I didn't expect Kevin to be happy but I didn't expect him to be so upset either. When I walked in he was throwing his jacket on. I wondered how long he had been sitting here...the voice in my head answered that for me.
'Long enough to see enough.'
"Kevin?" I wrung my hands, I know I didn't do anything wrong but I felt so bad. Maybe he didn't see anything? We were pretty discreet, right? Oh, who am I kidding? We were as discreet as the big ol' white elephant that was in the room with Kevin and I right now.
"Don't mind me, I'm leaving." He couldn't even look me in the eyes. I saw the bouquet of roses resting on the counter and my guilt tripled. He had probably come over to take me out on another date. The other voice in my head, the other one that dressed in all red and had a pitch fork marvelled at how I had one man giving me orgasms while another waited to give me flowers.
'You go girl.' She said. The voice of good reason was shocked and reminded me that what I had done to Kevin was awful.
"Wait, I-" I took a step in front of him. What was I going to say? I didn't know but I couldn't let him leave like this.
"Don't make me wait for a second longer! I had to-" His words fell off. He was opening and closing his mouth but the words weren't coming out. It was like they were too filthy to utter.
"I'm sorry you had to see that."
"River. Please move." He still wasn't looking at me.
"I'm sorry Kevin." I offered.
"You told me I had nothing to worry about!"
"That was before...things just kind of changed?" Whatever I was fixing up to say sounded lame. In between now and then I could've told him, but because I was a coward I had strung him along. Had the roles been reversed I would've been pissed too. "I don't know what to tell you, besides I'm sorry."
I did mean it, but I could tell the words didn't have any meaning to him. I sure as hell wouldn't have been satisfied with a lame, I'm sorry.
"Should've listened when they warned me about you two." He shook his head and mumbled to himself but I heard him.
"They?"
"Yeah. They. The grapevine says you're Wesley's little plaything. I didn't want to believe it because I know you!" He scoffed. "Or at least I thought I did."
Small towns have always been the hub of gossip. Everybody was in everybody's business. I don't blame Wesley for being so secretive about everything, people in this town didn't know how to mind their own. It never really bothered me, because I was never the talk of the town.
I'd seen countless times how women and men would huddle together and gossip. My entire temperature spiked imagining them discussing me. It angered me more that they had labelled me as 'one of Wesley's playthings', I had judged the countless women who had fallen for his charms, it made me sick to think that I was one of them. It had to be different with me, right?
"I'm not anybody's plaything."
"That's what the girls before you thought. Did you hit your head and forget who he is?"
"You don't know him like I do! Wesley's not like that!" I'm sure if me from a few months ago, could listen to me speak now, she'd be horrified. I sounded delusional.
But people change. How could a town full of people who grew up around each other and witness each other change, not believe that? Why did everyone insist on holding Wesley's past against him, it hardly seemed fair! If I had the guts to expose some of the grimy shit Madam Momus gets sent, they would all see that they were the awful ones. Not Wesley.
Most people in this town were self-righteous arseholes! Horny, adulterous, self-righteous arseholes.
"Oh, grow up River! You're never going to get the roses and rainbows from Wesley. He'll dump you the minute he's bored of you."
"You don't know that."
"Clearly, neither do you." He pushed past me and made it to the hallway. Before he disappeared he turned to face me as an idea had suddenly popped into his head. "You know, I was willing to give you the roses and rainbows. I guess you were too stupid to see that."
Kevin walked out, leaving a silence that was way too loud. At that moment my phone pinged with messages from Mother and Daughter.
Wesley: 'Night :)
Dana: I'm sorry to seem pushy but how far are you with convincing Wesley? I've got the information you wanted...
Dana: Hey I know it's late...I just need to know when I can speak to my son?
I was starting to get a bad feeling about Dana, within a matter of hours she'd become, as she put it, pushy. In her defense, she had not seen her only child in a while. I was exhausted and needed a shower, both of them could get a response from me tomorrow.
I emptied my third bottle of water and threw the plastic across the room. I was glad my hangover didn't affect my aim, at least there was that. Unfortunately, no matter how many bottles of water I went through I still felt dehydrated. I can't believe I let Lucy talk me into drinking the day before our charity ball. I was supposed to be trying on dresses and shopping for bobby pins. No, Instead I was struggling to get a box of Cornflakes open but trying not to rip the box apart too loudly and set off another pang of pain in my head.
My mom, who doesn't approve of drinking, wasn't sympathetic of my condition at all. She was blasting Whitney Houston's greatest hits at ten in the morning, while she cleaned. I made my way into the living room just as Whitney belted out, not to close any more doors. Geez didn't we have any guests? Who wants to hear a love ballad at ten in the morning?
"Ah, you're alive." She stuck the mop into the bucket full of soapy water. I could see she was enjoying my state of...regret. Nothing makes a mother happier than when you get the just punishment you deserve.
"I won't be for long if you don't turn it down..." I whined.
"No one asked you to go drinking," she laughed at me as I sank into the couch, trying not to spill my cereal. "When you get your own place you can play that bubble gum music as loud as you want."
"I tried to get my own place." I mumbled in my defence, to which she pointed out that I was not married.
My mom was a traditional African mother in every sense of the word. She believed a girl can only move out of her parents' house when she was married. The whole independently living on your own thing sounded awful to her.
My mom was progressive but not with her child, if that makes any sense. She was all for liberal values as long as they didn't apply to her child. She thought it was great that women had their own places to stay, I just couldn't do it.
I sighed, a marriage was very distant in my future. "If that's the case, I'm going to be with you for a long time."
"I'm not the one complaining, my angel."
Sometimes I forget how much my mother enjoys having me around. I wonder if she invested all her energy in me to fill the void my father left. I quickly cleared my mind, thinking about how lonely she might be deep down made me sad. If forcing me to stay with her because of some outdated traditions, made her happy then I would gladly stay with her until my hair turns grey.
"Oh, I picked up your dress from Macy's for tomorrow. It's gorgeous!" She clapped her hands excitedly.
I moaned my thanks because I had a mouth full of soppy cereal. After swallowing I asked her where it was and she said her room.
Just like she said, the blood-red mermaid gown was still in its see-through plastic covering and hung in her closet. Finally, the reality of tomorrow's gala dawned on me and I got excited. This year was going to be different, not only had the gala grown in popularity but we had attracted the local news too.
Everybody was looking forward to this year's Women's Health Fund Raising Gala. More attention meant more attendees and more attendees meant more money. Silas was probably kicking his feet in excitement where ever he is.
I heard my phone ping in my room. It was then that I remembered I hadn't answered Dana or Wesley.
Wesley: Alive?
River: Barely...
Wesley: Good to hear.
Wesley: From you. Not that it's good to hear you're barely alive.
I smiled. He's such a dork.
Wesley: Normal people say good night back you know...
I clicked into my chat with Dana and saw there was no message from her. As if sensing I was thinking about her, the words 'typing' appeared under her name. I waited for her to say something before I replied but then she stopped typing.
My thumbs hovered over the keypad, I didn't know how to begin. How did I explain to her that her son blew up at me just for mentioning her? I don't think I wanted to start a fight with my boyfriend for some information I could get if I just waited for Wesley to open up on his own. How did I tell her I was no longer interested in this deal?
My email notification went off and I turned to my laptop. Shit, it was an email from Daniel.
[email protected]: RE: DR SYKES IS A POISON
I should've known some stupid gossip-monger wasn't going to help me. I gave you everything I knew about Sykes' malpractice suit and it's been days...not a single word from you! That's ok, we have a Gala coming up. I'm gonna expose that idiot in front of the whole town! And you! You and your stupid son are going down, Dana!
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