Twenty Two- Cecil Clarke

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Cecil called into the pool sick the day after his break up with Remy, so he didn't learn that Atticus Reed had dropped out of his swimming class until he showed up the next day.

It wasn't even Atticus's day for swim class, so he hadn't even considered it until Carter came up to him after his first class and crouched by the edge of the pool.

"Atticus Reed's father called yesterday afternoon," Carter had begun, and Cecil purposely avoided his eyes and directed his attention down to the half of his body that was under the water, trying to focus on the small waves distorting his legs rather than the feeling the last name Reed caused him. "His son will no longer be attending your class". Cecil's eyes closed. "I'm guessing you talked to Remy then".

"I'm such a fucking idiot," Cecil breathed, and then he looked up at Carter, meeting his eyes. "Yes I talked to Remy. I talked to Remy while piss drunk as Zane slept of Jordan's fucking couch".

Carter processed this information, and then he sent Cecil a very sympathetic look. "Oh Cecil". It was no secret that when Cecil drank, whatever emotion he was feeling at the time was immediately heightened. It was what had made him such an amazing partier. He was always happy at high school parties, and the more he drank, the happier he got.

But two nights ago, he had been sad and angry, and become more so the second the full effects of the alcohol had registered in his system.

"I should probably mention something else..." Carter said, trailing off and Cecil felt too defeated at the moment to bother to be intrigued. "Sydney came by yesterday and he-"

"Cecil Clarke!" A loud voice yelled and both Cecil and Carter turned their heads to the side as an angry Sydney walked past the girl at the front counter who was supposed to check for membership cards before allowing people to enter the pool area. She looked unsure of what to do, but Carter just held up a hand to her and nodded in a 'he's alright,' gesture and she looked back down at her book. "Get out of the pool".

Typically, Carter would have told Sydney to lower his voice, but the pool area was empty except for the three of them and Jordan, who was watching silently from the bleachers, and the blue eyed boy only shot Cecil one look before slipping away to join his boyfriend. 

Sydney stopped at the edge of the pool, glaring down at Cecil with very angry green eyes, and Cecil sighed, wading over to the edge of the water before pushing himself out of it. Without a word to Sydney, he slowly walked towards where his towel was hanging on one of the hooks screwed into the lifeguard chair. Sydney stayed on his heels the whole time.

"Well it's good to see that you're miserable too," Sydney snapped as Cecil wrapped his towel around his waist and looked at him with tired eyes.

"Thanks,"' Cecil said dryly before closing his eyes and attempting to mentally prepare himself for the punch that he knew was coming.

"What are you doing?" Sydney asked, his voice still unkind. "Open your eyes, look at me". Cecil obeyed. He owed Sydney his obedience after breaking his promise to never hurt his cousin. "I'm not going to hit you".

"Why not?" Cecil asked. "I deserve it". He wholeheartedly believed this. After what he had said to Remy- after what he had done to Remy- Cecil believed that he deserved every bad thing that could ever happen to him. Remy kicking him in the nuts was only a small fraction of what he deserved.

"Because Remy doesn't want me to hit you," Sydney said, and Cecil blinked in surprise.

"He doesn't?" Sydney couldn't have been telling the truth. Cecil was sure that Remy had been wishing him dead from the second he had shut the door between them two nights ago.

"No, Clarke. And you want to know what's so sad about that?" Sydney asked and Cecil chewed his lip, fearing what the boy would say next. "The only thing he wants if for you not to get hurt".

Cecil's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't understand".

"That's it," Sydney breathed. "He doesn't want food, and he doesn't want sleep. God damnit, Cecil, he doesn't want to read. I doubt he even wants to breath any more, because of you, but he wants you to stay safe, and he doesn't want to talk about what you did to him".

The only reason he isn't killing me right now is because Remy hasn't told him what happened yet, Cecil realized. Why would Remy want to protect me?

"If he knew I was here he'd be angry," Sydney said, but then he sighed and dropped his eyes, "but I'm begging you, Cecil, please, tell me what happened between you two".

"I'd like to tell you," Cecil said honestly, "so you could beat me up, because you have no idea how badly I deserve that, but you need to talk to Remy about what happened between him and I". Sydney sighed and dropped his eyes. "I'm afraid that if I tell you... I'll unconsciously make it sound like it was his fault, but it wasn't. None of it was his fault. I... I ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me because I over reacted".

"You feel bad?" Sydney asked, and Cecil nodded. "Good. You should. I don't know what you did, but you didn't just ruin the best thing that's ever happened to you, Cecil. You ruined the best thing that's ever happened for him, too. And if you think it's hard for you... you have no idea what he's going through right now". Cecil remained silent as Sydney spoke, holding onto his every word. "Remy feels things different than we do. It's hard for him to feel happy, and it's easy for him to feel terrible, Cecil, and you were the one thing in his life that made him feel happy. He told me that, you know, the day you broke up with him. Hours before you hurt my best friend he was talking to me about how happy you made him".

He was talking to you about the people he slept with, Cecil couldn't help but to think, but then he closed his eyes and shook his head. That still doesn't make it right.

"Do you have anything else to say?" Sydney asked, letting out a great sigh as if he was stressed with the situation. 

"Would you tell him that I'm sorry-" Cecil began, but Sydney raised a hand to cut him off.

"Is there anything else you'd like to say to me," Sydney clarified. "You don't get to say anything to him anymore. Your words clearly have too much effect". Cecil dropped his head in defeat.

