Part forty four

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Michy's POV

It took me minutes to register I was losing my heart. "Monae!" I cried out like a wounded lion as I darted my eyes, looking around the room hysterically as if I was possessed to find no one else but me.

No I can't let her leave! She's safer here with me than anywhere and anyone else.

I bolted out of the door faster than lightening, heading for the elevator to stop her from leaving. When I was almost there, Imogen appeared from where I was heading to while beaming to herself, it widened when she saw me.

Raising her hand to do God knows what, she opened her mouth to speak but I beat her to it.

"Before you talk, get the fuck outta my way." I hissed, trying to push my anger somewhere as now wasn't the time for it, my topmost priority right now is stopping Monae and not wasting my breath on Imogen. If I should start, I'll end up handcuffed and waiting for an emergency trial.

I pushed her out of my way when she made no attempt to step aside, only for her to hold my hand and draw me back.

I felt both my body and jaw tense at her touch, looking squarely into her eyes, I grabbed her hand and yanked it off mine. Even she felt the anger and hatred embedded in my action, an all too familiar look flashed in her eyes and for a second I felt transported back to the day I ended the the mistake of a relationship I once shared with her.

Despite the look in her eyes, she recovered quickly and smiled. I wasn't surprised as she was the mistress of deception, I know her very well. "Why are you chasing after a woman who never belonged in your life?" Her eyes showed something I couldn't put a finger to as she cocked her head to the side and stared at me.

"Why then are you chasing a man who is, was and will never be yours and if you're not so shameful, your sister's fiancé?" I inquired though I appeared like I wasn't interested, I wanted to know why. What was her reason for wanting so bad to come back into my life to the point she has wrecked my relationship and ruined my happiness.

Love isn't selfish but this girl here is and if she so as even loved me just a little, she would have unashamedly accepted defeat and let us be. I'm beginning to think there's something behind it.

What I didn't expect her to do was to laugh, a sound that once sounded like melody now was like a shrill. "And you think you're for her?" She asked, her voice hinting mockery and amusement. "If you were, why isn't she here to stake her claim on you?"

"Maybe you should ask yourself that—"

Loud sounds of heels clinking against the marble tiles sounded and shortly after, Heidi appeared. She didn't for once bat an eye towards Imogen but looked straight at me. "Where's Monae?"

"Heidi?" However some dumb ass hitch hasn't seen her.

Her eyes were completely filled with hostility and enmity for an oblivious Imo who smiled when she snapped her head to glance at the nuisance. "Oh shut up, don't you even take my name with your filthy mouth." Heidi warned and for a second I could have sworn I saw fear flash in her eyes, Imogen shut up and lowered her head.

"She left and I'm going to search for my fiancée and bring her back to where she belongs, me." I said with my eyes fixated on Imogen. "Drive this bitch away before I come back home with her."

"With pleasure and make sure you don't come back home without her."

"I can't risk that." With that being said, I left them and rushed into the elevator. As I waited for it to stop at the first floor, I leaned against the wall and run my fingers through my hair, cursing under my breath.

Please God, please don't make her leave.

I better find her, I better find my woman or I'm am gonna go to jail tonight, imma kill someone's daughter, I swear to God.

Fucking bitch!

Within minutes of the elevator coming to a stop, I run out of it and out of the house, into the garden with the hopes of seeing her there, maybe. It was a dumb idea as I didn't see her after searching the entire garden for her, thankfully enough, the party was still in a full swing.

No one hand heard of the drama that went on in the house, it's a relief, I wouldn't know what to say if people got to know.

I backed away from the garden, retreating to the front of the house. The fear of not seeing and possibly losing Monae forever put me in a daze, I didn't realize there was someone in front of me till I bumped into him.

"Look where you're— Michy where are you—"

I stop Drake from talking and placed my hand on his shoulder as I tried to catch my breath, I'll be needing it a lot tonight.

"Listen man, now isn't the time. I'll tell you the details later, I just need your car keys."

