ELIJAH

Dear Joey,

Today is your first day of high school and I feel really sad that I'm not there for it. I'm always sad everyday because I miss you always but especially on the big days like today. I hope you're wearing your favorite shirt because it comforts you. I hope Oma packed you a great lunch and I hope that even though I'm not there like the first day of kindergarten you'll be okay.

I won't start highschool until January so you are a few months ahead of me. It's okay though, I was always smarter than you so I'll catch up fast.

I hope you make friends, don't just sit quietly in the corner. You're a bright light that deserves to shine on the world.

I can't afford to mail these letters but I hope that one day I'll be able to give them to you in person if you can forgive me for leaving you.

I miss you and I will love you always. Have a great first day.

With all my love, little mouse.

I reread the short letter just like I did with most of the others, laughing or frowning depending on what she had written.

I had worn my favorite shirt on my first day of high school just like I always did at the beginning of every school year. My grandma had packed me lunch but I'd not eaten it. I didn't make any friends on that first day because I had been alone, bitter and angry. I survived though and as soon as I'd joined the football team I'd started making friends. She was right about being smarter than me, there was no doubt about that.

"I love you too and I missed you everyday."I whispered to myself like I did after reading every letter because she ended all of them the same way.

I set the letter down and picked up another one.

I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom surrounded by all the letters Maya had given me the previous day. I had started reading them as soon as I'd arrived home from dropping her off and I hadn't stopped. She had written me hundreds of letters for the last eight years so I had a lot to read. Maya had written a card for every important holiday, from new years to new years eve and all days in between. There were letters for my birthday, my first days of school, my family's birthdays, literally every day that was significant in my life.

There were letter for important days in her life too, like her birthday, national holidays or her parents death. The letters were like an eight year old journal to me for the time we were apart.

I had only slept for a few hours before getting up and reading more letters. I had cried over some of them, laughed with her and been angry at her too. I felt like I was watching her life through the letters. She had made me a part of every single part of her life even if I hadn't been there with her.

All the letters were numbered and had the dates they were written on them so it was easy to keep up.

Dear Joey,

I'm really sad today. My heart is broken and I can barely breath but mama said that I should write to you because writing to you always makes me feel better.

Today mama and I were sitting outside after I'd just come from school when the police and my dad's boss came. They told us that papa had died at work. I didn't hear everything because mama started screaming and she passed out. I wanted to scream and cry too but I had to be strong for mama.

My papa died today Joey and its all my fault. He has been working relentlessly ever since we came back to Nigeria to give me and mama a good life and he overworked himself.

Mama will never be the same again because has just lost her soulmate. I'll never be the same either because I don't have a father anymore.

I wish you were here, I would really like a Joey hug right about now. Mama was right, talking to you does make me feel better. I miss him already Joey. My mama is crying in the bedroom and I don't know what I can say to make her feel better. I don't even know what to say to make myself feel better.

I don't know how we'll survive without papa but at least I have you. You make me strong Elijah.

Thank you for listening and being here for me even if you're not really here.

I love you so much and I miss you a lot.

With all my love, little mouse.

The letter was filled with old tear stains from Maya and new ones from me. Maya had been in so much pain and I hadn't been there for her like I should have. It made me feel even more guilty for how harshly I treated her when she came back. It hadn't been easy for her at all and I had made it worse for her. Instead of hugging and welcoming her back, I'd pushed her away. I didn't deserve her but we were okay now so I would do my best to make up for all of it.

The next ten or so letters were all very sad but I read each and every single one of them even if they did make me cry. I wanted to share in the pain Maya had gone through when she lost her father. The letter she wrote on the day of the funeral was short, barely legible because of all the tears showing how much pain she had been in. She also mentioned meeting Violet for the first time and how they had gotten along fast like fire to dry grass.

Her mother had been worried about their financial situation but they had gotten a huge pay out from the company her father had been working in alleviating their money troubles for a while.

The letters got scarce after that which I totally understood and she didn't write for months until my fifteenth birthday.

Dear Joey,

I haven't written in a while, sorry about that but I couldn't not write today. It is your birthday after all so happy birthday Joey. We always had a blast on our birthdays so today I hope you have lots of cake, have fun with your friends and family and don't forget to make a good wish.

I'm sorry I won't be there to go to the zoo or the aquarium with you tomorrow like we used to do but I still hope you go. Not alone, it'll be sad and boring but maybe you can bring a friend to make it fun. I'd get you a gift but I know you've changed and I don't know you like anymore so the letter will have to suffice for now. When I do see you, which I will, I'll be sure to make up for all the birthdays I've missed.

