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Your silhouette evokes the memory of a summer afternoon.

Shahriyar Qunbari

Him

A man is sitting under the shade of the tree seeking refuge from the burning heat of the sun. He's reciting Quran. Loud. Melodious. He has a beautiful voice, Adam thinks.

He listens to him for a while before he turns towards the old woman. She gestures for him to follow her as she walks ahead with the help of her stick. He does as he's asked to, holding his horse by the bridle and leading it along.

A little distance up ahead, they come across a small bunch of trees-- a small green land amidst desert. She takes him to one of the trees where there is a grave near its trunk. She looks back at him and smiles ruefully, giving him a slight nod-- an indication they're where they need to be.

He abandons his horse and walks up to the grave. Suddenly his body is cold, numb, as if not knowing what to feel-- like a corpse. Yet life is all that he sees spinning before his eyes. The beautiful days. The golden days. The days that cannot be recompensed. All lost to the past.

"Mother."

He falls to his knees before her grave, reaching out with trembling hands and burying his fingers in the soil, inhaling shakily as his vision blurs.

"Umi (mother)," he chokes, grinding his teeth to rein in his pain, "I've found you. Finally I've found you, umi."

Her

"Do you like the red dress?"

"The green dress."

"The green dress?"

"Uh huh."

"I think I like the blue dress."

"The blue will suit you, Laleh."

It is midday when a seller brings some dresses to their house. She has come to spend some days with her family and now she and Laleh are deciding which dresses they like for themselves. Laleh holds the blue dress against her.

"You think?" she asks hopefully and Noura nods in approval.

She grins. "I will take it."

They both pay for their dresses and and then sit on the veranda at the back of their house where Laleh fills her on everything old and new and asks her about how her time at palace has been. Noura replies to some questions and for the others she has no answer to.

"When is the shahzade returning?" Laleh inquires.

"I haven't received a letter from him in a while, but I hope soon."

"I wish you could stay here with us in his absence. I could enjoy company of a friend."

Noura smiles in reply. "Me too. But there are duties at the palace that demand my presence. Besides, you could ask Eskander to bring you around sometimes."

Laleh chuckles dismissively. "Forget it. I mentioned it to him once. He didn't like the idea."

She sighs and looks skyward. "I don't blame him."

"I don't think he visits the palace much anymore, does he?"

"He doesn't."

"He said so." She rubs her belly. "The baby can come any day now. He returns home early these days."

Noura smiles at her. "Are you excited?"

"Yes, but also nervous. Maybe a little scared too." She tucks a hand of her hair behind her ear. "Eskander is very eager to hold the child in his arms though."

Noura laughs lightly. "Oh, I know. He already has the names." She pats Laleh's hand. "All will be well, God willing."

Laleh smiles and nods. "God willing."

She spends the afternoon with her mother while Laleh rests, and Noura puts her head in her mother's lap as she runs her fingers through her hair. The rays from the sun seep in through the window and illuminate the room. Her mother is humming softly to herself.

"Maman?"

"Yes, janem?"

"Do you like it in Baghdad?"

"Why, I do."

"Don't you miss baba?"

Her mother chuckles and strokes her cheek. "I do. But your baba liked Baghdad. It was his home. And he was my home."

Noura shifts to look up at her. "And now?"

"Now you're here. Eskander and Laleh are here. And you all are my home."

She closes her eyes and turn away, a twinge of pain making her heart contract. Her mother touches her arm.

"What happened, janem?"

"Do you see Laleh as your daughter because she's your niece or because she's Eskander's wife?"

Her mother frowns in confusion. "Either way, she's family, aziz."

Noura sits up and turns to her, shoulders falling in dejection. "But Adam isn't, maman?"

"Nour..." Her mother mirrors her look, eyes becoming glazed with sorrow. "I..."

"You still haven't forgiven him," Noura states passively. "He's not a son to you."

"Who am I to forgive him when you have, Nour?" Her mother smiles and cups her face in both hands. "If you're happy, I'm happy."

She pulls away slightly and shakes her head. "What does he get from marrying me but that he loves me? If I had rejected him as well, he would be left lonely. And I would be lonely without him too, for I love him too. But by marrying me, he doesn't get a mother, or a brother. Eskander didn't accept him, and neither did you. He's still a stranger to you. By marrying me, he has earned no family."

"Nour, we are his family."

"But he's not a son to you," Noura repeats. "He cannot see you as his family."

"Didn't I ask you to bring him with you here? How can we make an effort if he keeps away?"

