Started Typing On - 24/02/2019 (So I had this therapist idea since Feb so I ended up writing the first half of this chapter back then)

Started ReTyping on - 29/03/2019

Chapter 93-Someone New

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Author's Pov:

"Why would you think what happened to your mother would most likely happen to you?" Jaanvi was sitting on the big couch, fidgeting with her mangalsutra in nervousness. She didn't want to go to the therapist on the first place, it was all because of her husband, Kiaan. He requested her once again this morning when she didn't want to get out of the house. She was making excuses of being sick but he knew all her antics.

(A chain a Hindu married women wears around her neck after being married.)

'You should go Jaanvi, I can't see you like this. Sitting on the bed the whole day, waiting for the sun to disappear. Look at you, you're not eating, you've lost so much weight, I can't see you like this.' His voice broke, he swallowed the dryness of his throat seeing her all weak. Cupping her face in his large hands he asked, 'Go. For me. If you love me you'll go. Maybe this will help you understand how important this baby is for us' 

And here she is. Sitting inside an office, the room was extremely bright. One light was enough to lighten the room but instead the therapist preferred turning all three lights. She blind? There sat the Dr, around two years older than Jaanvi. Her blond hair short hair, open, hanging on her shoulders. She wore a white simple buttoned up shirt with blue denim jeans. I should have become a Therapist in New York. Jaanvi thought, taken back by the Therapists appearance.

"Well, I," Jaanvi shrugged. She felt a lot of things. Many different thoughts inside her head but just explaining them was difficult for her. She left her mangalsutra noticing the therapist eyeing it curiously. Instead Jaanvi started running her fingers up and down on her lap nervousness.

As she started speaking once again, she noticed the therapist writing everything down. She won't show her notes to Kiaan right? "Do you have to write the conversation down?" Jaanvi questioned, self-conscious about where those notes would end up.

"Yes." She replied, nodding with a straight face. The women had a professional voice as well as look. The lady's one look shut her down, she seemed to be the type of lady who you wouldn't want to upset. Jaanvi awkwardly smiled, nodding, muttering a small, 'Of course, of course.' Like an idiot.

"Doesn't history repeat? I mean, now days you don't need to make enemies from outside, they're just hiding under the mask. Family. Families, now days. Families are ready to kill each other." She shrugged, being suddenly super embarrassed realise what she just said. She's American! How will she know that? Asians hate their own family members most of the times, right?

Jaanvi heard the blue, pilot pen scribbling onto her white clear notebook. She wrote every single words Jaanvi had said. Once the Dr has finished with the writing, she looked up at Jaanvi, watching Jaanvi's expressions from her blue ocean deep eyes.

"Why do you think families hate each other?" She questioned, leaning back on her chair, watching Jaanvi with curiosity lingering in her eyes. Now Jacinda was interested. The people she usually met always spoke about their love life or perhaps abuse from a parent but Jaanvi's story was different. The way Jaanvi spoke Jacinda was sure she's hiding something, this hooked her in.

"Mine does." Jaanvi whispered, clutching her hand into a tight fist. The action didn't go unnoticed by Jacinda, she watched with a raised dark brown brow. "Can we not talk about this? Least not at this stage?" She chewed her lower lip, uncomfortable with the topic. The memories were still fresh inside her head.

"Sure." Jacinda smiled, for the first time during the conversation. "You're married, right?" A bright smiled formed in Jaanvi's lips. She was waiting for this topic to wake up. She nodded once, twice, thrice, not being able to handle the excitement she felt at the mention of Kiaan.

It's strange. Jaanvi thought. With Jacinda she felt like she could be herself. Again. More than surprised she was a little annoyed, she should feel this way with Kiaan or her best friend over text. But she didn't feel anything near being comfortable. "You seem happy. What's his name? Tell me about him." Dr Jacinda chuckled seeing Jaanvi's excitement and a blush creeped on the married women's cheeks.

"My husband, Kiaan, he's---" she paused. Her eyes became soft, softer than they were when she was with Kiaan. It felt so different but she already liked the idea of sharing her problems and about her private life with a stranger. Perhaps because she won't be judged by anyone. Well, Jacinda doesn't know Jaanvi personally, which Kiaan's wife likes. Maybe if Dr knew me she'd be bias towards me. And Jaanvi wanted help from a stranger. Maybe how Jacinda would never show up to her door step pleased her. Whatever she says over here would most likely stay between the two ladies.

