"The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud."

Coco Chanel

February 11th, 2188

Ashley Williams

_____________________________

Kaidan's Ten was a hell of a run. The path was marked well, but much of it wound through difficult terrain. It sprawled six hundred meters across a sandy beach, another two hundred through a muddy cow pasture, and nearly nine hundred meters of the course zig-zagged through the forest on a trail hazarded by roots, nettles, and devils club.

The final hundred meters, which stretched across the border orchard, was pure exhilaration. Ashley burned the last of her reserves. She sprinted across the slick grass with confidence while the cold rain drove against her soaked t-shirt and running shorts. Both clung to her body like a second skin. The real skin, just underneath, was clammy and covered in goosebumps and sweat.

There was something special about the air on Vancouver Island, something rejuvenating. Perhaps it was the cool briny air that she liked the most, or the presence of the towering evergreen trees. Maybe it was the cries of gulls and eagles dancing in the wind, or the sight of orca crashing through the white crested waves of Quatsino Sound. Whatever it was, it suited her.

She passed the gate and began to slow, her side aching, her chest pounding. She jogged across the yard, transitioned to a walk, grabbed the porch railing and stretched, groaning as she lengthened her tired muscles.

Jean Alenko clapped. "Seventeen minutes and thirty-two seconds, wonderful!"

"Damn," said Ashley. "I thought I'd crack the seventeen minute barrier today."

"Not in this wind," said Jean. "Now, hurry up, get your shower, and get dressed. Your transport will be here in two hours."

Ashley was trying not to think about it. The thought of leaving this place shivved her in the guts with a cold blade. It was going to be difficult. She had to do a better job with this goodbye, a hell of a lot better than she'd managed with Tali. That whole affair was a fucking disaster, blubbering like an idiot on a Quarian Fleet channel that was sure as shit monitored by Alliance brass and probably the Council as well.

At least they weren't holding it against her, in fact, she'd gotten the call back to active duty only a few days after her com channel meltdown with Tali. Ashley reasoned that command must be pretty desperate for operatives, considering they were going to let her keep her rank, Spectre status, and give her a ship as well. What the hell was going on? Christmas had come and gone several weeks ago.

She toweled off near the door, discarded her running boots, and loped up the stairs, peeling off her wet clothes as she went. Seconds later, hot water poured over her slick skin as she was encompassed in a cloud of heavenly steam. As much as Ashley wanted to linger in the shower, she made short work of getting clean. She was in and out of the de-humidifier in under a minute and finished brushing her hair in less than three. Grabbing a robe in case Max was in the hall, she passed into her room to dress.

Her battle armor, which she'd spent all yesterday spit-shining, was arranged on the standup mount while her service and mess uniforms, both freshly pressed, were hanging from the garment rack. Disrobing, she pulled on her skivvies, checked the time, then pulled the service uniform off the rack and slipped it into a garment bag. She'd just pulled out her armor case and was preparing to pack it away when Jean entered the room.

She frowned. "Oh Ashley, I wish you'd get yourself some better armor. My friend Deborah is on the action committee and she's seen to it that the best gear is available in gender neutral, none of that metal boob nonsense."

As much as she loved Jean, Ashley couldn't bite her tongue on this one. Even more than Shepard, this was one of her hot buttons.

"Oh, here we go again, Rome burns while Nero fiddles," said Ashley.

Jean looked at her quizzically. "What do you mean?"

Ashely took a deep breath. "Indulging oneself in meaningless frivolities while serious problems threaten to overwhelm us. I don't want to get into this too much, but you know what? Your friend Deborah can go fuck herself."

Jean was shocked. "Ashley, that's no way to talk."

"I know you meant no harm," said Ashley, "but it's a bit of a sore subject for me. Do you know that if I had joined the military in my grandfather's time, I wouldn't have been allowed to be a combat marine without undergoing breast reduction surgery? I thank God every day for mass effect technology. We take for granted just how much the tech has changed our lives, especially as women. Imagine if I had to do that 10k in an old style sports bra with only micro-fibers for support?"

"It would have been hell on you," said Jean.

"At my size, it would've thrown me off balance, hurt my back, and turned eighteen minutes into thirty," said Ashley.

