13th heartbreak

"Welcome back, Sam."

Monday had Ryle knocking at the door of Sam's office. The boss was finally back, except with a pair of crutches this time and his leg was still wrapped in white. The man looked up, mid-way through typing on his laptop, and smiled at Ryle.

"Ryle! My boy!" he exalted in a way that Ryle had to assume the painkillers he was taking had an aftereffect left. "Thank you. Come in, come in."

Ryle entered the room, striding toward one of the chairs opposite to Sam's desk. He settled himself, his heart battering against his ribcage at the reason that made him come here. Sam pushed his laptop to a side, clasping his fingers over the desk as his beady eyes watched Ryle.

"How's the leg?" Ryle asked.

"Pretty good. Pretty good." Sam nodded with a grin.

"I'm sorry about that, by the way," Ryle said. "I'm embarrassed to even remember the incident."

He was genuinely embarrassed but in a selfish way, he couldn't help but be thankful for whatever had gone down that evening. Everything that had happened had brought him and Cate closer. He had spent Friday night in her arms, buried deep inside her in multiple rounds. The weekend had been awkward when he left her, while she was still sleeping, and he had spent the rest contemplating his future.

After much thought, he decided to take this step — a gigantic step that would change his life for the worse or the better.

"No worries, son. What brings you here?" Sam inquired with a pair of inquisitive brows incurved.

"I wanted to talk to you about something—"

"Wait, wait..." Sam cut him off, waving his hand. "Before that, I have some news for you."

"What is it?"

He saw Sam sneaking an envelope out of his suit pocket which he then passed to Ryle with a wrinkly hand that was ashen in color. Ryle looked between the envelope and his boss, staring at both in bewilderment.

"Go on! Open it."

Sam shook the envelope, knocking Ryle to his senses as he took it from the man. His fingers were unsteady as he opened the envelope and his heart fell when he read the words written inside on the paper it carried.

"Oh no no, Sam..." Ryle shook his head, pursing his lips as distress washed over him. "You didn't."

"Congratulations!" Sam exclaimed. "It was a tough choice but I thought a lot over it and you turned out to be the perfect candidate."

"Sam, you shouldn't give me this. This is what Cate deserves," Ryle protested, completely startled by the promotion letter that rested in his hand.

"Okay now..." Sam sighed, raising his hands in the air. "I'm not saying she doesn't but when it comes to a competition between you too, you have the cordial nature that this position needs when dealing with clients. Cate, and don't tell her I said it, can be scary."

Sam made a face like he was shivering just at the thought of Cate. Ryle got the joke but the sense of humor did nothing to settle his nerves.

"She's not, Sam," he stated firmly. "She's hard-working, intelligent, and worth a hundred times better at this editing job than me. I don't want it. In fact, I came here to give you—" Ryle dropped the envelope and reached into his suit pocket to retrieve the envelope he had come here to give Same. " —this."

Sam blinked before he took the envelope from Ryle and tore it open. Ryle looked on nervously as Sam cast his focused gaze behind bifocal lenses through the paper inside. The further he read, the more Ryle could see his expression falling. When he had read it all, Sam dropped his hands, locking eyes with Ryle as a look of disbelief took over him.

"You're resigning?" Sam spoke softly like he couldn't even imagine what he had just discovered. "But why?"

"Because I don't want to do this anymore. I don't belong here, Sam."

"What do you mean you don't belong here? That's blasphemous!"

"I mean I don't belong here as an editor," Ryle exemplified. "I want to be in the author's seat, Sam."

"I don't understand..." Sam mumbled, folding the letter back and putting it to one side like he wanted to give Ryle his full attention.

Ryle closed his eyes, sighing before he could begin. "For years I have told myself that being a writer wasn't going to lead me anywhere," he started. "I was scared to pursue my dream but Cate opened my eyes. I want to do something real now, Sam. Something that is real for me and it won't happen if I remain in this job."

"Ryle, you'd be making a mistake," Sam said.

"It might be a mistake. But not taking the risk would be an even worse mistake. Just the thought of having my book out in the world someday sends a thrill down my spine. I deserve this, Sam," he declared. "I deserve this just as much as Cate deserves to be in your seat. She had dreams about this. I didn't. I only went along due to the hang of it. I don't anymore."

Sam observed him in silence, his face having completely fallen at the news.

"You're not doing this for Cate, are you?" Ryle heard him voicing his fears. "I know the relationship between you two has grown over these days. But if you're doing this just because you want her to get the position, then I'd be disappointed in you, Ryle."

"No, Sam," Ryle said. "I'm doing this for me. I know I should have given a thirty days notice but if I don't get out now, I'll lose my motivation in the next thirty days. So, do me a favor and let me go, please?"

"Just promise me you won't regret it," Sam sighed.