**********

I deserve an award for searching almost the entire city in a span of four hours, even after doing so, I didn't find her. I looked for her in all the possible places of where she can go to, hotels and guesthouses, train stations but all to no avail.

But I'm not giving up, I increased the speed at which I was going but slowed down and brought the car to a halt abruptly and gingerly had I not, my body will by now be in the first ambulance to the morgue.

Unable to believe my eyes, I blinked twice and squinted them to look keenly if it's indeed my Monae. I haven't been any happier, I felt my heart leap with joy, it's her! Without wasting time, I opened the door and got out of the car quickly.

Damn it!

I cursed this time loudly, stopping in my tracks as I waited rather impatiently for the line of cars to pass before I crossed to the other side of the street to the lovers bench where I saw her sitting.

"Monae!" I exclaimed, my voice and heart filled with happiness, "baby..." the smile on my face dropped faster than I could say hi and I stopped myself from walking any further when the lady raised her head to look at me.

Unfortunately...

She...she isn't my Monae. Although they look a little bit alike, same nappy hair and dark skin, coincidentally, she was wearing an African print dress as well.

"Excuse me—"

"I'm sorry." I apologized, leaving as quickly as I went there and got back into the car. I laid my head on the steering wheel and tears trickled down my face in sync.

Men don't cry but this...

This situation that I am in, is such that the toughest man will involuntarily shed tears.

And even more when you're responsible for it. I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't at fault, I know I've fucked up real bad and lost the only woman I ever loved more than my life. Things weren't supposed to end up like this!

I was going to tell her everything, the decision was made against my will, Heidi threatened to if I didn't but I saw it was the right thing to do as much as my reason for keeping it a secret is.

But now I realize how important it was to tell her the truth earlier, I've learnt this the hard way only when I'm sitting in a car in the middle of the road on a street I don't know in New York City so late in the night. I was dying slowly inside because the heart which beats to give me life has left me due to my own mistake, alone and with no knowledge when I can ever see her again.

********

Tottering into the house like a lifeless soul, I feebly closed the door behind me and proceeded into the living room where I heard voices, I had no energy to talk to them or anything, I only wanted to tell them to end the party I've noticed is still ongoing as at almost 12am.

I entered the living room and was met with the anxious faces of the gang. A smile small creeped out on the faces of my mother, Heidi and Roxie when they saw me but it fell as they looked behind me, obviously expecting to see Nae following me.

"Don't tell me you didn't find her."

"Where can my Monae be?" Roxie who has been crying given her red eyes burst into fresh tears.

"Son, I heard what happened and believe me, I'm sorry, it's all my fault—"

"And I'm sorry too mother, I know you're genuinely worried but I want to be alone and all by myself if you don't mind, excuse me." I said it loud enough for everyone to hear and didn't wait to hear what they were going to say, I turned to exit the room and continued to the third floor where her bedroom is.

Making it through the hallway after much difficult because I was drained of energy, I was now standing in front her bedroom and staring at the door absentmindedly.

A deep breath escaped my lips, my chest heaving as well, I removed my hands from my pockets and opened the door.

Which was a very bad idea, her lovely scent hitting my nostrils the minute the door swung open, made me miss her. I contemplated on going further or backing away from her room and after much hesitation, I opened the door wider and entered.

Looking around the room, coupled with her scent wafting through my nose suddenly made me feel her absence more than normal which was to be expected after everything she and I had shared.

I glanced at the bed and my illusions got the best of me, I saw my love lying on her side on the bed, her face plastered in a bright smile as she bit her lower lip and signaled me with her index finger to come to her. My heart fluttered like every time when I saw she was in my shirt and I smiled.

Then it dawned on me it was all an illusion, I painfully tore my gaze from there to the window only to see her sitting on the window couch with her back turned and her hands folded on folded on the window sill, Nae had her head resting on her hands as she gazed out at the sky, enjoying the beautiful night sky like she loves to.

