Do you love me enough that I may be weak with you?

— Alain De Botton

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Him

Some people are ink on paper, a fragment of time, an endless memory. Like air, around you. But like air, never in your hands. And what is human desire that urges one to touch, to feel more deeply, to see before one surrenders. Yet there is an agony in what you cannot have but ache for-- what once was but can no more be. What remains in memory.

The letter under his belt is a painful reminder of it. The letter dearer to him than the treasures of the world. The paper and ink his mother once touched. If he touches it, can he feel her touch upon it, he wonders. Can he feel touching her too?

And he would've suspended himself somewhere in time, not moving forward neither dying, but then there is her. And he lives for her. He has to. For love is something he was stripped of, starved for, until it became a word unknown to him. Until she taught him what it means again.

So how does he leave her? And how does one leave the heart out of body? For what good is a man without the heart? And what good would be life without love-- without her?

Her

"There's not something I should tell you. There might actually be many things that I should. But I keep them in my heart so your heart doesn't weigh too much from the burden. And no, that doesn't mean I intend to keep secrets from you, but that to tell you when it will trouble you less."

"Does it not worry you if I learn them from someone else? Does it not trouble you the damage it can cause?"

"Do you want to tell me I should trust you less?"

"Do you want to say you trust me enough to assume nothing will change if a secret comes to me from another mouth than yours?"

"Yes."

Noura sighs and looks up at the sky. She doesn't know if the stars are smiling upon them or if they're merely tears of the sky. She certainly didn't expect the night to turn out like this.

"Keeping me out of your life isn't how it works, Adam."

"I know." He looks up at the sky as well. "But my life isn't of a regular man. When I learn something, I've to calculate its impact on the people around me first than upon myself. I think about you first. If all my secrets are bare to you, it doesn't make me vulnerable to you, for I trust you with my heart. But it makes me vulnerable to my enemies, for they can get things from me through you that otherwise they cannot if you're oblivious to those secrets."

"Where does Tamara fit into this?"

She turns to him, and he turns to her. There's a lapse of a seconds before he satisfies her curiosity.

"Your handmaiden has taken a fancy to me, habibti."

She surely could have lived without wanting to murder someone. But now her hands itch. Adam seems to read through her thoughts as leans closer, caressing her cheek.

"Listen to me, Noura. Now when you know, I'll tell you about her."

"You can start from why you had to see her in the middle of the night while I remained asleep and ignorant," she somehow manages to utter without hissing.

"Let me kindle a fire for you and we can talk in peace then."

He tries to get up but she holds him down by his arm, her eyes narrowing. "I'm burning fine already."

He smiles, but something in his orbs goes dim, until she cannot spot it anymore. "I need you to trust me, so trust me," he says.

"Do you trust me the same?"

"Of course I do." There's another stroke to her cheek, his thumb falling down to rest upon her lips, the night in his eyes darker than the night upon them. "Do you see me asking you why you met Sulaiman? Or why you saw Daryush again when I forbade you for the hundredth time not to?"

Her throat constricts and she can only gape at him. He stares at her a minute longer, then removes his hand from her face and stands up, gesturing towards the balcony doors.

"Let's go inside. You're cold."

Noura takes a calming breath and stands up, following after him inside. He closes the doors and goes to light the fire. She swallows dryly and steps towards him.

"You've spies everywhere, don't you?" she says after a moment.

"I don't have anyone spying on you, if that's what you're assuming. It'll be pitiful if I assign men to my own wife to gather information on her."

"How do you know then?"

"I've ruled this kingdom for many years, habibti, and lived in this palace unrecognized. You credit me very little."

"Why didn't you ask me if you knew?"

The fire in the fireplace burns up. The flames illuminate his face as he turns back to her, the orange glow against his tan skin making him look like a bedazzling portrait, enough to charm her-- for her to gaze at him until time loses meaning. But then his voice cuts through her thoughts like a knife.

"I cannot see myself coming to ask you about every little happening to my dislike. I've a past with you, I know you. Sometimes, you've to trust the other to work things their way, and to lay their heart before you when the heart can handle it."

Noura walks slowly towards him. "Did I torture your heart with my queries, sayidi?"

"You didn't. But tell me." He extends his hand for her as she nears and she takes it. He gently tugs her down on the cushions with him. "If I as Al Shafay married you when you didn't want to marry me, you could've left me when you learnt my truth but you didn't. Why Noura?"

