chapter 16: reflections

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Soojin could barely limp to her room, clutching her clothes tightly to her chest, tears slipping from the cracks in the edges of her eyes. She unlocked the door of her room, crawled inside, and gently shut it behind her.

This situation was messed up. Why did she ever agree to Ae Ra's decision?

For the majority of her life, she had been selling her body for the price of her food, her livelihood. And now, she had just sold her body -- her dignity -- for the sake of Chan's lustful desires. Why? Was it because she was compelled to do it?

No; it was because she did not know how else to make him feel better.

Soojij still felt immensely guilty for intruding in his happy, smoothly faring life, but now that she had given her body to him, knowing that he was not one of her customers, she felt dirty. It was supposed to be the opposite -- she should have felt guilty offering herself to her customers (which she did), but devoting her body to someone she loved? That should have brought her happiness and satisfaction.

But not when that 'someone she loved' had used her body for his sexual frustration and rage.

And that was how she felt at that moment: used. Dirty. Pathetic. Slutty. The list could go on.

She winced as she tried to take a larger step to the washroom, but she somehow made it inside. Running a shower for herself, she dipped into the warm, soothing arms of soap water, sinking in face deep. Her hair floated at the top of the surface of water, and she held her breath, trying to stop the tears from flowing out, too.

However, a few seconds later, when she felt short of breath, she pushed up, gasping for air. Her naked body under the water felt stiff and sore, and she finally let herself cry freely, bawling and weeping in the bathtub.

"Why does it have to be me?!" she cried, cursing her luck, "I loved him!"

She loved him.

Did he even care?

---

Chan trembled on his bed. Tears wetted his feathery pillow. His hands curled up into fists, shaking. 

He had just used Soojin. Used her for his lustful urge. Used her to let his frustration out. Used her against her grace. He felt like a culprit staged before a judge, guilty, having no answer whatsoever to save himself from the upcoming punishment. 

And that punishment was to face himself, look in the mirror the next morning, and live with himself. 

Chan sobbed, breath coming ragged, and he felt disgusting that he used to feel so lustful toward Soojin. He had made use of her like a toy, and when he was done, he had just left her there to dwell on her destruction. 

She was not his toy; she was just a person. 

True, she had shaken up his entire life and career because of what she personally desired, perhaps, but that did not give him permission to toy with her dignity. She was a grown woman with self-respect and modesty. Who was he to steal that from her? This was not revenge! 

Who allowed him to touch her? 

"Fuck!" he grunted, regretting every single thing that he lead to that moment. 

After all, it was his uncontained lust that drove his life in this direction. 

(a/n: yuhhhhh i feel so bad to do this to them 

did you like this? I'm so happyyyyjdnjshndnshd to see so many of you telling me that you like this story, and I couldn't be happier!! :D 

thanks for reading! i love you!) 


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