17 | If You Think It's Love

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"My world's been changing fast
The normal things I never thought
I'd miss are obsolete
So if you think it's love, it is
And if you think it's trust, it is" 
- King Princess


"I don't want him back in here, please." I spoke lowly so I wouldn't have to move my mouth much. My jaw isn't hurting too much right now thanks to the medication they have me on, but if I open my mouth too wide I feel the pain in both my jaw, nose, and even my cheeks. I don't know where Jerrell slipped off to after I was sedated, but I want him to stay away for as long as possible.

"I'll let him know. He's been texting me about updates on you. What exactly happened?" I slightly rolled my eyes not sure if what Jerrell is doing is an act or not. I don't trust Frank at all, but now my trust in Jerrell is questionable. My mind keeps going back to my dad warning me to not fall in love with him. My dad has never steered me wrong. It's just when it comes to Jerrell I'm very cautious when it comes to his warnings since he and Frank have a lot of bad blood with each other.

"I don't really know. There was someone waiting in the room when I got there and he mentioned Jerrell's name before he attacked me so now I'm iffy about being around him until I'm able to completely clear my head." No one outside of Gaza needs to know the full details behind me getting attacked. I love Cam to death, and that's exactly why I refuse to let her in on anything that has to deal with Gaza. If it isn't about Rodgers Industries, then she doesn't need to know about it.

"You don't think he has anything to do with you being attacked do you?"

"I don't really know. I just know that I don't want to think about it, and having him here in my face isn't going to help."

"Well he's supposed to be talking to the Dean today regarding your next step." I slightly nodded and closed my eyes. I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive him if my graduation is messed up because of this. My entry into Harvard is dependent on me graduating from this school. I hope for both of our sake that he's able to come to a conclusion with the dean that won't throw off my graduation.

"I'll let you get your rest. I'm going to run down to the cafe real quick and get a latte, but I'll be right back up." Cam spoke up, but I didn't bother to respond. I'm so tired, both physically and mentally. My mind has been going a mile a minute, and no matter how hard I try to block out the situation, I cant. I want Mr. Price dead, but I don't want to be the one to kill him. I want my dad to be able to fulfill his plan himself. I wonder how messed up his face is right now. Just the thought of me actually doing serious damage to him put me at a slight ease, enough to allow me to doze off.

I don't know how long I was asleep, but I was awaken to the sound of Jerrell's voice. I don't know why when I specifically asked Cam not to allow him back into my room.

"I know you're awake. I can see your forehead wrinkling up."

"I don't want you in here." I mumbled lowly, not bothering to open my eyes.

"Okay. I'm still not going anywhere. I don't know why you thought you could tell anyone not to let me in my wife's room. You do understand that I'm legally the only one allowed in this bitch, right?" I could sense the attitude in his voice which caused me to open my eyes to look at him.

"Jerrell, your father attacked me with the intent to rape and kill me. Do you not understand why I don't want to see your face right now? I don't feel safe around you. I don't trust to go to sleep in your presence, and especially not while I'm lying in a hospital bed, barely able to move." He got quiet and I reached over for the remote to my bed to lift myself up.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm in pain. What do you think?" He released a sigh and it honestly has no affect on me. I have every right to be upset right now.

"I talked to your dean. He believes it'll be safer for you to finish the semester out from home. He believes the attack was brought on from the public backlash your dad was receiving surrounding his trial. You'll still be able to stay on track for graduation, you just won't be living on campus." I let out a small laugh at that.

"Little do they know, you're the one bringing the danger my way." I rolled my eyes at the thought.

"Baby, I apologize for what he did to you, but I promise you that I had nothing to do with him coming down here. I've never been for anyone hurting you."

"But you were for him killing me. Don't try to deny it either because I heard the conversations." The fact that he felt confident enough to have these conversations in my vehicle like I wouldn't be able to hear it is crazy to me.

"If you heard the conversations then you should know I never agreed to anything."

"Yet, you never flat out told him not to do it either. What good is having a husband when he never defends your name? The fact that's he's so comfortable speaking to you about killing me is the problem. I'm going to stick by this contract since I don't really have a choice, but as far as all of the energy I've been putting into us being a legit couple, that's dead." I'm obviously going to have to keep living under the same roof as him, per our contract, but I'm over trying to be a couple with a man who doesn't have my safety as one of his main concerns.

"Babe, I promise you nothing like this will ever happen to you again. I'm here, and I'm going to stay with you out here until you're done with school."

"Stay with me for what?"

"You have to stay out here to be present for your classes and tests. You're hurt, you're going to need help getting around, Bailey. Jade is looking for places close to campus that we can rent out for the remainder of the semester. I understand you don't feel safe around me, and your anger is more than justified. It doesn't mean that I'm going to leave just because you're upset. We're going to work through this shit and that's not because of no fucking contract. It's because you're my wife and I love you." I rolled my eyes and held the button on the remote down to recline my bed back down.

