Chantall

It's Monday and I'm here at St.Luke's having my check up and I'll gonna buy some vitamins and groceries in the house, ako na nagvolunteer kasi whole week akong nasa bahay and gusto ko naman lumabas.

"Ito ang iinumin mo na vitamins so that the baby is healthy. Don't forget that okay? And if you need anything or you want to ask and seek advices about your pregnancy, I already put my number there so that you can, contact me. And even though the baby is healthy and malakas ang kapit sa'yo, don't forget to check the baby, so I also prescribe to buy some Doppler." I nodded at the doctor as I am reading some prescriptions of her. After some discussion I went out of the clinic and some are looking at me and some asked for a picture so pinagbigyan ko na.

"Naghiwalay po ba talaga kayo ni Congressman Sandro, Miss? Nagcheat po ba siya?" my eyes widen and my eyebrows raised on what she asked, I sighed and smiled at her when I feel someone arms wrapped on my waist, the people gasped and some are murmuring and I looked at the person who's beside me. My eyes widen as he smiled at me and my heart beats so fast so I bit my lips.

"We did not. Huwag kayo maniwala sa fake news, that's very misleading. So I'll excuse my wife because she needs to rest and bawal ang stress." the girls' jaw dropped on what she see and she heard, he guided me palabas and I am just staring at him while walking.

Is this real? Nandito siya? Oh God! I missed this man so much, but the scene on the bar flashed in the back of my mind as the pain sting and my heart clenched because of what I remember. Lumayo ako sa kaniya na parang napaso habang nandito kami sa harap ng hospital.

"Love," I swallowed the lump on my throat on what he said,

"W-what are you doing here?" his smile vanished and it changed into disappointment,

"Aren't you happy that I'm here? I missed you so.."

"No, I'm not. And I.. I don't.. I don't miss you." I missed you so much Sandro, it's so hard to let go of that words because I'm scared that you will take that for granted.

"Love, please. Listen to me first. You left me hanging in Ilocos without telling you my side, and it sucks, Chan. Please listen to me." his voice cracked and there's a tears that formed on his eyes so I avoided his gaze.

"Go home, you have campaign right?" I told him at tumalikod na, he held my hands and that made me stopped so I closed my eyes,

"Hindi ako uuwi hanggat hindi kita kasama, please. Let me explain,"

"Don't depend your life on me. Do what you need to do." I told him and iwinaksi na ang kamay sa hawak niya.

I stared walking and he's following me,

"Where are you going?" he asked me but I just ignored him, I don't want to talk to him, I shriek when he carried me like a sack on his shoulder so we stole everyone's attention.

"Sandro! Ibaba mo ako! Ano ba!" saad ko dito at hinahampas yung braso likod niy ng mahina, oh God! 'Yung tyan ko.

"Sandro! Please put me down!" I even paddled my feet for him to put me down,

"I know you'll have your grocery after this." he said and binuksan ang pinto ng sasakyan niya, ipinasok ako nito at isinarado ang pinto. I opened the door and went out as Sandro went inside the driver's seat.

"I talk to your driver na umuwi na, wala kang masasakyan. Sige ka," he smirked at me and I rolled my eyes, imbes mapatawad ko ang bwisit na 'to, mas lalo niya akong iniinis. I raised my left eyebrow on him.

"What do you think of me? Walang wall..." I gasped when he raised his hands with my wallet.

"I'll have this until later," he said and he opened the door. I sighed because I don't have any choice kung hindi sumakay, he smiled at me and pinaandar na ang sasakyan. I am just quietly sitting here while I'm looking outside, the silence is so loud in his car,

"Why are you keep on ignoring and avoiding me?" he asked me as he took a sneak on me, I can't even look at him because.. Arrghhh! Is he torturing me? Torturing me with pain and wanting to forgive and hug him.

We arrived at SM and nauna na akong lumabas at sinara ng padabog ang pinto, he hates that. Hinabol ako nito and iniwan niya pa talaga ang wallet ko, aakuin na naman niya yung gagastusin.

We went on the store to buy some Doppler for us.. for me to hear the heartbeat of the baby.

"I can't believe that I'm a Dad." he whispered as the cashier packed the doppler and that made me feel guilty. I know he wants to take care of me and of the baby also. But I am keep on avoiding him. Pero kasalanan naman niya 'yun.

"Asa, hindi ko ipapangalan sa Marcos 'to." I jokingly told him so he looked at me unbelievably, iniwas ko ang tingin ko dito kasi naman, natatawa ako sa pagtitig niya, I can clearly see na mas lumala ang eyebags niya and his beard are starting to grow.

"I work on that, Love. And you'll not name the baby to me?" he said kaya tinignan ko ang cashier na natatawa din sa sinabi nito. I bit my lips and tinalikuran ko na ito. I will buy some dresses because I am gaining some weight na din and buy some flats. Sandro is on my back who's following me carrying the bag. Mom even texted me not to buy some grocery and isama si Sandro na umuwi para doon na daw siya magdinner.

