8.5 Rouge Issues

Loupe Fiasco, California
USA - North America
The Main Pack Lodgings

Ivanovich
I hated memories, mainly because they were never something to keep. From an early age, I was taught to fend for myself. My father never allowed space for errors, so tried to never make any. But, I was still human, I made a mistake.

"We are going to be late for the dinner," a smooth voice called out, small fingers splaying themselves on my bare back. "You are still coming Romanov, right?"

I fought the urge to shake them off, "In a minute."

"I am going to get dressed," I didn't bother to turn as the hands retracted, small footsteps padding back into the room. "Don't be too long."

I don't reply as I take my head in my hands, "Fuck," I mutter, the wind pushing against my bare back. I raise my head slightly, looking down at the forest as a slight figure disappeared into it. I still, frowning as I recounted the figure. Sativa, I smirk. I raise the cigarette to my lips, fingering the golden lighter in my hands. An imminent feeling had settled in my chest; but I didn't act upon it. I had more important issues to address.

The stupid girl knew that she was supposed to be at the dinner. I smirk again, I would have fun punishing her. But, that was for later.

"Run the perimeter," I command in my mind-link.

Not to any soul in particular, but they would be damned to ignore the instruction of an Alpha. I had called tonight off, as a night to celebrate the coming of my fiancé, Maya. I didn't propose, my father did - long before he passed. Maya Amerce, daughter to one of the most powerful Alphas in the country. A deal with him, however it may come, could ensure my Pack a lifetime of safety - something I cannot turn out.

I drop my head into my hands again. God, I hated anything to do with the past. But today, right now, right here, they were fighting for my dominance.

A fight that I had won a long time ago. But, it looked like they were battling for a second round - and I wasn't so sure that I would be the victorious one this time.

-

Donetsk, Russia
USSR - European End
Romanov's Family Home

Ivanovich
"Mommy."

I was cold, and hungry. I had waited, coloring with my broken crayons, letting them dwindle until I was coloring with nothing but my fingers.

I smile excitedly up at her as she places a plate of Heinz baked beans in front of me. Pushing my colors to the side, I smile up at her as she busily buzzes around the large kitchen. I had always thought that she was an angel. Her long blonde hair, it was always in a band. Her lovely eyes that never seemed alight anymore. And, her face - slight wrinkles and worry lines adorned it.

I loved her.

Biting my lip, I can't help but feel sad. I couldn't tell the time yet, but I knew that it was late. I was a 'big boy' today, Mommy had said so - that being four came with a lot of more responsibilities. Like, taking care of my little sister - I was a 'big boy'.

Entranced with the movements and shuffles of mother, and all the other maids, my hand slips and knocks the plate of baked beans over. I wanted to help, to clean up the mess, but Mommy wouldn't hear it.

"Aldag," she snapped, her eyes becoming mean. "You know that Daddy hates it when it's messy," she croaks, wiping the table furiously and pushing me out of the room. "Just, go and play."

And I did. For the whole day, I did nothing but draw and draw. Pictures of lions, pictures of Superman, pictures of Mommy, Daddy, little Natty and I. But, he came back. I always know when he comes back. I stuff my pictures into my shirt, running to the kitchen to warn Mommy.

"Daddy's here!" I watch her as her face falls, her cheeks paling as she held my hand tight and pulled me to the foyer. We both watched as his car parked neatly in front of the house; holding ourselves as he walks in.

"Now," Mommy turns to me and hold my shoulders, looking in my eyes. "Remember the rules of our game, Al?"

"Yes, Mommy," I nod. "To stay silent, and if Daddy's angry - to run far away."

"Good boy," she whispers.

I stay still as heavy footsteps move through the house. I push myself into Mommy, burying my face in her flowery-scented apron. I breathe, "Is Daddy happy?" I ask, not unburying my face.

"I'm not sure," she smiles sadly, "But, why don't you just run up to your room in case, Aldag?"

"But, that's not part of the rules," I frown. "I have to see for myself."

"Aldag." Her voice is sharp as I untangle myself, running the length of the hallway. But, I wasn't allowed on the stairs without Mommy. I stand there, not doing anything. I clutch Mr. Fluffs closer to my chest as I waddle back to the foyer. I needed to ask Mommy for help with the stairs.

"Mommy?" I call out as I enter the foyer.

Daddy was there, and so was Mommy. But, they were kissing, like what I did to Jessica Andersen in the first grade. I didn't mind cooties, they were for stupid boys - but I was a big, extra 'big boy'.

I just stood there, watching with Mr. Fluffs. I wanted to go and ask Ida, my nurse, for help, but Mommy began talking again.

"Yuri," she muttered, pushing Daddy away.

"What?" He snarled. He was in a bad, bad mood.

"Stop," she pulled away from him. "Just stop it."

"And if I don't?"

"Yuri, please," she begged. I hated when she did that - but Daddy loved it - he was gross.

I gasp at the sound of Mommy's cries as Daddy slaps her. Her eyes meet with mine in horror, I back away and run back to the stairs. Putting Mr. Fluffs on my back, I crawl up the stairs very slowly, happy when I get to the top. I run to my room and open the closet, hiding in it. But, I hated the dark. Closing my eyes, I counted to twenty.

Mommy had always told me that unless I heard complete silence, I shouldn't dare to come out - it was part of the rules. But, she had already broken one, so I immodestly thought that we could break more. After all, I was a 'big boy', I could help Mommy escape Daddy. I could try.