She smiles but doesn't answer him. She knows that he already knows. And she knows the significance of the words, but holds them to be spoken for the later.

"I met Sulaiman for Eskander, and I met Daryush for you."

He doesn't asks her to elaborate, and she doesn't bother doing so either. Taking her hand in his, he starts drawing small circles against her palms.

"About Tamara," he begins quietly, "had I told you what I suspected, you wouldn't have been able to remain natural with her. But even if you somehow could control your emotions despite learning her truth, any small mishap could've made her put up her guard and make it difficult for me to learn what I could otherwise."

Noura edges closer. "Why, did you learn something from her?"

He nods. "The notes I've been receiving, warning me of danger, or those threatening your life. Her liking for me explains them. It would also explain the disappearance of Reem the night we tried to grow closer, considering she helped you prepare for me."

Noura stays silent, speechless, his confession putting the pieces of the puzzle into place one by one. She has been so easily fooled by her, and she had been setting a trap for her husband right under her nose. She grits her teeth.

"Oh, how I wish to stab someone."

Adam only chuckles, his thumb that has been drawing circles on her palm ceasing. "Why am I not surprised?"

She huffs in reply. "You said she warned you of danger?"

"The notes said someone wanted to kill me."

"How could she know unless she works for the said person?" Noura points out. "She probably started working as a spy in your palace, but then fell for you along the way and decided to change sides."

"That's what I suspect too."

"Well, until I came in the picture and failed her plan of digging her claws into you." She scoots closer to Adam, raging internally. "I'll cut her hand before even a nail of hers so much as graze you."

Adam puts his arms around her, his expression serious, but she can see him struggling to keep his lips straight.

"I don't doubt that," he says.

She looks up at him, and he tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Do you think it's Sulaiman she's working for?" Noura asks him.

"I don't think so. I think it's someone else."

"Who else?"

There's a moment of quiet. She can see him thinking, as if once again analyzing the outcomes of revealing yet another secret. Noura looks away to the fire.

"It's alright if you cannot tell me yet."

He grabs her by the waist and pulls her between his legs. She squeaks in surprise but turns her body to adjust in the crooks of his, so that she sits sideways with her arm pressed to his chest and her back against his one knee, her own legs resting over his other leg in front of her.

"Two nights ago I did run into your handmaiden," he tells her. "I saw her with syeda Jumana."

"Jumana?" She lifts an eyebrow. "The physician?"

Adam hums. "Syeda Jumana didn't see me. They were talking in hushed tones which I couldn't catch, but I grew suspicious, and then the lady left. Although your handmaiden lingered behind. So I approached her, asked her why she was wandering around in the middle of the night, to what of course she lied. And the lie was enough proof to me that her meeting with syeda Jumana wasn't a run in."

"So you think she's working for Jumana?"

"Probably, because the lady isn't merely a physician in the palace infirmary. She's Sulaiman's personal, and I've witnessed the two quite informal with each other before."

Noura ponders over the information. "Assuming Tamara was spying for Jumana, and Jumana is close to Sulaiman, wouldn't that still rise the possibility of Sulaiman behind all of this?"

"No," Adam refuses, eyes becoming distant, indicating once more that he's trying to connect the dots. "There are missing threads, but I don't think Sulaiman is behind this."

"Because of the truce?"

"It's something more than that." His gaze falls to her, fixing on her, and Noura stares up at him. "I cannot doubt him wanting to kill me, but he will not kill you. Whereas the notes threatened you. Even if Tamara fancies me, without the caliph's order, she cannot dare to think of harming you. But she did. Which probably means she has support, great enough to go so far. That's why I dismissed her from your service. I cannot take any risks with you."

"And your life?"

He chuckles darkly. "Don't worry about it. She's already betraying her lord or lady for me. I just need to know if she really is working for syeda Jumana. And if so, how can a mere physician plot something like this without power or a title. Unless..."

Her eyes widen at what Adam is suggesting. Flabbergasted, Noura can only blink and wait for his words to settle. They're heavy and the possibility is shocking, but it's a possibility that cannot be dismissed either.

"Unless Jumana is more than a mere physician to Sulaiman," she completes his statement.