She lies back down and puts her head in her mother's lap again.

"When he hurts, I hurt. But he keeps away because he's guilty for what he did and you wouldn't forgive him-- because he felt unwelcomed at our house when he came to Isfahan for me. And then at our nikkah." She looks at her mother. "But if I've forgiven him, will you not, maman?"

"I already did, janem. I already did so long as you're happy with him." Her mother caresses her face. "Noore chashm-am (light of my eye), nothing matters to me more than your joy."

"Then will you consider him your son for me?"

Her mother smiles fondly at her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I will, dukhtar (daughter)."

Later that night she sits with her family for dinner. Eskander has brought their favorite dishes with him for them. And her mother too has made sure the table is filled to things of their liking.

"Noosheh jaan." Eskander puts a plate before her. "Maybe you'll reconsider leaving in the morning."

Noura laughs at him. "I wish it could work. But I must leave."

"You only stayed a few days. Stay longer," her mother requests.

Noura squeezes her hand. "I'll come again, maman."

"Will you come soon?" Laleh asks, leaning into Eskander. "When we've our baby?"

He hugs her to himself and sends Noura a playful look. "Of course she will. I'll bring her from the palace forcefully if I have to."

She arches an eyebrow, equally playful. "Will you, general?"

"Why not?"

"The palace is your home now," her mother says. "But so is this."

"Of course, maman." She looks around at her family. "This is home."

She wonders if the palace is home too. She gathers it's Adam who is home. Without him, the palace is a desert she roams in search of solace-- without him, solace cannot be found as found in his arms.

When the night is dark and the stars are out, she finds Eskander sitting on the stairs of the veranda and decides to join him. Carrying with her two cups of milk, she goes to sit with him and places the tray between them. He turns to look at her and smiles gratefully.

"Mutashakkaram."

Picking up their cups, both of them silently sip the milk and watch the stars. Until he strikes a conversation.

"Azar tells me you don't train anymore."

Noura only hums in reply.

"Why is that?" he inquires further.

"I don't feel like it," she excuses.

"Strange. This is something you were passionate about. Now you meet officials and ride carriages."

She smirks at him. "Do you think I'm becoming a palace woman?"

He shrugs nonchalantly. "Don't change, azizem."

Her smirks fades into a faint smile. "You know I won't."

"Can you not stay longer because of the council meeting?"

"Yes," Noura replies truthfully. "Adam isn't around, and someone has to represent him in the court."

He finishes his milk and places the cup on the tray. Noura does the same before asking him.

"Will you join?"

He nods. "Sulaiman wants me to, as his general."

"You know their decision could change the fate of this kingdom, right?"

Eskander gazes at her, eyes a shade darker in the night but aglow under starlight. They're fathomles, but not conflicted, although Noura cannot decipher the secrets in them.

"Right," he mumbles.

"I hope you don't choose war, Eskander."

He glances away. "I made a promise to you. I intend to keep it. But I will not abandon my friend and my soldiers."

"If war does happen," Noura completes for him and he sighs, looking back at her.

"Don't worry yourself with it, Nour. There's still a little time left before the truce ends. We hope that whoever reclaims the throne, the other submits to the council's decision than raise a sword in defiance, so there is no war. But if one of the princes does rebel, what is the army behind them to do? You do not become a coward and leave your ruler alone. You serve them to your last breath."

"You're going to be a father, Eskander," she reminds him. "Don't jump into the valley of death when it's preventable. Not when the soldiers you fight along and the soldiers you fight against serve the same nation."

"We stand by who we find right," he argues back calmly. "The lineage of Khalid and the lineage of Marwan is not the same. For some, the throne will always belong to the family of Khalid-- the royal blood. But for others it doesn't matter. For them Ameer Adam deserves it too."

"Adam is the same blood. His mother was Khalifa Khalid's sister-- the same family. But he's discriminated against only because of the crime of his father. I understand, some people will never forgive him. But say I have children with him, will you look down upon them because of the line of their father and grandfather?"

"Never, Nour," he refuses right away, eyebrows meeting in discontent. "This isn't what I meant. How can you even assume something like this?"

"Then what else am I to assume?" She searches his face for an answer. "If Adam rules right and earns the throne, why is it wrong if some of us thinks him to be as deserving as Sulaiman, if not more?"

