Soojin had vomited twice since morning. The sickness of being pregnant was catching up already, even though she was as reluctant as she could ever be. 

She wanted to keep the baby -- and it was not a decision that had come easy to her. Bidding adieu to the fitness of her body, the figure, and the health that came naturally to her, and embracing the upcoming changes to her health and body dynamics was not an easy choice. She did not need this baby, no, she did not. It was not even the outcome of a person's love for her. It was the result of lustful glares and animalistic, rough actions. 

But that fetus was going to obtain a soul very soon. It was going to develop a heart a few weeks later. And she could not manage to entangle herself from the guilt if she killed a life before it could even properly begin. 

Her own parents, who tortured her and tormented her mind and body, were monsters in humans' disguises. She knew that they never loved her. She knew that her own mother talked about aborting her, and how it was "too late" to do so. It broke her heart every time she heard it. 

And saying that about her own child, now, seemed like a mistake she would never make. 

True, she knew that Chan was not going to accept the child that she bore, but she wanted to be enough for it. She knew that she would give it her utmost love and care, and she would never, ever, let it feel like it was not enough. She would make her child feel loved and worth every struggle she had faced until now. She would let her child know how much importance it carried; how it was born out of love. She could lie to her child... if it meant that her child thrived in glee and contentment. 

And, if needed, she would never show the child's face to Chan. That, if he resented its existence to the extent of neglecting it. 

Deep down, she was aware of what kind of a person Chan was, but then again, had she expected him to devour her like she was his last meal?

No, she would do anything to protect her child. Anything. 

She was better than her parents. A million times better. And she would prove it. 

"All this pain is worth it," she chanted, "All this pain is worth it." 

Soojin looked at the plate of untouched food that Chan had kept on her table last night, and her mouth watered. She had barely eaten anything in a week, and even though the food was cold and stale now, she wanted to satisfy her hunger. She grabbed the plate and commenced eating out of it aggressively until someone knocked on her door. 

She gulped down the bite and opened the door to see Minho standing at the door, presenting another plate of food -- this time, fresh and warm. 

"Hey... are you alright?" the idol questioned, "You look very pale, Soojin." 

"I..." she had no answer, "I'm hungry, I guess." 

"Oh, take this," Minho offered her the plate, and she gladly accepted it, placing it on her bed. He took a hesitant step inside, and saw that the room was in a serious state of disarray. The bedsheet was upturned, there were crumbles of used tissues sprawled across the floor, and it seemed as if a tornado had passed through the chamber. 

"Is everything... okay?" he timidly questioned, "I mean, I'm in no place to say this because it's a matter between you and Chan, but you can tell me anything you want to. I'll listen." 

"I appreciate that, Minho," Soojin managed to twist her lips into a smile, the best she could afford at a crisis like hers at that moment, "And I'm very grateful to you for bringing me food. I was really, really hungry." 

"I'm glad I could help," he showed a small grin, turning to walk out of the room. As Soojin went to shut the door, he turned around and said, "Soojin?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Please keep your trust in Chan. If it's getting difficult right now, hold on. Hold onto him, believe in him. He will definitely prove to be worthy of your trust." 

And what was trust if not broken into a mound of a trillion shards? 

(a/n: kinda proud of the last line ngl :DD

ALSO EARLY UPDATE BEC I WROTE THIS LAST NIGHT AFTER POSTING THE PREVIOUS CHAP!!  

i have seen some comments in the previous chapters wherein some of you are like kinda accusing soojin of pretending to be a victim. now i know that you guys are supposed to have your own opinions and viewpoints, but i really, REALLY want you guys to see things from both perspectives. in this story, I've put the POV of chan as well as soojin just so you could get an insight into both of their minds. so even if you think chan is wrong alone or soojin is wrong alone, then i want you guys to place yourself in their shoes and think again. BUT Y'ALL CAN HAVE YOUR OPINIONS, WHO AM I TO STOP YOU? :) 

do you like this? things will pick up the pace soon, this is a slow-burn as of now lmao 

thanks for reading! i love you!)