"Yes, but I'm not talking about a sports bra," said Jean. "It's the armor. I hear that those protrusions sticking out of the chest can be quite dangerous in combat."

Ashley rolled her eyes. "First of all, it's not dangerous—that's just an urban myth created by social crusaders who have no clue or background in engineering. All that nonsense you hear about breast armor crushing the sternum assumes that the design is ass-backwards—concave instead of convex, but that's all a moot point anyway. Armor itself offers little to no protection against kinetic force. Even in medieval times, when weapons were crude, the thickest armor was proof only against stabbing weapons. No matter the shape, or the style of armor, a thin piece of alloy or composit could never protect you from a round traveling at hypersonic velocities. In fact, it wouldn't even work against a simple punch from one of the stronger alien species.

I've been hit by a Krogan before, several times in fact. Without the inertia fields my armor conducts, my ribs would have been fragmented and my heart and lungs would have been smashed right through my shoulder blades regardless of the shape of my chest piece. The style of the armor a soldier wears is nothing more than decoration. Without the mass effect technology, it's completely useless."

"I see," said Jean. "Well, then, if those boobs on that armor aren't useful, why have them at all? Isn't it rather undignified?"

Ashley reached for her display pad and pulled up some combat footage. She held it out for Jean to watch.

"Look," she said. "Notice the alien species? Turian battle armor is a stylistic choice that reflects their decorum and history. Krogan Armor exaggerates the size of their humps, and that very slutty looking Asari armor hasn't changed in thousands of years because they completely lack inhibitions. Maybe it's because they've never had to endure gender orientated body shaming.

Quarian armor accentuates their extraordinary hips and knee joints. Why? Because they choose to present themselves in a certain cultural aesthetic. We are much the same, our Alliance armor often reflects ancient designs that have nothing to do with function. Do you know who initially created the notion of breast armor?"

Jean shook her head. "No, but I imagine you are going to tell me."

"The Greeks, Romans, and Persians," said Ashley. "They wore a breastplate carved in the exact likeness of a male chest. Often their armor was even decorated by nipples to further sexualize it, which pleased the wives and lovers of the soldiers. We've been reproducing that look in one way or another for dozens of centuries without ever questioning its origins.

Now, some Alliance desk jockey is telling me that it's not dignified to have feminine armor to distinguish myself, and that my self-respect hinges upon dressing myself in armor specifically designed to emulate a man's body. I call bullshit on that and I'll dress how I please. If a woman wants to bind, stuff, and wear featureless armor, she's absolutely welcome to do so, but if I want to show up in armor that explains what I am beneath it, then I'll do it as long as it meets code."

"My, my," said Jean. "You've a strong opinion on this."

"Do you remember the battle dress code edict of 2172? It was just before my time. Perhaps Kaidan mentioned it to you?"

Jean thought for a moment. "If I recall, Kaidan said he took part in a protest."

"A lot of it is classified," said Ashley. "The Alliance was trying to save face for their blunder. What happened on Mindoir really shook brass up, and some idiot decided that we needed to protect our women from the Batarians, so a memo was sent banning all feminized armor. Hip joints had to meet a certain code and all chest armor had to be flat and featureless. A rumor was circulating that any woman who presented herself as such on the battlefield was in danger of being raped by the Batarians, so it was safer for us all if they couldn't tell our male and female soldiers apart."

Jean frowned. "And the soldiers protested?"

Ashley smiled. "The men did. The next day, many of our male soldiers borrowed the gear from the women's lockers. If they couldn't get into a set of armor, they'd improvise. One of the guys from dad's old company welded torpedo tips on his chest plate. Somehow, all those male soldiers managed to avoid being raped. The memo was recalled two days later and all the soldiers went back to wearing any armor that passed regs."

Jean raised her eyebrows. "So my son?"

Ashely smirked. "Wore boob-plate for a day or two. He always got a laugh out of us when he told that story."

Jean stared at Ashley's armor and sighed. "Well, I wouldn't be caught dead in that getup, but if you feel strongly about it, then I suppose you're welcome to it. You are, after all, a rather chesty girl, but that still doesn't explain the armor I often saw Shepard wearing."