Adam lowers his head to her shoulder and kisses it. She cranes her neck subconsciously and he drags his nose up along it to her jaw.

"Something like this?" His tongue pokes out to flick at her skin and she pushes him away playfully.

"Shush it."

He grins, licking his upper lip mischievously, sinfully-- tempting her. "No."

"Dirty man," she scolds, yet allow him access again when his lips presses to her neck in longing.

"There's something else I've to tell you," he mumbles.

Her mind goes hazy as he nibbles on the junction of her neck and shoulder, carefully pulling down her dress off her shoulder. Noura can barely form a response.

"Tell me what?" she croaks.

He doesn't answer, busy with his face nestled against her neck, and she buries her fingers in his hair. This time he nibbles a little too hard, making her gasp, and she's sure he has left a mark. Noura tugs at his hair, gentle but firm, and he groans in protest.

"Stop biting me," she reprimands and tries to pull away but he doesn't let go, hugging her waist. "Let me ask someone to serve you dinner," she says. "You can nibble on the bread instead."

"Allow me to rather nibble on your lips."

Before he could kiss her again, she covers his mouth with her hand and shakes her head. Adam licks her palm. Once. Twice. But she doesn't budge. There is another worry on her mind-- one he's unaware of, thus heedless to. But she cannot shake it off with the likelihood of it being there. One which if turns out to be true can change everything.

"Tell me something first," Noura demands, heart at once hammering against her ribcage so violently she's afraid it might break a bone.

She removes her palm from his mouth and wipes it against his shirt, earning another grin from him.

"Do you want to have children?" she asks, and his grin turns into a soft laugh.

"Of course I do. I want a family with you." His eyes grow hooded and he smirks at her. "Why, you're more eager than me, I see. But have patience, zawjati. When the time is right, we can have as many children as you like."

She blushes at his remark and fakes a glare at him. "That's not what I meant."

Noura struggles to get away from him but to no avail. He keeps her trapped in his arms. She gives up after a few fruitless attempts and leans against his chest.

"What did you mean then?"

She tilts up her face and he instinctively tilts his own towards her. Their lips graze and she steals a kiss. He smiles and she traces his lips with her fingertips.

"When is the right time, Adam?"

The smile fades from his face and he takes her wrist, kissing the inside of it.

"I wish I could say now, but I cannot lie about what my heart cannot be contented to."

"But what if God thinks it to be the right time?" she argues nervously.

"Then you and I cannot fight God. Neither can we ever fully comprehend His wisdom."

She closes her eyes and rests her head on his chest. Adam puts his chin atop her head.

"Now, tell me why do you ask me such a question, farasha?"

"I worry what if you don't want it but God wills it to be."

"If God wills it to be, I'm no one to object. You'll find me a responsible man, whether as a husband or as a father."

"You promise?"

"I do."

She nuzzles against his chest, clutching his shirt, and he kisses her the top of her head.

"I love you, Adam. I love you very much, janem."

His arms around her hold her tight. The flames in the fireplace keep burning. She's no more cold but warm in his embrace. And the night would have been tranquil had he not made a final confession to her.

"Noura?"

"Yes?"

"I've to tell you something else too," he says again.

"Tell me then."

"I'm making my own army."

She pulls away to look up at him.

"Under Muawwiz," he adds.

"The commander?" she asks, taken aback.

He nods.

"But the truce?"

"It will end soon, and I need to be prepared."

She doesn't say anything, and he cups her cheek.

"You're with me?"

Noura turns her face to kiss his palm, rubbing his forearm. "I'm always with you."

He smiles. "Then I'll need your help with something."

"Anything," she rushes to offer.

"I'm going to Anbar, hayati, and I don't know when I will return. But I need you to hold my position at the court and the council. Zahir will help you. And Noura," he gazes at her as if reading through her sudden panic at the revelation, her shocked expression, and bends down to kiss her forehead, "don't forget that you're Al Shafay's wife. You can do it."

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Let us start wrapping up the story. About ten more chapters to go before this book comes to an end.

To answer the questions some of you have been asking, the series will not have another book, and neither Noura and Adam's nor any other character's story will be continued. For now, I don't intend to add more to it and Adam and Noura's story will end with this book.

To everyone who joined me on the journey, thank you. I hope you enjoy it to the end.

Laiba (:

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