"I'm going back to sleep."

"I'll be here when you wake up." He responded nonchalantly.

"I'd prefer that you aren't."

"I will be though, so you can shut the fuck up about it."

"Don't tell me to shut the fuck up! You don't get to be annoyed by my anger. This isn't something that I pulled out of my ass. I can barely move, Jerrell! I'm in so much pain. My jaw fucking hurts! I was kicked so hard in my back that I feel like my spine has been realigned. My entire face feels like it's on fire right now. Yet I'm supposed to trust in you, again? I went against my father's warning because I thought I was so in love with you and that the feeling was mutual. I trusted you like your family doesn't have a history of crossing mine. Hell, I deserved this so I can finally wake up from this dumbass fantasy. Ouch!" I placed my fingertips lightly against my cheek, wanting to soothe my jaw, but afraid to fully touch it.

"I'll go get someone to give you some more pain meds."

"You better not tell them to sedate me again, Jerrell. I swear I will kill you."

"No you won't." He spoke over his shoulder while walking out the room. I rolled my eyes, trying to relax back on the bed. My heart monitor is beating extremely fast, and it's giving me a headache.


"Good morning, Bay." I spoke while walking into the kitchen. She glanced up from her cup of tea and turned her attention back to her laptop. It's been a week since she's been out of the hospital and she's been completely mute. According to the text she sent me, she's not speaking to me because she doesn't want to disrupt the process of her jaw healing and the fact that she doesn't want me around her. She claims that if she talks to me it'll give me the false impression that she wants me in her presence. "Do you want to go get groceries with me?" I waited a few seconds and got no response.

"Cool. I'll just stock up on protein powder then. I haven't seen you eat any solid food since you left the hospital anyways." She closed her laptop and stared over at me, still not speaking. "You look beautiful." She rolled her eyes while bringing her cup of tea back up to her lips. In true Bailey fashion, she's been up early every morning and does her full routine of getting ready for the day, down to a full face of makeup.

"I don't feel beautiful." She mumbled into the cup. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I took a quick picture of her and moved around the table until I was sitting next to her.

"What's making you doubt yourself?"

"Everything. I feel so alone. I have no access to my family. I tried fitting in with your family, that was hilarious. I feel alone in this marriage. I don't trust you to keep me safe, or protected. Every single time I move my face it hurts. This isn't how I imagined life for myself to be going. It's taking a toll on me, and no matter how nicely I fix my hair or how good I do my makeup, it doesn't make me feel any differently. Ugly things happen to ugly people, and I'm a prime example of that."

"Baby, what happened to you has nothing to do with who you are as a person. You are the perfect person, inside and out-" She cut me off, slamming her cup onto the table.

"Maybe that's the problem, I'm tired of being that perfect person. No one sees me. They see nice, proper, fragile Bailey. I've been fighting so hard to keep who my father trained me to be versus who he raised me to be separately when there's no point. News is already out about my dad, everyone at school already looks at me differently, so why am I forcing myself to still appear perfect to a world that's just going to continue attacking me."

"What do you want to do, because I don't know who the other Bailey is. I want to meet her though."

"Once you get introduced to the other side of me, once it's mixed into our marriage there's no longer a gray area. My dad was never able to separate the two when it came to me, in turn I had to go without that element from him. Jerrell, I don't want to become my dad, but things like this don't happen to my dad. People don't have the balls to step to my dad, and it should be the same when it comes to me. I want that same level of respect, and I know exactly how to get it." I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her close to me. I have no idea where she's going with this, but I'm for whatever boosts her confidence back up.

"I say go for it. You aren't your dad. Regardless of how he trained or raised you, you'll always be Bailey. You're right though. Your dad's trial shook up a lot of things in your world, so you're entitled to move however you want to. Regardless of what went down with my father, I'm here by your side. That wont be changing at all. I'm going to rock with you regardless."

"Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it." She mumbled just as the doorbell rung. I frowned since I sure as hell wasn't expecting anyone. I looked over at Bailey and she shrugged her shoulders. I leaned in to kiss her temple before getting up to grab one of the guns I tucked in the kitchen. I haven't linked the surveillance to my phone yet, so I walked to the door and looked out of the security window. I relaxed when I seen Ju standing out front. I swung the door open, a grin immediately growing on my face at the sight of all of my crew.

"Yeeeoooowww!" Tone yelled out while walking up to dap me.

"The hell y'all doing here?" I smiled while greeting all of them.

"Bailey invited us since she knows how badly you wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving with everyone." Jade explained while pushing past me. Just hearing that made me appreciate Bailey even more. Even when I'm one of her least favorite people in the world she's still doing things to make me happy. It just opened my eyes even more, showing that I made the right decision in going against my father. I'm going to stick by who is genuinely sticking by me, and as of recently that's been Bailey.

