"Drive." Was all he said as he got into the passenger seat of my car after following me out of his apartment, I stared at him unable to think.

"Jesus Charlie just drive," he stared out the window. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't do anything. Then all of a sudden I knew where I wanted to go.

We pulled up at the beach. This was both of our safe places, I knew it was the right place to go. He was silent the whole car ride, aimlessly staring out the window not saying a word. Even when he knew where we were going he was silent. The silence was good, the silence was needed.

"I'm really fucked up Charlie. I'm a really fucked up person. This shit, it controls me. I wish I didn't do it. But I do, I have to do it. Every goddamn party I go to, I can't stop. I'm so fucked up, my life is fucked up," he was crying. He didn't try and hide the fact he was crying, the tears just strolled down his red face and he made no attempt to wipe them. He got out his pack of cigarettes. He had smoked 6 of the 10 fags he probably only bought an hour ago. He put the cigarette between his lips and lit it. He inhaled the toxins and blew them back out. A cloud of smoke appeared around him.

"You deserve better Charlie. I don't deserve your attention. I'm fucked up. You've had enough bad things in your life happen to you and you certainly don't need another one." I remained silent and took the packet of cigarettes from his lap and took one out. Without speaking he handed me the lighter. I put the cancer stick between my lips and inhaled the smoke and it felt pretty goddamn good. He turned to look at me now. His eyes still streaming puddles of tears. His face was red and blotchy and all of a sudden the child came back, the little innocent Matty.

"I want you Charlotte," I remained silent. Unable to speak. Like I had everything you could possibly imagine to say, but it was trapped.

"Not just now, forever. I never want to not want you." He stared at me and I stared right back at him. I couldn't speak. I had no words.

"JESUS CHARLIE SAY SOMETHING." I didn't even flinch when he shouted, I didn't move. I remained staring at him without saying a word.

"Fuck this. Fuck you." He got out of the car and slammed the door shut, and he walked off into the darkness his figure getting less visible with every step. I got out of the car and ran after him.

"Do you know what Matty?" He turned back to face me now. I clenched my fist in a bid to keep myself calm.

"Life is fucked up, everything is fucked up. Your fucked up, I'm fucked up, the whole goddamn world is fucked up and you're just going to have to deal with that. So stop moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. You've fucked up hell you might even be fucked up, but you can change that, you can change the fact your fucked up but what you can't change is that fact that life is fucked up. So stop feeling so goddamn sorry for yourself because you aren't the only one that's sad. So sober the fuck up and get out with your goddamn life." He walked towards me fast, almost a run and he kissed me. He kissed me like he has never kissed me before, like he needed me, like if he didn't kiss me then the world would end and life as we know it. He kissed me like we were the only two people on this goddamn earth. He pulled away and whispered,

"I love you Charlotte."