Happy birthday again Joey, I love you and I miss you so so much.

Ps: I'm doing better but my mom isn't like I had predicted. It's okay though because I understand why. But I'll be fine, I always am because I have you.

All my love, little mouse.

Most of my birthday letters were similar but this one was different in the fact that it was shorter. I understood why so I didn't mind. I just wish she knew that I didn't celebrate my birthdays anymore. How was she to know though if we didn't talk at all?

The letters were evoking all sorts of emotions from me but I couldn't control them so I just let myself feel. I'd probably give myself a cold from all the crying but it was worth it.

Dear Joey,

Happy new year. I'm writing this at midnight after doing the countdown with my mom. It's been a tough year for us but today we were happy. We went to church and lit candles for dad. Mom seems to be trying to get better but it's hard for her. I just hope the new year brings new things and good tidings for all of us.

I've got to go, mom is actually letting me go to a party with a few classmates. Happy new year Joey. I love you and I miss you always.

All my love, little mouse.

"Elijah what are you doing on the floor?"My mom asked walking into my room surprising me.

"Mom, you didn't knock."I scolded her putting the letter I had been reading back into the box and picking up the next one.

"I did, you just didn't hear me. What are those?"She I inquired curiously.

I had been so lost in reading so it's probably why I hadn't heard her knock.

"Letters Maya gave me. She wrote to me all eight years she was away."I replied.

"Wow, that is a lot of letters."My mom commented peeking inside the box.

"They are."I mumbled.

"Sweetie, you look terrible. Have you slept at all, or eaten?"My mom asked cupping my face looking at me worriedly.

"What time is it?"I asked looking around.

I hadn't even bothered to draw my curtains but the sun was really bright as projected by my skylight.

"Three pm."My mom answered.

Wow, time really had passed but the letters were many and I hadn't been able to stop myself from reading.

"Then no, I haven't eaten but I did sleep for a few hours."I replied.

"You need to eat and shower."My mom demanded.

"I will, later."I grumbled.

"Now Elijah, the letters will still be here when you are done."My mom insisted.

She was putting her foot down so there was no point arguing with her. And besides, she was right, I was hungry did and I stunk.

I put the letter back in the box, marked upto which one I'd read to since they were so many, closed the box and stood up.

"Good afternoon mom."I mumbled leaning in to kiss her cheek.

She rolled her eyes at me and proceeded to do what had brought her into my room in the first place which was get my dirty laundry. She gave me a dirty look when I took off the t-shirt I was wearing and tossed it in the laundry basket. I grinned at her before walking into my bathroom.

I came back out twenty minutes later, clean and showered. In that time, my mom had changed my sheets, made my bed, swapped out my curtains for cleaner ones and tidied up my room. I could clean up after myself but Sundays were for my mom to clean the whole house top to bottom. I used to offer her my help but she always said I did it wrong so I stopped.

After getting dressed in a tank top and a pair of shorts I went down to the kitchen to get some food. Ivy was there too so we talked for a while as I ate before going back up to my room to continue reading letters.

Dear Joey,

It's my birthday today. Woohoo. Sweet sixteen at last. You american's make a big deal out of this day so I thought I would too. Yes I know I'm American but I'm Nigerian too, more Nigerian day by day.

We don't have a lot of money but my mom baked me a cake and bought me a new dress and shoes which I love. I made my wish as I blew out the candles. The same wish I make every year and its to see you again. I know we're not supposed to say our wish out loud but it's not like you will read this now. When you do read it, it'll mean that my wish came true.

I would have loved to go to the aquarium with you tomorrow but that's another downside to living in different continents.

Anyway there's no room for sadness today. It's all about laughter and smiles and my sweet sixteen. I've got to go now but I'll write again soon. Bye Joey. I love you and I miss you so much.

All my love, little mouse.

If Maya had been around for her sweet sixteen, I'm sure my sisters would have made a big deal out of it. She was loved by my family and even if we couldn't celebrate her birthday with her it gave me comfort that she was happy and had her mom by her side.

Dear Joey,

It getting bad again. I thought my mom was getting better but a few days ago she found one of my dad's belts in their room and she went crazy. It took so long to calm her down. She hasn't come out of her room since then or eaten anything. She just keeps crying and calling out to him. I don't know what to do anymore.