Ashley laughed. "That was classic overcompensation! There were times when I wore a flat breastplate and never thought twice about it, but Shepard? Once she was assigned some confiscated Cerberus armor that was perfect for her abilities—Inferno class armor, I believe, and of course it had a flat breastplate. I'd never heard pissing and moaning from Shepard before, but during those ops where she had to wear that armor, she was insufferable. She was acting like a tomcat that had just been neutered. The sky of every battlefield we dropped into for a full week was darkened by Shepard's cloud of indignation."

Jean was shocked. "It was that important to her? How egotistical."

"She wasn't ego driven, but there were a lot of idiosyncrasies, issues that she covered up," said Ashley. "Before she, well, before the first Normandy was destroyed, she was a little more at ease, but when she returned she was definitely moodier, and, enhanced... for lack of a better word. Cerberus restored the damage her body sustained, and did a little bit extra. I suppose it was in her living will, because Cerberus was operating on a mandate to bring her back exactly as she was before."

"I see," said Jean. "Kaidan always told me that she was a complicated girl, but all I ever saw was the pain she caused him. I admit that I wrote most of her personality quirks off as vanity."

Ashley shook her head. "It wasn't vanity, it was... well, I shouldn't be the one to say. If you really want to know more about her, just ask Liara."

"I suppose I should," said Jean. "But I've been afraid of asking. So much of what my son was in later years was wrapped up in Shepard. Sometimes I feel as if she stole him from us."

"It wasn't Shepard," said Ashley. "It was the Reapers, remember that. They took a lot of things. Speaking of, where is Max?"

Jean sighed. "He's in the barn again."

"Good day, bad day?" asked Ashley.

"Bad," said Jean. "When I got him up this morning it took him awhile to remember who I was. I'm sorry, dear, but if you go to him to say goodbye, he might not recognize you."

"I'll understand if he doesn't," said Ashley.

Jean Alenko stood up and opened up her arms. "Give me a hug, dear."

Ashley embraced her with warmth. Somehow, she managed to hold her emotions in check, but it was going to be difficult to leave the Alenko home behind.

"Thank you for opening your home to me, for all of this," said Ashley. "I don't know where I'd be without you."

Jean Alenko managed a thin smile and bit her lip ever so slightly before she left the room. Once she was gone, Ashley busied herself with her packing. She finished early enough that she put off dressing in her uniform. There were still two goodbyes to go.

Liara was in her room taking a nap. The Asari was quite large now and the baby was still several months off. Ashley tried to imagine what she'd look like just before delivery. She crept up to the bed, quietly, then slipped under the covers and wrapped her arms around Liara, nuzzling her with affection.

"Hey, you," said Liara with her sleepy voice.

"I'm leaving soon," said Ashley.

"I know," said Liara. "I have been trying to avoid dealing with it."

"So you're sleeping it off?" asked Ashley.

"I was waiting for you to come by," said Liara.

"I see," said Ashley. "Are we..."

"Friends, always," interrupted Liara.

Ashley lowered her voice. "About the other night."

Liara sighed. "Humans, must you guilt yourselves every time you engage in what is perfectly natural?"

"Well, you just said friends, and if I recall what happened was a little more than friendly, at least from my perspective," said Ashley.

"Forgive me, I did not mean to make light of your feelings," said Liara.

Ashley stumbled for the right words. "I just don't know what my feelings are. I know that you're my friend, but..."

"We are friends, friends who have suffered great loss and found comfort in each other, if only for a time," said Liara. "It is quite normal among Asari, and as far as I know, not unheard of within the confines of your own species either."

"You make it sound so scientific," said Ashley.

"It is a merely an observation, aside from my feelings," said Liara.

"But what are your feelings?" asked Ashley.

Liara clasped Ashley's hands and squeezed. "I care for you a great deal. If you are asking if I am in love with you..."

"I'm not asking for that," said Ashley. "I know that you loved Shepard. I suppose I'm just trying to make sense of it all."

"We," said Liara. "No you, not I, we."

Ashley stumbled over the concept. "What?"

"We both loved her," said Liara. "That's what this was about. I've always acknowledged it, but I understand it is a new concept for you. That is why we finally joined the other night."