Pushing the closet open, I walk out into my room. I have always loved art, but Daddy said that men don't play with colors. So, he changed my room to grey. Yuck, grey and grey and grey. But, complaining only made things worse; so I didn't.

"Mommy?" I call from the stairs, reaching into my shirt to pull out my drawings. "Ma, where are you? I need help with the stairs, pretty please."

Sighing, I sit on the first stair and I begin to slide down, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten..." I stopped - I wasn't sure what was next. Frowning, I shuffle to the bottom and stand. Sticking my thumb in my mouth, I walk back to the foyer again, "Mama!"

I can feel my face crumple as I meet Mommy's gaze. Daddy was squeezing her neck.

"Daddy, stop it!" I run up to his towering frame and kick his legs. "She can't breath - she can't..."

"Shut the fuck up," he snapped, my head throbbing as he pushes me roughly to the floor.

I can't help the tears that slide down my cheek. I was a 'big boy', I wasn't meant to cry. Daddy let Mommy go, and she crumpled like my face, sobbing and sobbing. I run over to her and bury my face in her apron once more - except, this time she didn't smell like flowers, she smelt like alcohol - lots of alcohol.

"What are you doing here?" She murmured, pushing my hair away from my face. "Oh, Al."

"Sorry," I mumble.

"Give me the boy," I look up at my father in fear.

"Yuri, please. Not this again, I beg of you," she was begging again. "Do this with me, not him, he doesn't understand this."

"Fuck off," he walked up to us, his hard green eyes on my identical ones. "Come here, Aldag."

"No," I mumble, hiding myself in my mother's warmth. She held onto me so tight, that I found it hard to breath. "I want to stay with Mommy."

I gasp as he wrenched me away from here, ignoring her screams. I don't cry though, because I'm a 'big boy', I don't cry.

"What's this?" Father smirks, bending to pick my drawing that had fallen. "What the fuck did I tell you about drawing, Aldag?" He asked, my lip trembling as he narrowed his eyes.

"That, it wasn't manly?" I manage, wavering.

"Why did you do it?"

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Nonsense," he snapped, picking me up roughly and dragging me behind him. "I will teach you how to be a real man."

I was confused.

"Yuri," my mother was pleading, hitting him over the head over and over again. I yelled when Daddy slapped her so hard, that she went to sleep. I was frightened, I wasn't a 'big boy', at all.

Daddy told me to draw another picture for him.

I did, but it got hard to do when he constantly pushed me, and stepped on my fingers, "Daddy, that hurts," I cry as he moves his boot over my fingers. He only laughed and continued. "Stop it."

I finished the picture, but Daddy didn't like it, so he made me tear them, and told me to keep them in my hands so it hurt when he set the pieces of paper alight. I don't say anything when he makes me break all of my crayons. Daddy was mean, and I hated him.

He hit Mommy, and he always yelled at little Natty and he hit me too.

Daddy left after that day, and he didn't come back.

"This is all your fault," Mommy sobbed, tugging my hand. "Stupid boy, why couldn't you be a normal son and make your father proud, Al?"

"But, Daddy was mean."

"Daddy was my mate," she cried, pushing me away. "You drove him away from my life!"

Mate? A mate sounded like a very bad thing.

I don't like mates.

I'll never have one.

I never saw Mommy again - but I was wrong, Daddy did come back.

At times, when I moved from four to five, and then five to six, he would lock me in the cellars. I pretended I didn't care, but I wasn't a 'big boy' anymore. I was sad, and angry all the time.

Then, I became sixteen.

And, I shifted. The first thing I did was to fulfill a promise I had made to myself years, and years before I had shifted.

I killed my father. And I told myself that I wouldn't ever get a 'mate'. My mother loved my father, despite what he did. Soulmates were useless, that is why I promised myself that I wouldn't ever have one.

I swore upon a curse. A curse that my father placed upon me. But, I had killed him. Raising the curse would be near impossible, for it read, "From this day forth, a son - my son, Romanov Zurich Aldag Ivanovich, shall never be mated to another. If so, he claims her as his, she shall die in the space of a month."

I was heartless, anything fucking thing that you choose to call me by.

I wouldn't kill my mate

The curse was nothing but irreversible.

I just wouldn't kill my mate - at least, not again.

-

Loupe Fiasco, California
USA - North America
The Main Pack Lodgings

Ivanovich
But, that promise that I had vowed to keep, is slowly falling into a million pieces.

Right before my eyes.

Watching her everyday was torture. I knew that if I were to let her go - if I were I let her leave me, that she would die. And, that thought pained me. It hurt to know.

But, if she were to stay.

I would slowly die, not being able to touch her silky hair - to bury my hands in it. To kiss her lips again until they become swollen.

But, I couldn't let her be mine. I knew that I had two mates - this, it was like a second chance. One that I was not going to fuck-up.

But, I couldn't guarantee it.

Because I fuck-up everything.

I look down at the forest for the last time, flicking the rest of the ashes, I let the cigarette fall to the ground below. I needed to get rid of the girl - but letting her become a Rogue was not even there for questioning.

After all, I had yet to resorted to my last use of concoctions and sort.

There was still family.

And although they were dangerous, I didn't mind for it to be played on her. I only cared for her life and her death, the other in between were of no relevance to me.

She knew that.

I smirk, the girl was smart, I am not denying it.

But sometimes, being smart is not all that you need as an accompany to stay alive.

She didn't know that.

But I had no problem bringing it to her knowledge. Chuckling I walk back inside, I had no fucking problem at all.

-

Luna Queen (2015)
© Victoria Leslie Khan