The whole ride home I thought about Grayson and I's relationship. I thought I was fine with our relationship but after what Emma said it made me rethink everything.

When was the last time we went on a real date? When was the last time we even had a real conversation?

I thought he was changing but maybe I'm just blind. I loved him but do I feel that anymore? Definitely not. Is there a part of me that wishes things never changed? Absolutely.

I feel like I am just wasting time hoping things could be how they were our first year together. But that isn't possible. 

I honestly was over caring that our relationship wasn't anything more than sex. But Emma made me realize that I'm not.

I want to go on cute dates and talk for hours and do cute cheesy couple things and all Grayson cares about is sex.

Grayson can make me so happy, but rarely.

There was never anyone else I wanted to be with, except now maybe Harry. How could you not want to be with him? From everything Charli tells me he sounds perfect. But I know that is not an option, even if he is talking to me for some unknown reason. Tour probably gets lonely and he just wants a friend to facetime once in a while.

Why is this all so confusing?

I arrived home, got in the shower then got dressed for the day. Grayson had texted me.
We talked about basically nothing as always. Until I felt like I needed to bring up everything that was going on in my head.

Rowan
what are u doing tonight?

Grayson 💗
Staying home tonight 

oh
can we talk?

About?

us

Wdym

idk
I just, nvm it's fine

U sure?

idk i feel like u just don't
care anymore
like our relationship isn't anything

Ro
That's not true
I love you

do you tho we never go on dates or

anything anymore and we barely even hang out
just us like how we used to
things are just different now

I'm sorry.

i don't want to do this anymore 

I can't do this anymore 

Baby don't say that.

 You can't break up with me over text. 

we're not dating

Let's talk tomorrow 

ok

I called Harry as I was started getting ready.

"Hi Harry." I said with a smile. Instantly my mind was clear of everything clouded in my head.

"Hey Ro." I blushed as he used my nickname. 

"How are you?"

"Pretty tired but have a few days until the next show so I'll be able to rest. How are you?"

"I'm good." I couldn't stop smiling, talking with him is easy.

"You have the cutest smile." He said which made me smile bigger.

"Yours is pretty cute too." I flirted back and we both smiled.

"I've really enjoyed talking to you."

"Me too Harry." I walked into the kitchen. We both stared at our phones at each other. "I'm going to make some pancakes."

"Uh that sounds really good." Harry groaned.

"I make the best pancakes." I praised my cooking skills.

"Oh really?" Harry said in a sarcastic tone.

"Really." I strongly replied.

"I'll have to be the judge of that one day." Harry's eyebrows raised.

"Harry." Someone yelled in the background.

"I'm in the back." He responded. They were on the tour bus he was in the back room.

"Oh so this is the infamous Rowan." Mitch said with a smirk. "He doesn't stop talking about you." Harry hit Mitch across the arm. 

"Rowan this is Mitch." He introduced us.

"Hi Mitch." I replied.

"Hello." He said.

They chatted for a minute about somethings for the show and then he left.

"Sorry." He apologized.

"It's fine. If one of my friends saw I was FaceTiming you they'd freak out. He was chill." I laughed.

"Do any of them know? Ya know I don't care if you tell them." He replied shyly looking away from the camera.

"Actually my best friend saw your text this morning and literally freaked out." I laughed. "Which is why I don't want to tell them."

"Does your sister know?" He wondered remembering how big of a fan she is.

"No but now that Emma knows I might tell her." I thought about it and then smiled to myself thinking of how she will react. 

But also I wondered what does this mean? Telling my friends I am talking to Harry Styles, does that mean we're more than friends talking or he just wants to be friends and doesn't mind that my friends know we are friends?

"You should, like now." He smirked getting excited to see Charli's reaction.

"Now?" My eyes widened not prepared for the amount of yelling or harassing I am going to get from her.

"Yeah just go give her your phone, I'll talk to her." He sounded excited to tell to her.

"Really? Okay be prepared for a lot of screaming." I warned him.

"Hey Charli." I greeted her in her bedroom.

"What's up?" She barely looked up from her phone. I noticed she was watching a video from our concert, not surprising.

"I have to show you something." I handed her my phone.

"Hi Charli." Harry greeted her with a warm smile.

"Oh my gosh Harry! Hi!" She screamed sitting up immediately. "This is really him?" She looked to me with wide eyes for confirmation.

"It is." I laughed as she was in shock.

"Have you been talking to him the whole time?" You could hear the surprise in her voice.

"Yeah." I shrugged. 

"No way you liar and I didn't know! Let's take a road trip to Chicago for his next show." She joked before going back to the phone to talk to Harry.

I let them talk for a few minutes and then she surprisingly gave me my phone back.

"Cute lil sis you got there." He said as I walked out the door. Charli practically fainting. "Not as cute as you tho."