A/N: here's a short chapter for the shit show that's on its way.

Tinsley is too used to waking up with Ryan in his bed that the feeling of cold stillness in his room frightens him.

It's almost suffocating, the obvious misplacement in his room, the Ryan shaped void amidst the air.

So Tinsley sits up in his bed, rubbing his tired eyes harshly before scanning the empty space for his partner, a feeling of dread welling up in him.

It's silent except for the slow morning traffic spilling in from his window and his own tepid breaths that sound so wrong without the beat of Ryan's heart to accompany his marching band of one, then there's the sound feet shuffling against the carpet coming from beyond his bedroom door and Tinsley sighs as that built up anxiety releases in a tidal wave of overwhelming emotions.

He can hear the other man's familiar voice and quickly feels less tense knowing Ryan is still in his house.

There's something stopping him from walking out and seeing Ryan despite how much he desperately needed to feel two strong arms around his torso right this instant.

It's obvious Ryan's talking to someone else on the phone. Whispered and quiet but the sound is heavy and carries in Tinsley's empty apartment. He's arguing, his voice nothing like the sweet tone he uses on Tinsley.

Tinsley hears the soft thudding of him pacing around the living room from the small crack in the bedroom door. It's easier to hear small details the moment you know what you're looking for,that's what the academy thought him, he's using his detective training to identify a criminal but for once it wasn't to throw the criminal in jail. The thought makes him laugh a little to himself despite the desperation that was drowning him.

He peaks from underneath the covers to see Ryan muttering angrily to whoever is on the other line, running his fingers frustratedly through his hair. He hesitates getting up and leaving to Ryan's side, unsure if this was a mess he should be involved with.

Tinsley watches as Ryan groans, talking too fast for Tinsley to catch the conversation. He rolls his eyes and Tinsley's worry eats him alive.

He watches silently as Ryan shrugs on a coat with the phone still pressed in between his ear and his shoulder, a cigarette hanging from his lips.

He hears the front door open and closes shortly after softly, like Ryan still thought he was asleep.

And the silence that follows after swallows him whole and crawls under his skin, refusing to leave and haunting him for weeks.

∆

It isn't the last time Tinsley wakes up to Ryan in a different room on the phone before heading out, and the detective doubts it's the first time either.

Ryan always returns, though. Tinsley would even out his breathing, faking sleep as Ryan climbed back in bed after whatever he did in the secrecy of the night, wrapping his strong arms around Tinsley's presumedly sleeping body as if he never left.

At first, Tinsley was content with just that.

It made sense that Ryan couldn't tell him what he did for a living, and Tinsley had to respect that Ryan, no matter how human he seemed, will always be a criminal.

But then the restless curiosity had harvested deep in him, doubt and distrust and ugly thought that knocked constantly on his skull, making him uneasy even when he was by the side of the man he was sure he loved.

A/N: sorry for the slow updates, school just started but the next three chapters are all wips.