(a/n: please leave comments!~) 

"Me? Uh..." 

Everyone waited patiently for her response, and even though Soojin did not want to grace them with her problematic past, she couldn't really lie to them, now, could she? She could at least spare the details, if being honest. 

"I was... nine when my parents got arrested for abusing me," she muttered in a barely audible voice, looking at her lap where she placed her trembling hands, "And then... I was raised at an orphanage. Yeah." 

Never in her wildest dreams was she going to tell them about her occupation. That could weird them out, make them wary of her, or even detest her. God knows how angry Chan and Jinyoung would be if the word got spread. 

"Oh..." someone spoke from the table solemnly, and she raised her eyes up to see everyone looked at her in pity -- those expressions might even be empathetic; she couldn't tell. She flinched when someone kept a hand on her shoulder ever-so-lightly, and with her head turning around, she saw that it was Felix, looking down at her with sorrowful eyes. 

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," he spoke. 

"But now, you're with us. And we'll take care of you!" Jeongin swore, and a round of agreement passed through the table. 

Soojin looked around, astonished; other than Ae Ra, she had never seen such compassion coming from people around her. Were they really sorry for her? Was humanity not dead yet? 

A tear slipped when she broke out in a smile, mumbling, "Thank you... so much." 

"Don't worry about it! And Chan is super strong! He'll protect you with his life... because he doesn't love weak," Hyunjin remarked, and something in Soojin's heart twisted so darkly and agonizingly that she had to keep herself from grimacing. 

She wished that it was true for her. 

---

Soojin returned to the room allotted to her, and sitting down on the bed, she stared at the mirror placed in front of her. Looking at her own sorry reflection, she plopped down back, breathing heavily. Even in this spacious room, she felt suffocated and tensed. 

This was certainly not what she had wished for. Ever.

When it came to her picturing living a life with someone she loved, this scenario didn't show up even in her rawest, wildest form. Living with someone for money, who couldn't bear to even sit next to her, or stand her at all. And that man had to be the person she had once found her utmost comfort, her home in. 

It was a depressing thought, but she was stuck in a never-ending cycle of guilt -- guilt for ruining her own as well as Bang Chan's life. 

This room felt like a cage she had built for herself. 

Tears escaped her eyes, trailing down the side of her face and dropping onto the mattress, wetting the sheet drop by drop. Her face soon contorted into a twisted, grimacing mien. She wanted to stay out of his way, but he was suddenly uncomfortable in his own home... because of her. 

She had the sudden urge to leave the dorm right away, but the announcement of their dating had spread around quickly, almost like wildfire, and it was all over the news and social media. She hadn't taken a look at her social media apps, but with the television news channels' main theme of reporting being the proclamation of their relationship, she knew that there was no going back now. 

She wondered how Chan was doing at the moment. 

--- 

Chan turned up the volume of his headphones to the max, blasting his incomplete track over and over again. His hands didn't move as quickly as they usually would, but he was listening to the unfinished song on repeat because he just wanted some escape from the burdening thoughts inside his head. 

He had initially come to his room to ignore Soojin's presence and continue with his work to distract himself, but hours had passed and there was just about no improvement. 

He sighed heavily; what was wrong with him? Why did he choose to go to a nightclub to relieve his stress through sex? And why did he go back there again? How could he manage to muster up such a stressful situation for himself and his boys? 

I am just irresponsible and lustful and pathetic -- he repeated in his mind, his hands twitching and legs producing tremors. He was uneasy and disturbed. 

All because he had lost control for two nights. 

(a/n: okay okay so here were the thoughts and emotions that we needed to read! more to come from the next chapters!! 

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thanks for reading! i love you!)