"Here, take this. This looks good on you, and I love you" he said at ipinakita sa akin ang yellow puff sleeve dress above the knee siya. I looked at him and he smiled, tinalikuran ko ito at pasimpleng ngumiti dahil sa nonsense na mga pinagsasasabi nito. After we look for some dress and flats, I'm in his back because he's the one who's gonna pay. Sana dinamihan ko na para kawawa card niya.

"Do you want some ice cream? Jollibee?" he knows my weakness. Jollibee, but. No, baka isipin nito bati na kami. Oh God! Sumasakit na ang balakang ko kakalakad so I do some stretching and he looked at me worriedly.

"Are you okay?" I nodded at him and sighed,   my tummy craves when I saw the kid outside the store eating taco. My mouth started salivating and I feel like I'm crying thinking that I can't eat some taco. I don't have even money so I closed my eyes and kinalabit si Sandro, nilingon ako nito at kinuha ang paperbag. I bit my lips and sighed once again. Bahala na,

"Buymetaco." mabilis kong saad kaya napangisi ito,

"Ha?" he chuckled and inilapit nito ang mukha niya sa mukha ko.

"T. taco." saad ko na parang bata na nahihiya at naglakad na palabas ng store I heard him called me at ako naman, grabe ang sisi sa sarili kasi magpapabili pa ako ng pagkain dito. Oh God! Hinabol ako nito at inakbayan pero umiwas agad ako. We went on the taco bell and ordered some Taco. We just took it out and my happy tummy satisfied.

"Happy?" He asked me so I looked at him smiling until I realized that I'm smiling so I pursed my lips and tumingin nalang sa bintana. He started driving and I'm just silently eating here, I looked at him and stared at the food. I bit my lips as I take one Taco and inilapit ito sa kaniya.

"Here," I said and it's so awkward, dati parang normal lang eh. But now, iniwas ko nalang ang tingin ko, I used my other hand para subuan yung sarili ko and I felt that he took a bite, kahit papaano nagcacare pa din naman ako sa kaniya 'no. Kahit papaano, mahal ko pa siya. Mahal na mahal. How I wish I can easily forget that thing.

I am looking at him in my peripheral vision and I saw he's having a hard time right now, he's hurting, nagsisisi siya. He's just pretending to be okay and to smile in front of me and on the other hand, naiinis din ako sa sarili ko. May what if at takot pa din sa puso ko eh. Meron pa, it's not yet healed, and I'm so scared that he will do that again, I'm so scared that he will hurt me again. And natatakot din ako na pag nangyari ulit 'yun. Susuko na ako.. I am not doing this for myself, I am also doing this for us. I cleared my throat as I gave him the last bite of his taco.

"H..Here, ubusin mo na." pabulong ko na saad sa kaniya at nakita kong ngumisi ito. He ate it and I put the wrapper in his trash can here in his car.

"Isa pa," he requested kaya tinignan ko ito,

"If that's the way of you talking and taking care of me, magddrive nalang ako buong magdamag at magpasubo sa'yo." he told me bitterly and the guilt arise on me. We entered the subdivision and pagdating sa bahay, bumaba na agad ako without waiting for him.

"Love, wait." I heard him say and I saw Mom and Dad on the Sala, doing their works.

"You're here, how's the check up?" Mom greeted me as I kissed their cheeks.

"Where's Sandro?" favorite ni Daddy si Sandro talaga, parang hindi ako ang anak. Nakakainis,

"Ma'am, Sir! Hi!" he greeted as he entered the house dala ang paper bags, I stared at him because he called them Ma'am/sir, eh Mommy at Daddy tawag niya sa kanila.

"Son, I told you to drop that Ma'am and Sir,  diba? Mas comfortable kami sa pagtawag mo ng Mommy at Daddy sa amin," Mommy said kaya tinignan ako ni Sandro, tinaasan ko ng kilay at inirapan.

"If pinatawad na po ako ng anak ninyo," nakadepende na naman sa akin? He can call my parents whatever he wants, I don't care.

"Forgive him anak, kala mo naman hindi marupok. Hay naku Sandro, marupok 'yan. Kaunting kibot at kurot lang diyan, babalik..."

"Mom," sita ko dito.

"Don't you warn me. Remember, I'm the mother, I raised you. And because of me, you talk you walk like that. And you have this kind of life." here we go again, I just rolled my eyes and umakyat na sa guest room, I'm so excited to use my Doppler to hear the heartbeat of my baby.

"Bratinela ka daw sabi ng Mommy mo," muntik na akong humiyaw sa panggugulat ni Sandro, I forgot to close the door.. again,

"Why are you staying here? You have your own room." inilapag nito ang paper bags sa kama and I am starting to look for the Doppler that we bought,

"May remembrance kasi ang peste doon," mahinang saad ko dito.

"Ang gwapo ko namang peste," I took the Doppler out and get the gel, buti nalang meron na agad. I read the manual and humiga sa kama and placed a small amount of gel on my tummy and put the probe after. I am using it like ultrasound and my eyes widen and it made me excited because I saw the heartbeat rate of the baby.