"Y'all come in. Be careful around Bailey, she's still not fully healed and she's not supposed to be talking much." I warned as they all filed into the house.

"Bailey!" LJ yelled out, making me shake my head. These niggas don't listen for shit. I followed LJ's voice into the kitchen where everyone was crowded around Bailey.

"Man, what the hell I just tell y'all? Back up off her."

"We're just saying hi. We miss her." Jade pouted while taking the seat next to Bailey. Bailey had a smile on her face, but I could tell from the look in her eyes that even something as simple as smiling was hurting her.

"Come on, let me show y'all around." I insisted so they'd give her some room to breathe. I led them around the house, giving a quick tour before showing them to their rooms. I walked into the master bathroom to grab Bailey's pain meds before making my way back down to the kitchen. She was sitting in the same position, staring blankly off into space. I took the seat next to her, looking over at her slightly swollen face.

"Baby, I want you take these meds. They'll help with the pain and swelling." I handed her the appropriate amount of pills before grabbing a bottle of water from the middle of the table. I twisted the cap off and handed it over to her. She took the pills without an argument, still looking slightly dazed. "Come on, let's go to the room." I helped her out of the chair, leading her up to the master bedroom.

"I'm not sleepy." She mumbled as I guided her to the bed.

"That's fine. We'll just relax and talk. Thank you for inviting everyone. I really appreciate you doing that for me."

"I love you, Jerrell. As dumb as that sounds, I still want you to be happy. Plus since they're here it means it's less time that you have to force yourself to be around me." I closed my eyes briefly, trying to decide the best angle to come at her.

"Bailey, I'm not forcing myself to do anything. I'm in love with you. I want to be here with you. I honestly don't want any harm coming your way. I promise you that. None of this should've happened to you."

"It has though, and you've still yet to take ownership for your part in the situation. That's what's not sitting right with me."

"Take ownership for what? I don't understand what you want." She rolled her eyes which only further confused me.

"If you can't realize what you've done to contribute to the situation then you don't need to be around me." I thought back onto the situation, trying to figure out what exactly I did wrong, and that's when Ju's words replayed in my head.

"You're right. I was wrong for not speaking up and defending you when it came to my father. I apologize for playing the field when it came to being on your side or his. I apologize for continuing to allow him to run the show after we already agreed we weren't going to let our fathers have any control in what we do. Most importantly, I apologize for leaving that window open for you to doubt me. I love you, Bailey, and I'll do whatever to make it up to you. I don't want to ruin what we've built." She looked up at me and I could see her fighting to hide her emotions from me. "You don't have to hide yourself from me."

"I do. I can't keep putting myself out there for you to constantly keep showing me why I shouldn't."

"Don't trust me then. We can start completely over and rebuild from there."

"It's not that easy, Jerrell. You can't be in love with someone you don't trust. Trust is apart of love. As much as I don't want to trust you, it's not a switch I can just turn on and off. Especially not with you all in my face twenty four seven. What I want is for you to choose whether you want to be my husband, business partner, or roommate and stick to that. I don't like all this uncertainty I'm getting from you." She swiped the tears from her face just as they managed to escape from her eyes. 

"I want to be your husband, your business partner, and your roommate. I'm in love with you, that's not changing, and I don't want you kicking me out the room every time that you're upset. I also want us to be on the same page when it comes to business. You're telling me that you trust me, yet you had our entire house rigged without letting me know. You can ask me anything, and I'm going to be fully honest with you. I know the key to a successful marriage starts with open communication. We have all the tools we need, we just have to break down those last bit of barriers."

"You're right. We can start by discussing what next steps we're going to take when it comes to your father." I smirked, already knowing this would come up.

"You mean what we plan on doing about your mother? She's the one controlling him."

"Oh, so you finally believe me on that." She stated sarcastically.

"Yes, I believe you. I think it's best to block all communication between the two of them to see what her next move will be."

"I know her next move already. I already knew the reason your dad wanted me dead was because of her, I also knew that you wouldn't believe me if I told you he was taking direct orders from her. My dad has already told me everything there is to know about my mother. I've been studying her for years. As long as you keep your focus here in this relationship, there should be no way for her to blindside me or catch me in a vulnerable position. I need to know that you're working with me and not anyone else. I get you're close with your family, but I'm getting ready to start a war with mine, so I need to know where your head is at." I could tell her meds had kicked in because I barely see any discomfort in her features as she's talking.

"My head is exactly where my heart is, right here with you. I mean that." She stared at me, her eyes piercing directly into mine. I held eye contact with her for what felt like an hour before she slowly nodded her head.

"I'm not for the keeping tabs game, so just know I don't forgive the same situation more than once. You can sleep in here, I guess." I took a seat next to her on the bed, lightly running my hand along her spine.

"Where else you thought I was going to sleep tonight? They've already taken all of the extra rooms."

"That's not my problem, Jerrell."

"Bailey." I spoke in a warning tone, bringing a smile to her face. 

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