Yet again and in a flash, another Nae appeared in front of me this time she was running as if from someone, the soft and music like giggles from her made me smile and run to her as well to embrace her, only to hug the air.

My eyes began to glisten and my heart getting heavier again, I found myself walking around her space, searching like a mad man for my Nae and when I didn't find her, I broke down again right in the middle of her room.

"Where are you Nae?" I asked as I slumped to the floor and dropped my head in my palms, "please come back to me, I beg of you, please."


***********

Waking up to life everyday is always a nightmare and today is no exception, like a morning ritual, I glanced over to the side of the bed where Monae used to sleep and sighed. Another night spent without her beside me and another day more to go without seeing and having her by my side.

I removed the pillow from between my arms and plopped them to the side in dejection, my mood was ruined. I laughed bitterly to myself, as if I was always in a good mood. A huge part of myself— body, soul and spirit left me the minute Monae departed from this house and I've since not been myself. Nothing seems to cheer me up or incite in me any feeling, I've become more of a morose person who is slowly falling into depression.

Although I was wide awake, I made no attempt to get out of bed or do anything. Like most days these past three weeks, all I do is wake up and just lie on bed and keep to myself but days when I feel I have some sort of energy, I try to work a little in order to distract me from thinking about my huge loss. Yet hard as I try, my mind and thoughts can help but drift to her.

I wonder how she's doing, if she's fine and coping without me. I'd be happy if she was but deep down, I'll be sad and mad she is doing well without me in her life, if she has moved on when I'm still a wreck who doesn't know how I'll get back to being my old self if I don't see her anymore or where she is, if it's a safe place for her. These and many thoughts run through my mind that I end up giving up on working and gladly welcome the thoughts of Nae and reminisce old times I had with her together.

The only thing I console myself with is, she loves me. That is the only thing that has kept me alive, giving me the energy and zeal to continue my laborious search for her which so far has yielded nothing. All the contacts and detectives I've hired haven't been able to give me any useful information detailing where she is now, all the tell me is it's as if she's been swallowed or vanished into thin air because their contacts in other countries haven't seen her aside their efforts to track her down here in the state.

I swiped my hand down my face, closing my eyes as I drew out a long deep breath. I miss you so much, Nae, wherever you are please come back to me and I'll never let you out of my sight and life ever again.

I felt hot tears fall on my cheeks and an unbothered me didn't wipe it away but only stared into space, my mind began to float to Nae again.

After sometime, I heard the door to my room open. Not wanting to see anyone, I immediately shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep so that whoever was coming in will go back and never return.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Silence.

"You can't fool me Michy, I know you're not asleep, your eyelids are quivering."

"Okay since you know that I am not, you should get the memo that I don't want to see anyone." I told her with my eyes still closed.

"Aren't you tired of this?"

"I don't know what you're talking about because from what I know, I'm not doing anything."

"This torture you're putting yourself and everyone through, yes Nae has left but that isn't the end of the world. Instead of you keeping to yourself here and pushing everyone out, what you should do is look for her—"

"And you think I am not doing that?" That hit me, the pain I was feeling within me tripled ten times more when she threw in my face the fact that my stupidity has made me loss the love of my life. "I've spent every single time in the day to call my detective friends to track her down.." I trailed off when my voice began to crack, I never knew how much of a cry baby I was beneath this hugely built man till now. Every though of her absence gets me tearing up.

"I know, I've heard it all. I'm sorry I'm putting much force on you." She left the door and walked over to the bed, pushing away the sleep blanket, Heidi sat beside me and pulled me in a hug. "I'm not being fair pushing you to this point because I'm allowing my emotions of not seeing Nae get in the way, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I guess you're right, I should be out there looking for her instead of being at home—"

"As much as I want you to, you should also take care of yourself. We're all worried about you, extremely worried we're beginning to think we will lose you—"

"You know that's inevitable, Monae was my life and she has left me, how else do you want me to be?!" The frustration and dejection set in, I raised my voice, snapping at her. Things are taking a heavy toll on me and I can't cope anymore.