"Azizem," Eskander says tenderly removes the tray from between them, edging closer. "It isn't wrong. What anyone thinks of the princes and whose side they pick is their choice to make. If my father and your father hadn't served the family of Khalid ibn Al Malik, maybe I still would have supported Sulaiman-- because he's a friend to me, like you would stand with your husband because he's your family. But this difference is to never come between us, Nour. This isn't something I want. Because we're family too. And because me standing by Ameer Sulaiman doesn't mean I stand against you, or your husband even. If Ameer Adam reclaims the throne, I'd rather not rebel. And if he doesn't, I'd rather have him left in peace."

"So," she bites her lip, hesitant but expectant as she asks him, "if the council tries to continue their truce, will you support it?"

He contemplates over it, running his fingers through his hair and messing it up. "I don't think they'll be taking my opinion on it."

"But Ameer Sulaiman might," she points out. "You're his general. If he's inclined towards war, you're his strategist. He'll ask for your opinion."

Eskander chuckles lowly. "I'm not discussing politics and war with you, janem," he dissolves the conversation effortlessly.

She wrinkles her nose in distaste. "Why not?"

"Because it's your last night here and this is not how I want to spend it discussing."

She feigns to sigh in exasperation but gives up. He struggles with his grin as he leans back on his hands.

"So, Laleh told me you're really excited to meet your baby?"

The grins he tried to hold back makes its way on his face, his features now grazed by delight.

"I sure am. I'm counting days when I'll finally hold my child in my arms."

She grins back at him. "You've waited so long. Wait a little more."

"That's what I'm doing."

They fall silent, gazing at the sky together. The moon is half full, half empty, and the stars clear and bright up above. After the lapse of a few minutes Eskander speaks up again.

"Nour?"

"Yes?"

"I love them so much already."

She smiles without turning to him. "You'll make a great father, Eskander."

It is early in the morning when the carriage arrives to take her to the palace. She says goodbye to her mother and Laleh while Eskander decides to accompanies her.

"Do you want me to bring you anything on my way back?" he asks his wife.

"Nothing." Laleh smiles as she holds his hand in hers. "Be back soon."

He nods and pecks her temple. "Send me a messenger if you feel unwell."

"The baby is not coming today, Eskander."

"You don't know, eshgham (my love)." He pecks her head again, placing a protective hand over her abdomen. "Take care."

Laleh puts her hand over his and smiles down at her belly. "Your baba jan loves you so much, janem."

Eskander smiles, the gold in his orbs warm with affection. "Without a doubt."

"And your maman loves you too," Laleh adds.

"And your amme (aunt) loves you too," Noura adds further.

Laleh hugs her one last time and she kisses her mother before leaving the house with Eskander. She walks towards her carriage while Eskander mounts his horse. Laleh waves them goodbye from the threshold.

And then something in time flips. The seemingly ordinary moment blurs and shifts completely. She watches the color drain from Eskander's face as he hurriedly jumps off the horse and yells for his wife. Noura jerks in the direction.

"Laleh!"

Eskander pulls out a dagger and throws it at someone. A man she hadn't noticed before gets shot in the chest with it. He falls to the ground from where he was hiding behind a tree farther away in the street, having subtly taken an aim at Laleh. Eskander runs towards his wife.

It's only a fraction of a second to create the scenario-- perhaps a distraction. As another man quickly come up behind his fallen companion with a loaded arrow in his bow. But instead of aiming at Laleh this time, he aims at her. Eskander halts in his tracks abruptly, understanding the ruse in the events, but it's already too late.

"Nour!" he shouts at her in warning.

The man releases the arrow. She tries to dodge but couldn't react fast enough. It hits her near her shoulder and a sharp pain shoots through her body. She sees the horror on Eskander's face, her own eyes going wide in shock. Someone screams, maybe her mother or Laleh, she doesn't know. The world starts to grow foggy. She blinks and feels something wet on her cheeks. She doesn't know either when her tears have escaped her eyes. Or when she falls to the ground.

Someone calls her name. Someone keeps calling it. But she drifts away into oblivion. She never answers.

Please Read

Hi. So I've been struggling with my writing lately and unfortunately I don't have the motivation these days for it. It requires me a great deal of effort and I feel like I've to give it more time than I used to. And while I appreciate you guys for sharing your love with me each step to keep me going, but the comment section is kind of becoming duller and I don't get to know your thoughts as before. I'm neither enjoying the process itself nor the response.

College is tiring and I'm struggling with my health, and sadly the fictional world isn't as comforting anymore. I don't want to drag through the book or give it an abrupt ending, so I've decided to put it on hold until I gather myself and find the motivation to write again. The book is close to finishing so I really hope I don't make you all wait for long, but for now I'll pause it and take a break from Wattpad. I hope you understand.


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