"Now I'm more confused than ever," said Ashley. "Are you trying to say I slept with you because I wanted to be close to Shepard?"

"Yes," said Liara. "As did I with you. Shepard loved you before she loved me, and when Shepard and I joined, that part of her became a part of me. I am sorry if you do not understand that."

Ashley sighed. "I really don't. It must be an Asari thing."

"Perhaps," said Liara.

"I don't even know who I am anymore," said Ashley.

Liara caressed Ashley's hand. "Why do you say that?"

"I always thought I was straight," said Ashley.

"I don't understand why you humans must define yourself as one thing or the other," said Liara. "But then again, I suppose it is only natural for a race that is cut in half."

Ashley frowned. "Cut in half? That's a dramatic way of looking at it."

"You aren't whole, your species, like many others, is disconnected. Perhaps that is why you feel conflict over natural feelings and impulses, or why you dwell on such trivial matters as the anatomy of the armor you wear," said Liara.

Ashley snorted. "Listening in on every conversation I have, and here I thought you were taking a break from the Shadow Broker thing."

"I must always remain at least partially devoted," said Liara. "Otherwise I would lose all my contacts. I have another acting on my behalf at the moment, but as soon as my child is born I will take on more of the load again. And speaking of my aspirations, would you do me a favor as soon as you are assigned?"

Ashley laughed. "I haven't even received my orders and you have a side mission for me already?"

Ashley could feel Liara's smile. "Of course," said the Asari. "There will be many others as well, do you object?"

"No," said Ashley. "So, what is it?"

"I want you to find Jennifer Novotny," said Liara.

"Ok, I'll bite. Who is she?" asked Ashley.

"My apologies, I was lost in my own thoughts. It's Jack," said Liara.

"We haven't found Miranda yet," said Ashley. "And now Jack's missing as well?"

"Jack is searching," said Liara. "In the most inconvenient manner for the Alliance. I fear that she will end up becoming a problem the authorities will want to solve. You need to find her before the wrong people do."

"I get it," said Ashley. "She's one of us. Anything else?"

"Contact Zaeed Massani and Samantha Traynor, it would be good to get them involved, give them something to do," said Liara.

Ashley chortled. "Why not get the whole crew back together?"

"That's not the worst idea," said Liara. "The war goes on, Ashley, a different war, but a war nevertheless. It is times like these that we must depend on those we can trust."

Ashley hissed, exasperated. "It's never over, is it?"

"Never," said Liara.

The Asari turned to face Ashley. They stared at each other in quiet contemplation for several minutes. Liara stroked Ashley's cheek.

Ashley felt water drip from her eyes. "I love you, Liara T'Soni, as a friend, of course."

Liara's mouth turned upward into a smile. "And I love you, my friend. Which is why I want you to consider something while you are gone."

"Shoot," said Ashley.

"After my child is born, I want another. I would like you to be the father, so to speak. Remember, the process need not involve physical..."

"I know how it works by now," said Ashley. "And I'm fine with it any way you want to do it."

Liara's smile broadened. "That response was more earnest than I expected. Did you know I was going to ask?"

"Intuition," said Ashley. "You've dropped enough hints, and I've thought about it myself. So yes, let's do it."

Liara kissed Ashley on the cheek. "You should speak to Maximiano before you go."

"If he even recognizes me," said Ashley.

Liara lifted her chin ever so slightly. "Just the same..."

"I will," said Ashley. "After a few more minutes here with you."

The minutes passed all too quickly. Ashley left without another word. She went out the back door and followed the eaves of the house as far as she could to keep dry before breaking across the grass and heading for the barn. Fortunately, the rain had let up a little.

Max Alenko was sitting on his bench near one of the hay bins. The horses nickered as he looked on them without expression.

"Hey, Max," said Ashley. "Do you remember me?"

He didn't respond. Ashley put her hands in her pockets and stood near him, hoping he might sense her presence on some level. Scientists were still seeking a solution to the neurological damage induced by Reaper Indoctrination, but it was widely suspected that there wouldn't be enough time for victims like Max Alenko. His condition was worsening by the day.

Ashley passed the time in silence. Eventually, she gave up and