"I want you to be strong! For yourself, for her! We want you to take care of yourself, don't die while looking for her and be buried when you finally get her. What then was the use when you can't be alive and spend every minute of the rest of your life with her?"

"I'm not dying!" I barked.

"Not yet, you're in the process of cutting short your own life by doing all this—"

"Easy on him Heidi, we agreed on that." I recognized Shawn's voice from behind the door

"Yeah I know but he's being hotheaded as always." Heidi yelled so he could hear.

"Can we come in?"

She looked at my face, expecting an answer she already knew, no. "Permit them, they've been stopping by every day these last weeks just to see you but there always turned away every single time."

"I don't want to see anyone—"

"They aren't just anyone Michy, they are your friends who have been there with you through thick and thin, you can't push them away—"

"No need to be philosophical with me." I cut her off, exhaling. I was already tired with the conversation, "come in." I said, looking at the door.

Before I could look away, the door opened wider and the rest of the gang filed in.

Marcus was the first to enter after Shawn opened the door. "Tf man you trying to kill yourself?"

"Exactly what I'm trying to tell him here."

"Cut it out guys, there's a lot we need to talk about. Starting with this now will tick him off, instead of scolding him why don't we ask how he's holding up."

"That's the dumbest suggestion ever, just look at Michy and you have your answer. The idiot is withering away, he's becoming bones, that should tell you how much fucked up he's feeling—-"

Heidi was beside him in a flash of seconds, "It's okay Shawn, take a deep breath." She advised, rubbing his back. We all know how Shawn gets when he starts rambling so I'll give it to her for cutting him off.

Out of irritation due to the disruption of my solace which is in thinking about my love, I rolled my eyes despite myself because at this rate I know I won't be enjoying the peace and solitude of this room for the whole day.

How do I sack em away without hurting their feelings?

******

I held Heidi's hand and took the ladle from her with other, putting it back into the rice. "Thank you but I'm full."

Immediately I said that, I felt a hand on my shoulder, "Well too bad, you're eating to fill them bones." Jozelynn said in her motherly voice which was also scolding in a way before she averted her gaze to Heidi, "don't mind him honey, add more onto his plate while I fill up his glass."

Opening my mouth, I was about to protest but the two women shot me a knowing look and I quickly shut my mouth, slumping deeper into the chair and resigned to my fate as I picked up the fork.

"You two should quit doting over this idiot." I heard Drake snap at them, the sharp tone of his voice was unusual yet usual. I could tell something was irking him and judging from his words, I can say someone was irking him and that person being me.

I looked up at him to see his eyes already on me and his face twisted in a scowl. "Get straight to the point, why didn't you tell Nae the truth? Was it because you didn't love her that—"

"Don't even continue that sentence, you're my best friend Drake and you of all people know how much I loved her and still do—"

"After hurting her so bad, I don't know what else to believe. You talk of loving her yet you kept secrets from her—"

"It was for the best—"

"Are you seriously implying it was for the best?" Both his voice and face were filled with incredulity as he fumed. "A girl, an innocent and pure lady who loved you with all her heart got it broken, she wailed like someone was dead and you say it was for the best? I feel like punching your fucking face right now and blowing the stupidity out if you."

He balled his fist and was about to hit me when Marcus stopped him, pulling him back.

"Aye chill bro, why you flipping?" Because she's his sister.

I already knew why he was acting that way. We managed to take the siblings DNA test and found out Nae is actually his biological sister, he and I were planning to reveal it to her at the engagement party. He was so excited till everything went downhill with the arrival of Imogen, another reason for me to hate that bitch.

He sent a glare my way and pocketed while raking hair, "nothing, just forget it." He brushed it aside after hesitation, "why didn't you?" Drake demanded after shifting his gaze back at me, this time his face was stoic.

I dropped the fork, pushing the plate of food away.

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