the science lab. He was a totally different person from the one I left behind on the day I transferred."

Riot laid a hand on Dream's shoulder. "We all grow, we all change little one. Look at him, do you think, that deep down, he still isn't the same person who was your friend on the ship? Yes, he looks different, he may be a little more confident now, but he's still there. Only the wrapper has changed, not the heart inside it."

Dream looked at Max when shi was asked to and heard every word Riot said. "I still need to sort this out in my own heart. I do love him," shi said shocking hirself slightly but kept talking, "I have some other duties to attend to. It will give me some more time to hear what my heart is telling me. I have a friend on the other side of the planet. I'll pay hir a visit while I do my soul searching and take care of my duties." Shi sniffed a little as shi tried to dry the tears from hir eyes never looking away from Max.

Riot gave Dream a gentle lick kiss on the cheek. "The hardest part is admitting it to yourself. The rest is introspection." And with that shi quietly shooed everyone back into the house to let the cubs and Max sleep in peace.

Once Dream was inside the house, shi got hir PADD and started to make a note:

Max,

I know you and command have been wanting me to relax after what happened at SB-241 but, there are a few things I need to sort out and duties to perform. Sorry for not to say anything to you in person but, I was afraid you would try and keep from duties again. This is something I need to, this isn't work but it is expected of me and I have to do it. For their sake, I owe it to them. I'll send you a message day before I come back I shouldn't gone long.

P.S. you were very cute with little ones sleeping with you.

Your old friend Dream.

Riot padded into hir room and took down and old holophoto projector and quickly loaded the picture of Max and the cubs sleeping into it. Shi checked the charge on the power cell and padded back out. Walking down the hall, shi knocked on Dream's door once more.

Putting the PADD down on the side table next to the bed, shi looked at the door. "Yes?"

Riot opened the door and padded over to Dream and held out the holophoto projector to hir. "Something to help you think while you're gone, dear." Then waving hir tail, shi exited the room.

Dream had an idea of what it was but turned it on anyway and smiled, "Thank you Shir Riot, thank you for your wisdom and for this." Dream held it in hir hand for moment longer. "Shir Riot?" shi asked semi-formally. Something shi has hardly ever done with any of hir kind.

Riot stopped at the door, turning hir head back towards Dream. "Yes?"

"In a week, I'll be going into rut. Normally, when I am this close to my friend I wouldn't ask, but," she paused looking at Riot. "I could use a friend."

Riot smiled at Dream and nodded. "I think I would enjoy being that friend, Shir Dreamspirit. Be well and safe travels. Don't forget what we talked about." And with that shi left Dream to hir thoughts.

Max woke to the sound of mewling cubs and someone patting him on the muzzle. Both cubs were awake and hungry and letting him know it. Max smiled at them. "Sorry, kiddos, but I'll have to find your moms, nothing I can do to help I'm afraid," he said scooping them up in his arms and carrying them inside the house.

"Anyone home?" he called. "We have hungry cubs here and I'm ill equipped to do anything about it," he said grinning. Swytch emerged from a side room and came over to take Arctyc and Brightstreak to the creche for feeding, Riot following on hys tail. Max watched them troop off fondly before a voice behind him said, "You know, you could be better equipped to take care of their needs."

Max turned to find Jynxy reading a book on a taur cushion behind him. He raised his eyebrows questioningly. "All you have to do is change phases and you can nurse your own son," hy said matter-of-factly.

"We don't even know if that is possible," Max said cautiously.

"I'm willing to bet it is, and when you come into your heat cycle you're going to find out the hard way. The question is how will you handle it when it does happen?" hy asked pointedly.

Max fidgeted a bit. "I'm not a skunktaur Jynxy, I'm just the bastardized creation of a bunch of rogue scientists who never meant for this to happen," he said gesturing to himself vaguely.

Jynxy marked hys book and set it aside rising from the cushion and walked over to him. Hy laid a hand on the red paw print on Max's chest and looked up at him. "This says otherwise. If you were not one of us, then this would not be here. The only ones to carry this mark are those who belong to the family, no matter how they came to it. Even little Brightstreak is one of us and shi is more chakat than skunktaur. Why do you continue to deny that you are a viable being and important to this family?" hy asked seriously. "What will you do if the council accepts that you are one of us, too? Will you still deny who you are? Will you turn your back on your kind? You may not have been born of a skunktaur union, but this paw print says you are one of us in everything but full form. I know you have been through so much in such a short amount of time but you have handled it in a way that would do a skunktaur proud. We pride ourselves on our adaptability and you have adapted well. Will you deny your ability to adapt to this as well?" hy asked intently.

Max was troubled. He'd been changed so much over his life so far and for some reason the idea of the change of sexes troubled him more than the fact that he was now a morph. Would this be the final thing that broke his sanity? Would he finally lose who he was on the inside? Everyone kept telling him that the outside didn't matter and it was the inside that counted. What if this changed the inside as well as the outside?

Jynxy watched as every thought seemed to flicker over Max's face and hys telepathic abilities let hym gently read the thoughts running through his mind. Hy took Max's right hand in both of hys holding it and looked him in the eyes. "Max, you are who you are on the inside no matter what happens to the outside. The shift in phases is... It is a new way to experience life is all. There are subtle shifts in the mind that go with it, but it doesn't change your core being. You'll still be Max on the inside, you'll just be able to nurse your child, get pregnant, and enjoy the feeling of strong arms holding you in the night. You won't have to be as strong or put on the brave face like you do now. You'll be able to more easily express and show how you feel to others without the restraints put on you by a male-centric human upbringing. It will not lessen you; it will allow you to be more of who you already are in here," Jynxy said placing a hand over Max's heart.

Max looked down at Jynxy, ideas warring in his head for attention. He could feel Swytch's silent support in his mind as hy heard everything hys mom had said and echoed their sentiments with hys own love and affection for him no matter what form he may happen to inhabit. "How does it work?" he asked quietly.

"Well, there are two ways you could do it. One is a longer-term way and the other a shorter. If you drank Riot's milk, the hormones in it would trigger the change since shi is currently breast-feeding Brightstreak. The downside is you would be stuck that way until you weaned yourself from breastfeeding. That could take several weeks. The other way is to initiate the change of phase yourself. It is something any skunktaur can do with practice and concentration. It would use up all of the stored nutrients in your tail and it would take a little while to get enough nutrients back into your body before you could change again. It can be