"Love, love! Come here, the heartbeat of our baby!" oh my God! Naiiyak ako, may tao na talagang nabubuhay sa tyan ko.

"Ha? Where?" he went on me and tinignan ang Doppler and I laughed when I saw the tears are starting to form on his eyes. He's such a cry baby, I hope di magmana sa kaniya yung bata. Pero feel ko 100% iyakin 'to kasi same kami ni Sandro na iyakin.

"Try mo nga pakinggan sa 'tyan ko." I get some tissue on the side table and pinunasan ang gel, he placed his head sideways on my tummy for him to hear and look for the baby's heartbeat,

"I already heard it, Hi baby, Daddy's here. I love you so much, but I love your mommy more, sana patawarin na niya ako 'no? So that we can live peacefully at Ilocos." my face soften because of what I saw, of what I heard, he's talking to our baby like nakakarinig na. I am just staring at him smiling bitterly while laying down on my tummy. He smiled at me,

"Ehem, kakain na." My eyes widen and pasimpleng inilayo si Sandro sa akin.

"Sir, wrong timing naman." my Dad laughed at Sandro as he offered a hands on me para bumangon ako but I didn't accept it at bumangon mag-isa.

We went down and I saw Mommy on the dining, may kausap sa phone niya but binaba ito nung nakita na kami.

"Nagkakamabutihan na ang dalawa sa taas, bat mo pa ako inutusan?" Dad said casually to my Mom that's why her face brighten.

"What? Really?"

"Mommy, Daddy." sita ko ulit kaya tinignan ako ng masama ng nanay ko, Sandro started putting some rice and viand to my plates

"Yeah, ang sweet nga nila. I should've took some photos and post it online." Dad said kaya tinignan ako ng Mommy ng nakakalokong tingin at ngiti,

"I heard our baby's heartbeat." Pagkkwento ni Sandro kay Mommy so tinignan naman ito ni Mommy,

"What's the sound?"

"Ma'am? Do I really need to elaborate?" My mother nodded as Sandro looked at me,

"Dugdug.dugdug.dugdug. Slowly lang siya." Natawa nalang ako kasi feel ko sinasakto nito ang narinig niya sa ikkwento niya. Ang cute nga eh,

"Cute," everyone stared at me on what I said so I pursed my lips and cleared my throat.

"Bati na ba kayo? Ayiieeehh!" Pagkakantiyaw naman ni Daddy,

"No. Kain muna siya ng isangdaan na sili bago kami magkabati at pakinggan ko ito. Because I know he will never do that, 100 sili ha." I told my Dad jokingly.

"Ohhh! That's hot," Dad commented and we started eating, after I ate, I took a quick shower upstairs and changed into my night gown

"Oh, Mom! I already heard the baby's heartbeat a while ago on Channy's tummy. It's so cute. Little heartbeats." I heard him talking to the phone when I opened the door, he's talking to Tita Liz,

"Di pa nga po eh. But don't worry, I'll go home with Chantall. I will do my best na magkaayos kami." I am just standing in the doorway of the comfort room while listening and staring at his back,

"Sabihin mo kay Arlin, uuwi akong kasama siya. Even Vincent. That two kids are so attached to Chantall na naaapektuhan na eh. And it's all my fault afterall."

"Yeah, I'll just wait for her and pag nakatulog na, sa Condo ko muna ako. Bye, I love you." he ended the call and ibinalik ito sa bulsa niya,

"You can go home to Ilocos, you have work there" saad ko dito so nilingon ako nito,

"Why? Are your going home with me?" he asked so I shake my head,

"Sino ba ang kandidato? Go home na, I'll sleep." I told him so he sighed, nangongonsensiya.

"Here's your milk and your vitamins. Don't forget to drink it okay? Babalik ako dito tomorrow,"

"Umuwi ka nalang sa Ilocos, wala ka namang mapapala dito."

"Whatever. Hug mo muna ako, dali." tinaasan ko ito ng kilay as he spread his arms wider expecting from me to hug him,

"Fine, I won't go..." I hugged him tightly and he was so stunned on his place, I missed hugging him, he hugged me back and kissed my forehead as I closed my eyes.

"I love you, Bati na tayo," he said kaya kumalas agad ako sa yakap, I smiled at him and closed my eyes as I breathe in.

"No, umuwi ka na.. sa Ilocos," sabi ko tsaka tinulak palabas ng kwarto, good thing wala akong narinig na reklamo. Nakikiramdam ako sa likod ng pinto kung nakaalis na ba ito and when I heard his footsteps walking away, I sighed heavily

"I love you," I whispered and went on the side table to drink the milk,

"I love you, Mommy. Have a good night sleep and dreams. I'm sorry." I read the sticky notes he left on the side table. I bit my lips to stop the smile

"Goodnight, Daddy." mahinang sagot ko sa sticky notes. Argh! Stop! May kasalanan pa 'yun sayo. Stop. Matulog ka na Chan. I slapped my face and sat down on my bed