The sad thing is that sometimes I wish she could just die and join him but then I wouldn't know what to do without her. I'd be so sad and an orphan but at least they would be together again. I miss my dad everyday but I'm starting to miss my mom too even if she is right here with me. I fear I'll lose her soon.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Anyway I've got to go, I hope you are doing better than I am. Happy fourth of July by the way. Sorry this letter wasn't more cheerful.

I miss you and will love you always.

All my love, little mouse.

I was scared about what I would read in the next few letters because I already knew what came after that but I read them nonetheless. They were all basically the same, about her mother's deteriorating health. She didn't write for a whole month after her mother had to be hospitalized. Then I got to the dreaded letter and I was back to crying again.

Dear Joey,

I'm sorry I haven't written for so long but it's just been a long and difficult couple of months. We buried my mother earlier today and I didn't cry. I was sad yes but I was also happy that my mom is finally at peace, in heaven with my dad.

She died a week ago in my arms. I held her that night as she cried, asking me to forgive her for being such a bad mother but I assured her that it wasn't her fault. She died early in the morning just before dawn and I sat there, not crying just smiling because she was finally resting. I don't hate her because my dad was her soulmate. Im just grateful that she managed to survive two years without him. My aunt and her family are here. Violet keeps telling me that's its okay to cry but I won't. There's nothing to cry for. Sure I'm an orphan but my parents are happy together. My aunt gave me my parents rings and I put them on a necklace. I will wear them forever so I can always have my parents close to me.

I'm sad but I'm okay too so don't feel bad for me. I also could have used a Joey hug today. I miss you and I love you so much.

All my love, little mouse.

That letter was tear stain free which made it even more heartbreaking. Maya had gone through so much and it was admirable how strong she was. No one deserved to lose their parents but she had risen above and approached it with a maturity even I didn't have.

The next few letters were sad as she expressed her loneliness and how much she missed her parents. She then started talking about the plans she was making to come back to the States.

Dear Joey,

Guess what I'm holding in my hand right now?! I have my passport and a ticket to Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, Ohio. It's been a whole year of planning, visits to government offices, meetings and lots of applications but it's finally done. I also passed my entrance exams so I'll be joining senior year in September with you.

I'm coming back home to you. It's exciting but also very scary. What if all this time I've been writing to a ghost? What if you forgot about me? I really hope you haven't forgotten me Joey because I never forgot about you.

I know you might hate me for leaving without saying goodbye and not communicating but I didn't have a choice. I'd rather you hate me than forget about me. I can make you forgive me but if you have forgotten me, it will be harder to make you remember me.

Another worry of mine is that you have moved and don't live in Ohio anymore. But as long as you are in the States I will find you.

I have a phone now and it would be so easy to look you up online but I'm scared. I also want the first time I see you again to be in person and not a photo of you on the Internet. I can't wait to see you. I haven't even allowed myself to imagine how much you've changed because I want to be completely surprised.

I'm all packed and most of my luggage has been shipped. I don't have any friends or family so there are no sensitive goodbyes. I'll probably never come back here, maybe to visit my parents graves but not anytime soon.

I'll definitely not be able to sleep for the next few days in anticipation but I'll keep writing until I get on that plane because after that there will be no more need for letters. I love you, I miss you and I can't wait to see you.

All my love, little mouse.

There were five more letters after that. The last one only had a couple of sentences sent a week before senior year started.

Dear Elijah,

I'm writing this on the airplane on my way back to you. Ill be with you soon. Im coming Joey. I have so much to tell you that I didn't mention in all my letters to you because that's something I should tell you in person not through a letter. I just hope that once you know everything you won't hate me. I love you and I miss you.

All my love,Maya.

I read the letter again before putting it back in the box. That last one had left me with a question as to what Maya was hiding from me. She said that it was something big but she hadn't said what it was. I wouldn't push her because I already knew what I needed to know. That Maya was the strongest person I knew and she hadn't forgotten about me even for a single moment for the eight years we had been apart.

Reading all those letters had been a roller coaster of emotions and I was exhausted both mentally and emotionally.

I looked at the clock and it was two in the morning. I'd missed dinner but I didn't care. I wanted to call Maya immediately but I knew that she was asleep so I forced myself to wait till morning.

After reading those letters I felt like I needed to do something big for Maya. She had gone through so much and came back to fight for me and our friendship but I had pushed her away and made life hell for her.

I grabbed my phone and sent a quick message to Amanda, making my biggest order yet. After I was done I placed the box on my bedside table, getting under the covers and sleeping. I was exhausted so it didn't take long for me to fall asleep. My dreams that night were like a movie of Maya's life in Nigeria, all the good and bad moments.