Jaanvi gave a shook to her head, smiling lovingly, "He's the best." She chipped, looking down at her lap. After yesterday's conversation-though he wasn't happy with abortion but he tried to explain his point of view to her with a calm behaviour. Jaanvi wouldn't accept this but she was prepared to --hide the dark red hand print on her cheek but he didn't raise his hand. She felt light chested. He did understand where she was coming from and how she felt, that's why he suggested her to see a therapist.

Her eyes glittered with love. "Our marriage was an arranged. We hated each other, well, we thought we did. I thought I did. I've always been a loner. Alone, quiet around new people and less friends. I only have one best friend, Aditi, is her name. She's been a big help throughout my journey. And then there was Kiaan and his younger brother Dhruv. Our parents were college friends so they use to come around often." Jaanvi explained, looking at Jacinda right into her eyes, moving her fingers around to explain the depth of her relationship with her husband and his family.

This reminded her, I miss Aditi. She realised how talking about Aditi made her feel so happy, she didn't felt like that couple of days ago. She doubted her friendship with Aditi. And now, it was different. I should call her after this. She noted to herself.

Seeing the sudden relaxed Jaanvi and noticing the full attention, she knew Mrs Rajput was interested in this topic. I just need to twist the words somehow. She thought, writing down everything Jaanvi said. Her eyes flicked up every now and then to show her manners and attention to her speaker, Jaanvi.

"Kiaan, my husband, he always annoyed me. Did stupid pranks, it pissed me off but I loved it. It made me smile. I didn't share my problems with him when I was young but I knew he's there for me, even if it means I hate him. Or thought I did. His every prank made me realise that I could laugh, like others. From playing with each other since childhood to teasing each other in our teenage years."

The whole way she kept smiling, remembering those old days like it all happened just yesterday.

"You seem excited to talk about him. The memories were beautiful I suppose?" Jacinda pressed, folding her arms, releasing a deep breath from all the writing.

"I guess, they were." Jaanvi leaned back on the couch, very much comfortable now. This therapist session felt so right to her now. "Now when I think about it, I miss it."

"Why do you miss it? I'm sure your husband loves you more now?" Jacinda raised her perfect eyebrows once again, confused why Jaanvi would say that after being on cloud nine at the mention of Kiaan.

"Oh yes, of course. But I miss being a child. I guess I was a little relaxed back then. I didn't have the best childhood at home but i-I just hold it close. Every time I was down I knew Kiaan would be there, comment something nasty which would piss me off but in the end make me feel better for taking the anger out on someone or something." There was guilt in her eyes. She was guilty for lashing out at Kiaan.

"Were you abused? Why wasn't your childhood the best?" She questioned.

Jaanvi shook her head. "I think you took it the wrong way, people often do that. I lived with my father, my grandma, my two cousins, they're twins. My uncle and aunty. W--"

"Joint family?"

"Yes. I wish were weren't though." Jaanvi huffed, rolling her eyes bitterly. "My father was always busy with work. And grandma was old so mostly home or at the temples. My aunty, she's my father's younger brother's wife, she always hated me. From punishing me for losing her daughter pen to making me eat peas, which I hated." Jaanvi's face turned into a sour look.

"Your father knew?"

"My father is like a goat. He's too innocent, you can stand a long line of murders in front of him and he'll feel pity on them as well, because he'll probably be like, 'Oh Jaave, nobody chooses this path, something must have happened for them to end up here.'." Jaanvi scoffed, "Oh, my father's mute." She added, seeing Jacinda's confused face at the mention of 'Jaave' receiving an understanding node she continued, slightly smiling. "He didn't know. I never told him because I was young. I couldn't even understand it until I got older."

"Why didn't you tell him then? When you were older?" Jacinda wanted to find out everything now. She wanted to keep the pace slow but Jaanvi's story was attracting her so much now.

"I guess, I just knew he'd shrug his shoulders and tell me it's for my good." Jacinda arched her eyebrows, narrowing her eyes at Jaanvi. Not wanting the lady in front of her take this the other way round, Jaanvi quickly added "It's for my good as in keeping me disciplined. People usually saw me as a bitch, loud, always angry, maybe because they thought I've been pampered being the only child." She shook her head, her lips twitching upwards as if she was ready to cry. Society's words stung her. Always did.

"Do you agree with that?" Dr asked, staring at Jaanvi carefully to see her expressions change from a smile to a sad face. She noticed how her face represented guilt. Guilt for not speaking up before. Jaanvi's eyes sifted from side to side and became glazed with glassy layer of tears. She looked away from Jacinda, blinking rapidly as they dripped from her eyelids and slide down her cheeks.