Ryle got up from his chair, standing tall.

"Who knows? I probably will but regrets are a part of life. I'll learn to live with them. At least it won't be a regret due to lack of trying now, would it?"

***

Ryle spent the day in the office taking care of his leftover work, signing off his current authors, and contacting them to let them know that he would be joining their position one day soon. Most congratulated him while some had comments about how they would have killed to be in his position with a stable job because, according to them, an author's income was never stable.

Ryle dismissed the negativity, finding comfort in collecting his stuff from his little office. When his colleagues heard the news, they came to say bye and some even cried. Ryle knew he would miss this place. This had become his home too.

There was one person, however, whose goodbye he waited for, knowing that she would come. He prayed for her to come, just once, just to say goodbye, as he put his items in a cardboard box while sneaking glances at his cabin's entrance with hopes of her arrival.

He had just looked away when he heard her.

"You're leaving?"

His heart did a jump just at the sound of her voice. He looked up, unable to stop his smile when he found her at the door.

She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved minnie-mouse sweatshirt that covered her sweetest bits. Her hair was left open with a few locks curled at the front as they framed her face. Her eyes carried a look of urgency — anxious as she stared at him, swallowing deeply.

Ryle forgot for a second why he was even leaving. He belonged wherever she did, didn't he? Guilt clawed at him when he recalled her sleeping face when he had left her after their ravenous night. He felt shitty now for doing that and then ghosting her for the entire weekend.

Still, she was here.

"I am, kitty Cate," he said, walking around and leaning against his desk.

Cate stepped inside, her steps hesitant as they trod the distance to reach him.

"But why? You told Sam it's because of me," she spoke with pain in her voice. "What did I do?"

"What did you do?" Ryle gave a light chuckle. "You fucking gave me courage, Cate. I'm leaving because I wanna be like you."

"Like me?"

"I want to be someone who loves their job, Cate. I want to follow my dreams too," Ryle said. "I want my job to be something that I can talk about as passionately as you do. I want that life and I'm done denying myself a chance to live it."

"But why leave?" Cate questioned with desperation lacing her voice.

"Because I can't do this here. Being in this job only ever makes me nervous about being an author. I can't spend any more days getting jealous of my clients anymore."

"So, you'll be in the city, right?"

"It's New York, babe. I can't afford to live here without a job." He shrugged. "I'm moving back to...to my parents' house. I'll stay there for a while, get my manuscripts ready and try publishing. If nothing works, I'll self-publish but I'm not giving up this time."

Ryle had an adoration for this newfound determination in him. He had sought it for years but only Cate could make him realize how much loving your dreams mattered.

"You're really leaving?" Cate's voice came out in a whimper as she walked closer to him. "Ryle, please don't go."

Ryle's eyes scanned her face, taking in the beauty she carried with her, and yet the beauty had a sadness to it today. He couldn't place the feeling but he didn't like seeing her like this. She should have been happy. She got the promotion. She should be celebrating. Instead, she looked like she would cry.

"I'm sorry, Cate," he said.

"No, please. Don't leave the city. Stay here, please." She grabbed his shirt in two fists, looking up at him as tears formed in her eyes. "I'll help you financially if you need me to but don't leave, please...please."

She was pleading with him and of what Ryle knew of her, he knew Cate Miller never begged for anything. Even all her heartbreaks couldn't deter her strength. Not even her eleventh heartbreak.

That's when Ryle understood what she was trying to say. He didn't have to spell it but a flame rose in his chest at just the thought of it.

"Cate—"

"I love you, Ryle," Cate cried. "Please don't break my heart again."

The air seemed to get sucked out of Ryle's lungs. He gulped as her confession rang in his ears, accompanied by the sight of Cate not wishing to let him go. Blood rushed to his head, the echo of her words sending his heartbeats racing.

He lifted his hand to her face; her skin was soft when his fingers caressed her rosy cheekbone. He recalled every moment of every hour that night they spent together and her every word repeated in his mind like a chant.

'You were my eleventh heartbreak'

He had broken her heart without even realizing it.

"You're beautiful, Cate Miller," Ryle uttered after a long beat of silence. "I hope to be capable of calling you mine someday."

"Ryle—"

"I'm sorry, Cate. I have to go." He breezed a kiss on her forehead as he pulled away from her with a heavy heart. "Congratulations on the promotion."

He turned his back to her, picking up the box and choosing his dreams instead of being with her. If his life was a list of regrets, he had just added another.

He had given Cate Miller the one thing she wanted to avoid — her 13th heartbreak.

—

word count: 1970

—

• author's note •

a little heartbreak for Cate and a little heartbreak for us too

what do you think happens next?
only two more chapters left

as always, comment a ❤ if you enjoyed