I didn't know where to go or what to do. My actions haven't even processed in my mind yet.

I was sad, confused, and lost.

I ended up at Emma's house. It was 8 am she was definitely still asleep but I didn't know what else to do. 

"Rowan." Emma shouted and jumped out of bed and gave me a big hug. "What are you doing here?"

My expression is blank. I looked at the ground trying to fight the tears and shook my head.

"Ro, what happened?" She sighed pulling me into a hug.

"I don't know. I-I don't know. I just left." I get out in between breaths. I am still in shock as it all hits 

"What do you mean?" 

I couldn't get a whole word out before I bursted into tears. She hugged me and let me cry in her arms. She's been there through everything with me.

I calmed down and could finally explain.

"I can't do it, I can't be that person for him." I take a long deep breath. "Everything hit me, I don't know. I ended up here and I don't even know how." 

I repeated Harry and I's conversation from the night before to her trying to explain everything to her. 

"Rowan, I saw how you two acted around each other and how you talk about him and the way you look at each other. You're in love. You can't let college ruin that. You can't just give up. What you have is real."

"You're supposed to be supporting my decision and helping me not telling me I'm wrong."

"But you are wrong. Rowan you can't push away because you actually have something good. You always do this to yourself. You do deserve to be happy, you know. I know how much you care for each other, he will do anything to make time for you, he even told you."

"Long distance doesn't work. Our lives are completely different. He will be across the world most of the time. All I would be is in his way." I am coming up with every excuse I can come up with and I don't even know why. 

"You don't know that, what if it does work out?" Emma said. "What did he say when you left?"

"I didn't." I looked away from her to the ground afraid of her response.

"You just left?" Emma yelled, I think she would beat me up if she could.

"Yeah." I whispered.

"Rowan, seriously. You didn't even talk to him." She was still yelling at me with her arms flying all over the place.

"Emma stop, please I can't let you tell me what I did is wrong. I'm going to protect us both from being heart broken."

 "But it is. There's so many ways you could get through it. People do long distance all the time. I can't believe you just left Rowan, what the hell."

"Well it's too late okay. He deserves better anyway can we just not talk about it?"

"Why do you think you are not good enough?" She pushes knowing how I have been treated in the past. 

"No, I'm not." I yell back. "You can't tell me what I did isn't going to protect us both from being heartbroken." 

"Look at you, you aren't heartbroken?" She glares at me up and down. "I am not letting you ruin the best thing that has ever happened to you."

"I already did."

"You need to call him, now." She demands shoving my phone at me.

"No." I push it away. 

"You're going to ignore him? Really? He woke up and you were just gone with no reason or explanation. Rowan you can't do that." She scolded me.

"I know I'm a bitch okay thanks." 

"Ro, I'm sorry but I'm your best friend and I'm trying to help. I don't want you to throw away the best thing that's ever happened to you."

"Well it's too late."

"It doesn't have to be." I ignored her response, as she continued her rant. "You can't just walk away from someone like that. Did you even think of how he will feel? He loves you Rowan. You think you're doing this to protect him and you but he is going to be heartbroken. You are selfish for doing this." 

"You're probably right but it's too late. Can you please stop yelling at me, I didn't sleep last night." 

"Get some rest because, you and him are having a long talk when you wake up." 

I felt legit heartbroken, like a piece of it was missing. This will only make it easier I tried to convince myself before falling asleep.