Jacinda reached out putting her hand on her lap to stand up and comfort Jaanvi but didn't once hearing Jaanvi. She didn't have any intensions to make her cry.

"No I don't!" she raised her voice, showing her angry and her seriously hurt eyes to Jacinda. "Because I know it's not true! People see the good part not the bad! They don't see that i-i-I grew up without a mother! My father was there but eight hours, sometimes even ten hours a day he was inside his office, working hard for me. They don't see that I had grown fear of dark, clowns, that I started having panic attacks. Yes I was the only child but my father always brought things for my cousins as well! They were never neglected because of me."

Jacinda nodded, she could see the anger in Jaanvi's eyes. She knew Jaanvi was effected easily by others comments. "Did it bother you?" Jaanvi gave her a confused look. "-that your father brought gifts for your cousins as well?"

"I'm sorry but I don't feel bad at all saying this but I did." She admitted, pushing her wavy open hair back. "It was fine until I was ten. After that it affected me. I mean, they were already living inside my house, my father's house. They had a father of their own who worked then why should my father bring them gifts? It wouldn't mind Dr if everything was fine."

"What do you mean 'if everything was fine?'" Jacinda pressed, holding the pen tightly around her fingers, looking at Jaanvi intensely.

Jaanvi's Pov:

"I felt light. Surprisingly calm." I muttered to Kiaan. He took a day off today to stay by my side after the appointment. Guess he wanted to know what went on in there. I buckled up my seat belt, looking out the window as the rain started pouring down with dark clouds above us.

"Nice to know." I heard Kiaan responded, turning the engine on. I just nodded even though I'm sure he didn't see it as he's driving. We were in the middle of the highway, he was driving fast when I heard him speak again. This time questioning me, "Do you think visiting there helped you?"

I pulled my face to look at him. His knuckles were going white from his tight grip on the steering wheel, I looked away from him, gazing at a red car ahead of us. "I don't know. It's too early to question but I felt good. I think I can do it again." I whispered. This was weird. This morning I didn't want to go and now I'm willing to meet Jacinda again.

I noticed the faint smile on his lips. "I'll try and book in for tomorrow." I just nod, again. I loved the sound of soft splashing water droplets hitting the car windows and rooftop as we drive onwards. Just the whole situation of rain and dark clouds thrills me. I don't like the sun, I hate it. Rain just gives this romantic feeling but more than that I just loved sitting by the window in my room and drink hot and strong tea. With a novel. And later probably sleep.

"Can I ask you something?" His voice was unexpectedly low but with an agreeable trace of huskiness which I liked and felt like I heard after so long. Taking my silence as a 'yes' he spoke, "Can I book a doctors appointment?"

My head snapped at him, "You just said you'll book tomorrow." Now I was confused.

"No." He shook his head, sounding a little irritated with my lack of understanding to his question. "Doctor, doctor. Like for the check-up."

My face turned into an 'O' shape, I pulled away my gaze from him, looking out the blurry wet window all because of the rain. "To see the baby." His voice was basically a cheerful shout. He truly was excited and serious about this.

Should I say no?

"We can wait if you want." He added with a carefully committed tone. But I know he didn't had the patience to wait. 

I'm sure your husband loves you.

I'll always choose you.

It wasn't difficult to make a decision after remembering both Kiaan and Jacinda's words. I looked out the window, bringing my face closer to the window to blow hot air out of my mouth. I always did that as a kid. Once a foggy circle was made, I drew a little heart, smiling. "Ok. You can book in an appointment. Just choose a female doctor please."

Do I want this baby? Yes, I've always wanted it but I've got this negative bubble. The bubble is still there, still crowding around me but Kiaan dug a hole inside it. The hole that's letting the negative ideas fly away slowly, but I can tell it's working.

I'm still stresses, feel alone and depressed but probably-this is what I think, maybe talking to Jacinda, getting her help to make decisions can help me to move on. I wanted honest viewpoints without being bonded by the person opposite me and Jacinda was just that. We aren't related. We aren't friends, this makes it trustable to me. She won't be too nice or sweet on me. She'd be honest. And that's all I wanted.

For now, I was just happy to speak to someone new. A stranger.

I think he was shocked. "R-r-rea-Yeah, yeah, sure. Cool." He added, his voice making me a laugh a little but I controlled. He sounded so shy and taken back. 'I hope to see you soon.' I recalled Jacinda's last sentence she said to be before I felt her office. I think she can really help me. Slowly.

Married My Enemy