"Then no. I don't have anything to say," he said, but the second Sydney turned his back away, Cecil thought of something. "Atticus!"

"Oh," Sydney said, turning his body slightly so he could look over his shoulder at Cecil without straining his neck. "He doesn't want to see you. Says that you took his Remy away".

"I'm sorry," Cecil said and Sydney looked annoyed.

"I already told you, Cecil, you don't get-"

"I'm not saying it so you'll pass it on to Remy for me. I'm saying it to you," Cecil explained and Sydney just looked at him blankly. "And Atticus". It was quiet for another second. "And yeah, Remy too, but I know you won't tell him".

"You're right," Sydney said. "If you actually mean it, you'll have to come by and tell him yourself".

"He doesn't want to see me," Cecil assured silently and Sydney turned his head to the pool, looking into the water.

"He always wants to see you," he corrected. "I'm trusting you to fix this, Clarke, because there is only one other person in the word with the ability to make him feel happy again, and Remy's not ready for him yet".

Cecil wanted to ask Sydney what that meant, wanted to know if he was talking about someone Remy had slept with before and still had feelings for, but he couldn't. He couldn't because knowing that Remy had feelings for someone else would kill him, and he didn't deserve to know in the first place.

Sydney left, and Cecil slowly made his way over to the bleachers where Carter and Jordan still sat.

Carter was looking at him, having clearly listened to his entire conversation with Sydney, though Cecil didn't expect any less, and Jordan was going through Cecil's phone as if it was his own.

"Hey," Cecil said, holding his hand out to Jordan. "Give me that". Instead of obeying, Jordan reached out and took Cecil's hand for a second, tugging him onto the bleachers next to him. Jordan then let go and used his hand to continue scrolling through Cecil's phone. Curious as to what had caught Jordan's attention, Cecil leaned in to look at what was on the screen. "Why are you going through my text messages?"

"Why aren't you responding to Zane?" Jordan shot back, and this time when Cecil held his hand out for his phone, it was given to him. He clicked off the screen, hiding the texts.

"How did you get in it anyways. I have a passcode," Cecil said and Jordan just snorted.

"Yeah. Your birthday," he said. "I know your birthday, Clarke".

"Right," Cecil said, opening his phone and immediately going to the screen to change his password. He paused, wondering what to change it to. It would have to be something he could remember...

7369.

Groning, Cecil switched off his phone again. He wouldn't be changing it after all. It wasn't really a big deal that Jordan knew his password. It wasn't like he was hiding anything bad on his phone.

"So, you're not responding to Zane because...?" Jordan continued to pry and Cecil's eyes narrowed.

"So it is true that the longer the relationship, the more alike the partners become," Cecil said and Jordan's face went blank as he thought for a moment, and then he snorted.

"Are you saying that I suddenly have the need to know everything about everyone as well?" Jordan asked, and the Carter caught onto what had been implied and he scoffed. Jordan sent him a fond look and slid his hand into Carter's. Then he looked back to Cecil. "But seriously, why are you ignoring Zane?"

"I'm not really ignoring him," Cecil lied, but then shrugged to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal. "I'm just... not answering any of his calls and texts".

"Why?"

"Because..." Cecil trailed off for a moment. "He's going to be angry at me. He told me to talk to Remy and work things out and all I did was..." Cecil trailed off and closed his eyes tightly.

"What you do?" Jordan asked, and when Cecil didn't answer after a minute, Carter did.

"He left your house drunk when we were sleeping and confronted Remy then," Carter said softly and Jordan let out a low whistle.

"Well that wasn't your brightest idea, was it?" he asked, and Cecil let out a very long sigh before shaking his head. "So what did you say to him?"

"I called him a slut," Cecil said, speaking with his neck down to demonstrate how shameful he was of the truth. "And I called him easy. And I tried to force myself on him". It was quiet then, and when Cecil glanced up, both Jordan and Carter  were staring at him with similar looks on their faces. "What?"

"Oh Cecil," Carter breathed. "Why did you-"

"That doesn't matter," Jordan interrupted. "I don't care why you're such an idiot- I mean, even I wouldn't go that far Clarke- I just want to know what you're going to do to fix it".

"I don't think I can," Cecil admitted sadly, and then he pressed his face into his hands and groaned. "It's never been my fault before. First it was Wilson's fault for moving and then it was Caroline's fault for cheating on me. I don't know what to do". Cecil turned his head then, hoping either boy could offer him some sort of advice.

"Oh, don't ask me," Jordan said. "I've never fucked up this badly before".

Cecil's gaze shifted to Carter. He had figured that the blue eyed boy would be more helpful anyways, but even Carter looked at a loss for words. "Umm..." Carter offered, and Cecil sighed, rising to his feet.

"It's fine. I need to handle this myself anyways. It is, after all, my fault".

"Hey," Carter said softly and Cecil glanced down at him. "You were good to him, you know, up until the end. Just... If you think of a damn good apology... then maybe-"

"Thanks Carter," Cecil said, turing again.

"I have some advice for you," Jordan cut in softly.

"Yeah?"

"Call your best friend. He gave you good advice the first time, and sure you fucked it up, but you're smart enough to not make the same mistake twice. I hope".

It was rare for Jordan Sullivan to make a good point, Cecil realized, so he figured that when he did, he should listen.

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