Taylor

It took me a few days to get over Sin's rejection. I hadn't thought that my virginity would be something that would make him turn down my offer. I knew some guys, especially the types who didn't do commitment, had a thing against screwing virgins. I wondered why. Did they feel taking someone's virginity made an emotional connection that made it harder to keep the girl's expectations in line with casual? In general, girls were more emotional about sex, and every girl remembered the guy she had sex with for the first time.

I could understand to a certain degree why Sin had turned me down, but it didn't help the feeling of being hurt. I barely knew him so I didn't know why he'd been able to bruise my ego as badly as he had.

I'd been very quiet and subdued when I'd gotten back to my dorm room. Jordan had noticed something was wrong.

"What's up?" she asked, studying me closely.

"Nothing, I'm just feeling a little under the weather," I lied. I couldn't tell her I'd asked Sin to help me get rid of my virginity and that he'd turned me down.

Finally, after a couple of days of mulling over my bruised ego, I decided that there were plenty of guys out there who would jump at the chance to help me. I didn't need Sin. He couldn't be the only guy who was good at sex.

I was on my way to one of my classes when I heard someone shout my name. I stopped to see Caleb running down the hallway to catch up with me.

"Hi," he greeted, still sounding a little out of breath.

"Hi," I greeted back, smiling at him.

"Did you have a good weekend?" he asked, trying to make conversation as we continued to walk down the hallway side by side. We had the next class together.

"It was okay," I replied with a shrug. I couldn't help the embarrassment I still felt every time I replayed asking Sin to sleep with me.

"How was yours?" I asked. I wasn't used to talking to the opposite sex a lot, so I still got a little nervous and I struggled to think of what to say.

"Fine," he replied. I wished I could have said the same as I shook my head, trying to get rid of the memories of the rejection.

"I was going to call you this weekend," he revealed as he ran his hand through his hair. I felt my stomach dip at his words.

"So why didn't you?" I asked, smiling at him.

"Something came up," he replied as my eyes glanced down the hallway.

I was about to look at Caleb when I spotted Sin a few feet away. He was facing our direction, leaning against the wall with his shoulder, talking to a girl in front of him. I was shocked to see him. I didn't even know that he actually went to the same college. I'd never seen him around before. He did live nearby the college, and there had been a couple of college parties at his house. It shouldn't really have come as a shock, but it did, and at that moment I wished I could disappear so he wouldn't see me.

Don't look up, I begged myself while I tried to hide behind a curtain of my hair.

As I said the thought in my mind, his eyes lifted and met mine. The impact of his eyes on me was powerful. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, and my cheeks burned red with the embarrassment from our last encounter. I pulled my eyes from his and turned my attention to Caleb.

"You okay?" Caleb asked when he saw that I was a little distracted.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, determined not to let Sin affect me. It didn't help that my body didn't get the memo and I could still feel the butterflies fluttering inside my stomach as I felt the heat of Sin's gaze on me when Caleb and I walked past him.

"You want to go to a movie sometime?" Caleb asked, and I tried to ignore the feel of Sin's eyes on me.

"Yeah, that sounds nice," I replied. I hoped Sin was within hearing distance. I don't know why it mattered, but it did. I wanted Sin to hear Caleb ask me out; I wanted him to know that I wasn't that desperate girl who couldn't find a guy.

"Great," Caleb replied as we entered our class together.

"Just let me know when," I replied as I sat down in my usual seat. Caleb sat down in the seat next to me.

"This week is a bit hectic so how about sometime next week?" he asked as he leaned back into his seat.

"Sounds good," I replied, feeling a little more confident now. One guy had turned me down, but another was asking me out, so I started to feel a little better.

Our class started, and I tried to concentrate on what the lecturer was saying, but I couldn't stop thinking about Sin. It was so frustrating that I was thinking about him and not the boy sitting beside me who'd asked me out. Deep down I knew the reason why. The attraction I had for Caleb wasn't anywhere near as powerful as the attraction I had for Sin. Stupid hormones!

I felt a little jealousy at the girl Sin had been talking to. I couldn't help thinking that he'd screw her if she asked. No matter how much I tried to stop thinking about him, I couldn't. Maybe it was a little unfair to go out with Caleb when I couldn't get Sin off my mind. But then I thought about it. Maybe it was exactly what I needed. I had to get out and meet more guys.

Just because I didn't feel the powerful attraction for Caleb didn't mean I couldn't have a good time. And that was part of the college experience. I wasn't really looking to find someone to start a relationship. I wanted to be young and reckless. I wanted to experience life.

After my little chat with myself, I started to feel better. But I still couldn't stop myself from scanning the hallways when I left my class. Caleb said goodbye before he rushed off to his next class. I was glad I was done for the day.

When I got back to the dorm room, I got started with my assignments and managed to forget about boys long enough to complete them. An hour later I picked up my phone to call my brother.

"Hi, Tay," he answered.

"Hi," I replied.

"Everything okay?" he asked, his tone laced with concern.

"Everything is fine. Can't a sister phone her brother just to say hi?" I asked. The truth was I knew how much he worried about me so I thought I'd call him for a change.

"Of course you can. It just doesn't happen that often," he said. He was right. I rarely phoned him. I made a mental note to phone him more often.

"So how are things?" I asked conversationally as I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling.

"Busy. How's college?" he asked. It was the answer I often got. He was always busy.

"Good."

I kept my answer short and to the point. There was no way I was sharing more than that with my brother. He'd have a heart attack if he knew I'd propositioned a guy to take my virginity.

"How is the love life?" I asked, knowing he was way too busy wrapped up in business to actually date.

"It's okay," he lied, and I knew it.

There hadn't been anyone significant in his life since his high school sweetheart. I didn't know why they broke up, but I knew that despite them being so young they had felt very deeply for each other. That had been about six years ago. I'd asked him once a couple of years after they broke up what had happened, and he'd refused to elaborate. All he had said was that it hadn't worked out. I wished he would find someone special to share his life with. I didn't want him to be a rich guy with no one in his life. No one stuck around long enough to achieve the label of girlfriend.